What does THIS mean? :(

My quasi-boyfriend is in London and has been since Jan. He's working. I emailed him yesterday and this is what it said: There may be more who offer you consolation, but I will always love you.

his reply email-You know me only too well, Sweetheart! I do find it difficult to refuse women in need
of the milk of human kindness--all the more so when they are near at hand
(as 'twere). But be assured (again) that you were/are/always will be very
dear to me, and we'll certainly have time together again once my life
resumes a more regular pattern.

I hate myself. :mad: A lot.

Why hate yourself? Surely it's is HIM you should be hating:rar: ?

I hate myself for being such a stupid, utterly STUPID sap. He's not even cute, really. Gah!

I bet he wasn't like that at the beginning, now was he, Bri? He was probably all sweep you off your feet, Mr. Wonderful. Then he started doing intermittent re-enforcement nastiness on you, right? Now he's gone, but he wants to keep you a like a fish on a stringer for whenever he gets around to coming back home. Don't hate yourself, hate HIM like Limey said. Sounds like he is an experienced practitioner of the seducer's craft and you are far from the only one who has been taken in by him.

Brianna wrote:

My quasi-boyfriend is in London and has been since Jan. He's working. I emailed him yesterday and this is what it said: There may be more who offer you consolation, but I will always love you. ...

I hate myself. :mad: A lot.

You don't hate your self, you hate some of the things you do and regret them later. Like sending him that ego-stroking email. That's just what he wants. When he comes back into town, be his doormat and let him wipe his feet on you.

No, It's OVER Brianna. Purge Dr. Small-Penus Genius out of your system.

My long-distance love and support isn't enough for you to get past dicklette.
Sign up for an online dating service. Seriously. My 54 yo girl friend has dated guys from eHarmony for about 4 months. This last one might stick. She wants me to meet him soon. It's just a different way to get some romance in your life, instead of going back to the old familiar well.

Bri you really helped me with your input and advice on my situation awhile back now I'll quote what you told me and you better listen to yourself! "You soooooooo need to lose this totty. I mean it. There are TONS of available, kind, gentle, loving women (men) out there dying for a nice man (women). REALLY. So get out, move on and go find one of them!!! You said it Bri - not me.

Its so much easier to know what to do from the outside than to choose the right course for yourself. You made me realize that and I hope you remember doing so. Take your own advice and don't look back for a sec at Mr. idiot. He doesn't deserve a wonderful, caring woman like you anyway.

:blush: yesman, you are sooo right. It is way easier to tell it than do it. Thanks for that, and thanks for giving me a lift today. That was very sweet and it is deeply appreciated. :) I am in the process of losing him (by my choice) so it doesn't hurt as much as it once would have, but, still! Dammit! Y'know?

that was a well designed reply email! hes set it up so he can say "i told you i was with another woman in my email" or "i told you it was over in my email" or "even if we break up ill still keep sleeping with you"

good thing youre in the process of losing him ;)
he seems to think he's smart but doesnt realise hes being a jerk.

That's the thing, Kagen. I'm afraid I'll just let him sleep with me until I feel like the biggest moron ever. It IS a well-constructed email, isn't it? He says it all without coming out and saying it. He IS a language professional--that's what hooked me, his WORDS. It certainly wasn't his dick.

Jeez, Brianna, you really should join Match.com or something NOW!

His reply was pretty blatent, but here's a translation, anyhow:

You know me only too well, Sweetheart!

= Whoops, caught me in the act, "Sweetheart"

I do find it difficult to refuse women in need of the milk of human kindness--

= I find it difficult not to nail anything that moves into my field of vision

all the more so when they are near at hand (as 'twere).

= I'm shagging a couple of my students right now, as a matter of fact

But be assured (again) that you were/are/always will be very
dear to me,

=You were a great lay

and we'll certainly have time together again once my life
resumes a more regular pattern.

= And I'm keeping you on my third string fallback team for when I return to the US and haven't yet found more of my students to shag. You'll do until then.

BARF, oh BARF!

You so deserve better than Prof Asshole, Brianna! Report him to his dept chair for sexual harassment and find yourself a cute boy toy to replace Mr. Full of Himself Heartless Player!

heres a couple of good men for ya

Dump the jerk.

Word.

marichiko wrote:

Jeez, Brianna, you really should join Match.com or something NOW!

His reply was pretty blatent, but here's a translation, anyhow:

You know me only too well, Sweetheart!

= Whoops, caught me in the act, "Sweetheart"

I do find it difficult to refuse women in need of the milk of human kindness--

= I find it difficult not to nail anything that moves into my field of vision

all the more so when they are near at hand (as 'twere).

= I'm shagging a couple of my students right now, as a matter of fact

But be assured (again) that you were/are/always will be very
dear to me,

=You were a great lay

and we'll certainly have time together again once my life
resumes a more regular pattern.

= And I'm keeping you on my third string fallback team for when I return to the US and haven't yet found more of my students to shag. You'll do until then.

BARF, oh BARF!

You so deserve better than Prof Asshole, Brianna! Report him to his dept chair for sexual harassment and find yourself a cute boy toy to replace Mr. Full of Himself Heartless Player!

Brianna wrote:

My quasi-boyfriend is in London and has been since Jan. He's working. I emailed him yesterday and this is what it said: There may be more who offer you consolation, but I will always love you.

I hate myself. :mad: A lot.

QUIT THAT!:mad: Do you think that maybe it's the fact that he WON'T commit or even be (remotely) monogamous, that makes you keep trying? It's not really "hard to get", but sometimes I think that when we have somebody that we KNOW we are not right with, but that a-hole acts as though they don't need us cuz they have lots of others, it makes us wonder what is wrong with US. And then you say to yourself, "why doesn't he love me?" Is it ME? And you get stuck in trying to get the jerk you'd never stick with anyway to just treat you like you're worthwhile! I actually see it a lot more with "strong" people than you'd think. Because we do feel like we have worth, and we'll keep fighting/working/begging/annoying the jerk until we finally get the respect and admiration we *know* we deserve.
Ok, this is just a theory of course, since I don't know you, but I find that when I think of my STBX in this way, it makes it easier to keep from romanticizing about our marriage. (which was HORRIFIC and is finally ending after 22 years) You can change your feelings from "I love him and need him" to "I'm just having a hard time because I feel like he doesn't want me, but I don't really love him".
That said::grouphug:

i think you should go and catch some really nasty strain of VD and give it to him. it would be less self destructive than your current course. before you can get over him, you have to get over yourself getting over him.

