Grandparent and grandchildren

[busterb]

Young lady. I'll not offer advice. Advice is like A-holes.
I have 2 grand kids, both almost grown. The only time they come around is to scratch their itch. I have a rule around my house. If you have something to say, in a reasonable manner, I'll listen. Other that that, get your donkey down the road. But then I'm 70 years old and don't put up with a lot of crap. BTW 1 son tried to stick me with $12k, other never ask for anything. Merry whatever.

[Gravdigr]

Originally Posted by Alluvial

Gravdigr, he's pushy about his views and doesn't know when to back off or slow down when talking about them. He mistakenly takes his rantings for "discussion". He's also one of these who thinks if he talks louder he will be more convincing.

Last winter he was convinced that the government was going to come take his guns and ammunition away, and/or that there was going to be some reason that he would need all the firepower and bullets he could get. He was going to buy a lot of ammo but they needed the money for bills and groceries - his wife was able to eventually talk him out of it. He seriously was going to buy ammo before groceries. That disturbed me.

It disturbed you to the point you cooled off on the step-grandchildren?

I didn't mean to sound like I was siding with either one of you, btw.

To look at this a little differently, if he bought a car you didn't like, and crowed, and crowed about what an awesome car he has, would you be feeling this way toward the step-grandchildren?

I was only curious why the step-grandchild/step-grandmother relationship has to suffer cuz the two of you don't care for each other's opinion.

Having said this, I have no children, no step-children, no grandchildren, and no step-grandchildren.

Which may explain why I don't get it.

[Gravdigr]

And, apparently, I never will.

[Alluvial]

Originally Posted by Gravdigr

It disturbed you to the point you cooled off on the step-grandchildren?

It made me want to distance myself from him, and them, yes.

To look at this a little differently, if he bought a car you didn't like, and crowed, and crowed about what an awesome car he has, would you be feeling this way toward the step-grandchildren?

If he bought a car which he didn't need, instead of buying groceries, (which was the thing about the ammo; he was wanting to spend money on that instead of bills & groceries), yes, I'd not want to be close to him. It wasn't the item purchased, it was the idea that he would buy something un-needed rather than feeding his kids that took me aback. And that he let the nut-case narrative get to him so much that he believes their nonsense about buying large amounts of ammo.

I was only curious why the step-grandchild/step-grandmother relationship has to suffer cuz the two of you don't care for each other's opinion.

It's an 'avoidance' reaction. I don't yell at or nag people, I leave, that's my thing. In this case, I feel a lot of negativity around my stepson and I just don't want to be close to him.

Having said this, I have no children, no step-children, no grandchildren, and no step-grandchildren.

Which may explain why I don't get it.

Billions and billions of words have been written about parent-child relationships yet it's still difficult to relate how it feels. It's very strange, here is a person who is a part of you yet a separate person. Kids can hurt you or make you angrier than anyone else, because of the closeness, I reckon.

Clear as mud, right?

Anyway, I have been thinking about the original issue and I've decided that I am just going to let it ride and see how things go.

[BigV]

Sounds like as good a plan as any. It's a difficult situation and you're clearly well balanced and well equipped to adjust to the situation when you're all together next time. And your grands benefit too. Good luck.

[Gravdigr]

The feeling I have for my next-door neighbor is as close to hatred as I can get, but his two children do not enter the equation. I would happily set him on fire, but, when the kids come over selling candy bars/magazines for school/Scouts I buy their shit, right along w/Mom & Popdigr. I talk with the kids whenever we see each other. We get along great.

I just can't force the sins of the father onto the kids. They've done nothing to me.

Now, when the boy turns sixteen, gets a loud truck, and starts waking me up @ 6am, like his daddy, Ima throw him on the pyre with his father.

Until then, he's just a kid.