Humor...I Need Humor... - Page 169

Cloud · 02-12-2009, 08:16 PM

here's a random blog post I came across that I found pretty fugly funny. Be warned--it contains celebrities and fashion commentary. It's a dialogue between Katy Perry and M.I.A.--sans periods but with golden bananas and baby bumps. Really.

http://gofugyourself.celebuzz.com/go...s_fug_mia.html

Shawnee123 · 02-14-2009, 07:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cloud

here's a random blog post I came across that I found pretty fugly funny. Be warned--it contains celebrities and fashion commentary. It's a dialogue between Katy Perry and M.I.A.--sans periods but with golden bananas and baby bumps. Really.

http://gofugyourself.celebuzz.com/go...s_fug_mia.html

Quote:

MIA: I am pregnant. I'm due today. Got a problem with that? Is a knuckle sandwich going to be the first sandwich to pass your lips in eight months?

Great stuff. Thanks Cloud.

Nirvana · 02-17-2009, 11:05 PM

Spelling is so important!

Crimson Ghost · 02-17-2009, 11:38 PM

Quite the rational child.

What's with the pony sticker?

Aren't there Paris Hilton stickers available?

xoxoxoBruce · 02-18-2009, 01:07 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Crimson Ghost

What's with the pony sticker?

That's a Hore sticker. That's what he wants to be.

muffin · 02-18-2009, 10:05 AM

For all those men who say, Why buy a cow when you can get milk for free. Here's an
update for you: Nowadays, 80% of women are against marriage, WHY? Because women
realize it's not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage. Men are
like....
1. Men are like Laxatives . They irritate the crap out of you. 2 Men are like.
Bananas The older they get, the less firm they are.
3. Men are like Weather Nothing can be done to hange them. 4. Men are like Blenders
You need One, but you're not quite sure why. 5. Men are like Chocolate Bars ..
Sweet, smooth, & they usually head right for your hips. 6. Men are like Commercials
. You can't believe a word they say. 7. Men are like Department Stores ... Their
clothes are always 1/2 off! 8. Men are like ... Government Bonds .... They take
soooooooo long to mature.9. Men are like ... Mascara . They usually run at the first
sign of emotion. 10. Men are like Popcorn They satisfy you, but only for a little
while. 11. Men are like Snowstorms . You never know when they're coming, how many
inches you'll get or how long it will last. 12. Men are like Lava Lamps . Fun to
look at, but not very bright. 13. Men are like Parking Spots All the good ones are
taken, the rest are handicapped. Now send this to all the remarkable women you know,
as well as to any understanding good-natured, fun kinda guys you might be lucky
enough to know !!!!!!!!!!
You have just been KISSED by the Dancing Baby! something good will happen to you at
1:00-4:00 pm tomorrow, it could be anywhere. Get ready for the biggest shock in your
life if you break this you will not be cursed but good luck will not come your way
for the next year . Everyone can use some fun and Good Luck so Send this to 5 people
in 15min

glatt · 02-18-2009, 10:32 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by muffin

You have just been KISSED by the Dancing Baby! something good will happen to you at
1:00-4:00 pm tomorrow, it could be anywhere. Get ready for the biggest shock in your
life if you break this you will not be cursed but good luck will not come your way
for the next year . Everyone can use some fun and Good Luck so Send this to 5 people
in 15min

Shawnee123 · 02-18-2009, 03:56 PM

glatt, did you lose my email? I didn't get a forward of this.

TheMercenary · 02-19-2009, 06:29 PM

It has been determined that the most used sexual position for married couples is a doggie position.

The husband sits up and begs.

The wife rolls over and plays dead.

capnhowdy · 02-19-2009, 07:16 PM

Tony brought his cat to school today.
His teacher asked, " Tony, why did you bring your cat to school?" Tony replied, in tears " Because I heard my Dad tell Mom twice last night "When these kids get back to school I'm gonna tear that pussy up!".

