How to do things The Right Way™

[Undertoad]

After showering, dry yourself from top to bottom.

Coffee beans must be ground just before brewing.

As she nears orgasm, suck lightly on the clitoris.

[Shawnee123]

This is for all the younger dwellars, as they set out to find their own places and, if you're anything like I was, start out with cheap furniture from Odd Lots or K-mart that requires massive assembly. YMMV, I love putting stuff together:

1) Take everything out of the box.
2) Find the directions. Look at them. Love them. Embrace them.
3) Sort out all the pieces. If you have 2 Screw Cs, make sure you are supposed to have two and not four.
4) Lay all sorted pieces out in generally the same order you will be needing them.
5) Follow Step 1 of directions
6) Follow Step 2 of directions
7) Continue in this manner until finished.
8) If you've read the directions, you will know you don't completely tighten any screws or nuts until the end. Do this now.
9) If you've followed the directions religiously, you will have a particle board coffee table Ethan Allen himself would be proud of.
Oh, and I guess the prologue to Step 1 would be "buy screwdriver."

[Queen of the Ryche]

Originally Posted by Flint

Here's two I'm pretty sure about. Add your own.

Grill a Steak

• Use a wood-handled 1” stiff wire brush to do a rough cleaning.
• Thoroughly clean out the dust under the bottom grate to ensure maximum airflow.
• Run out an extension cord, attached to an old hair dryer (will be retired/re-purposed).
• Pile plenty of charcoal in a tight pyramid, with at least half a bottle of lighter fluid.
• Fire it up and use the hair dryer to direct a cleaning cycle. Hit all corners of the grill.
• Once the flames have died down a little, go over the grate thoroughly with the wire brush.
• Manage the coal fire with the hair dryer. Keep the heat even. Get them WHITE HOT.
• Have a perfectly-shaped stick to poke through the grate, spreading the coals evenly.
• Dust off the grate with a whisk broom.
• Wipe down the grate thoroughly with wet paper towels.
• Coat the grate with as much olive oil as you can get to stick.
• Throw the steaks on; ignore the flames.
• Shut the lid; ignore the smoke pouring out.
• Flip ONCE and ONLY ONCE with tongs (do NOT poke).
• NEVER EVER cut the steaks to see if they are done.
• The steaks should come out flame-seared on the outside, with a clearly delineated brown/pink/brown pattern revealed when cut.

Mix a Drink

• Over-fill a short cocktail glass with ice cubes.
• Fill the glass with tap water and shake until all the cubes just fit inside the glass.
• This cleans the freezer burn off the cubes and ensures the glass is FULL of ice.
• Drain the tap water, and add one half inch of clean filtered water.
• This is known as “Wet Ice” and is the basis of a good drink.
• Fill the glass with the straight, hard liquor of your choice.

So what time should I be there? (I like mine rare, and Johnnie Walker Black will do just fine thanks.)

[Beest]

"always add acid to water"

[Cane]

You mix the drink before you cook the steaks, right?

[capnhowdy]

The drunker you are the better they taste.

[Flint]

Originally Posted by Undertoad

The drink stuff is superstition. You gonna notice the ice when you're drinking 40 proof booze?

EVOO has a low smoke point. Better to use corn or canola in this matter.

Did you mean 40%? You could be right about the oil. But olive is what we have on hand and it seems to do the trick.

Originally Posted by Stress Puppy

Why do you water down your booze?

It will water itself down when the ice melts. What I'm doing is "pre-staging" the drink. Kind of like reaching out and gently pushing the ride cymbal with your hand, to get encourage a gentle vibrating motion before you actually strike it. This prevents the first note from being harsh, if you catch my drift. Gets you right into the cushy part of the groove.

[Undertoad]

Additional research shows that while extra virgin's smoke point is somewhat low, the more refined extra-light olive oil has the same smoke point as corn oil. You may resume in perfection, just use the extra-light.

I never knew that about the cymbal. Goodness.

[Flint]

I'm surprised nobody has commented on the hair dryer.

[Undertoad]

I thought that was an Alton Brown innovation. It's in his book.

[morethanpretty]

The right way to drink:

Open bottle of liquor
Bring to lips
Tip bottle of liquor up to a 70degree angle
Take 1 large swallow
Lower bottle of liquor
Sigh and wipe your lips
Repeat

[Flint]

Originally Posted by Flint

I'm surprised nobody has commented on the hair dryer.

Originally Posted by Undertoad

I thought that was an Alton Brown innovation. It's in his book.

I did not know that. I learned it from my dad. He only used it to revive dying coals in an emergency. I, however, use it to produce the same perfectly heated coals every time. That, and as mentioned, for the "cleaning cycle" during which those half-a-bottle of lighter fluid sized flames are directed towards all parts of the grill, cauterizing the grates and burning away and lurking lighter fluid vapors.

[lumberjim]

to make an omelet:

1. 3 eggs. (fuck tone loc) crack them one handed into a cereal bowl.
2. whip up to fluffy with a fork .....you have to lift it as you stir to inject air into the eggs.
3. heat the pan and put a nice blop of real butter in there to melt
4. before the butter burns, pour in the eggs
5. let the eggs cook until a bubble begins to rise
6. using a batter spreader or a spatula, lift the edge of the cooked eggs, and tilt the pan so the raw egg wash runs under the cooked part
7. repeat this at different spots around the pan until there is no more egg running well enough to flow under the cooked parts.
8. let the bottom firm up a bit
9. flip eggs using a 'little e' motion
10. add omelet ingredients to left side of the circle
11. as the omelet firms up, slide the left side off onto the plate, and flip the right side over on top of it to close it
12. sprinkle shredded cheese, or segmented sliced cheese if desired
13. serve with hashbrowns or homefries and toast

[Aliantha]

Now I'm hungry again.

[dar512]

Originally Posted by Flint

I'm surprised nobody has commented on the hair dryer.

<tim allen>For real power, you use a leaf blower.</tim allen>

I actually saw this done in Seattle at an off-site where they were making smoked salmon for 50 people.