attachment issues

extemporaneous · 09-20-2006, 08:32 PM

when two friends have sex, live together, shit in the same spot, and sleep together is it possible not to get attached? can anybody really not feel for somebody while you share so much?

Clodfobble · 09-20-2006, 09:05 PM

No, he doesn't love you, and you can't make him.

I suggest you move on and find someone who does, but you probably aren't going to listen to me.

footfootfoot · 09-20-2006, 09:18 PM

"All that from a 'hello'?"

Clodfobble · 09-20-2006, 09:58 PM

I know, I probably shouldn't have been so presumptuous, or at least not so glib about it. I'm a little edgy because the young'un is sick this evening. But a visit to the user's myspace page confirms my guess at her gender, and I'd bet a lot of money I'm right about her circumstances too. I've known too many women in her position (and been one myself, once.)

footfootfoot · 09-20-2006, 10:35 PM

And all this time I thought you were psychic.

Sorry to hear about minifob's ailing. It is extremely disconcerting at first, adn gets a little easier as time passes, but not much. They are pretty tough though.

Hope he feels better soon.

Clodfobble · 09-20-2006, 11:01 PM

Thanks, me too.

yesman065 · 09-21-2006, 07:08 AM

Well ex- as a fellow philadelphian, I'll say no. I don't know how two people could be so close, yet not care cuz if you didn't one of you would leave. Then again that doesn't mean there are any feelings of love. Then again, it could just be a convenience issue.

joelnwil · 09-21-2006, 07:09 AM

Well, after they had been together for about 3 years, a friend of mine started calling her lover "my insignificant other".

But I think that is the exception, not the rule.

You make it all sound so routine. Try to spice things up and see what happens.

extemporaneous · 09-21-2006, 03:16 PM

well i dont know what to say. he was with me in my pregnancy, which was horrible, let me tell you...hospital and everything...kinda nerve racking if you ask me. the sex is amazing. so is a cigarette in the morning. it's kinda like i dont know how to have a relationship. that's why i see a shrink for attachment issues...

joelnwil · 09-21-2006, 06:13 PM

Get rid of the cigarette. You will live longer and have more sex.

9th Engineer · 09-21-2006, 06:22 PM

Everything depends on what you want out of the relationship. You're in it now because it fufills something you need, if it didn't you'd drop it and run no questions asked, the question is whether you know what that something is. Until you figure that out you're not going anywhere, don't kid yourself. If you ask me it's pretty telling that the two things you use to describe this to total strangers is "the sex is great, and he helped me through a tough time". I lost you on the term 'issues' you added to your explanation. It's pretty damn obvious WHY you're attached to him, the question is, why do you not want to be? Is he not interested in going any further with the relationship and you want to? Whatever the case is you should probably drop the shrink, unless your situation is far, far more complicated than what you've said you don't need another brain to figure this out. More often than not all a shrink does is prod you into figuring it out for yourself and you'll probably use him to rationalize things.

Bottom line: Get a list of priorities together
Explore the posibility of those priorities meeting with his
If no, never sleep with him again
Do not rationalize to yourself that the sex is just sex, if you do, nothing is going to change whether you want it to or not
Accept that sometimes you are presented with a situation in which all posible choices suck

WabUfvot5 · 09-21-2006, 08:12 PM

You make it sound like he's the only one who is capable of good sex.

wolf · 09-22-2006, 10:01 AM

You're fuckbuddies. Even before I made it to post #9 I had it pegged that you were the girl, either actually or conceptually. If what you want is a "capital R" Relationship, go out there and find somebody real.

Especially before he stops being your roommate and starts being referred to as your baby daddy.

footfootfoot · 09-22-2006, 11:08 AM

lmao, baby daddy. nyuque nyuque

Clodfobble · 09-22-2006, 02:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by extemporaneous

he was with me in my pregnancy, which was horrible, let me tell you...

Well that certainly confuses the issue... Do you still have the kid living with you? Is the baby his?

09-20-2006, 08:32 PM	#1
extemporaneous i like watching the puddles gather rain Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: killadelphia, pa Posts: 38	attachment issues when two friends have sex, live together, shit in the same spot, and sleep together is it possible not to get attached? can anybody really not feel for somebody while you share so much? __________________ we are eternal. all this pain is an illusion.