I hate myself. :mad: A lot.

You hate yourself for not hating him. Quit that - hate him!
You don't sound like the Bri that is in some of the other threads when you write about this dickhead Professor of Head Games.
Where is that Bri?! Fuck him! We don't even know you and we know you deserve better!

I know all of you guys are right and thanks for listening once again I know it gets boring. I don't know why, but when I am feeling low and vulnerable I come here and spill my guts without even thinking of what I am doing. Part of the addiction to the cellar? Part of my problems with boundaries? Partly UT's fault? You tell me.

Hey Bri thats what the cellars for to get it out, let it hang and see what it really is. You also get feedback from a lot of others who can look at your situation objectively, without the emotional attachment. Just remember Prof. Dickhead will get his in the end! Perhaps after bangin some college slut who gives him a little more than he bargained for - like an STD. Hopefully something painful and permanent. Karma sux if your an A-hole. Good things will always happen to good people. You don't want to be an ass just to get one to love you. Whats the point in that? This will just let you appreciate Mr. Right all the more. Remember nothing of value in life comes easy. And as hard as it is for a Libra like me to admit - the scales are almost NEVER balanced. Virtual hug comin your way from the Yesman. :)

I never thought I would ever say this, but Mari's analysis of the situation is bang on.

Thanks, SM. I never thought you'd say that either! :lol:

Brianna, I think your next (and final) e-mail to this pathetic excuse of a man should be just the link to this thread without comment, and then change your own e-mail addy and block his phone numbers and never speak to him again. He deserves no less and you deserve so much more.

Howzabout this for an email (me to him)

Go Fuck Yourself

What do you guys think? Too subtle? Coz, right this VERY second I am ready to do it--then, I think...thinking has almost always left me on the bad side of life. I should just GO with my gut, eh?

Look, now I am just being mean, but, I'll tell you this: some people have said that he reminds them of (ready?)


Mister BURNS! He's unduly verbose, over-complimentary to female students (he's 62, they are 22--gross!) and tents his fingers in a maniacal way (not really, but still) Others have described him as arrogant, bitter, self-loathing (well, with all apologies, he is a Jew), elite and "puffed-up"--words of his students (on ratemyprof.com) not me.

OMG-SOB--do you see how badly I need Angus O'Mann???? *sob*

Just...don't email him back, ever. That'll freak him out.

He's basically saying I hope to find an easier / better fuck but stick around in case I can't. I say you plan a date with him when he returns and pepper mace him.

Brianna wrote:

Howzabout this for an email (me to him)

Go Fuck Yourself

What do you guys think?

Ok, time to take the gloves off. You can't hurt a guy by getting angry with him. Tell him its ok and that you understand. Then tell him that you are actually relieved that you won't have to continue faking it and wish him luck hooking up with someone that loves him even with a unit that "has trouble reaching the top button on a girl's elevator."

Yell, bitch, scream all you want. If you want to hit a guy where it hurts, then let him know that he never took you further than midfield and that while you were prepared to sacrifice certain things to be with him, you are actually relieved that now, you don't have to.

Cheaters are gutless, selfish people. Don't hate yourself. Don't hate anybody. Even careful, cautious people get hurt by selfish people. Better to give yourself and get hurt once in a while than to withdraw. People who love will be loved - minor roadblocks notwithstanding.

Brianna wrote:

My quasi-boyfriend is in London and has been since Jan. He's working. I emailed him yesterday and this is what it said: There may be more who offer you consolation, but I will always love you.

his reply email-You know me only too well, Sweetheart! I do find it difficult to refuse women in need
of the milk of human kindness--all the more so when they are near at hand
(as 'twere). But be assured (again) that you were/are/always will be very
dear to me, and we'll certainly have time together again once my life
resumes a more regular pattern.

I hate myself. :mad: A lot.

dear (insert retards name here)
its nice to be assured (again) that i am/are/always will be very dear to you. i too am a woman who does not refuse to milk men for human kindness--all the more so when they are near my hand (as 'twere). and im sure we'll spend more time together my life resumes a less regular patern of up and down motion.

First post his name and where he teaches, then.....

marichiko wrote:

Brianna, I think your next (and final) e-mail to this pathetic excuse of a man should be just the link to this thread without comment, and then change your own e-mail addy and block his phone numbers and never speak to him again.

:thepain3:

Well, Bri, You're getting some great choices here!!

Beestie wrote:

Ok, time to take the gloves off. You can't hurt a guy by getting angry with him. Tell him its ok and that you understand. Then tell him that you are actually relieved that you won't have to continue faking it and wish him luck hooking up with someone that loves him even with a unit that "has trouble reaching the top button on a girl's elevator."

Yell, bitch, scream all you want. If you want to hit a guy where it hurts, then let him know that he never took you further than midfield and that while you were prepared to sacrifice certain things to be with him, you are actually relieved that now, you don't have to.

Cheaters are gutless, selfish people. Don't hate yourself. Don't hate anybody. Even careful, cautious people get hurt by selfish people. Better to give yourself and get hurt once in a while than to withdraw. People who love will be loved - minor roadblocks notwithstanding.

ooh, of all the advice here, this one seems to me like it might be the best! because honey, hate and anger take a LOT of energy and emotion, and that is exactly what this guy does not deserve from you. he doesn't deserve any feelings from you.

You could alway send him into Don't Date him Gal :lol:

Brianna wrote:

I hate myself for being such a stupid, utterly STUPID sap. He's not even cute, really. Gah!

wyrd.

brianna, i choose to believe strongly in chemistry/pheromones. they are not urban legends. they are both a curse and the most horribly beautiful feelings you'll experience. we're not stupid. . . . . . we're human.

