attachment issues

[extemporaneous]

right now in my life i can get my own place and stop bullshitting around if i had a reason to. i cant get my son back for 6 months so what am i supposed to do wait. ok im waiting. and i smoke weed i dont shoot heroin or smoke crack.

[wolf]

Weed is still a controlled substance. If being clean is a condition of getting your child back, you've already failed.

You can be a parent, or you can be a child, no matter what your physical age, with a child.

What is important to you?

[Madman]

Yep! Betcha you'll have to take a pee test. Ohhh - I'm sorry! You already have the world by the balls. Ain't that a

[morethanpretty]

If you have a job and your own place the more likely you will be able to get your child back. Sorry hon but its not all about filling out paperwork. Your child needs a stable parent, and a parent who could possible lose her only place to live and the only source of money ("dudley") in one fatal day is not living a stable life. The longer you hold a job on your own and manage your own bills, the better able you will be to incorporate a child into your life. You don't want your child to stay with state because the chances of him being adopted are sadly minimul, and foster care is not reliable.
"Dudley" might be willing to pay all of your childcare expenses and yours, but other ppl cannot be depended on, especially when they are decieving two women. And honey, he IS decieving you.

[Elspode]

Lessee...Dudley is living in a place for which he didn't pay sleeping with a woman who is not the one he intends to marry. You are unemployed and trading sex for room and board, and you have a stated desire to get your child back. Meanwhile, you're smoking dope and making rationalizations, and you have a history of psychiatric disfunctions and homelessness? Have I got all that straight?

I'm sorry, your petition to regain custody of your child is denied. Next case, please.

That's pretty much how it is going to go when you attempt to regain custody, so you have two choices. Change things, or deal with the inevitable outcomes you are building now. I'm sorry if that sounds harsh, but you are clearly not dealing with reality in any aspect of your life.

You can either choose to succumb to the abuses and catastrophic misfortunes of your life up until now, or you can choose to change your life and future for the better. No one will do it for you, and no one will take the blame for anything that has come before, no matter how heinous and screwed up *they* were for foisting that shit on you.

You have exactly as much personal power as every other person on the planet. Visualize your life as you want it, then make it happen. Do the work. Otherwise, be miserable, rejected, alone and an embittered victim.

Do you know what the best revenge in the world is? Success in the face of oppression. Victory over the assholes that gave you so much pain. Screw the past, build the future.

[glatt]

Originally Posted by extemporaneous

i work i buy my water and shower at a friends...

She is not unemployed.

It's true that she needs to make a lot of changes in her life, but she deserves credit for holding down a job.

[extemporaneous]

i make minimum 175 a day at my job. and the cite we're working now im getting paid 250 a day, and i've been working it for a week and 4 days now. saving money like a motherfucker.

but wait...im a junkie and im a horrible mom and im a criminal. when i had my son until i got locked up he had everything he needed and wanted and more. we went to the park and we blew bubbles and he had a mohawk with soap suds and he loves me. there is nothing that anybody can say that will change my mind of that. yea i smoke weed, do you think i wanted to waste my time smoking weed when i had my son? i didnt need to smoke weed to relax when i had my son. i was happy when i had my son. he was happy when he was with me. and every fucking day i wake up is a reminder because he's the first and last thing on my mind every day. you think i dont see these stretch marks or look through the mass amounts of pictures we have or dream? i cant even sleep without thinking of myself the same way you do. but my sons caseworker apparently thinks different because i still see my son and i am getting him back. but judge whoever you want.

[Trilby]

relax, extempor. people here are only wanting to help--sometimes to help you have to kinda kickstart things but your situation is different. Obviously you've got a handle on things. You've had a few bumps in the road, and hey, everyone has those.

So.


Why the uncertainty? If you re-read your first post, there's a little uncertainty there. That's what we are trying to respond to...that and as you give us more info, we are trying to incorporate that into our advice. I know the pain of not having your child with you (my son was five when his dad and I split up and he went to live with his dad)--you'll find people here have been thru worse than yourself. If you want good, solid advice, these people can provide it. (oh, with a little commentary thrown in for good measure, to be sure!

I find some ass-kicking is what I need most of the time. Maybe you'll come to see that we only mean to help.

and by the way--money doesn't equal stability or happiness. I know a stripper making 1,000/night. Good for her.

And another btw--the more contact you have on the wrong end of the judicial bench, the less patience they have for you. Just think of that as forewarned.

[Elspode]

I'm not judging you. I've spent some time dealing with The System, and from several different angles, including from within. Okay, so you work. Mea Culpa. In six months, you just walk in and say "I'm ready to take my kid now", and walk away with him, right? If so, party on. But I doubt it. Once the System has your kid, they like to be sure that they aren't just handing him back out to a different kind of problem, otherwise he wouldn't have ended up in the System in the first place. You can therefore expect your life to be rather thoroughly scrutinized - past, present and potential.

Six months isn't a very long time. If I needed my kid more than anything else in my life, I would make everything I did a prelude to that happy eventuality.

I had to lead my entire life for my disabled son for about a decade, and even now, most of what I do and plan for includes him as a primary consideration, despite the fact that he's 25. In short, I know how the Grownup game is played, and if I didn't care, I wouldn't be sharing. However, I'll bow out as I don't have much to say that isn't difficult, hard and honest. You aren't going to find an emotional situation to a practical problem. I sympathize with how bad you feel. Want to stop feeling bad? Then do the hard work first.

Originally Posted by extemporaneous

right now in my life i can get my own place and stop bullshitting around if i had a reason to. i cant get my son back for 6 months so what am i supposed to do wait. ok im waiting. and i smoke weed i dont shoot heroin or smoke crack.

A reason to? Wait? Do you have any idea how much you can get done, the place you can put together, how much self-improvement you can get done, how much money you can save in 6-months... but you are buying water somewhere else?
Yeah, you have it all figured out & your kid comes first... party on....

{Elspode, One day I want to talk with you about what it was like with your son... my mom is a fucking wall and I'm worried about her as I get worse.}

[Elspode]

Anytime, my friend. I'm sure it is a lot different than my case, but I'll share what I can. My son is cognitively disabled, and that differs quite a lot from your own situation.

Mine is congenital... has just gotten a lot worse as I have gotten older. Was more of a disease most of my life, to date, I have only been disabled for the last few years.

[Elspode]

Dude...I think maybe we were too harsh on her...got kinda quiet in here all of a sudden.

[Trilby]

Or, she's off smokin' a fattie.

[mrnoodle]

harsh, but not too harsh. if you're fucking up, don't expect everyone you meet to blow sunshine up your ass.


now with 200% more profanity !