attachment issues - Page 6

extemporaneous · 10-14-2006, 03:23 AM

each day gets more and more like the last day....i havent left the house in a week. for anything. i called to make an appointment and since my job isnt on the books i lose all those wonderful percs ... haha percs ... called benefits. so i called health clinics to see if they have a therapist i can talk to and the closest date is for, get this, november 28. isnt that magnificant. it's like i dont know what to do with myself. i sit here. i think. i cry. i think. i cant sleep. i dont know what to do. UGH. i hate repeating myself. AND IT JUST KEEPS HAPPENING. the last time i went outside i had a panic attack and my nerves are so bad already i just dont want to deal with it anymore. i sit inside and lock the doors shut all the blinds and sit in the dark all day. seriously all day. THERE ISNT ANYTHING "NORMAL" (i know horrible word) ABOUT THAT!?!

i miss my son. and you all are right, im a horrible fucking mom. but to let you know i never call myself mom. because i know. and to plant more seeds of destruction in my fucking warped mind, i actually stopped to wonder if my sons father is doing alright. im a fucking idiot (and yes, you can quote me on that one). now, im waiting on all of these stores to call and tell me that they're not going to hire me. i need to see a shrink, that's TOTALLY understood. how? i dont know. i am cold. i am going to make some soup or eat the left over chinese food, which a chinese person would never eat, and try to fall asleep.
goodnight moon.

Undertoad · 10-14-2006, 06:37 AM

This sounds a lot like clinical depression.

Trilby · 10-14-2006, 06:54 AM

Extemp. you could always go to the ER. You need treatment, now, before it gets any worse.

9th Engineer · 10-14-2006, 09:37 AM

Even though I generally have a rule about not recommending people go to the ER for problems that aren't strictly physical emergencies, I agree with Bri on this. The doctor isn't going to have any problem seeing what's going on if you give him the story you gave us, and might be able to expidite something for you. Tons of people come in for various nonphysical problems anyway and you will be one of the rare cut'n dry cases that they can actually do something for, so go for it.

Trilby · 10-14-2006, 04:21 PM

*standing on soap box*

Mental illness IS an illness.

*off soap box*

morethanpretty · 10-15-2006, 12:47 AM

Call a suicide hotline...even if you aren't suicidal they are still ppl who are there (supposedly) because they care. A voice to listen too, and (I don't know much about them but) probably a someone who is trained to deal with people who are severly depressed. There are a few national ones if you do a google search.

skysidhe · 10-15-2006, 01:46 AM

im pulling for ya extem

sometimes it's good to focus your mind on something else for no other reason that to see another day for your kid sake

It might seem mundane in the light of what you are going through but if you try you might see something that catches your attention. It could be anything. Paintings, music, color , a smell. It could be anything. Be well.

yesman065 · 10-16-2006, 08:08 AM

Addmitting there is a problem is the first step in correcting it. Get the professional help you need wherever you can find it - phone, ER whatever. You, like everyone else have a great deal to offer the world - especially your son!! Making amends for you can begin with getting your shit straight and being the best mom you can be. Show him, through example, that no matter what life throws at you, you can overcome it and succeed. He will, if nothing else, respect you for it. And you will respect yourself more than you know. Respect goes a long way in altering ones attitude from defeatist to success. Go for it and don't let anyone or anything get in your way.

Sundae · 10-16-2006, 09:31 AM

Extemporaneous, if you are for real then you'll get good advice on this forum. They (forum members) diagnosed my depression while I was still in denial and were a factor in me seeking medical help.

It's hard to make responsible decisions when you're self medicating to make the bad feelings go away, but you're not the only person who has been through this. That's not meant in a harsh way - I just mean there are systems in place to help people like you and you are not alone.

Try not to let it all overwhelm you - seeking professional help for the way you are feeling would be an important first step.

Good luck.

Madman · 10-16-2006, 09:40 AM

Extemporaneous, damn girl. Gonna make me feel bad for razing you. If you are serious then you do need help. Depression is a serious health problem. One that cannot be set aside. Seek help now. You are young and have your life ahead of you. Things will get better but you have to take it one step at a time. Don't try to do to much at once. Just take that first step - first! Then go from there.

And seriously, get off the weed. It's a false reprieve from your problems. The problems are still there even though you may feel better emotionally when you do it.

Good luck to you.

No more razing,

Madman

extemporaneous · 10-19-2006, 12:36 AM

ugh i just wrote so much shit and it erased it when i tried to post. i dont think it's just depression. onto of my MID i have PPD, most definitely. i dont think it's that im suicidal. i think it's just that i dont like living. so i need to change all that dumb shit that im up to and conform. maybe not conform, but improve. i dont have the internet now....so there might be intervals i dont respond. sorry. im going to make some grub and go to sleep. i'll talk to you guys later...toodles

yesman065 · 10-19-2006, 06:49 AM

Take it one step at a time and you'll see that by starting with the little things, the bigger issues will be much easier to deal with. Good luck & God bless

extemporaneous · 10-21-2006, 03:08 PM

well i Do not think i mentioned the fact that "dudley" went ballistic and kicked everybody out...but calls me all day and tells me he cant sleep in his bed without me...blah blah blah...he wants me to sleep over tonight, which i'm probably not going to do unless nothing else comes up. i mean shit, sure i'll stop by and watch some movies drink some beers and get laid. (and i had a penis, it would be less of a 'whore-ish' thing to do....) but i cant help the fact that i love sex. well, i had my friend amanda cut my hair and i'm about to bleach it back blonde. i haven't been blonde in four years. and maybe some pink....and i took out a lot of my piercings. i had two in my face, lower and upper lip, my nipples and my belly button (4 times) and two on the sides of my stomach. all gone. i feel like i lost body parts because i haven't been without them in years....but i always change my look. new person type deal. well, i have to go to the bathroom. toodles