Email the bastard back with some Penthouse-quality tales of group sex, bi-curious interludes and shagging on the desk of one of your instructors at school, and then tell him you hope he's having as much fun as you are.

Then tell him that, as long as this carnal carnival is going on, you really aren't going to have much time to write to him.

Oh...and maybe find some pictures that would support your "activities", and send those along as well.

OK, Brianna, if we are going to propose email replies, then just infale the truth just a little bit:

> You know me only too well, Sweetheart! I do find it difficult to refuse women in need
of the milk of human kindness--all the more so when they are near at hand
(as 'twere).

You are so generous with your romance, Isaac.

> But be assured (again) that you were/are/always will be very
dear to me, and we'll certainly have time together again once my life
resumes a more regular pattern.

It's amazing how circumstances change so quickly. I am just back from a weekend trip to California
with my new boyfriend. He's a Search Engineer in the Silicon Valley with a PhD from 1984 in Computer Science.
God, he's, like so fucking smart, but he's like Rock Steady. I mean, I forgot how important a rock hard penis is
to my enjoyment. And, he's like, 50 years old and looks 38, no kidding. He's got a full head of hair and wouldn't need botox (ha!)

Sorry sweetie, but your old limp dick, just won't cut it for me anymore. I'm looking forward to my next
monthly trip to the SF Bay Area. Where the geekiest guys are also the hottest hunks.

Sort of tired of you, Isaac............Brianna

PS: Don't call, I'll get to you when I have time between my trips to the Silicon Valley. "A hard man is good to find."

Rock Steady wrote:

.....He's a Search Engineer in the Silicon Valley with a PhD from 1984 in Computer Science.......

"He speaks in tongues sometimes and I dont really understand his jibberish but he asked me about some of your personal information and has been feverishly typing and testing some new software that finds YOU, regardless of where you might be....online or not"

you guys are great! :)

Um, wait a minute here. Is this the MARRIED professor you were involved with, Brianna? :neutral:

Tonchi wrote:

Um, wait a minute here. Is this the MARRIED professor you were involved with, Brianna? :neutral:

Boy, this guy gets more charming by the second! Of course, I'm sure he was a product a broken home and a terrible upbringing, blah, blah... So, to cheer yourself up, a visit to this amusing site has its moments. Not that I would ever DREAM of doing any of that stuff personally! After all, he's just a victim. It was all his parent's fault and he didn't pick them (uhmm hmmm).

(sure you don't want to just e-mail him the link to this thread without comment? I like Bruce's idea of inserting his name and University, too).

marichiko wrote:

Boy, this guy gets more charming by the second! Of course, I'm sure he was a product a broken home and a terrible upbringing, blah, blah...

Yes, the more you find out, the more terrible the crime. Isaac is a Rhodes Scholar, product of a spoiled upbringing. The faculty position, wife and two kids is not enough for him.

The manipulative bastard has to go out and see if he still has the stuff to date and romance younger women. He's charming, educated, sophistacated, then you find out he needs Viagra and can't take it because of his blood pressure. I'm not joking about the limp dick. This guy has the most serious case of midlife crisis I know of. He's smart and cunning in giving a mind fuck.

Wow, I'm getting madder and madder as I type this. Good thing for Issac he's 3,000 miles from me. Then again, slang's software suggestion is intriguing.

So, I'd really like to smash Brianna upside the head sometimes. But, Isaac is so crafty and manipulative that I forgive her.

Tonchi wrote:

Um, wait a minute here. Is this the MARRIED professor you were involved with, Brianna? :neutral:

Um, yes.

I know I was going to give him up, but, it's taken longer than I thought it would. He's married, 20 years older, and RS is pretty much correct in everything he said. The guy wasn't a Rhodes, but a Fulbright (twice) and a genius. Also, his very favorite porn star looks disturbingly like his younger daughter.

Anyway. He was brought up by an extremely indifferent, busy, accomplished mother and a loving father and he's lived a charmed life. Now. If he would just get out of my head, i'd be in better shape.

OMG I seriously hope I never get on the bad side of some of you!!!!!! These replies and links are awesome. Bri, go for it and let him feel the wrath of a REAL woman scorned. Link him up and let the bastard beware! As far as getting him outta your head - just remember what kind of asshole he really is and it won't take too long. One last wish for Prof. Dickhead . . . . May the fleas of a thousand camels infest you armpits.

Bri, just say no.

Drugs were harder to get over ... sex you can have with someone else. Better sex.

wolf wrote:

Bri, just say no.

Drugs were harder to get over ... sex you can have with someone else. Better sex.

im sure theres plenty of people here that will prove this point

Isaac sounds like a NARCISSIST to me! BLECH! And N's are horrid to get over. They have like these hooks they dig into the innocent and they're not content until they've sucked you dry of every emotion and true feeling that you have. RUN, Bri, RUN! And don't look back, it will just be busy munching down its latest victim! :rar:

I'm pretty sure I've figured out who he is "in love" with this week. I even have her email address. She's a wanna-be poet, lives in London, on meds and has had several suicide attempts. Just the kind he likes--the nuttier, the better. I email her. I said: Hi, M. great post on the ---Forum. RL is in your neighborhood. have you met up yet?

Now I feel like drinking and then driving my car into a fastfood restaurant. I am lonely and sad and HE is enjoying the first flush of a new love.
i am tempted to do some nasty spells...sooooo tempted.

Brianna wrote:

I am lonely and sad and HE is enjoying the first flush of a new love.

But it's a feeling he's addicted to, and that addiction is his pathetic ruin in life.

And it's fake, too, because it's guaranteed temporary and is only due to his desperate needs.

It's evidence of HIS problem, and doesn't bring you down a peg at this point -- unless you dwell on it.

