The Cellar  

Go Back   The Cellar > Main > Arts & Entertainment

Arts & Entertainment Give meaning to your life or distract you from it for a while

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 05-05-2006, 04:44 AM   #241
Crimson Ghost
Larger than life and twice as ugly.
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 5,264
There's a young couple in the cinema. The girl says, "I must have a piss, can I squeeze past you?"
"Why don't you squat down on the floor and do it" says the boyfriend. "You'll have to disturb all these people, besides its dark, no one will see you."
"OK" she says. She pulls her drawers down and squats on the floor. The bloke starts feeling horny at the thought of her down there, so he reaches down and makes a grab.
He feels something long and hard and says, "Urgh! Have you changed your sex?"
"No" she says "I've changed my mind... I'm having a shit instead."
__________________
We must all go through a rite of passage. It must be physical, it must be painful, and it must leave a mark.

I have no knowledge of the events which you are describing, and if I did have knowledge of them,
I would be unable to discuss them with you now or at any future period.



Don't waste your time always searching for those wasted years
Crimson Ghost is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-05-2006, 04:45 AM   #242
Crimson Ghost
Larger than life and twice as ugly.
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 5,264
A newly-wed couple wake up on the first morning of the their honeymoon in the Caribbean and decide to take a stroll down the beach.
On their way they pass a shanty house, and sitting on the front porch is an overweight woman, stark naked, legs akimbo, eating a slice of watermelon.
The husband sees this and liking the idea of his new wife exhibiting her body in public asks her whether she would do the same. The wife looks at him in disgust and refuses.
The second morning they pass the shanty house again and, sure enough, the overweight woman is sitting on the porch stark naked, legs akimbo, eating another slice of watermelon.
Not being put off be his new wife's refusal, the husband enquires of his wife, "Why don't you go over and ask that woman what it feels like to sit there naked, letting the air waft over your pussy?" The wife again refuses.
This continues each morning for two weeks until it is the last day of the honeymoon. Each morning they would pass by the woman, each morning the husband would try to persuade his new wife to copy her and each morning the wife would refuse.
However, it being the last morning the husband gives it one more try and enquires of his wife, "Why don't you go over and ask that woman what it feels like to sit there naked, letting the air waft over your pussy?"
The wife finally gives in, opens the gate of the shanty house and walks up to the overweight woman on the front porch. "What does it feel like to sit there naked, letting the air waft over your pussy?" she asks, hesitantly.
"I don't rightly know, replies the woman, "but it sure keeps the flies off of my watermelon."
__________________
We must all go through a rite of passage. It must be physical, it must be painful, and it must leave a mark.

I have no knowledge of the events which you are describing, and if I did have knowledge of them,
I would be unable to discuss them with you now or at any future period.



Don't waste your time always searching for those wasted years
Crimson Ghost is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-05-2006, 04:46 AM   #243
Crimson Ghost
Larger than life and twice as ugly.
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 5,264
How do you stop five niggers from raping a white woman?

Toss 'em a basketball.
__________________
We must all go through a rite of passage. It must be physical, it must be painful, and it must leave a mark.

I have no knowledge of the events which you are describing, and if I did have knowledge of them,
I would be unable to discuss them with you now or at any future period.



Don't waste your time always searching for those wasted years
Crimson Ghost is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-05-2006, 04:47 AM   #244
Crimson Ghost
Larger than life and twice as ugly.
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 5,264
These two starving bums are walking through an alley when one of them sees a dead cat. He runs over, sits down and starts to eat the cat, tearing the meat from its limbs.
He says to the other bum, "Hey, I know you're hungry, too. Why don't you eat some of this cat?"
"Hell no!" replies the second bum, "That cat's been dead for days, he's all stiff and cold and smelly!"
The first bum says, "Okay, suit yourself," and continues to eat everything, skin, muscle, guts, all but the skeleton.
A few hours later as they are walking down the street the first bum says, "Oh, I don't feel so good. I think there might have been something wrong with that cat." And just then, he pukes up a huge puddle of rotten cat flesh and guts with stomach bile mixed in, all half digested and looking like mush.
The second bum sits down next to the puddle and says, "Now you're talking! It's been months since I had a WARM meal!"
__________________
We must all go through a rite of passage. It must be physical, it must be painful, and it must leave a mark.

I have no knowledge of the events which you are describing, and if I did have knowledge of them,
I would be unable to discuss them with you now or at any future period.



Don't waste your time always searching for those wasted years
Crimson Ghost is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-05-2006, 04:49 AM   #245
Crimson Ghost
Larger than life and twice as ugly.
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 5,264
A leper walked into a bar and sat down. The bartender glanced over and promptly threw up all over himself and the floor.
The leper looked hurt and said, "Hey, I know I'm not exactly handsome, but I do have feelings and you could be a little sensitive about them."
The bartender, wiping his mouth on his sleeve, looked up and proclaimed, "I'm sorry as hell man, but it wasn't you. That guy sitting next to you keeps dipping his crackers in your neck."
__________________
We must all go through a rite of passage. It must be physical, it must be painful, and it must leave a mark.

