Mea Culpa

[BigV]

Dear Friends:

My lovely, loving wife and I have been through an unspeakably difficult season, one I hope never to repeat. I hope none of you ever have to go through it yourselves. Of course, many of you have already. I can honestly say this last few months have been the worst time of my life. During this same time, my wife has also suffered terribly. Making matters even worse, we suffered apart from each other.

But we were not alone. My wife had her support network, and I have relied on my support network, including people here at the cellar. As Tink has posted a couple of times, in the course of our reconciliation, we've shared with each other what happened during our time apart.

Some of the things I did during that time hurt my wife deeply. Specifically, when I talked with women inappropriately, about attraction and arousal, I hurt her. My actions hurt her. Tink, I apologize for my actions. You didn't deserve to be treated that way. You deserve my respect and my devotion, my fidelity and my love. And I failed to give those to you. I know that hurt you, and I am deeply sorry. I am asking for your forgiveness, please.

I know how hurt you are by me, and that you're also hurt by actions of the other people I interacted with. You are upset and angry with me and with them, and justifiably so. I won't speak for them, they can speak for themselves. Indeed, some have apologized directly to me, and to you. You have seen these too. I greatly appreciate the effort made by these people. Thank you.

Which brings me back to the "other people".

Y'all.

The difficult road back to our new, delicate peace is made more dangerous by deliberate attempts to prod and provoke and inflame. Most of you have big hearts, filled with concern and compassion, at first for me and now for both of us. To you good people, I say thank you from the bottom of my heart.

To any and all of you who find Tink's remarks to this point unfair, I say you don't know what you're talking about. Further attempts to dig deeper are unhelpful and unwelcome. There may come a time when more information is shared here. But this is not that time.

For those of you Jerry Springer fans who are stirring the shit in service to your own petty pathologies, I wish you a very heartfelt Fuck Off. Get help, and go away. But if you can't get help, just go away. We don't want or need your help, and besides, your disgusting little hands are covered in poo.

The Cellar is made of computers and cables, opinions and assholes, insight and ignorance. But what gives it life? People, you wonderful people. But as wonderful as the cellar is, it is not more precious than my wife and my covenant with her. I hope and believe there is room in our life for others. But if there is to be only one other, I choose Tink, and she chooses me. We have much to gain and much to contribute, but it will be offered--not extracted. Please, no more questions on the topic for now.

By the way, I misspoke earlier. When I said I failed to give you my respect, devotion, and fidelity, I should have stopped there. Because you have never lost my love, Tink. You never have and you never will.

[Bullitt]

You're the man BigV. We all make stupid mistakes and even though I'm young and still have many more to make in this life, I can easily recognize the high road you're trying to take here. Which is why you're the man in my book.

[xoxoxoBruce]

If you think that post is going to keep every red blooded man from lusting after Tink, you're nuts.

[monster]

You and Tink have no right to treat the "unnamed dwellar" in that way. That she remains silent on the topic speaks volumes for her. You brought your problems here, you posted them on a public forum. The topic is not "done" on your say so. You treated people badly and used your grief as an excuse. You monopolized the chatroom. We listened, we offered advice, comfort -whatever you needed, and ignored when prudent. Or left.

....And now you think it's fair game for you and Tink to "blame" those who gave up their time to listen to you rant, who did not slap you down when perhaps that was what you really needed. Those who worried when you threatened suicide, those who tried to cajole you out of it. And you tell them to Fuck off. All of a sudden they are interfering with poopy fingers? To give you the benefit of the doubt, I posit that perhaps you were so strung out on alcohol/caffeine/grief/whatever you don't remember your behaviour.

I can tell you are proud of this post, but you should be ashamed.

[HungLikeJesus]

All BigV wants is to be happy and free from pain, just like I do.
All Tink wants is to be happy and free from pain, just like you do.
All monster wants is to be happy and free from pain, just like I do.

[Aliantha]

Nice post HLJ.

[HungLikeJesus]

I think sometimes we lose focus on why we're here.

[monster]

I'm here for the boobies.

[Aliantha]

tart

[monster]

not yours

[Aliantha]

you will be

[monster]

whip me!

[Aliantha]

bend over baby

[shina]

Relationships People who need people; or, why can't we all just get along?

ok people(s).....let's move along before something else gets said that is more destructive to ALL posting here.

BigV and Tink, I don't know you but.....glad to hear secrets are not an issue. That's nice. Can't be any good anyway.

Let's all cut them some room and get away from being petty. They are in a fragile state of putting the puzzle back together. I think support is in need. Like a good bra!

[kerosene]

Well, I hope nobody is looking at me. I did chat with V on many occasions, yet I never sent pictures of myself...nor did we discuss anything "inappropriate". He (to his credit) was purely platonic in his discussions with me and I was the same.

I think when one splays one's personal issues for all to see, one runs the risk of being taken advantage of. Gossip hounds will be anxious to know who the elusive "she" is. Others might react as a scolded child, concerned that our actions/attempts to provide friendship were mistaken for "husband stealing."