please recommend a self help book, therapy, drug...

staceyv · 01-17-2005, 04:19 PM

I feel like there's something wrong with me. I have zero ability to handle stress. Little things that don't matter at all upset me so much. My boss said something to me today about the order I did my side work in.....long story, but to summarize, I did all of my work, she just wasn't paying attention. Then I was carrying a huge box of napkins and paper towels up from the basement and the bottom of the box broke and everything went flying down the stairs..what a pain. Then, I'm working with this chick who has a man's voice and a macho overly assertive attitude and I was trying to vent a little by telling her about all of this crap, and she looks at me and goes "Deal with it! Why are you telling me all of this?"blahblahblah....So I told her she's rude and I won't try venting to her again, but I was so upset after I walked away that I started crying in the busroom and I was all shaky.
I don't think that was a good reason to cry, I feel like I'm too sensitive, like I should have a thicker skin, like something is wrong with me. I don't have PMS, everything at home is fine, I just get so upset about stupid little things...This is just one example.

Last year one of the cooks gave me a hard time, I was really busy, Had a little hangover...I got so stressed out that I started crying and I couldn't stop and my boss had to wait on my tables.

When I was new there I heard a girl say "I thought I sucked when I was new!" (accent the second I), once again, I'm crying...

It happened before with another girl who wqas rude to me when I was new, and last summer I found myself crying at work twice in one week because I was stressed out...

Even if I'm not brought to tears, I find myself complaining, bitching, whining and moaning about things that upset me, stuff that isn't right, stuff that goes wrong...

Why are my feelings so easily hurt? Mostly the things that set me off are when people I work with are rude, or if I have no control over the situation. If someone treats me rudely, I want to punch them in the face, but I know I can't, so I just cry. I'm nice to everyone I work with. I listen if someone wants to vent, I'm easy on the new people and my bussers. I have such a hard time dealing with rude people who lack compassion or empathy. I hold in too much anger because I can't say and do what I want, I have to be so fake and polite all the time at work. Any self help book suggestions?
Is there a good self help book out there for me?

bluesdave · 01-17-2005, 07:30 PM

Stacey, what you are experiencing is *life*. There are plenty of books that will tell you how to live your life, and how to handle stress. Most of them are just making money for their authors. We all experience stress in our jobs; some days are worse than others; some days are great - everything just goes right. If the stress is constant you have to look for an alternate job/career. Just remember that *every* job/career has stress at some stage.

Most of us have to balance the stress level with the monetary returns the job brings in. I find music helps. Try to listen to as much (preferably non violent/noisy) music as possible. Yoga often helps people relax too.

My office overlooks Sydney Harbour. I get paid well - very well. I worked hard for this job, and it is often stressful. You have to weigh up the good with the bad.

Hope this helps.

Troubleshooter · 01-17-2005, 07:41 PM

There's a new book called "The Art of War" which has "The Art of War" by Sun Tzu, "The Prince" by Machievelli, and Alexander's letters to his generals.

That book should have everything you need to get a handle on life.

lumberjim · 01-17-2005, 07:59 PM

hmmm. sounds like low blood sugar to me. or maybe the overall stress in your life of constant crisis comes to boiling points and you cant deal with the overall frustration you have. stress can build up even when you don't notice it, and then when you are under direct stress, it tips you over the edge. serving is a redundant, repetetive, redundant job. it is also very high stress, and relatively low pay. change careers. you're cute, use it to get a better job. just don't be all mental and talk a million miles per hour at the interview. you should be doing something more low key, but public oriented like selling advertising to businesses, or something. other than that, try smoking a lot of pot before work. ......it works for sycamore.....but then again, he's a garbage man or something, so.....

perth · 01-17-2005, 08:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lumberjim

hmmm. sounds like low blood sugar to me.

LJ may have a good point here. I'm sure Case will forgive me for this, your description sounds a lot like her when her blood sugar was low. She found that by watching her diet carefully, she could even the mood swings out a lot.

