Not owning up... and how to address the upset - Page 7

Goddit · 12-13-2008, 07:08 PM

Run it by another family member on her side. the story might get back to her indirectly and you may not have to do anything. If the worst comes to the worse, consider this approach....
Start by saying that you so appreciate you relationship (friendship, love, whatever) and that you would hate for anything to threaten that but something has been niggling you for a while and could you explain. Hopefully the answer will be 'yes', at which point you present what you see as your side of the story (use those terms, for how you see it may not be how she sees it). If she values your friendship (your opening offer), she will fess up (assuming she has been wayward); if she doesn't then you may need to cut the tie and count your losses.

Pooka · 12-26-2008, 05:58 PM

Update: We did not get a quilt for Christmas... not that I really believed we would.

TheMercenary · 12-27-2008, 10:15 AM

Imagine that.

Pooka · 02-02-2009, 03:39 PM

This is the first square foot of the quilt for my daughter... keep in mind this is my first quilt. I decided to embroider it after all... and am sewing by hand due to the variety of fabrics and the crappy sewing machine needs to be replaced.

The top left square will actually be in the exact center of her blanket... that is vintage fabric... Virgo.... as she was born 9/15. The bottom right is fabric from my grandfather's favorite chair.

Juniper · 02-02-2009, 04:04 PM

I still have a box of fabric to send you! It's sitting right here on my cutting table...(sigh)

Cicero · 02-02-2009, 04:17 PM

Now explain bottom left. lol!

It looks great so far, and I love the Virgo patch.

Pooka · 02-02-2009, 04:27 PM

Bottom left was the fuzziest black sweater ever... though I realize it resembles a merkin.

The kids are tactile...

LabRat · 02-04-2009, 11:20 AM

Quote:

The kids are tactile...

When my daughter was an infant, several of the other babies in her room at daycare had home made tag blankies. They loved them!!!

Pooka · 02-04-2009, 01:49 PM

Both our kigs had little felt tag blankets... Morgi LOVED it... she would actually "nurse" herself to sleep on one of the tags... Flintsy... eh not so much

JanJan · 02-04-2009, 04:46 PM

I agree with Flint. If he doesn't care about any possible strain this will put on his relationship with that family member, than neither should you. Just go over there, point to what's yours and say I'd like to have that/those back and I'll help you find replacement pieces. You can even throw in a guilt factor to the conversation like "I'd been telling (insert child's name) about the time (how it relates to the piece) and I'd really like to be able to pass that memory in that piece down to (insert child name) in my quilt."
I'm passive agressive, too, and I've always fallen back on the guilt factor, regardless if it's true or not.

Aliantha · 02-04-2009, 05:27 PM

Don't you worry about them getting the fingers twisted up in the tags?

Pooka · 02-05-2009, 08:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JanJan

I agree with Flint. If he doesn't care about any possible strain this will put on his relationship with that family member, than neither should you. Just go over there, point to what's yours and say I'd like to have that/those back and I'll help you find replacement pieces. You can even throw in a guilt factor to the conversation like "I'd been telling (insert child's name) about the time (how it relates to the piece) and I'd really like to be able to pass that memory in that piece down to (insert child name) in my quilt."
I'm passive agressive, too, and I've always fallen back on the guilt factor, regardless if it's true or not.

That was the plan however... when we went over to get it ... it was no where to be found and when Flint confronted her she denied having it... even after he told her he'd seen it... I've already told her why I wanted it ... played the guilt card etc... she doesn't care apparently. Nothing I can do... It is a shame and it does impact my view of her and involment, but there isn't anything more I can do about it.

I've managed to fill the gaps with some interesting fabric... not the fabric I intended, but will have to do... and as these blankets will be very visible... for a long time... she will be reminded of her actions perhaps... hoping karma steps in. If she in fact gave the fabric to someone else in quilt form ... someone in the family... it will probably never see the light of day because I've been very vocal about this and pretty much everyone knows and has seen pieces of the fabric in question.

In any case, I'm not going to let it ruin the special gift for my kids... so I've focused my energy on making it as special as I can... sewing it entirely by hand, embroidering it, including fun tactile touches, some neet buttons and a story for each child. It will probably be next Christmas before I'm done, but both kids will be old enough to appreciate what it is by then...

Pooka · 02-05-2009, 08:48 AM

Oh... never had a problem with fingers being stuck...

LabRat · 02-05-2009, 09:58 AM

I guess if they got their fingers stuck, they'd learn not to put them there again, eh?

