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Old 02-16-2010, 10:54 PM   #1
xoxoxoBruce
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Feb 17, 2010; Bacon Torch

Ever get heartburn from bacon? Lucky it wasn't from this bacon.

Quote:
I recently committed myself to the goal, before the weekend was out, of creating a device entirely from bacon and using it to cut a steel pan in half. My initial attempts were failures, but I knew success was within reach when I was able to ignite and melt the pan using seven beef sticks and a cucumber.


Quote:
I used prosciutto (Italian for "expensive bacon") because it is a superior engineering grade of meat. I wrapped slices of it into thin tubes and baked them overnight in a warm oven to drive off all the water. Then I bundled seven of those together, wrapped them in additional slices, and baked the bundle again until it was hard and dry.
To make an airtight, less-flammable outer casing, I wrapped this fuel core with uncooked prosciutto before attaching one end of it to an oxygen hose.
OK, but what about the cucumber?

Quote:
It turns out there are much easier ways to do this. For example, while researching how to build a vegetarian lance, I hit on the perfect pipe material -- hollowed-out cucumbers. The pressure-containment capacity of a standard cucumber is remarkable, and the smooth skin makes it easy to create an airtight seal with the pipe delivering oxygen to the device. A cucumber packed with beef sticks will burn for almost two minutes, and a completely vegetarian version stuffed with breadsticks, though not quite as long-lasting, still produces a very impressive flame.
Vegetarian thermal lance? Oh sure, how about a kosher A-bomb too.


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Old 02-16-2010, 11:10 PM   #2
monster
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I have better uses for bacon.

...and cucmbers....
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Old 02-17-2010, 12:00 AM   #3
toranokaze
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wast of bacon
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Old 02-17-2010, 05:12 AM   #4
SPUCK
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Could be very useful if you were trapped in a prison cell with a bunch of meat.

And cucumbers.


And a hose.

And a regulator.


And a cylinder of oxygen...
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Old 02-17-2010, 05:19 AM   #5
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Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm....phallic bacon....
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Old 02-17-2010, 07:06 AM   #6
Slight
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so 2009
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Old 02-17-2010, 09:16 AM   #7
xoxoxoBruce
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My link's earlier than your link.
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Old 02-17-2010, 09:35 AM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Brianna View Post
Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm....phallic bacon....
A flame-throwing bacon cock, no less.
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These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA, EPA, FBI, DEA, CDC, or FDIC. These statements are not intended to diagnose, cause, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. If you feel you have been harmed/offended by, or, disagree with any of the above statements or images, please feel free to fuck right off.
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Old 02-17-2010, 09:42 AM   #9
dlturman
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WOW. 1200degrees of [kelvin] bacon
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Old 02-17-2010, 09:46 AM   #10
xoxoxoBruce
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Kelvin Bacon.
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Old 02-17-2010, 06:28 PM   #11
lupin..the..3rd
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A good pickup line: Hey babe, I can cut through steel with my meat!
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Old 02-17-2010, 11:12 PM   #12
monster
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Quote:
Originally Posted by xoxoxoBruce View Post
Kelvin Bacon.
degrees kelvin....
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Old 02-18-2010, 03:24 AM   #13
ZenGum
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Quote:
I recently committed myself to the goal, before the weekend was out, of creating a device entirely from bacon and using it to cut a steel pan in half.
Clearly, beer was involved.
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Old 02-18-2010, 07:26 AM   #14
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Quote:
Originally Posted by monster View Post
I have better uses for bacon.

...and cucmbers....
Taking "pork" to the next level, are we?
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Old 02-18-2010, 12:52 PM   #15
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ZenGum View Post
Clearly, beer was involved.
Clearly, medication was not.
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