The creep! These types use "love" as a drug, Bri, they really do. Since they actually hate themselves deep inside, the only relief they can get from their self loathing is that temporary fix of first infatuation in another's eyes. Once that early rosy glow wears off and they'd have to admit to being a flawed human being and do the work of making a relationship last, they instead just go off on the prowl for a new victim. I call them skin walkers, shape shifters, and soul stalkers. At least you didn't invest 6 years of your life like I did, Bri. It could have been worse. And what did I tell you about running and not looking back because all you'd see would be him crunching down his latest victim? What a low life slime if he has, indeed, targeted that poor woman. She sounds very fragile and the way he'll use and discard her may very well push her over the edge to suicide. One of the ax murderers ex's DID attempt suicide over him, and the poor thing has pathetically held on with him through several other women, one of whom was me (I discovered this AFTER the fact). Yeah, he's got the heady rush of a new romance, but at what price for this poor girl?

Personally, I advise casting spells - its quite cathartic. I am careful to wish for the person only to receive back everything they gave me - no more and no less. That way I don't take any bad karma on myself by wishing them more harm than what they deserve. And what could be more just than for a person to recieve the treatment that he himself dishes out?

I'd avoid that other board for a while, Brianna. It sounds like reading it may only cause you further pain. Take a look at those sites I mentioned above. They include lots of fun and legal ideas for revenge (some are out there, but others are OK). Those two will help you work off some of the anger and pain. I especially reccomend turning him in to the "Don't Date Him Girl" site. Its a blast!

Hang in there and no driving thru fast food places, OK?

Worth a second read.


Um. We were all very supportive last May when you were going to dump this guy. I can only speak for myself, but there is a limit to the amount of empathy I can give someone who absolutely refuses to try to help themselves.

cowboy.
the.
fuck.
up.

and stop rolling around in this guy's wake, desperate for whatever crumbs he will toss you. In particular, stop with the "I am so mad at him because he's not faithful to me" routine. You're boffing someone else's husband, and can't demand that he give you what he's not willing to give his spouse.

No more sympathy from this corner of the world -- not an iota -- until you take the steps necessary to stop deliberately destroying your life. :eyebrow:

Boo coo sympathy, once you've done what you need to do.

Ok. I get the message, noodle. Of course, you're right.

wrote:

It's just that he was the kindest man I had ever met and I had never experienced that sort of unconditional love and regard from anyone, let alone a man. I thought he was brilliant. He IS brilliant. He is accepting and good and has always thought of me

Brianna, what he did to you was classic. Unless someone has experienced it for themselves, its very hard to understand. These types are masters of the art of seduction. They seem SO special. They make you feel so special. In the early days, they make you feel that this is IT - this is the love that was meant to be! Then they begin to withdraw because they can't sustain the act. You are left feeling bewildered and confused. Was it something you did? They are quick to let you know that it WAS! They come back again, but its not like it was before. Then they retreat again in a game of cat and mouse with your heart.

They are brilliant at a tactic psychologists call intermittent re-enforcement. You can try this one for yourself at home, kiddies. Go down to the pet store and buy 20 white mice, two cages, and a sack of mouse chow. Buy two food dispensers to hang on the cages. Jam the mechanism of one of the food dispensers, so that the lever no longer works properly and sometimes will drop a pellet of food when pressed; other times it won't.

Divide your 20 new friends at random between the two cages, 10 each. Treat both groups of mice exactly the same. Give both groups the same amount of food, nesting material, etc. The only difference will be that the mice in the cage with the defective dispenser never know if they're going to get a food pellet or not. They may get a pellet the first time they press the lever, or they may have to press the lever 10 or 20 times before they get their pellet.

Check back on the mice after a week. The mice in the cage where they always get their food will be leading normal little mousie lives. They'll be running in their exercise wheel, building nests and frisking about being happy little mice. They won't be giving food a second thought. The mice in the other cage will have turned into neurotic wrecks. Even though they ultimately receive the same amount of food as the others, food will have become their obsession. They will be pressing the lever frantically long after they have gotten enough to eat. Stronger mice will have hoards of pellets that they defend against the weaker ones. They will be fighting with one another or curled up in depressed little ball of fur.

I understand why you seem to be obsessed with this man and have had such a hard time letting go. What he has done to you psychologically is very nasty. You are not his first victim, nor will you be his last.

You and I have had our minor tiffs on this board, Bri, but I DO understand what you are going through. I've been there. If you want, PM me, and I'll give you the site for a great support group for people who have had partners like the professor or the ax murderer. What you are going through is NOT your fault, Bri, and there are people out there who can help you if you want the help.

FWIW - Bri, letting someone drag you around by the heartstrings is most decidedly *not* unconditional love. It is conditional in the extreme. The conditions are that you allow him to screw with you in every figurative and literal relationship sense, that you knowingly commit adultery with him (I'm assuming his wife doesn't sanction his philandering, but I could be wrong, there) and that you endure his diffidence and cruelty in order to get the occasional taste of what he has to offer.

Unconditional? Frigging hardly. He gave you a taste to get you hooked, then failed to deliver a steady supply. At least the local dope peddler can usually keep you in skag or crank.

What mr noodle said.
I don't 'know' you, Brianna but I know you all too well.
What mr noodle said.
Good luck, dear.

His love is as conditional as it gets! He only does enough to get his own fix from you and once you give him what he needs he withdraws his "unconditional" love then the psychotic cycle repeats itself slowly drawing you further and further down. Then he goes away and can't get what he needs from you so he gets it from some other woman! This guy is a P.O.S. and needs to be thought of and treated like one! Get a pooper scooper and throw every memory of stepping into him and his world away.

We have the ingredients of a new Movie and sequels.

"Poison Issac: Abuse of Romance"
"Poison Issac II: The Next Seduction"
"Posion Issac III: A Young Victim"
"Poison Issac IV: Revenge of Brianna"

We can get Alyssa Milano to play the part of Brianna. And who would be better than Jack Nicholson as Issac.

Rock Steady wrote:

We have the ingredients of a new Movie and sequels.

"Poison Issac: Abuse of Romance"
"Poison Issac II: The Next Seduction"
"Posion Issac III: A Young Victim"
"Poison Issac IV: Revenge of Brianna"

We can get Alyssa Milano to play the part of Brianna. And who would be better than Jack Nicholson as Issac.

