Humor...I Need Humor... - Page 264

lookout123 · 04-17-2011, 02:25 PM

The Indian Chief was asked by a government official, "You have observed the white man for 90 years. You've seen his wars and his technological advances. You've seen his progress, and the damage he's done."

The Chief nodded in agreement. The official continued, "Considering all these events, in your opinion, where did the white man go wrong?"

The Chief stared at the government official for over a minute and then calmly replied. "When white man find land, Indians running it, no taxes, no debt, plenty buffalo, plenty beaver, clean water. Women did all the work, Medicine man free. Indian man spend all day hunting and fishing; all night having sex."

Then the chief leaned back and smiled. "Only white man dumb enough to think he can improve system like that!"

TheMercenary · 04-19-2011, 07:43 PM

That was good....

UncaDollas · 04-20-2011, 04:16 AM

Gravdigr · 04-21-2011, 02:05 AM

/

jimhelm · 04-24-2011, 09:14 AM

The following questions were seen in last year's GED examination. These are genuine answers (from 16 year olds)............ and they WILL breed.

Q. Name the four seasons
A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar

Q. Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink
A. Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists

Q. How is dew formed
A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire

Q. What causes the tides in the oceans
A. The tides are a fight between the earth and the moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins the fight

Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on
A. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowed

Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections
A. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election

Q. What are steroids
A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs (Shoot yourself now , there is little hope)

Q.. What happens to your body as you age
A. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental

Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty
A. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery (So true)

Q. Name a major disease associated with cigarettes
A. Premature death

Q. What is artificial insemination
A. When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow

Q. How can you delay milk turning sour
A. Keep it in the cow (Simple, but brilliant)

Q. How are the main 20 parts of the body categorised (e.g. The abdomen)
A. The body is consisted into 3 parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels: A, E, I,O,U.. (wtf!)

Q. What is the fibula?
A. A small lie

Q. What does 'varicose' mean?
A. Nearby

Q. What is the most common form of birth control
A. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium (That would work)

Q. Give the meaning of the term 'Caesarean section'
A. The caesarean section is a district in Rome

Q. What is a seizure?
A. A Roman Emperor. (Julius Seizure, I came, I saw, I had a fit)

Q. What is a terminal illness
A. When you are sick at the airport. (Irrefutable)

Q. Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature?
A. Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and they look like umbrellas

Q. Use the word 'judicious' in a sentence to show you understand its meaning
A. Hands that judicious can be soft as your face. (OMG)

Q. What does the word 'benign' mean?
A. Benign is what you will be after you be eight (brilliant)

Q. What is a turbine?
A. Something an Arab or Shreik wears on his head

.

toranokaze · 04-24-2011, 03:36 PM

Q. Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink
A. Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists

But that one is right

HungLikeJesus · 04-24-2011, 03:41 PM

Flirtation?

ZenGum · 04-24-2011, 08:54 PM

Quote:

These are genuine answers (from 16 year olds)............ and they WILL breed.

They probably already have!

infinite monkey · 04-25-2011, 08:09 AM

Why are 16 year olds taking the GED?

3. Who is eligible to take the GED test?
The GED test is for adults who are 19 years old or older who have not graduated from high school. In certain circumstances you can take the test if you are 16 to 18 years old.

http://www.my-ged.com/ged_faqs_and_tips.html#eligible

What circumstances, so they can work on the family farm, or in the family meth lab?

Sorry, just being a joke-pooper.

footfootfoot · 04-25-2011, 08:48 AM

I took the GED and I don't recall any questions like those. Maybe he meant SAT?

In any case, I doubt the veracity of that collection.

infinite monkey · 04-25-2011, 08:50 AM

Those wouldn't be SAT or ACT questions.

Probably standardized test question for NCLB!

It's funny, though.

Sheldonrs · 04-25-2011, 12:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by HungLikeJesus

Flirtation?

I'm pretty sure they should have said filtration. :-)

footfootfoot · 04-25-2011, 02:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by infinite monkey

Those wouldn't be SAT or ACT questions.

Probably standardized test question for NCLB!

It's funny, though.

"Give IM another chance!"

infinite monkey · 04-25-2011, 02:42 PM

Another chance at what?

monster · 04-25-2011, 04:37 PM

russian roulette?

04-17-2011, 02:25 PM	#3946
lookout123 changed his status to single Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Right behind you. No, the other side. Posts: 10,308	The Indian Chief was asked by a government official, "You have observed the white man for 90 years. You've seen his wars and his technological advances. You've seen his progress, and the damage he's done." The Chief nodded in agreement. The official continued, "Considering all these events, in your opinion, where did the white man go wrong?" The Chief stared at the government official for over a minute and then calmly replied. "When white man find land, Indians running it, no taxes, no debt, plenty buffalo, plenty beaver, clean water. Women did all the work, Medicine man free. Indian man spend all day hunting and fishing; all night having sex." Then the chief leaned back and smiled. "Only white man dumb enough to think he can improve system like that!" __________________ Getting knocked down is no sin, it's not getting back up that's the sin

04-19-2011, 07:43 PM	#3947
TheMercenary “Hypocrisy: prejudice with a halo” Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Savannah, Georgia Posts: 21,393	That was good.... __________________ Anyone but the this most fuked up President in History in 2012!