Aliantha · 02-05-2009, 03:46 PM

I can just imagine what my mum would have said if I'd given my kids a blanket like that. lol She'd have been on about it all the time. I've never seen them like that here though. Must be 'an American thing'.

12-13-2008, 07:08 PM	#91
Goddit Non-Newbie Sort Join Date: Dec 2008 Posts: 6	Quilt Run it by another family member on her side. the story might get back to her indirectly and you may not have to do anything. If the worst comes to the worse, consider this approach.... Start by saying that you so appreciate you relationship (friendship, love, whatever) and that you would hate for anything to threaten that but something has been niggling you for a while and could you explain. Hopefully the answer will be 'yes', at which point you present what you see as your side of the story (use those terms, for how you see it may not be how she sees it). If she values your friendship (your opening offer), she will fess up (assuming she has been wayward); if she doesn't then you may need to cut the tie and count your losses.

12-27-2008, 10:15 AM	#93
TheMercenary “Hypocrisy: prejudice with a halo” Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Savannah, Georgia Posts: 21,393	Imagine that. __________________ Anyone but the this most fuked up President in History in 2012!

02-02-2009, 03:39 PM	#94
Pooka Your Invisible Rabbit Friend Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: Betwixt and Between Posts: 528	This is the first square foot of the quilt for my daughter... keep in mind this is my first quilt. I decided to embroider it after all... and am sewing by hand due to the variety of fabrics and the crappy sewing machine needs to be replaced. The top left square will actually be in the exact center of her blanket... that is vintage fabric... Virgo.... as she was born 9/15. The bottom right is fabric from my grandfather's favorite chair. Attached Images

02-02-2009, 04:17 PM	#96
Cicero Looking forward to open mic night. Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: New Mexico Posts: 5,148	Now explain bottom left. lol! It looks great so far, and I love the Virgo patch. __________________ Show me a sane man, and I will cure him for you.- Carl Jung

02-04-2009, 05:27 PM	#101
Aliantha trying hard to be a better person Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Brisbane, Australia Posts: 16,493	Don't you worry about them getting the fingers twisted up in the tags? __________________ Kind words are the music of the world. F. W. Faber

12-26-2008, 05:58 PM	#92
Pooka Your Invisible Rabbit Friend Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: Betwixt and Between Posts: 528	Update: We did not get a quilt for Christmas... not that I really believed we would.

02-02-2009, 04:04 PM	#95
Juniper I know, right? Join Date: Aug 2008 Posts: 1,539	I still have a box of fabric to send you! It's sitting right here on my cutting table...(sigh)

02-02-2009, 04:27 PM	#97
Pooka Your Invisible Rabbit Friend Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: Betwixt and Between Posts: 528	Bottom left was the fuzziest black sweater ever... though I realize it resembles a merkin. The kids are tactile...

02-04-2009, 01:49 PM	#99
Pooka Your Invisible Rabbit Friend Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: Betwixt and Between Posts: 528	Both our kigs had little felt tag blankets... Morgi LOVED it... she would actually "nurse" herself to sleep on one of the tags... Flintsy... eh not so much

02-04-2009, 04:46 PM	#100
JanJan Person Who Has Posted Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: CT Posts: 2	I agree with Flint. If he doesn't care about any possible strain this will put on his relationship with that family member, than neither should you. Just go over there, point to what's yours and say I'd like to have that/those back and I'll help you find replacement pieces. You can even throw in a guilt factor to the conversation like "I'd been telling (insert child's name) about the time (how it relates to the piece) and I'd really like to be able to pass that memory in that piece down to (insert child name) in my quilt." I'm passive agressive, too, and I've always fallen back on the guilt factor, regardless if it's true or not.

02-05-2009, 08:48 AM	#103
Pooka Your Invisible Rabbit Friend Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: Betwixt and Between Posts: 528	Oh... never had a problem with fingers being stuck...

02-05-2009, 09:58 AM	#104
LabRat twatfaced two legged bumhole Join Date: Jun 2004 Posts: 3,143	I guess if they got their fingers stuck, they'd learn not to put them there again, eh? __________________ Strength does not come from how much weight you can lift, or how many miles you can run. It comes from knowing that you set a goal, and rose to the challenge. Strength comes from within.

02-05-2009, 03:46 PM	#105
Aliantha trying hard to be a better person Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Brisbane, Australia Posts: 16,493	I can just imagine what my mum would have said if I'd given my kids a blanket like that. lol She'd have been on about it all the time. I've never seen them like that here though. Must be 'an American thing'. __________________ Kind words are the music of the world. F. W. Faber

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