Date Rape

[Flint]

"...holds her down and physically forces her to have sex..." ???

Jesus Christ, I didn't think that was called "date rape" --I thought that was, you know, RAPE rape.

[footfootfoot]

What's that saying about how flimsy the social fabric is and how easily quickly everything devolves?

There's really not that much between order and Lord of the Flies.

[Happy Monkey]

I read something recently - I think it was a Daily Kos diary, but I can't find it right now - about a teacher who had a discussion with a class of kids. Some thought that having sex with an unconscious girl wasn't rape, because she couldn't say no. And when told that, no, you have to actually get consent, not just avoid denial, they were like, "Oh, yeah. That makes more sense."

[Pooka]

Originally Posted by Happy Monkey

Some thought that having sex with an unconscious girl wasn't rape, because she couldn't say no. And when told that, no, you have to actually get consent, not just avoid denial, they were like, "Oh, yeah. That makes more sense."

Some people assume that previous intimacy grants on going permission and become desensitized to the fact that it is still rape. By no means does that make it OK.

[richlevy]

Some of the people in that survey are my age now and voting. I keep wondering how some of these idiots like Todd Akin get elected, and I now I guess I know.

I would like to pass out those exact questions at the next Democratic and Republican national conventions and compare the results.

Actually two sets of questions, the first is written exactly as the original. Then turn the page and the question becomes '.....and what if the female is your daughter or granddaughter?'

[orthodoc]

Originally Posted by richlevy

I would like to pass out those exact questions at the next Democratic and Republican national conventions and compare the results.

I don't think rape respects political boundaries. The guy who date-raped me at eighteen (in 1978, coincidentally) would certainly be a leftist Liberal or New Democrat (in Canada) now - the equivalent of a leftist Democrat here. Todd Akins notwithstanding, it's not so much about politics as about personal lack of integrity/morality.

[footfootfoot]

Have you ever wanted to find him and kick him in nuts? I think I would.

[orthodoc]

I've daydreamed about it. Kicking him hard, after explaining to his wife that he's a rapist.

Better left to daydreams. In Canada I'd only be arrested for assault.

[footfootfoot]

Originally Posted by orthodoc

I've daydreamed about it. Kicking him hard, after explaining to his wife that he's a rapist.

Better left to daydreams. In Canada I'd only be arrested for assault.

Well, you're in the US now and we do go in for any of that metric crap.

[orthodoc]

His integrity can only be measured in mm, not inches. And if he ever has the temerity to contact me again, he'll need PPE (personal protective equipment).

[footfootfoot]

I'm sorry that happened to you. That just makes me so angry, I'm not sure I know any women who've never been raped or somehow sexually assaulted. I'm already teaching the mm to fight, and to enforce her boundaries. When she gets older I'll see that she gets martial arts training along with, you know, hunting training.

[orthodoc]

Make sure she knows how to ground fight. There's no room for a rifle in a car.

And thank you ... it's one of those things. I felt worthless for years, until I realized how many women had had the same thing happen.

[Sundae]

Friend of mine was date-raped. We were 19-20.

Yes, she was stoned. But it was definitely rape, she said no, no, no then gave in after he threatened to hit her.
She told me about it in a letter. She lived in Bradford at the time, I lived in London.
I wanted to go punch his lights out. I offered, but she was already so ashamed, she didn't want anything known about it. I acceded.

Wish I'd known then some of the dodgy people I ended up knowing.
They'd have smacked him up on nothing more than my say-so. She'd been a barmaid too and we looked after our own.
Violence is not the answer. Never is. But sometimes, some people need smacking. He was a well-off and well-connected student, not a rough boy from some estate. He felt entitled. A couple of joints and he's bought her snatch.

What I didn't do still bothers me.

Sorry Ortho.
This should never happen.
We need to teach fathers and brothers and uncles and sons.

[Clodfobble]

Originally Posted by Sundae

Yes, she was stoned. But it was definitely rape, she said no, no, no then gave in after he threatened to hit her.

This is the way most of it happens. There's a small threat, or an implied threat, and the girl gives in. You don't have to teach your daughters to successfully attack and disable a big strong man--you just have to teach them not to give up. In most cases they actually just have to keep screaming, rather than fighting at all.

[orthodoc]

Every situation is different. Sometimes a woman can fight off an attacker; other times she can attract enough attention that he gives up. But there are many times where a woman has been isolated so that screaming isn't useful and the threat is real. In that case, giving up may be the smartest thing to do. It could save a woman's life. No woman should be made to feel she didn't do enough, somehow, to prevent a rape.