Gift or Grief?

[SamIam]

So, I have this friend back in my home town. I helped him out of a majorly bad situation back in the day and also loaned him some money which he never fully repaid.

This morning I got a call from my old buddy and the good news is that he wants to buy me a car. This is the second call from him that I've gotten re a car, so I think he means it. The bad news is that he wants to buy me a Chevy 4x4 truck for around $2,000.00.

And, yes, I'm looking this particular gift horse in the mouth. I certainly need a vehicle - I've been without a car for over a year now. I've started saving for a car, but I only have been able to put $500.00 aside so far. I figure that if I cut my budget to the bone, I can manage to put aside $5,000 in 12 to 18 months.

$5,000 should get me something dependable if not glamorous. But $2,000? I'm afraid that all a truck in that price range would gain me is repair bills. My friend is an amateur mechanic and he can probably handle most minor repairs. Unfortunately, I now live 400 miles away, and I'd be on my own for any automobile problems.

Should I take him up on his offer? Should I try to talk him into just contributing the $2,000 to my car fund? I don't mean to be ungrateful, I'm just worried about being saddled with a truck that will end up costing me more than a $5,000 one ultimately would.

Advise?

[Flint]

That's a tough call, because a $2000 truck will keep you in enough repair bills that you won't be able to save up for a better car. I don't know how you'd approach asking for "just the money" instead, though... Maybe just start by explaining how impractical this would be for you.

[Lamplighter]

Do some comparison shopping...make, model, year, MILEAGE
What does $2000 buy in Albuquerque ?

If you had the $2000 now, would you buy your friend's truck ?
Sight unseen ? CarFacts ?

I think there is some sort of adage, like:
"Never sell a car to your friend or family;
lest there be a break down or accident at the next corner."

[Clodfobble]

Is there any way that you can perhaps explain that a 4x4 truck would not fit your current lifestyle/vehicle needs? It would help if you have another specific car you've picked out that you can show him the ad for, that is perfect for you in all these different ways, and just happens to be more than $2,000. Or tell him that you have had a bad experience in the past being a single woman stranded alone on the road at night, and that you will no longer risk having an unreliable vehicle in the future? Maybe tell him that you already had about that much ($2000) saved up, to prove that you're serious about not buying the cheap car the minute you could have afforded it. If he adds $2,000 to that "fund," you still will need more time to save up to your goal of $5,000, so he doesn't have to see you pony up your imaginary $2,000 right away.

[Shawnee123]

There's no guarantee that a $5000 car would be more reliable than a $2000 car. It's basically a crap shoot anyway.

Does your friend know a lot about cars? Maybe he has good reason to believe that this is a really good deal.

[Flint]

Originally Posted by Shawnee123

There's no guarantee that a $5000 car would be more reliable than a $2000 car. It's basically a crap shoot anyway.

Does your friend know a lot about cars? Maybe he has good reason to believe that this is a really good deal.

Oooh--all good points. But isn't a "good deal" car for a mechanic different than a regular person?

[footfootfoot]

sounds like a gas guzzler
Wonders if your friend is trying to help the owner of the truck at the same time
Do you have a legitimate need for a 4x4 ?
Does your friend have a legitimate need for a 4x4?
Is this a form of repaying the debt?
Why not just give you 2K? If the debt is more then 2K is the idea that you are getting 8K worth of truck for 2K?
There's a lot we don't know.

I don't like it for a lot of reasons, #1 being you didn't ask for a 4x4 truck.

[SamIam]

Thanks, everyone! My friend doesn't have a specific truck in mind. He just likes Chevy's and knows that I love to go 4-wheeling and camping in the mountains, hence the idea of a Chevy 4x4. I don't believe he's really thought his offer thru. Its great that he can work on cars, but he's not going to be available to work on any vehicle of mine.

I haven't really expected him to return the favor I once did and the money I loaned him. Well, not anymore, anyhow. I have come to look at it that I helped someone I knew who was in very bad trouble, and I did it because I was able to and it was the right thing to do. Ancient history. If he wants to come to my rescue now, that's icing on the cake.

I have considered just letting him buy whatever, driving it home from Colorado Springs and putting it up for sale as soon as I got back here. He'd never know the difference! That's a lot of trouble though, and I'd feel bad about pulling one over on a friend.

[TheMercenary]

Decline, and tell him just to send you the cash.... Then you would have $2500 towards your goal.

If he was a friend he would have come through a long time ago. Do you know what the gas is going to cost you on this "truck"? More than you want to pay. Get a use Subaru and move on.....

[monster]

Just be honest. Tell him what you told us.

Tell him you really do need a car so that is such a wonderful generous offer and how sweet of him to notice your need, but that you are not a mechanic and you are concerned about potential maintenance bills for an older car that cannot be managed within your current budget. Tell him that you have been saving up for a newer vehicle and show him an ad of the sort of thing you have in mind. And then ask his advice about that. You don't have to take the advice....

I'd also be good with accepting and then selling asap. Just tell him you couldn't reach the pedals properly in that model. or something.

[footfootfoot]

That's hilarious how you start out your post advocating honesty and then cap it with advocating deceit. I can relate to your moral fluidity. You're a woman after my own heart.

[monster]

yeah, well..... I'm trying to cover the bases, If it were me I'd still be honest about the problem.....but I can't reach the pedals "properly" in any fucking car, and I suspect many women can't. They're built for men. i just do the best I can with the car in hand ..which usually means the steering wheel is too effin' close.

[SamIam]

Originally Posted by TheMercenary

Decline, and tell him just to send you the cash.... Then you would have $2500 towards your goal.

If he was a friend he would have come through a long time ago. Do you know what the gas is going to cost you on this "truck"? More than you want to pay. Get a use Subaru and move on.....

In my darker (or more realistic) moments I would agree with you that if he were a REAL friend, he'd have come through long ago. However, at this point its all ancient history.

I used to own a "Ruby Roo" and I loved it. Thing ran for 300,000 miles without any really major repairs, scooted over the iciest mountain passes with nary a slip and got great mileage. I would buy another Suburu in a heartbeat.

I guess I could send my friend a diplomatically worded e-mail and sound him out on just giving me the money. Unfortunately, if I know him (and I do), he is very fond of being da MAN and making the grand gesture. Just sending me the cash is sort of wimpy, you know?

Monster probably has the best idea, mixed message regardless. My poor little feet just couldn't reach those big ole truck pedals! Then I'd have an excuse for selling it, and I wouldn't have to worry about accidently letting drop how I drove to Santa Fe in my Suburu er Chevy truck.

[DanaC]

Monster's idea of talking it trhough with him and asking his advice about cars sounds a good route to me.

As to the idea that if he were a real friend he'd have come through long ago: I disagree. Life just isn't that simple. It's easy to get wrapped up in your own shit, for months or years at a time. And that friend you love dearly, but who lives three hunded miles away and you haven't seen in a while, recedes into the background of your thoughts. Doesn't stop them being a friend.

Not to mention that friendships themselves are not always simple. They can be a source for feelings of guilt and inadequacy as well as feelings of warmth and companionship. If he likes to be da man, as Sam suggests, then pride might easily have kept him away until he was in a position to repay the favour.

[xoxoxoBruce]

You could tell him the 4x4 doesn't work for you anymore, but should keep an eye peeled for a Subaru, which would allow him to make a grand gesture if he so desired. Of course I assume he wants to get in your pants, which wouldn't work if he just sent the money.