For what it's worth, I overcame the depression that pervaded my early twenties by spending about nine months almost completely alone, learning to be comfortable in my own skin. I know that's probably not an option for you, but in my case at least, introspection (a lot of it) proved the best medicine.

staceyv · 01-17-2005, 08:26 PM

I wish I wish I WISH I could smoke pot!! I smoked it everyday in high school, but now, every time I try it I get a major panic attack. I really do have a low tolerance for stress, and I suspected a long time ago that I have low blood sugar, but I don't eat sugar, I cut my caffeine waaay down and I eat protein with almost every meal...
I always think that if I change jobs I would feel better, but I feel like it's a personal problem with me because most of the girls I work with seem to handle the stress just fine. They don't cry as much as I do, but it does happen once in a while...
My husband promised me that as soon as we get out of debt, I can quit my job. It should be about a year. I can't wait, but until then I'm just trying to get through each day. I can't get another job because I have REALLY painful irregular periods, so I have to take off days every month and I don't know when it's coming, so I actually just take a whole week off, or I'd have to call out sick. I don't know of any other employers who would deal with that! I'm also training on the side to do this thing with Visa/MC rates for businesses...
I am going to order a copy of the art of war. Thanks for the recommendation, and thanks, guys for letting me vent. Thanks for being nice!

staceyv · 01-17-2005, 08:31 PM

I just read Perth's post...I have a week off every month, and often it's more like 12 days because I give shifts away to extend it...I feel like I need to relax and have zero stress, so I basically stay in the house the entire time. I try to think about what my life purpose is, what am I here for, what would make me happy, what goals I need to set, what I can do to improve my life...I also sleep A LOT. You would think I'd be completely rejuvenated and ready to handle life's stresses, but I just had 12 days off and today was my second shift back and I was crying!
Maybe I need a whole 9 months- good idea!

Beestie · 01-17-2005, 09:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by staceyv

I am going to order a copy of the art of war.

Don't order it - go to the library and borrow it. If it clicks for you then buy it later if not, no $ wasted.

I suggest a physical exam or at least some blood tests just to see where your levels are relative to the baselines.

I have a feeling that some better advice will happen along shortly.

Replies by sex:

Guys - 5
Gals - 0

*scratching head*

Clodfobble · 01-18-2005, 08:10 AM

Here, Beestie, I'll even out that ratio a little...

Stacey, I went through a period where I was overreacting to stress like you are, and the larger reason was I was very depressed at the time. Had you asked me then, I also would have said my relationship was going well and everything was fine, but depression isn't always so directly obvious. Maybe talk to a counselor--and get on birth control pills to regulate your periods. They make everything light, easy, and very predictable.

404Error · 01-18-2005, 08:27 AM

I was just looking up symptoms of depression to suggest that as a cause of your problems but then Clod beat me to it.

Anyway, I did find this Depression Self-Screener that you might try. Good luck, Stacy.

staceyv · 01-18-2005, 09:16 AM

I can't take the pill because #1, I smoke and I don't want t o be at a high risk for a stroke, and I'm not ready to quit right now, #2, I tried two types of pills and I was having black outs and heart palpitations...
I do seem to be depressed, and I know I would feel better if I could go to the gym and work out every day, but I can't because then I'm too tired/ achey at work and I get way more low blood sugar symptoms because I can't stop to eat at work, I can't even find the time to pee when it's busy- nevermind snack, and if I do stop for a bite, I'll either get dirty looks from people who are busy and think i'm slacking, or someone will call me over to help them. So, no excercise for me...I don't want to take antidepressants. I think I need to change my lifestyle, excercise and do less stressful things with my life. I have just one more year to deal with this crap.
I just ordered some books on Amazon.com- they actually have a book called : "The Highly Sensitive Person" and the description describes me very well- Everything around me seems to affect me, people's moods rub off on me, I can sense people's tension physically, loud noise, smells and bright lights bother me, I'm easily distracted and overwhelmed...Hopefully these books will help, and next year I'll quit this job that is SO wrong for me, excercise and figure out something to do with myself...At least there is light at the end of the tunnel...
I have to work tonight, so I'm going to go and take a 3 hour nap so that I am well rested and hopefully I won't have any breakdowns tonight. Thanks for all the advice

staceyv · 01-18-2005, 09:21 AM

I took that depression test, and I scored 14 on a scale of 0-27.."moderate depression". The thing is, I had to answer a lot of the questions about energy and sleep habits as "normal for me" because I have been tired as hell for years now.