I have no knowledge of the events which you are describing, and if I did have knowledge of them,
I would be unable to discuss them with you now or at any future period.



Don't waste your time always searching for those wasted years
Crimson Ghost is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-05-2006, 05:05 AM   #246
Crimson Ghost
Larger than life and twice as ugly.
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 5,264
What do you say to a woman with two black eyes?

Nothing. She's already been told twice.
__________________
We must all go through a rite of passage. It must be physical, it must be painful, and it must leave a mark.

I have no knowledge of the events which you are describing, and if I did have knowledge of them,
I would be unable to discuss them with you now or at any future period.



Don't waste your time always searching for those wasted years
Crimson Ghost is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-03-2006, 05:32 AM   #247
Tundsy
Person Who Has Posted
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Posts: 2
Little Herbie

Little Herbie had been blind since birth. One day his mother tells him that "Tomorrow is a special day and if you pray extra hard tonight you'll be able to see tomorrow for the first day in your life!" Little Herbie - "Really Mom" Mom - "yes little Herbie". So little Herbie goes to bed and prays his ass off. The next morning he wakes up and before he opens his eyes he prays some more. Finally he opens his eyes and...Nothing - Blind as a bat! "MOMMY MOMMY" he screams..Mom comes in "What is it Little Herbie?" little Herbie- "I still can't see!" Mommy - "I know Little Herbie, APRIL FOOLS!"
Tundsy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-03-2006, 06:05 AM   #248
Ibby
erika
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: "the high up north"
Posts: 6,127
Did you hear about the new Jewish car?

It can stop on a dime, and pick it up, too.
__________________
not really back, you didn't see me, i was never here shhhhhh
Ibby is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-03-2006, 04:39 PM   #249
Tundsy
Person Who Has Posted
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Posts: 2
Why do women have legs?

So they don't leave a trail like a slug.
Tundsy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-03-2006, 06:57 PM   #250
JayMcGee
Cardigan-wearing man
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Much Binding In The Marsh
Posts: 1,082
what sort of file do you need to make a hole this big o, this big O?

a paedophile....
__________________
I *like* wearing cardigans...... my current favourite is an orange cable-knit with real leatherette buttons.
JayMcGee is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-04-2006, 02:18 AM   #251
Crimson Ghost
Larger than life and twice as ugly.
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 5,264
How many Jews fit into a VW Beetle?


2 in the front, 2 in the back, and 100 in the ashtrays.
__________________
We must all go through a rite of passage. It must be physical, it must be painful, and it must leave a mark.

I have no knowledge of the events which you are describing, and if I did have knowledge of them,
I would be unable to discuss them with you now or at any future period.



Don't waste your time always searching for those wasted years
Crimson Ghost is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-04-2006, 10:55 AM   #252
richlevy
King Of Wishful Thinking
 
Join Date: Jan 2001
Location: Philadelphia Suburbs
Posts: 6,669
Quote:
Originally Posted by Crimson Ghost
What do you say to a woman with two black eyes?
Can I have your Phillies tickets?

Local joke.
__________________
Exercise your rights and remember your obligations - VOTE!
I have always believed that hope is that stubborn thing inside us that insists, despite all the evidence to the contrary, that something better awaits us so long as we have the courage to keep reaching, to keep working, to keep fighting. -- Barack Hussein Obama
richlevy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-04-2006, 01:25 PM   #253
AlternateGray
red-shirt guy
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Colorado
Posts: 101
What's the difference between an epileptic corn-shucker and a diarhettic whore?

The first one shucks and has the fits...
AlternateGray is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-04-2006, 11:16 PM   #254
Crimson Ghost
Larger than life and twice as ugly.
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 5,264
Quote:
Originally Posted by richlevy
Can I have your Phillies tickets?

Local joke.
Oof.
__________________
We must all go through a rite of passage. It must be physical, it must be painful, and it must leave a mark.

I have no knowledge of the events which you are describing, and if I did have knowledge of them,
I would be unable to discuss them with you now or at any future period.



Don't waste your time always searching for those wasted years
Crimson Ghost is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-05-2006, 09:54 AM   #255
BigV
Goon Squad Leader
 
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Seattle
Posts: 27,063
What's the difference between a poor golfer and a poor skydiver?




A poor golfer goes "Whack! Shit!"

**********

What's the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping tom?




A pickpocket snatches watches.
__________________
Be Just and Fear Not.
BigV is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Tags
humor


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

All times are GMT -5. The time now is 02:50 PM.


Powered by: vBulletin Version 3.8.1
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.