Trilby · 10-21-2006, 05:05 PM

I'm pretty disturbed by extempor. and I'm nobody's role model.

wolf · 10-21-2006, 08:37 PM

Extemp, if you are really in Philadelphia and you don't have insurance, you can still receive mental health treatment. Take something that will prove who you are, and where you are living ... if you don't have a driver's license or a Penna. Non-Driver ID, take some other form of picture ID and a phone or electric bill with your name and current address.

Start by walking into an ER. If you can get to one, go to a CRC (crisis response center) ... they specialize in emergency psychiatric evaluations.

All Philadelphia residents can have their treatment precertified for county funding by an organization called Community Behavioral Health, which is also the managed care organization for mental health under medical assistance.

If you are waiting as long as until Nov. 28 for an intake appointment, you may have approached the wrong agency. Call Philadelphia Crisis (215-686-4420) and ask them where your local county base service unit outpatient provider is located.

If you are outside of the city, give me the town and county and I'll give you info for the correct crisis center and procedures.

10-14-2006, 03:23 AM	#76
extemporaneous i like watching the puddles gather rain Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: killadelphia, pa Posts: 38	it's four oclock in the fucking morning each day gets more and more like the last day....i havent left the house in a week. for anything. i called to make an appointment and since my job isnt on the books i lose all those wonderful percs ... haha percs ... called benefits. so i called health clinics to see if they have a therapist i can talk to and the closest date is for, get this, november 28. isnt that magnificant. it's like i dont know what to do with myself. i sit here. i think. i cry. i think. i cant sleep. i dont know what to do. UGH. i hate repeating myself. AND IT JUST KEEPS HAPPENING. the last time i went outside i had a panic attack and my nerves are so bad already i just dont want to deal with it anymore. i sit inside and lock the doors shut all the blinds and sit in the dark all day. seriously all day. THERE ISNT ANYTHING "NORMAL" (i know horrible word) ABOUT THAT!?! i miss my son. and you all are right, im a horrible fucking mom. but to let you know i never call myself mom. because i know. and to plant more seeds of destruction in my fucking warped mind, i actually stopped to wonder if my sons father is doing alright. im a fucking idiot (and yes, you can quote me on that one). now, im waiting on all of these stores to call and tell me that they're not going to hire me. i need to see a shrink, that's TOTALLY understood. how? i dont know. i am cold. i am going to make some soup or eat the left over chinese food, which a chinese person would never eat, and try to fall asleep. goodnight moon. __________________ we are eternal. all this pain is an illusion.

10-14-2006, 09:37 AM	#79
9th Engineer Bioengineer and aspiring lawer Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Pittsburgh Posts: 872	Even though I generally have a rule about not recommending people go to the ER for problems that aren't strictly physical emergencies, I agree with Bri on this. The doctor isn't going to have any problem seeing what's going on if you give him the story you gave us, and might be able to expidite something for you. Tons of people come in for various nonphysical problems anyway and you will be one of the rare cut'n dry cases that they can actually do something for, so go for it. __________________ The most valuable renewable resource is stupidity.

10-15-2006, 12:47 AM	#81
morethanpretty Thats "Miss Zipper Neck" to you. Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: little town (but not the littlest) in texas Posts: 2,957	Call a suicide hotline...even if you aren't suicidal they are still ppl who are there (supposedly) because they care. A voice to listen too, and (I don't know much about them but) probably a someone who is trained to deal with people who are severly depressed. There are a few national ones if you do a google search. __________________ Addicts may suck dick for coke, but love came up with the idea to put a dick in there to begin with. -Jack O'Brien

10-16-2006, 09:31 AM	#84
Sundae polaroid of perfection Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: West Yorkshire Posts: 24,185	Extemporaneous, if you are for real then you'll get good advice on this forum. They (forum members) diagnosed my depression while I was still in denial and were a factor in me seeking medical help. It's hard to make responsible decisions when you're self medicating to make the bad feelings go away, but you're not the only person who has been through this. That's not meant in a harsh way - I just mean there are systems in place to help people like you and you are not alone. Try not to let it all overwhelm you - seeking professional help for the way you are feeling would be an important first step. Good luck. __________________ Life's hard you know, so strike a pose on a Cadillac

10-19-2006, 12:36 AM	#86
extemporaneous i like watching the puddles gather rain Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: killadelphia, pa Posts: 38	ugh i just wrote so much shit and it erased it when i tried to post. i dont think it's just depression. onto of my MID i have PPD, most definitely. i dont think it's that im suicidal. i think it's just that i dont like living. so i need to change all that dumb shit that im up to and conform. maybe not conform, but improve. i dont have the internet now....so there might be intervals i dont respond. sorry. im going to make some grub and go to sleep. i'll talk to you guys later...toodles __________________ we are eternal. all this pain is an illusion.