LabRat · 01-18-2005, 11:32 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by staceyv

I can't take the pill because #1, I smoke and I don't want t o be at a high risk for a stroke, and I'm not ready to quit right now, #2, I tried two types of pills and I was having black outs and heart palpitations...
I do seem to be depressed, and I know I would feel better if I could go to the gym and work out every day, but I can't because then I'm too tired/ achey at work and I get way more low blood sugar symptoms because I can't stop to eat at work, I can't even find the time to pee when it's busy- nevermind snack, and if I do stop for a bite, I'll either get dirty looks from people who are busy and think i'm slacking, or someone will call me over to help them. So, no excercise for me...I don't want to take antidepressants. I think I need to change my lifestyle, excercise and do less stressful things with my life. I have just one more year to deal with this crap.
I just ordered some books on Amazon.com- they actually have a book called : "The Highly Sensitive Person" and the description describes me very well- Everything around me seems to affect me, people's moods rub off on me, I can sense people's tension physically, loud noise, smells and bright lights bother me, I'm easily distracted and overwhelmed...Hopefully these books will help, and next year I'll quit this job that is SO wrong for me, excercise and figure out something to do with myself...At least there is light at the end of the tunnel...
I have to work tonight, so I'm going to go and take a 3 hour nap so that I am well rested and hopefully I won't have any breakdowns tonight. Thanks for all the advice

What this post says to me is, I am not willing to change anything in my life that may be making me the way I am, (changing my lifestyle by quitting smoking, trying a low dose BC pill like Ortho tricyclin-LO, or speak to a psychologist to determine if I am depressed and should be on Zoloft or Paxil etc.) but I want to be fixed anyway. Well, wouldn't it be nice if we all could wish our way to whatever we wanted. Sorry if this sounds harsh, but too bad. I didn't WANT to take antidepressants either, b/c that would mean admitting I wasn't 'normal'...but after ruling out other possibilities, and talking with a real doctor, it was the only option left. Oh, and my husband said talk to a Dr., or I am leaving. Lo and behold, 4 years later I am a hell of a lot better person, wife, mother, friend, daughter, and co-worker because I was able to admit I had an illness (that it turns out, runs in the family). If you had diabetes, would you say 'but I don't want to give up chocolate and take a shot everyday?' No, to get better, you would make the necessary life changes, then get on with a better quality of life I would think. So suck it up and talk to a professional. Zoloft, gift of the gods

Elspode · 01-18-2005, 12:27 PM

I'd like to throw in a hearty

for anti-depressant therapy. I've been taking Lexapro (a relatively low dose, actually) for a few years now, and it makes an *enormous* difference in my attitude, my self-loathing, etc.

I think you'd be surprised at the number of people who use antidepressants, Stacey...and you'd never know it. No one else would know that *you* were taking them either.

Troubleshooter · 01-18-2005, 12:39 PM

What I don't understand is the need for so many people to be taking anti-depressants. Life just can't be that hard for that many people.

01-17-2005, 07:41 PM	#3
Troubleshooter The urban Jane Goodall Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: Florida Posts: 3,012	There's a new book called "The Art of War" which has "The Art of War" by Sun Tzu, "The Prince" by Machievelli, and Alexander's letters to his generals. That book should have everything you need to get a handle on life. __________________ I have gained this from philosophy: that I do without being commanded what others do only from fear of the law. - Aristotle

01-17-2005, 07:59 PM	#4
lumberjim I can hear my ears Join Date: Oct 2003 Posts: 25,571	hmmm. sounds like low blood sugar to me. or maybe the overall stress in your life of constant crisis comes to boiling points and you cant deal with the overall frustration you have. stress can build up even when you don't notice it, and then when you are under direct stress, it tips you over the edge. serving is a redundant, repetetive, redundant job. it is also very high stress, and relatively low pay. change careers. you're cute, use it to get a better job. just don't be all mental and talk a million miles per hour at the interview. you should be doing something more low key, but public oriented like selling advertising to businesses, or something. other than that, try smoking a lot of pot before work. ......it works for sycamore.....but then again, he's a garbage man or something, so..... __________________ This body holding me reminds me of my own mortality Embrace this moment, remember We are eternal, all this pain is an illusion ~MJKeenan

