Death/Funeral Etiquette Advice, please - Page 6

limey · 06-21-2010, 05:09 PM

Speaking as someone who has recently had to organise all this stuff for my mother ... She didn't leave quite as precise a list, but it was very comforting to me to know that I was doing what she wanted. I'd say, leave all the directions you want, make it as precise as you like, it is easy to following instructions when you are grieving.

Undertoad · 06-21-2010, 05:49 PM

It's odd because it will be the first time she's given you instructions that you can safely completely ignore.

kerosene · 06-21-2010, 10:17 PM

I guess I hadn't thought of it that way. Having instructions would be much better than agonizing over what Mum would have wanted. Come to think of it, I think I am going to ask my mom for a list. She probably won't give me one, but maybe she will start thinking of those things and give me some ideas. I already know she absolutely wants to be buried and not cremated. Other than that, it's a complete mystery.

xoxoxoBruce · 06-22-2010, 12:39 AM

My mother has made the arragements and paid for the funeral.

Shawnee123 · 06-22-2010, 09:06 AM

My parents have made arrangements and have money set aside for long-term care, if necessary. House is protected, if necessary...funerals paid for.

The only think I know is my mom wants Amazing Grace on bagpipes, she thinks it's so pretty.

I would rather have them than any house or money...but it is nice to know they have taken care of so much of it already...god knows I'll be a mess, and I'm no "planner" anyway.

monster · 06-22-2010, 09:19 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by xoxoxoBruce

My mother has made the arragements and paid for the funeral.

hers and not yours, presumably?

That would be a little too much....

xoxoxoBruce · 06-22-2010, 09:20 AM

That depends on who goes first.

casimendocina · 06-23-2010, 06:53 AM

The only bit of Sundae's list that I thought might be expected a bit too much was the greeting people so everyone feels comfortable. Shouldn't it be the other way round with the attendees greeting the bereaved?

casimendocina · 06-23-2010, 06:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by casimendocina

Just heard about 2 hours ago that an old family friend who we haven't seen since the last funeral (3 years ago) passed away on Sunday (cancer). I called another friend who I've seen more recently to let him know and we had a semi-lengthy discussion about the justification for going/not going. In this case, I'll be going because I had a lot of time for the person who passed away and still have for his whole family and they were a really significant part of my teenage years. I'm interested to hear people's viewpoints (even though I'm not wavering about the decision that I've made).

After all that, neither I nor said friend can go to the funeral as it's on Saturday afternoon and I'd already made plans to head up north for the weekend and the friend is going to Queensland...so unfortunately, we'll both be sending our apologies. And before someone smartarse (not thinking of anyone in particular here) points out that Queensland is also north, may I add that Qld is much more to the north-east than direct north.

06-21-2010, 05:09 PM	#76
limey Encroaching on your decrees Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: An island within the south-west coast of Scotland Posts: 7,016	Speaking as someone who has recently had to organise all this stuff for my mother ... She didn't leave quite as precise a list, but it was very comforting to me to know that I was doing what she wanted. I'd say, leave all the directions you want, make it as precise as you like, it is easy to following instructions when you are grieving. __________________ Living it up on the edge ... of civilisation, within the southwest coast of

06-22-2010, 12:39 AM	#79
xoxoxoBruce The future is unwritten Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 71,105	My mother has made the arragements and paid for the funeral. __________________ The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.

06-22-2010, 09:06 AM	#80
Shawnee123 Why, you're a regular Alfred E Einstein, ain't ya? Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 21,206	My parents have made arrangements and have money set aside for long-term care, if necessary. House is protected, if necessary...funerals paid for. The only think I know is my mom wants Amazing Grace on bagpipes, she thinks it's so pretty. I would rather have them than any house or money...but it is nice to know they have taken care of so much of it already...god knows I'll be a mess, and I'm no "planner" anyway. __________________ A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones who need the advice. --Bill Cosby

06-22-2010, 09:20 AM	#82
xoxoxoBruce The future is unwritten Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 71,105	That depends on who goes first. __________________ The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.

06-21-2010, 05:49 PM	#77
Undertoad Radical Centrist Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Cottage of Prussia Posts: 31,423	It's odd because it will be the first time she's given you instructions that you can safely completely ignore.

06-21-2010, 10:17 PM	#78
kerosene Touring the facilities Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: The plains of Colorado Posts: 3,476	I guess I hadn't thought of it that way. Having instructions would be much better than agonizing over what Mum would have wanted. Come to think of it, I think I am going to ask my mom for a list. She probably won't give me one, but maybe she will start thinking of those things and give me some ideas. I already know she absolutely wants to be buried and not cremated. Other than that, it's a complete mystery.

06-23-2010, 06:53 AM	#83
casimendocina Professor Join Date: Jun 2009 Posts: 1,622	The only bit of Sundae's list that I thought might be expected a bit too much was the greeting people so everyone feels comfortable. Shouldn't it be the other way round with the attendees greeting the bereaved?

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