04-21-2011, 02:05 AM	#3949
Gravdigr The Un-Tuckian Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: South Central...KY that is Posts: 39,517	/ Attached Images __________________ These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA, EPA, FBI, DEA, CDC, or FDIC. These statements are not intended to diagnose, cause, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. If you feel you have been harmed/offended by, or, disagree with any of the above statements or images, please feel free to fuck right off.

04-24-2011, 09:14 AM	#3950
jimhelm a beautiful fool Join Date: Sep 2010 Location: 39.939705 Posts: 4,504	The following questions were seen in last year's GED examination. These are genuine answers (from 16 year olds)............ and they WILL breed. Q. Name the four seasons A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar Q. Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink A. Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists Q. How is dew formed A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire Q. What causes the tides in the oceans A. The tides are a fight between the earth and the moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins the fight Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on A. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowed Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections A. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election Q. What are steroids A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs (Shoot yourself now , there is little hope) Q.. What happens to your body as you age A. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty A. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery (So true) Q. Name a major disease associated with cigarettes A. Premature death Q. What is artificial insemination A. When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow Q. How can you delay milk turning sour A. Keep it in the cow (Simple, but brilliant) Q. How are the main 20 parts of the body categorised (e.g. The abdomen) A. The body is consisted into 3 parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels: A, E, I,O,U.. (wtf!) Q. What is the fibula? A. A small lie Q. What does 'varicose' mean? A. Nearby Q. What is the most common form of birth control A. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium (That would work) Q. Give the meaning of the term 'Caesarean section' A. The caesarean section is a district in Rome Q. What is a seizure? A. A Roman Emperor. (Julius Seizure, I came, I saw, I had a fit) Q. What is a terminal illness A. When you are sick at the airport. (Irrefutable) Q. Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature? A. Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and they look like umbrellas Q. Use the word 'judicious' in a sentence to show you understand its meaning A. Hands that judicious can be soft as your face. (OMG) Q. What does the word 'benign' mean? A. Benign is what you will be after you be eight (brilliant) Q. What is a turbine? A. Something an Arab or Shreik wears on his head . __________________ There's a Shadow just behind me. Shrouding every step I take. Making every promise empty, pointing every finger at me. _tool

04-24-2011, 03:36 PM	#3951
toranokaze I'm still a jerk Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Little Mexico Posts: 1,817	Q. Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink A. Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists But that one is right __________________ "Without deviation from the norm progress is not possible." - Frank Zappa It is the ignorance of ignorance that lead to the death of knowledge The Virgin Mary does not weep for her son, for he is in paradise. She weeps for the world , for we are in suffering.

04-20-2011, 04:16 AM	#3948
UncaDollas Banned Join Date: Nov 2009 Posts: 72

04-24-2011, 03:41 PM	#3952
HungLikeJesus Only looks like a disaster tourist Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: above 7,000 feet Posts: 7,208	Flirtation? __________________ Keep Your Bodies Off My Lawn SteveDallas's Random Thread Picker.

04-25-2011, 08:09 AM	#3954
infinite monkey Person who doesn't update the user title Join Date: Mar 2011 Posts: 13,002	Why are 16 year olds taking the GED? 3. Who is eligible to take the GED test? The GED test is for adults who are 19 years old or older who have not graduated from high school. In certain circumstances you can take the test if you are 16 to 18 years old. http://www.my-ged.com/ged_faqs_and_tips.html#eligible What circumstances, so they can work on the family farm, or in the family meth lab? Sorry, just being a joke-pooper.

04-25-2011, 08:48 AM	#3955
footfootfoot To shreds, you say? Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: in the house and on the street-how many, many feet we meet! Posts: 18,449	I took the GED and I don't recall any questions like those. Maybe he meant SAT? In any case, I doubt the veracity of that collection. __________________ The internet is a hateful stew of vomit you can never take completely seriously. - Her Fobs

04-25-2011, 08:50 AM	#3956
infinite monkey Person who doesn't update the user title Join Date: Mar 2011 Posts: 13,002	Those wouldn't be SAT or ACT questions. Probably standardized test question for NCLB! It's funny, though.

04-25-2011, 02:42 PM	#3959
infinite monkey Person who doesn't update the user title Join Date: Mar 2011 Posts: 13,002	Another chance at what?

04-25-2011, 04:37 PM	#3960
monster I hear them call the tide Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Perpetual Chaos Posts: 30,852	russian roulette? __________________ The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity Amelia Earhart

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