Nirvana · 02-23-2009, 10:00 PM

WORST FIRST DATE STORY EVER
>
>
> Jay Leno went into the audience to find the most embarrassing first date that a woman ever had. The winner described her worst first date experience. There was absolutely no question as to why her tale took the prize!
>
> She said it was midwinter...Snowing and quite cold... and the guy had taken her skiing in the mountains outside Salt Lake City, Utah .. It was a day trip (no overnight). They were strangers, after all, and had never met before. The outing was fun but relatively uneventful until they were headed home late that afternoon. They were driving back down the mountain, when she gradually began to realize that she should not have had that extra latte. They were about an hour away from anywhere with a rest room and in the middle of nowhere! Her companion suggested she try to hold it, which she did for a while.
>
> Unfortunately, because of the heavy snow and slow going, there came a point where she told him that he had better stop and let her go beside the road, or it would be the front seat of his car.
>
> They stopped and she quickly crawled out beside the car, yanked her pants down and started.
>
>
>
> In the deep snow she didn't have good footing, so she let her butt rest against the rear fender to steady herself. Her companion stood on the side of the car watching for traffic and indeed was a real gentleman and refrained from peeking. All she could think about was the relief she felt despite the rather embarrassing nature of the situation.
>
> Upon finishing however, she soon became aware of another sensation. As she bent to pull up her pants, the young lady discovered her buttocks were firmly glued against the car's fender. Thoughts of tongues frozen to poles immediately came to mind as she attempted to disengage her flesh from the icy metal. It was quickly apparent that she had a brand new problem, due to the extreme cold.
>
> Horrified by her plight and yet aware of the humor of the moment, she answered her date's concerns about' what is taking so long' with a reply that indeed, she was 'freezing her butt off' and in need of some assistance! He came around the car as she tried to cover herself with her sweater and then, as she looked imploringly into his eyes, he burst out laughing. She too, got the giggles and when they finally managed to compose themselves, they assessed her dilemma.
>
> Obviously, as hysterical as the situation was, they also were faced with a real problem.
>
> Both agreed it would take something hot to free her chilly cheeks from the grip of the icy metal!
>
> Thinking about what had gotten her into the predicament in the first place, both quickly realized that there was only one way to get her free.
>
> So, as she looked the other way, her first time date proceeded to unzip his pants and pee her butt off the fender. As the audience screamed in laughter, she took the Tonight Show prize hands down. Or perhaps that should be 'pants down. 'And you thought your first date was embarrassing. Jay Leno's comment...'This gives a whole new meaning to being pissed off.' Oh and how did the first date turn out? He became her husband and was sitting next to her on the Leno show.

jester · 02-24-2009, 08:18 AM

A trucker who has been out on the road for two weeks stops at a
brothel outside Atlanta. He walks straight up to the Madam, drops down $500
and says: "I want your ugliest woman and a grilled cheese sandwich!" The
Madam is astonished. "But sir, for that kind of money you could have one of
my finest ladies and a three-course meal."

The trucker replies: "Listen darlin', I'm not horny - I'm homesick."

jester · 02-24-2009, 08:19 AM

Nurses aren't supposed to laugh...

"Of course I won't laugh, I'm a professional

nurse. In over twenty years I've never laughed at a

patient."

"Okay then," Fred said and proceeded to drop his

trousers, revealing the tiniest man thingy the nurse had

ever seen.. Length and width, it couldn't have been

bigger than a AAA battery.

Unable to control herself, the nurse started giggling then

fell laughing to the floor. Ten minutes later she was able

to struggle to her feet and regain her composure.

"I'm so sorry," said the nurse. "I

don't know what came over me. On my honor as a nurse and

a lady, I promise it won't happen again. Now, tell me,

what seems to be the problem? "

"It's swollen," Fred replied

SteveDallas · 02-24-2009, 10:34 AM

Fuck my life.
(No photos, but high likelihood of NSFW language.)

Nirvana · 02-24-2009, 11:11 AM

That's a great time waster SD! Just when you think your own life sucks someone else's life sucks more!