01-18-2005, 08:27 AM	#10
404Error Lecturer Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: CT USA Posts: 826	I was just looking up symptoms of depression to suggest that as a cause of your problems but then Clod beat me to it. Anyway, I did find this Depression Self-Screener that you might try. Good luck, Stacy. __________________ "To disarm the people is the most effectual way to enslave them." ~George Mason~

01-18-2005, 12:27 PM	#14
Elspode When Do I Get Virtual Unreality? Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Raytown, Missouri Posts: 12,719	I'd like to throw in a hearty for anti-depressant therapy. I've been taking Lexapro (a relatively low dose, actually) for a few years now, and it makes an enormous difference in my attitude, my self-loathing, etc. I think you'd be surprised at the number of people who use antidepressants, Stacey...and you'd never know it. No one else would know that you were taking them either. __________________ "To those of you who are wearing ties, I think my dad would appreciate it if you took them off." - Robert Moog

01-18-2005, 12:39 PM	#15
Troubleshooter The urban Jane Goodall Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: Florida Posts: 3,012	What I don't understand is the need for so many people to be taking anti-depressants. Life just can't be that hard for that many people. __________________ I have gained this from philosophy: that I do without being commanded what others do only from fear of the law. - Aristotle

01-17-2005, 04:19 PM	#1
staceyv Lecturer Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Ohio Posts: 927	please recommend a self help book, therapy, drug... I feel like there's something wrong with me. I have zero ability to handle stress. Little things that don't matter at all upset me so much. My boss said something to me today about the order I did my side work in.....long story, but to summarize, I did all of my work, she just wasn't paying attention. Then I was carrying a huge box of napkins and paper towels up from the basement and the bottom of the box broke and everything went flying down the stairs..what a pain. Then, I'm working with this chick who has a man's voice and a macho overly assertive attitude and I was trying to vent a little by telling her about all of this crap, and she looks at me and goes "Deal with it! Why are you telling me all of this?"blahblahblah....So I told her she's rude and I won't try venting to her again, but I was so upset after I walked away that I started crying in the busroom and I was all shaky. I don't think that was a good reason to cry, I feel like I'm too sensitive, like I should have a thicker skin, like something is wrong with me. I don't have PMS, everything at home is fine, I just get so upset about stupid little things...This is just one example. Last year one of the cooks gave me a hard time, I was really busy, Had a little hangover...I got so stressed out that I started crying and I couldn't stop and my boss had to wait on my tables. When I was new there I heard a girl say "I thought I sucked when I was new!" (accent the second I), once again, I'm crying... It happened before with another girl who wqas rude to me when I was new, and last summer I found myself crying at work twice in one week because I was stressed out... Even if I'm not brought to tears, I find myself complaining, bitching, whining and moaning about things that upset me, stuff that isn't right, stuff that goes wrong... Why are my feelings so easily hurt? Mostly the things that set me off are when people I work with are rude, or if I have no control over the situation. If someone treats me rudely, I want to punch them in the face, but I know I can't, so I just cry. I'm nice to everyone I work with. I listen if someone wants to vent, I'm easy on the new people and my bussers. I have such a hard time dealing with rude people who lack compassion or empathy. I hold in too much anger because I can't say and do what I want, I have to be so fake and polite all the time at work. Any self help book suggestions? Is there a good self help book out there for me?

01-17-2005, 07:30 PM	#2
bluesdave Getting older every day Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Australia Posts: 308	Stacey, what you are experiencing is life. There are plenty of books that will tell you how to live your life, and how to handle stress. Most of them are just making money for their authors. We all experience stress in our jobs; some days are worse than others; some days are great - everything just goes right. If the stress is constant you have to look for an alternate job/career. Just remember that every job/career has stress at some stage. Most of us have to balance the stress level with the monetary returns the job brings in. I find music helps. Try to listen to as much (preferably non violent/noisy) music as possible. Yoga often helps people relax too. My office overlooks Sydney Harbour. I get paid well - very well. I worked hard for this job, and it is often stressful. You have to weigh up the good with the bad. Hope this helps. __________________ History is a great teacher; it is a shame that people never learn from it.