:lol2: But since I thought that Issac was Brititsh, perhaps Kenneth Branagh or Liam Neeson would be a better choice.

No way, Sean Connery would be perfect except for the "Poison Issac IV: Revenge of Brianna" part where he gets his dick cut off! that would be too much for any former James Bond to handle.

I :heartpump all of you! It makes me feel better to know you are here!

There is a new sherriff in town, if you catch my drift. I've got a gorgeous English prof at my own University--and, he's a Brit with a dreamy accent--like the one the Geico gekko has! MMMMmmmmmmmmmm! But, I will NOT get involved. I will merely admire him from afar and smile secretly to myself knowing that cute English profs are, indeed, a dime a dozen!

I missed all this Brianna. Tell me where in London he is and I will cycle over them and whack him around the head (and places more sensitive!) with my bunch of onions!

Poison Isaac V - Brianna and the ex girl friends strike back!

I can see it all now, Brianna in the role of Bodaceia, the Celtic warrior queen with 123 other enraged females as her army. Run, Isacc, RUN! Whoops! Too late... :lol:

BTW, was it the Brit who inflicted Houseman on you, Bri? You should turn in my slangy Americanized explication of the poem just for grins!

Just off the phone with him. CycleFrance, he's in woolwich-? At UEL, teaching English as a visiting professor. He told me he is fucking two different women there-one in her forty's and one in her fifties. HE TOLD ME. Ah. Well. I hung up the phone after saying a cordial goodbye (we talked for a while after he told me) and then I emailed him this: Don't bother contacting me anymore. By the way--if anyone wants to know who he is, PM me and I'll tell you.

I feel as though I've been punched in the gut. three years of emotional dependence on him. I'm going to go get a bottle.

Brianna wrote:

I'm going to go get a bottle.

He's not worth it.

And you are better off without him.

Brianna wrote:

I feel as though I've been punched in the gut. three years of emotional dependence on him. I'm going to go get a bottle.

bri ~

please PM me. i have much to share in this area of unrequited love. . . and its not pretty.

google poets faculty (just like that-poets faculty) and his name pops up and you can EVEN SEE A PICTURE! He's second from left, blue shirt, bald guy.

Brianna wrote:

Just off the phone with him. CycleFrance, he's in woolwich-? At UEL, teaching English as a visiting professor. He told me he is fucking two different women there-one in her forty's and one in her fifties. HE TOLD ME. Ah. Well. I hung up the phone after saying a cordial goodbye (we talked for a while after he told me) and then I emailed him this: Don't bother contacting me anymore. By the way--if anyone wants to know who he is, PM me and I'll tell you.

Teaching English to the English? Isn't that like taking coal to New Castle?

Anyhow, I know exactly how you feel, Bri! BLECH! Did you ever check out that link I sent you? NO CONTACT is the key. Don't keep e-mailing this reptile or accepting any more calls where he wants to boast about his most recent conquests. I wonder if the two women know about each other? He didn't mention their names did he? You could look up their addresses and e-mail or write them and tell them about each other. THAT would set the cat among the pidgeons!

He's not worth throwing away your sobriety over. DON'T DO IT! He'd love for you to fall apart over him. His type always does. Just like he enjoys inflicting pain on you by telling you about his two most recent lovers. He has no conscience, no remorse, no guilt. He's a smooth con who is clever at sinking his hooks into people. As you have discovered, those hooks have barbs that make them very nasty to remove, but you CAN do it. No contact is the key.

I hate him for you, Bri. REALLY, REALLY HATE HIM! :rar:

i a v. sad

Brianna wrote:

I feel as though I've been punched in the gut. three years of emotional dependence on him. I'm going to go get a bottle.

Nooo...go get a massage or a facial instead. You will feel so much better, today AND tomorrow.

Bri - I am so sorry for all the pain this animal is putting you through :( Please don't let him take your self respect and sobriety from you too! We are all here for you as you have been for many MANY of us! If there is anything I can do just let me know

Dave

Bri - don't end up in jail over this fuckface. You're better than that.

Fer chrissakes get a boyfriend.....someone to keep you busy.:eyebrow:

I will protect myself. I hate being vulnerable. This won't happen again. That is the only consolation I have. I've collected up all the stuff he's given to me over the last three years and I'm mailing it to him. Now, should I send it to his wife or send it to where he works?

Brianna wrote:

I will protect myself. I hate being vulnerable. This won't happen again. That is the only consolation I have. I've collected up all the stuff he's given to me over the last three years and I'm mailing it to him. Now, should I send it to his wife or send it to where he works?

Bri, make two copies of EVERYTHING, send one set to his wife, the other set to his department chair. Keep one set for yourself and put it in box somewhere in your attic (you never know when you might need them).

I am sure that by now his wife is well aware of his carryings on and just decided to endure them, but if by any chance she is still in denial, those letters will certainly snap her out of it.

I don't know about Ohio, but here in Colorado, colleges and universities have sanctions against professors who become involved with their students. It is HEAVILY frowned on because it can lead to EEO/sexual harassment suits against the institution, itself. When I taught here, we were required to sit through a two hour session with an EEO expert, so that there would be no doubt in our minds what activities were forbidden and what the possible legal consequences are.

This man needs to be stopped from continuing to harm others. He is taking advantage of his position to play fast and lose with his students' well-being. This is just wrong. I'm sure the department chair would be highly interested in those letters.

This man needs to be stopped from continuing to harm others. He is taking advantage of his position to play fast and lose with his students' well-being.

He told me he is fucking two different women there-one in her forty's and one in her fifties.