10-14-2006, 06:37 AM	#77
Undertoad Radical Centrist Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Cottage of Prussia Posts: 31,423	This sounds a lot like clinical depression.

10-14-2006, 06:54 AM	#78
Trilby Slattern of the Swail Join Date: Jul 2004 Posts: 15,654	Extemp. you could always go to the ER. You need treatment, now, before it gets any worse.

10-14-2006, 04:21 PM	#80
Trilby Slattern of the Swail Join Date: Jul 2004 Posts: 15,654	standing on soap box Mental illness IS an illness. off soap box

10-15-2006, 01:46 AM	#82
skysidhe ~~Life is either a daring adventure or nothing.~~ Join Date: Apr 2006 Posts: 6,828	im pulling for ya extem sometimes it's good to focus your mind on something else for no other reason that to see another day for your kid sake It might seem mundane in the light of what you are going through but if you try you might see something that catches your attention. It could be anything. Paintings, music, color , a smell. It could be anything. Be well.

10-16-2006, 08:08 AM	#83
yesman065 Banned - Self Imposed Join Date: Dec 2005 Posts: 1,847	Addmitting there is a problem is the first step in correcting it. Get the professional help you need wherever you can find it - phone, ER whatever. You, like everyone else have a great deal to offer the world - especially your son!! Making amends for you can begin with getting your shit straight and being the best mom you can be. Show him, through example, that no matter what life throws at you, you can overcome it and succeed. He will, if nothing else, respect you for it. And you will respect yourself more than you know. Respect goes a long way in altering ones attitude from defeatist to success. Go for it and don't let anyone or anything get in your way.

10-16-2006, 09:40 AM	#85
Madman has left the building. Join Date: Aug 2006 Posts: 455	Extemporaneous, damn girl. Gonna make me feel bad for razing you. If you are serious then you do need help. Depression is a serious health problem. One that cannot be set aside. Seek help now. You are young and have your life ahead of you. Things will get better but you have to take it one step at a time. Don't try to do to much at once. Just take that first step - first! Then go from there. And seriously, get off the weed. It's a false reprieve from your problems. The problems are still there even though you may feel better emotionally when you do it. Good luck to you. No more razing, Madman

10-19-2006, 06:49 AM	#87
yesman065 Banned - Self Imposed Join Date: Dec 2005 Posts: 1,847	Take it one step at a time and you'll see that by starting with the little things, the bigger issues will be much easier to deal with. Good luck & God bless

10-21-2006, 03:08 PM	#88
extemporaneous i like watching the puddles gather rain Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: killadelphia, pa Posts: 38	oh yea i forgot well i Do not think i mentioned the fact that "dudley" went ballistic and kicked everybody out...but calls me all day and tells me he cant sleep in his bed without me...blah blah blah...he wants me to sleep over tonight, which i'm probably not going to do unless nothing else comes up. i mean shit, sure i'll stop by and watch some movies drink some beers and get laid. (and i had a penis, it would be less of a 'whore-ish' thing to do....) but i cant help the fact that i love sex. well, i had my friend amanda cut my hair and i'm about to bleach it back blonde. i haven't been blonde in four years. and maybe some pink....and i took out a lot of my piercings. i had two in my face, lower and upper lip, my nipples and my belly button (4 times) and two on the sides of my stomach. all gone. i feel like i lost body parts because i haven't been without them in years....but i always change my look. new person type deal. well, i have to go to the bathroom. toodles __________________ we are eternal. all this pain is an illusion.

10-21-2006, 05:05 PM	#89
Trilby Slattern of the Swail Join Date: Jul 2004 Posts: 15,654	I'm pretty disturbed by extempor. and I'm nobody's role model.

10-21-2006, 08:37 PM	#90
wolf lobber of scimitars Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Phila Burbs Posts: 20,774	Extemp, if you are really in Philadelphia and you don't have insurance, you can still receive mental health treatment. Take something that will prove who you are, and where you are living ... if you don't have a driver's license or a Penna. Non-Driver ID, take some other form of picture ID and a phone or electric bill with your name and current address. Start by walking into an ER. If you can get to one, go to a CRC (crisis response center) ... they specialize in emergency psychiatric evaluations. All Philadelphia residents can have their treatment precertified for county funding by an organization called Community Behavioral Health, which is also the managed care organization for mental health under medical assistance. If you are waiting as long as until Nov. 28 for an intake appointment, you may have approached the wrong agency. Call Philadelphia Crisis (215-686-4420) and ask them where your local county base service unit outpatient provider is located. If you are outside of the city, give me the town and county and I'll give you info for the correct crisis center and procedures. __________________ wolf eht htiw og "Conspiracies are the norm, not the exception." --G. Edward Griffin The Creature from Jekyll Island High Priestess of the Church of the Whale Penis

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