Hair Removal-Funny Story

[KinkyVixen]

Long and very funny. Who knows if it's true or not, but if you waxed before as I have you know very well that there is a very real possibility of something like this happening. A must read for women - Very Funny!!

HAIR REMOVAL

All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises of easy, painless removal - The Epilady, scissors, razors, Nair and now...the wax.

My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix dinner, play with the kids. I then had the thought that would ring painfully in my mind for the next few hours: "Maybe I should pull the waxing kit out of the medicine cabinet." So I headed to the site of my demise: the bathroom. It was one of those "cold wax" kits. No melting a clump of hot wax, you just rub the strips together in your hand, they get warm and you peel them apart and press them to your leg (or wherever else) and you pull the hair right off. No muss, no fuss. How hard can it be? I mean, I'm not a genius, but I am mechanically inclined enough to figure this out.

So I pull one of the thin strips out. Its two strips facing each other stuck together. Instead of rubbing them together, my genius kicks in so I get out the hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees.

I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the skin around it tight and pull. It works! OK, so it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad. I can do this! Hair removal no longer eludes me! I am She-rah, fighter of all wayward body hair and maker of smooth skin extraordinaire. With my next wax strip I move north. After checking on the kids, I sneak back into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair fighting championship. I drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet. Using the same procedure, I apply the one strip across the right side of my bikini line, covering the right half of my *hoo-hoo* and stretching down to the inside of my butt cheek (Yes, it was a
long strip) I inhale deeply and brace myself....RRRRIIIPPP!!!!

I'm blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!!....OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!! Vision returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull off half the strip. CRAP!!! Another deep breath and RRIIPP!!! Everything is swirly and spotted. I think I may pass out...must stay conscious...Do I hear crashing drums??? Breathe, breathe...OK, back to normal. I want to see my trophy - a wax covered strip, the one that has caused me so much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it. I want to revel in the glory that is my triumph over body hair. I hold up
the strip! There's no hair on it. Where is the hair??? WHERE IS THE WAX??? Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet. I see the hair. The hair that should be on the strip. I touch. I am touching wax. CRAP! I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body, which is now covered in cold wax and matted hair.

Then I make the next BIG mistake...remember my foot is still propped up on the toilet? I know I need to do something. So I put my foot down. DAMN!!!!!!!! I hear the slamming of a cell door. *hoo-hoo*? Sealed shut! Butt?? Sealed shut! I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to do and think to myself, "Please don't let me get the urge to poop. My head may pop off!" What can I do to melt the wax? Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!!! I'll run the hottest water I can stand into the bathtub, get in, immerse the wax-covered bits and the wax should melt and I can gently wipe it off, right??? WRONG!!!!!!!

I get in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than that used to torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment – I sit.

Now, the only thing worse than having your nether regions glued together is having them glued together and then glued to the bottom of the tub...in scalding hot water. Which, by the way, doesn't melt cold wax. So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub as though I had cement-epoxied myself to the porcelain!!

God bless the man who had convinced me a few months ago to have a phone put in the bathroom!!!!! I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed before and has some secret of how to get me undone. It's a very good conversation starter - "So, my butt and who-ha are glued together to the bottom of the tub!" There is a slight pause. She doesn't know any secret tricks for removal but she does try to hide her laughter from me. She wants to know exactly where the wax is located, "Are we talking cheeks or who-ha?" She's laughing out loud by now...I can hear her. I give her the rundown and she suggests I call the number on the side of the box. YEAH!!!!! Right!! I should be the joke of someone else's night.

While we go through various solutions. I resort to scraping the wax off with a razor. Nothing feels better then to have your girlie goodies covered in hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot water and then dry-shaving the sticky wax off!! By now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike and I'm pretty sure I'm going to need Post-Traumatic Stress counseling for this event. My friend is still talking with me when I finally see my saving grace....the lotion they give you to remove the excess wax. What do I really have to lose at this point? I rub some on and OH MY GOD!!!!!!!

The scream probably woke the kids and scared the dickens out of my friend. It's sooo painful, I but I really don't care. "IT WORKS!! It works!!" I get a hearty congratulation from my friend and she hangs up. I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice to my grief and despair....THE HAIR IS STILL THERE.......ALL OF IT!!!!!!!!!!

So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I'm numb by now. Nothing hurts. I could have amputated my own leg at this point.

Next week I'm going to try hair color......

[Ridgeplate]

"So, my butt and who-ha are glued together to the bottom of the tub!"

Okay, that's got to be the best line I've heard in a long time.

[DucksNuts]

This is why I hand over hard earned $$ to professionals every 4 weeks!!

[Cyclefrance]

And I complain about shaving off facial hair each day (well, bar the moustache)!

At least now that otherwise dull exercise will be enlightened by the unusual story presented here - a story which it is impossible not to commit to memory - even at a single reading....

Thank God I don't wet shave - I would end up slicing lumps out of my face after this!

[MKAIN]

Hey, i am 16 years old and for a dare i was asked to do 1 wax strip on my leg, it was all going well untill it came to pulling the strip off when i chickend out and pulled it off very slowly leaving all of the wax still on my lex matted into the hair!!! Now it would b easy to get off if we still had the wipes that came with the wax wich wh did not so i had to get it off another way. So i have some advice for people who may get into a similar situation, water doesnt work neither does soap!!! it makes it worse especily warm water it melts it in more. The best way is to wait untill the wax dries i used a hairdryer (on the cold setting) then apply moisturizing cream and rub it in really well!!!! the just wipe off with cotton wool or toilet roll if you dont have any cotton wool i dont no why it works but it does.

[xoxoxoBruce]

Welcome to the Cellar, MKAIN.
That's why they pay someone else to rip it off.....they won't chicken out.

[romuh doog]

I used to see the most WONDERFUL delicate, sweet guy at the salon with eyebrows more beautiful than mine wax to wax and 'shape' my eyebrows. Of course he became so popular they gave him his own salon 200 miles away.

So to avoid the look of the uni-pillar across my forehead I agreed to allow this other gal (who shall remain unseen) until just before she called my name. I am one with the universe and all it's creatures but this chick took the cake and the ice cream. I so badly wanted to ask her if her name was Mina Dracul, but bit my tongue. So I'm down with that in the chair and bat-chick is waxing and stripping my brow gets a cellular ring, picks the phone out of her apron and in the process drops wax down my lips, across my ear, in my hair and she actually ANSWERED the call and yells "hang on damnit I burnt the shit out of this lady" (ya think?) while I'm sitting there I can hear the girl on the phone yelling "Hello? Hello? Lily?" (as in Munster perhaps?) and she's wiping my face like she's trying to get her phone number off a stall wall with sandpaper at a Dead concert.

THEN....she actually applies more wax to my other brow picks up the phone and does a chick quick voice "I'll call you back...no.....no.....no why did he say that? Well...no...I told him.....well he.....you......don't you......." and finally I interrupted and said....very politely...."If you don't want that phone to be the next thing to get waxed I'd hang up and let me up NOW". With this she does this pathetic "sorry" but it sounded more like Bob Dylan saying SOrrrrreeeeee and OH so not sincere, and that was it!!! The manager finally came over and finished the job, and didn't charge me (gosh how greatful) I didn't sue (not like that) and Lily-Munster-Dracula-Dylan went on to highlight someones locks. Not quite as bad as a hot-waxed hoo-haw.....but frightening all the same.

Oh the funniest? THe manager offered me a free brow wax for a later date. Have you ever seen a woman after a waxed brow job? If I had tried I couldn't have gotten my brows any higher in surprise!