Middle-aged coeds? They should have there shit together by now. I'd guess they're seeking something from him to get involved in the first place.....approval?...better grade?....conquest? Who's using whom, here? :eyebrow:

xoxoxoBruce wrote:

Middle-aged coeds? They should have there shit together by now. I'd guess they're seeking something from him to get involved in the first place.....approval?...better grade?....conquest? Who's using whom, here? :eyebrow:

One woman is a "colleague", and I don't know about the other one. I doubt if she is a student. He told me that sometimes these women "stay over" at his flat--spend the night. I am assuming that they do not know one another, but, hell, maybe they do. I don't think he's boffing the two of them together because he could hardly boff me very well. He'd be too worn out. He told me that these women have lives there, in London, and this was just a "for the moment" thing with them; his wife is here in the States, and he is there fucking as much of England as he can before he comes home in June or July. He said, "It's not emotional. I'm not changing my life." Meaning...? What? That I shouldn't be upset, when he comes "home" I will once again have his attention. HA. The only reason he even called me yesterday was because I mentioned to him that my new English prof was very, very hot. I think that disturbed him just a smidgen; like, he had to reassert himself, make sure I was still president of his Fan Club. One of his students on RateMyProf.com said he was the most arrogant, obnoxious, self-loathing, Mr. Burns look-a-likes he'd ever come across. I believe that student was right.

I'm pretty sure I'm going to quit school. I am hopeless. When you are 20 you don't know how dumb you are. I KNOW how dumb I am. It's all very depressing.

Sure, you don't need school. You could be an Au Pair....or a Pole Dancer....or President of the whole USA. :right:

xoxoxoBruce wrote:

Middle-aged coeds? They should have there shit together by now. I'd guess they're seeking something from him to get involved in the first place.....approval?...better grade?....conquest? Who's using whom, here? :eyebrow:

The dude sure used Brianna who WAS one of his students. He didn't even let her know that he was married until he got her hooked in. Then he made noises about leaving his wife which were just noise. You see the state poor Bri is in. She TRUSTED this dude and look what he did to her! The jerk!

There are plenty of women in their forties who go back to college to get their lives back together after a divorce or whatever. These women can be more vulnerable than the 20 year olds if they're still smarting from the end of a 20 marriage and worried about their attractiveness, etc., etc. Perfect prey for Professor Reptilicus. :mad:

Sure he took advantage, he took advantage of his position, he took advantage of his status, he took advantage of his power.

So does mick Jagger.

I'm having a hard time picturing the Prof as Snidely Whiplash, threatening Pentalope Pureheart to give it up, or lose the ranch.
It takes two.

I have no trouble conjuring up, however, Pentalope flirting with Snidely for personal gain and him taking advantage of it. Whether Pentalope got screwed depends of what she was after. That's what happens when you equate sex with love. :smack:

I doubt that Bri was trying to flirt her way to a better grade. When I took physics in college, we had a professor who told the class a little story about one of his previous female students who visited him in his office just before finals.

"I'll do ANYTHING to get a better grade," she said.

The prof looked double at her and said "ANYTHING?"

"Yes," she replied, "ANYTHING!"

"Then try studying," he told her.

Then the physics prof went on to say to us, "My advise to all of you is the same. If you are having difficulty in my class, I'm willing to try to help you during my office hours. Other than that, try studying the book and your notes."

Just because you can take advantage of someone doesn't make it right if you do.

Note that "Brianna" and "Issac" are at different colleges. It is not a direct faculty/student relationship. This was just a plain old fashioned mind fuck. Dr. Poet knows how to romance and manipulate. This had nothing to do with grades.

Brianna, find a nice engineer. We might lack social skills, but we're straight up. Start dating again and lose contact with Issac.

Walk up to a too-short-pants guy on line at Starbucks and ask him if you can buy him a beverage. Bonus if he has a laptop with him. They have a good CS dept at your college. A coffee shop near there should be fertile with guys without wedding bands and funny looking socks.

marichiko wrote:

I doubt that Bri was trying to flirt her way to a better grade.

I agree...more likely to try to please an authority/father figure.

Just because you can take advantage of someone doesn't make it right if you do.

Yes, and that works both ways.

Rock Steady wrote:

Note that "Brianna" and "Issac" are at different colleges.

Not when this whole thing started.

Look, the history and fault/blame shit can be debated ad infinitum, but the bottom line is.....STOP IT.
Get away and stay away from this asshole. Any more bullshit is entirely self inflicted. :eyebrow:

xoxoxoBruce wrote:

I agree...more likely to try to please an authority/father figure.
Yes, and that works both ways.
Not when this whole thing started.

Look, the history and fault/blame shit can be debated ad infinitum, but the bottom line is.....STOP IT.
Get away and stay away from this asshole. Any more bullshit is entirely self inflicted. :eyebrow:

I see where you get the X's and O's in your moniker.

I'm with Bruce. Enough is enough.

xoxoxoBruce wrote:

Look, the history and fault/blame shit can be debated ad infinitum, but the bottom line is.....STOP IT.
Get away and stay away from this asshole. Any more bullshit is entirely self inflicted. :eyebrow:

I agree. I know the type Bri got involved with from first hand experience. They are emotionally devastating and very hard to disengage from. There are many support groups out on the Net for people who are going through what Bri and I did. I never would have made it through this past year without my online support groups. I ended up meeting some of these folks IRL and/or talking on the phone with them, corresponding privately via e-mail, etc. Those folks opened my eyes and saved my ass. I haven't spoken with the ax murderer since the end of last November, and I can't wait to leave here and never see him again. You can bet that I certainly won't even be telling him I'm going, much less telling him where.

Bri needs to save herself and walk away - maybe even transfer to another school. Just get away and get him out of her life.

xoxoxoBruce wrote:

Not when this whole thing started.

This is factually incorrect. Brianna has been in Ohio and Issac has been in Massachusetts. He found her on a poetry forum and sweet talked her to meeting him in Pittsburgh. Some online pretators are young, jobless losers and some are rich, successful and smart with mother-rejection issues.

Mari and I have offered some constructive avenues of action. Do you have any potential solutions to offer Brianna?

Ok. I am responsible for carrying on with him after I knew he was married. Something he was NOT forthcoming about. He told me AFTER he knew I was in love with him in a "by the way..." sort of manner. I should have stopped there. I didn't. The rest is indeed my fault. He was good, though. Very manipulative and I am pretty needy (shocker, huh?) When it's all said and done, I should have said goodbye a looooong time ago. I did not. I am paying the price for hanging on like a fool. He is an arrogant, snobby, elitist man who cheats on his wife. That is it. He's nothing more than that. Thanks for listening (again) and I am over him. If I ever bring him up again you all have permission to shoot me.