02-12-2009, 08:16 PM	#2521
Cloud ... Join Date: Feb 2007 Posts: 8,360	here's a random blog post I came across that I found pretty fugly funny. Be warned--it contains celebrities and fashion commentary. It's a dialogue between Katy Perry and M.I.A.--sans periods but with golden bananas and baby bumps. Really. http://gofugyourself.celebuzz.com/go...s_fug_mia.html __________________ "Guard your honor. Let your reputation fall where it will. And outlive the bastards!"

02-17-2009, 11:05 PM	#2523
Nirvana Back in 10 Join Date: Aug 2008 Posts: 3,684	Spelling is so important! Attached Images __________________ Speaking simply... do not confuse this with having a simple mind.

02-17-2009, 11:38 PM	#2524
Crimson Ghost Larger than life and twice as ugly. Join Date: Apr 2004 Posts: 5,264	Quite the rational child. What's with the pony sticker? Aren't there Paris Hilton stickers available? __________________ We must all go through a rite of passage. It must be physical, it must be painful, and it must leave a mark. I have no knowledge of the events which you are describing, and if I did have knowledge of them, I would be unable to discuss them with you now or at any future period. Don't waste your time always searching for those wasted years

02-18-2009, 03:56 PM	#2528
Shawnee123 Why, you're a regular Alfred E Einstein, ain't ya? Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 21,206	glatt, did you lose my email? I didn't get a forward of this. __________________ A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones who need the advice. --Bill Cosby

02-19-2009, 06:29 PM	#2529
TheMercenary “Hypocrisy: prejudice with a halo” Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Savannah, Georgia Posts: 21,393	It has been determined that the most used sexual position for married couples is a doggie position. The husband sits up and begs. The wife rolls over and plays dead. __________________ Anyone but the this most fuked up President in History in 2012!

02-18-2009, 10:05 AM	#2526
muffin Complex Simpleton Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: clooney,clare,ireland Posts: 18	For all those men who say, Why buy a cow when you can get milk for free. Here's an update for you: Nowadays, 80% of women are against marriage, WHY? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage. Men are like.... 1. Men are like Laxatives . They irritate the crap out of you. 2 Men are like. Bananas The older they get, the less firm they are. 3. Men are like Weather Nothing can be done to hange them. 4. Men are like Blenders You need One, but you're not quite sure why. 5. Men are like Chocolate Bars .. Sweet, smooth, & they usually head right for your hips. 6. Men are like Commercials . You can't believe a word they say. 7. Men are like Department Stores ... Their clothes are always 1/2 off! 8. Men are like ... Government Bonds .... They take soooooooo long to mature.9. Men are like ... Mascara . They usually run at the first sign of emotion. 10. Men are like Popcorn They satisfy you, but only for a little while. 11. Men are like Snowstorms . You never know when they're coming, how many inches you'll get or how long it will last. 12. Men are like Lava Lamps . Fun to look at, but not very bright. 13. Men are like Parking Spots All the good ones are taken, the rest are handicapped. Now send this to all the remarkable women you know, as well as to any understanding good-natured, fun kinda guys you might be lucky enough to know !!!!!!!!!! You have just been KISSED by the Dancing Baby! something good will happen to you at 1:00-4:00 pm tomorrow, it could be anywhere. Get ready for the biggest shock in your life if you break this you will not be cursed but good luck will not come your way for the next year . Everyone can use some fun and Good Luck so Send this to 5 people in 15min

02-19-2009, 07:16 PM	#2530
capnhowdy Blatantly Homosapien Join Date: Mar 2004 Posts: 6,200	Tony brought his cat to school today. His teacher asked, " Tony, why did you bring your cat to school?" Tony replied, in tears " Because I heard my Dad tell Mom twice last night "When these kids get back to school I'm gonna tear that pussy up!". __________________ Please type slowly. I can't read very fast............... and no holy water, please.