01-17-2005, 08:26 PM	#6
staceyv Lecturer Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Ohio Posts: 927	I wish I wish I WISH I could smoke pot!! I smoked it everyday in high school, but now, every time I try it I get a major panic attack. I really do have a low tolerance for stress, and I suspected a long time ago that I have low blood sugar, but I don't eat sugar, I cut my caffeine waaay down and I eat protein with almost every meal... I always think that if I change jobs I would feel better, but I feel like it's a personal problem with me because most of the girls I work with seem to handle the stress just fine. They don't cry as much as I do, but it does happen once in a while... My husband promised me that as soon as we get out of debt, I can quit my job. It should be about a year. I can't wait, but until then I'm just trying to get through each day. I can't get another job because I have REALLY painful irregular periods, so I have to take off days every month and I don't know when it's coming, so I actually just take a whole week off, or I'd have to call out sick. I don't know of any other employers who would deal with that! I'm also training on the side to do this thing with Visa/MC rates for businesses... I am going to order a copy of the art of war. Thanks for the recommendation, and thanks, guys for letting me vent. Thanks for being nice!

01-17-2005, 08:31 PM	#7
staceyv Lecturer Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Ohio Posts: 927	I just read Perth's post...I have a week off every month, and often it's more like 12 days because I give shifts away to extend it...I feel like I need to relax and have zero stress, so I basically stay in the house the entire time. I try to think about what my life purpose is, what am I here for, what would make me happy, what goals I need to set, what I can do to improve my life...I also sleep A LOT. You would think I'd be completely rejuvenated and ready to handle life's stresses, but I just had 12 days off and today was my second shift back and I was crying! Maybe I need a whole 9 months- good idea!

01-18-2005, 08:10 AM	#9
Clodfobble UNDER CONDITIONAL MITIGATION Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: Austin, TX Posts: 20,012	Here, Beestie, I'll even out that ratio a little... Stacey, I went through a period where I was overreacting to stress like you are, and the larger reason was I was very depressed at the time. Had you asked me then, I also would have said my relationship was going well and everything was fine, but depression isn't always so directly obvious. Maybe talk to a counselor--and get on birth control pills to regulate your periods. They make everything light, easy, and very predictable.

01-18-2005, 09:16 AM	#11
staceyv Lecturer Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Ohio Posts: 927	I can't take the pill because #1, I smoke and I don't want t o be at a high risk for a stroke, and I'm not ready to quit right now, #2, I tried two types of pills and I was having black outs and heart palpitations... I do seem to be depressed, and I know I would feel better if I could go to the gym and work out every day, but I can't because then I'm too tired/ achey at work and I get way more low blood sugar symptoms because I can't stop to eat at work, I can't even find the time to pee when it's busy- nevermind snack, and if I do stop for a bite, I'll either get dirty looks from people who are busy and think i'm slacking, or someone will call me over to help them. So, no excercise for me...I don't want to take antidepressants. I think I need to change my lifestyle, excercise and do less stressful things with my life. I have just one more year to deal with this crap. I just ordered some books on Amazon.com- they actually have a book called : "The Highly Sensitive Person" and the description describes me very well- Everything around me seems to affect me, people's moods rub off on me, I can sense people's tension physically, loud noise, smells and bright lights bother me, I'm easily distracted and overwhelmed...Hopefully these books will help, and next year I'll quit this job that is SO wrong for me, excercise and figure out something to do with myself...At least there is light at the end of the tunnel... I have to work tonight, so I'm going to go and take a 3 hour nap so that I am well rested and hopefully I won't have any breakdowns tonight. Thanks for all the advice

01-18-2005, 09:21 AM	#12
staceyv Lecturer Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Ohio Posts: 927	I took that depression test, and I scored 14 on a scale of 0-27.."moderate depression". The thing is, I had to answer a lot of the questions about energy and sleep habits as "normal for me" because I have been tired as hell for years now.

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