From RateMyProf.com--what some of his former student say about him: "arrogant", "self-inflated", "bitter", "condescending", "overly complimentry to female students", "dorky", "intellectual dross", "about as funny as the AIDS quilt (from a student who took him for Comedy and Satire)---the list goes on.

Rock Steady wrote:

This is factually incorrect.

I stand corrected

Mari and I have offered some constructive avenues of action. Do you have any potential solutions to offer Brianna?

I certainly do, and so have many others here, in some other threads she started.
It's well past offering her a hankie and sharing a chocolate cake, time. That just prolongs the agony.
Time to slap her up side the head and yell at her....GET OVER IT.
Your coddling and commiserating is ruining her life by letting her slip back into the self pity she has to shake off.

I know, I know, I'm just an insensitive lout, I'm a beast, I'm a...a...a man.
True, all true, but I'm also right. :p

xoxoxoBruce wrote:

I stand corrected I certainly do, and so have many others here, in some other threads she started.
It's well past offering her a hankie and sharing a chocolate cake, time. That just prolongs the agony.
Time to slap her up side the head and yell at her....GET OVER IT.
Your coddling and commiserating is ruining her life by letting her slip back into the self pity she has to shake off.

I know, I know, I'm just an insensitive lout, I'm a beast, I'm a...a...a man.
True, all true, but I'm also right. :p

Peace. A combo of your tough love with my unconditional love is probably the Rx here.

I don't think you are a insensitive lout at all. But, why do men always have to have it right/wrong, black/white, when the world is in full technicolor? Mathematical logic shows that systems are either Incomplete or Inconsistent. Either you can prove TRUE==FALSE, or there are TRUE statements that are unprovable. Life is Complete, therefore it is Inconsistent.

But, why do men always have to have it right/wrong, black/white, when the world is in full technicolor?

Because that's the only way anything gets accomplished. Crying over mistakes doesn't help. Access the damage, formulate a plan and move on, wiser and prepared to make bigger and better mistakes.:D

My god, he DOES look like Mr Burns!!! Have you counted how many fingers he has?

Brianna wrote:

I will protect myself. I hate being vulnerable. This won't happen again. That is the only consolation I have. I've collected up all the stuff he's given to me over the last three years and I'm mailing it to him. Now, should I send it to his wife or send it to where he works?

Eh...it's probably already too late, but I suggest tossing all the shit out. In cases like these, it's best to burn bridges.

bluecuracao wrote:

Eh...it's probably already too late, but I suggest tossing all the shit out. In cases like these, it's best to burn bridges.

I tossed it. No sense hurting his wife.

Atta Girl Bri - you're getting into a better frrame of mind now. the warm weather will be here soon and all the glory of Spring will help keep too. Smile and breathe.

I am so misreable and unhappy that I am, at this moment, crying.

Oh Bri don't let this jerk make you feel terrible - you are a wam consierate and beautiful person. The fact that you are having these feeling is proof to that. There will be a time when a man worthy of you crosses your path and all the pain that you've felt in the past will be a testment to all the wonderful feelings you will share with him.

Not one of us would rather hang out with that guy than with you. Not one of us.

Gimme a call if you want - I got lots of free time at home and no computer to fill it with - I end up going insane trying to solve these damn Soduko things my son got me hooked on. :nuts:

Undertoad wrote:

Not one of us would rather hang out with that guy than with you. Not one of us.

Damn right!

sincerely, I thank you.

I am trying. Unfortunately, I've little success with, well, success.

Bri. damnit, girl! Go to those boards I sent you the links for. The guy is textbook, and the people on those support boards are incredible. Its all women (and men, too) going through exactly what you and I have been through. The support there is incredible! Especially on WON! JUst say the word, girl, and I'll sponsor you in. Quit letting the bastard win!

Love,

Mari

Yea, what she said.

We should write the fuckwad a group letter from the Cellar...tell him to quit jerking one of our own around. If I had more money, I'd offer to hire Guido to rough him up, too.

I know I said you could shoot me...so, shoot me already. He called me thursday, he'd just gotten back to London from Istanbul (conference). He's in Canterbury this weekend then off to somethingShire THEN off to Italy to meet up with family to celebrate oldest daughter's birthday, "yada, yada, yada, isn't my life fascinating and poor you! Writing thesis statements that don't matter!" You know what, though? Instead of feeling all energized and tingly after he called, I felt horrid and kind of pissed-off, too. God, is he pretentious.

Well, that's good. Sounds like you've overcome the chemical reaction to him.

Elspode wrote:

We should write the fuckwad a group letter from the Cellar...

Bri just needs to get him to start posting here. He thinks he knows English?? I'll give that bastard an English lesson he'll never forget.

Bri, please change your phone number and avoid this pos.

Why change numbers? Why not just hang up? :eyebrow:

i think mariciko hit it on the head. dead on.

listen to that post.

i cant hear anything

deaf as a post

zippyt wrote:

deaf as a post

thats fucking hilarious

xoxoxoBruce wrote:

Why change numbers? Why not just hang up? :eyebrow:

That is intellectually the right thing to do, Mr. Spock. And if it were that easy, Brianna would have done this already. But, this is a highly-charged emotional situation. It's hard to just do the right thing when faced with this kind of manipulation and heartbreaking rejection.

That's the problem. You idiots keep it a "highly-charged emotional situation" with this bullshit you call "support". You're nothing but enablers, not friends.:rar:

im sorry bruce :(

Mr Spock, this emotional human thing is very hard to explain.

Of course it's hard to explain, it's fantasy land. Stop wallowing in past mistakes.

He done her wrong? Bullshit, she knew very well he was a slimy pig. Wasn't she married during part of this fiasco? She knew he certainly was, so how did she expect it to end....leave his wife and take her on a tour to meet the Kings and Queens of Europe? Grow up.