09-20-2006, 09:18 PM	#3
footfootfoot To shreds, you say? Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: in the house and on the street-how many, many feet we meet! Posts: 18,449	"All that from a 'hello'?" __________________ The internet is a hateful stew of vomit you can never take completely seriously. - Her Fobs

09-20-2006, 10:35 PM	#5
footfootfoot To shreds, you say? Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: in the house and on the street-how many, many feet we meet! Posts: 18,449	And all this time I thought you were psychic. Sorry to hear about minifob's ailing. It is extremely disconcerting at first, adn gets a little easier as time passes, but not much. They are pretty tough though. Hope he feels better soon. __________________ The internet is a hateful stew of vomit you can never take completely seriously. - Her Fobs

09-21-2006, 06:22 PM	#11
9th Engineer Bioengineer and aspiring lawer Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Pittsburgh Posts: 872	Everything depends on what you want out of the relationship. You're in it now because it fufills something you need, if it didn't you'd drop it and run no questions asked, the question is whether you know what that something is. Until you figure that out you're not going anywhere, don't kid yourself. If you ask me it's pretty telling that the two things you use to describe this to total strangers is "the sex is great, and he helped me through a tough time". I lost you on the term 'issues' you added to your explanation. It's pretty damn obvious WHY you're attached to him, the question is, why do you not want to be? Is he not interested in going any further with the relationship and you want to? Whatever the case is you should probably drop the shrink, unless your situation is far, far more complicated than what you've said you don't need another brain to figure this out. More often than not all a shrink does is prod you into figuring it out for yourself and you'll probably use him to rationalize things. Bottom line: Get a list of priorities together Explore the posibility of those priorities meeting with his If no, never sleep with him again Do not rationalize to yourself that the sex is just sex, if you do, nothing is going to change whether you want it to or not Accept that sometimes you are presented with a situation in which all posible choices suck __________________ The most valuable renewable resource is stupidity.

09-22-2006, 10:01 AM	#13
wolf lobber of scimitars Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Phila Burbs Posts: 20,774	You're fuckbuddies. Even before I made it to post #9 I had it pegged that you were the girl, either actually or conceptually. If what you want is a "capital R" Relationship, go out there and find somebody real. Especially before he stops being your roommate and starts being referred to as your baby daddy. __________________ wolf eht htiw og "Conspiracies are the norm, not the exception." --G. Edward Griffin The Creature from Jekyll Island High Priestess of the Church of the Whale Penis

09-20-2006, 09:05 PM	#2
Clodfobble UNDER CONDITIONAL MITIGATION Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: Austin, TX Posts: 20,012	No, he doesn't love you, and you can't make him. I suggest you move on and find someone who does, but you probably aren't going to listen to me.

09-20-2006, 09:58 PM	#4
Clodfobble UNDER CONDITIONAL MITIGATION Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: Austin, TX Posts: 20,012	I know, I probably shouldn't have been so presumptuous, or at least not so glib about it. I'm a little edgy because the young'un is sick this evening. But a visit to the user's myspace page confirms my guess at her gender, and I'd bet a lot of money I'm right about her circumstances too. I've known too many women in her position (and been one myself, once.)

09-20-2006, 11:01 PM	#6
Clodfobble UNDER CONDITIONAL MITIGATION Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: Austin, TX Posts: 20,012	Thanks, me too.

09-21-2006, 07:08 AM	#7
yesman065 Banned - Self Imposed Join Date: Dec 2005 Posts: 1,847	Well ex- as a fellow philadelphian, I'll say no. I don't know how two people could be so close, yet not care cuz if you didn't one of you would leave. Then again that doesn't mean there are any feelings of love. Then again, it could just be a convenience issue.

09-21-2006, 07:09 AM	#8
joelnwil Major Inhabitant Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Silver Spring MD Posts: 128	Well, after they had been together for about 3 years, a friend of mine started calling her lover "my insignificant other". But I think that is the exception, not the rule. You make it all sound so routine. Try to spice things up and see what happens.

09-21-2006, 03:16 PM	#9
extemporaneous i like watching the puddles gather rain Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: killadelphia, pa Posts: 38	hmm well i dont know what to say. he was with me in my pregnancy, which was horrible, let me tell you...hospital and everything...kinda nerve racking if you ask me. the sex is amazing. so is a cigarette in the morning. it's kinda like i dont know how to have a relationship. that's why i see a shrink for attachment issues... __________________ we are eternal. all this pain is an illusion.

09-21-2006, 06:13 PM	#10
joelnwil Major Inhabitant Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Silver Spring MD Posts: 128	Get rid of the cigarette. You will live longer and have more sex.

09-21-2006, 08:12 PM	#12
WabUfvot5 Operations Operative Join Date: May 2002 Posts: 634	You make it sound like he's the only one who is capable of good sex.

09-22-2006, 11:08 AM	#14
footfootfoot To shreds, you say? Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: in the house and on the street-how many, many feet we meet! Posts: 18,449	lmao, baby daddy. nyuque nyuque __________________ The internet is a hateful stew of vomit you can never take completely seriously. - Her Fobs

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