02-23-2009, 10:00 PM	#2531
Nirvana Back in 10 Join Date: Aug 2008 Posts: 3,684	WORST FIRST DATE STORY EVER > > > Jay Leno went into the audience to find the most embarrassing first date that a woman ever had. The winner described her worst first date experience. There was absolutely no question as to why her tale took the prize! > > She said it was midwinter...Snowing and quite cold... and the guy had taken her skiing in the mountains outside Salt Lake City, Utah .. It was a day trip (no overnight). They were strangers, after all, and had never met before. The outing was fun but relatively uneventful until they were headed home late that afternoon. They were driving back down the mountain, when she gradually began to realize that she should not have had that extra latte. They were about an hour away from anywhere with a rest room and in the middle of nowhere! Her companion suggested she try to hold it, which she did for a while. > > Unfortunately, because of the heavy snow and slow going, there came a point where she told him that he had better stop and let her go beside the road, or it would be the front seat of his car. > > They stopped and she quickly crawled out beside the car, yanked her pants down and started. > > > > In the deep snow she didn't have good footing, so she let her butt rest against the rear fender to steady herself. Her companion stood on the side of the car watching for traffic and indeed was a real gentleman and refrained from peeking. All she could think about was the relief she felt despite the rather embarrassing nature of the situation. > > Upon finishing however, she soon became aware of another sensation. As she bent to pull up her pants, the young lady discovered her buttocks were firmly glued against the car's fender. Thoughts of tongues frozen to poles immediately came to mind as she attempted to disengage her flesh from the icy metal. It was quickly apparent that she had a brand new problem, due to the extreme cold. > > Horrified by her plight and yet aware of the humor of the moment, she answered her date's concerns about' what is taking so long' with a reply that indeed, she was 'freezing her butt off' and in need of some assistance! He came around the car as she tried to cover herself with her sweater and then, as she looked imploringly into his eyes, he burst out laughing. She too, got the giggles and when they finally managed to compose themselves, they assessed her dilemma. > > Obviously, as hysterical as the situation was, they also were faced with a real problem. > > Both agreed it would take something hot to free her chilly cheeks from the grip of the icy metal! > > Thinking about what had gotten her into the predicament in the first place, both quickly realized that there was only one way to get her free. > > So, as she looked the other way, her first time date proceeded to unzip his pants and pee her butt off the fender. As the audience screamed in laughter, she took the Tonight Show prize hands down. Or perhaps that should be 'pants down. 'And you thought your first date was embarrassing. Jay Leno's comment...'This gives a whole new meaning to being pissed off.' Oh and how did the first date turn out? He became her husband and was sitting next to her on the Leno show. __________________ Speaking simply... do not confuse this with having a simple mind.

02-24-2009, 08:18 AM	#2532
jester why so serious Join Date: Apr 2007 Posts: 1,712	A trucker who has been out on the road for two weeks stops at a brothel outside Atlanta. He walks straight up to the Madam, drops down $500 and says: "I want your ugliest woman and a grilled cheese sandwich!" The Madam is astonished. "But sir, for that kind of money you could have one of my finest ladies and a three-course meal." The trucker replies: "Listen darlin', I'm not horny - I'm homesick."

02-24-2009, 08:19 AM	#2533
jester why so serious Join Date: Apr 2007 Posts: 1,712	Nurses aren't supposed to laugh... "Of course I won't laugh, I'm a professional nurse. In over twenty years I've never laughed at a patient." "Okay then," Fred said and proceeded to drop his trousers, revealing the tiniest man thingy the nurse had ever seen.. Length and width, it couldn't have been bigger than a AAA battery. Unable to control herself, the nurse started giggling then fell laughing to the floor. Ten minutes later she was able to struggle to her feet and regain her composure. "I'm so sorry," said the nurse. "I don't know what came over me. On my honor as a nurse and a lady, I promise it won't happen again. Now, tell me, what seems to be the problem? " "It's swollen," Fred replied

02-24-2009, 10:34 AM	#2534
SteveDallas Your Bartender Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: Philly Burbs, PA Posts: 7,651	Fuck my life. (No photos, but high likelihood of NSFW language.)

02-24-2009, 11:11 AM	#2535
Nirvana Back in 10 Join Date: Aug 2008 Posts: 3,684	That's a great time waster SD! Just when you think your own life sucks someone else's life sucks more! __________________ Speaking simply... do not confuse this with having a simple mind.

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