Anyway, he's clearly not her Prince Charming so move on, already. :rolleyes:

No, I wasn't married. I've been divorced for 12 years now. And, yeah, I thought he WAS going to take me to meet the queen. he said as much. :(

But, it IS over. Over as over gets.

I stand corrected on the married.
I should think you would even be embarrassed to be seen in public with the slime ball considering how many people know what he is....at least any women he's ever met.
Move on. ;)

Although His delivery is a little harsh Bri, Bruce is ritght the heck on. I wouldn't waste a braincell or a teardrop on him - he's not worth it. Just get your chin off your chest, straighten up and move forward with a big fat smile on your face. Soon enough it'll be a real one and you'll be all the better for it. :)

I think my eyes are going to bleed.
What happened to a clean cut?

rkzenrage wrote:

I think my eyes are going to bleed.
What happened to a clean cut?

Excuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuse meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Who the fuck asked you? HUH?

And, go fuck yourself. Ya fuck.

Ok. That was mean and harsh of me. I'm sorry.
But, really, why read it if it makes your eyes bleed? I don't read threads that make MY eyes bleed...

i cant read threads when my eyes are bleeding

Actually, I'm really broken hearted after Brianna broken up with me last week. I went thru this horrible firing/hiring thing at work and then Brianna rejecting me was over the top. I am just beginning to clear the debris from last week. She hates me now. Argh..... unrequited love, it's just too much....but, I still give Brianna my uncondtional (yet limited) love.

:rolleyes: What are you talking about, RS? I always requite love!

Sorry about that post, I went a little nuts last night.

Well. I got a little present from Istanbul via London today. I wrote a very perfunctory thank you e-mail and sent it. I can't believe he did that. He must be crazy.

and I'm dying for a drink.

It's OK to be dying for a drink. But, just for today, you and I, let's not have a drink. Just for today.

give that woman a drink! STAT!

Kagen4o4 wrote:

give that woman a drink! STAT!

Tonight, in your honor, I dumped down the drain half a bottle of really bad Austrialian chardonnay. It was recycling night.

Rock Steady wrote:

It's OK to be dying for a drink. But, just for today, you and I, let's not have a drink. Just for today.

Hey Brianna, I didn't have a drink today. I'll work better tomorrow for it. ...Rock

I didn't drink either. Thanks for the support! :)

Kagen, I love ya honey, and I want to kiss you right on the mouth, but, baby, I can't drink. Anyway, I mean, I shouldn't drink. But, thanks for YOUR support, too. :heartpump

I dunno. I'm trying to think of a way to encourage you to stop picking your open wounds, and I'm coming up short. The only person that can make this problem go away is YOU. No one can rescue you, no one can say the magic words that will suddenly infuse you with the strength to write off this guy for good.

I think if you knew the perverse pleasure he took in stringing you along, you'd run away as fast as your legs would carry you. You think he cries after he gets off the phone with you? You think he counts the minutes until he can talk to you again? Hell no. You don't ever cross his mind until he decides he needs some entertainment and mastubatory self-validation.

Changing to an unlisted number and a new email address is The. Best. Thing. You. Can. Do.

Aren't you tired of the pain yet? We're all rooting for you, don't let us down ;)

mrnoodle wrote:

Aren't you tired of the pain yet? We're all rooting for you, don't let us down ;)

That whole post was brilliant, noodle, and I know you guys are rooting (helps me soooo much) and i won't let you down.

This is sort of funny, though. OF COURSE he emailed me back. It was a three paragraph dissertation on MORE fabulous things he is going to do and he told me he was staying until July 7th which is the absolute latest he can stay, sooooo--I surmise that his fuck-buddies are working out very, very well. Anyway, the funny part is that I have literally NOTHING to say to his email. Unless you all think I should mention that I went to a High School production of the Music Man over the weekend! :lol: That's MY high-point! And you are sooo right when you tell me that his perverse pleasure at stringing me along would make me sick if I contemplated it. He never asks about ME. It's always, always him, him, him.

I'm a sick girl and I know it.

Do I have to say it......Nope, you know. :(

Bre PLEASE send Cyclefrance his address so he can send a few toughs over there to beat this fool with some wilted onions !!!

Good morning, time for your daily reality check.

He didn't miss you last night. He didn't even think about you.

Carry on. :)

Oh, I know, I know...I've been licking my wounds all night--and, this morning. I don't know who I hate more-him or me. The urge to fuck up his life is raising it's ugly head. I want to call him and tell him off. Not that he'd care.

Dude. get over it. You can't fuck up his life. There's nothing you could do that would remotely affect him one way or the other (there's assault and murder, but that's counterproductive). Make him as much of a non-entity in your mind as you are in his. Rejoin humanity and stop wallowing in dog shit.

You're afraid of feeling nothing, aren't you? Well, you're going to have to, at least for awhile. Suck it up, do it. End of story.

I'm quickly running out of empathy here. How many times can someone walk up to you and say "Look, I hit myself in the head with a hammer" and you stop feeling sorry for them?

end. it.

I don't know you Brianna (nice name :) , it is also my daughter's), so I can't address your situation directly, but I do know about not-so-healthy relationships.

Having toxic people in your life will make you sick (mentally, emotionally and sometimes physically). You can also get addicted to the roller coaster of extremes that a relationship with a toxic person often involves. But seriously, the nice, gentle ups and downs of a healthy relationship are SO much better than the wild ride that comes with toxic people. It takes some getting used to, the lack of drama...but it makes for a much happier life, overall.

Oh, and those toxic people are taking up space in our lives that decent people could be filling. Get them out! Let them sucker some other poor soul.


Stormie
[SIZE="1"]<who got off the roller coaster a while back>[/SIZE]

I think the time has come to start teaching your spam catcher to put all of his messages in the trash.

nope.

do what i did. . . . . BLOCK his email address from yours. do.it.now.

Yes. Block/Spamize his email address right away. PM me for help doing this.

With phone, caller id from London, don't answer. If he gets thru, answer like a telemarketing call, "not interested." and hang up. If this is hard, then change your phone number.

It's like alcohol, you won't drink a quart if you don't take the first drink. It's all about the first drink.