Tales from the Nuthouse: Lest You Think I have a Really Cool Job - Page 4

wolf · 12-22-2006, 10:32 AM

No, that wasn't a prank.

Ibby · 12-22-2006, 02:18 PM

I seriously can't read about your job withough visions of Jack Nicholson dancing through my head, accompanied by Ken Kesey sketches.

Good 'Ol R.P. McMurphy...

xoxoxoBruce · 12-22-2006, 04:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by skysidhe

I am hoping that was a prank phone call because it's very funny in text.

If it's for real then you need a new phone number.

An unlisted number for the nuthouse?

xoxoxoBruce · 12-22-2006, 04:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ibram

I seriously can't read about your job withough visions of Jack Nicholson dancing through my head, accompanied by Ken Kesey sketches.

Good 'Ol R.P. McMurphy...

Don't let Hollywood fill in the blanks in your experience...things you can't relate to. They lie...everytime....they lie.

Spexxvet · 12-22-2006, 09:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ibram

I seriously can't read about your job withough visions of Jack Nicholson dancing through my head, accompanied by Ken Kesey sketches.

Good 'Ol R.P. McMurphy...

"Medication time, gentlemen, medication time"

Spexxvet · 12-22-2006, 09:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wolf

Phone call tonight:

Timid Woman: How do I check someone in who isn't me?

Male Voice In Background: BITCH, HANG UP THE PHONE!

wolf: You need to call 911.

Hopefully, she wasn't alone.

CaliforniaMama · 12-24-2006, 12:58 AM

Maybe she'd been better off if she was . . .

wolf · 08-01-2007, 01:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ibram

I seriously can't read about your job withough visions of Jack Nicholson dancing through my head, accompanied by Ken Kesey sketches.

Good 'Ol R.P. McMurphy...

While we are well past the thorazine, shock treatment, and straightjacket days of inpatient psychiatry, there are a lot of grains of truth in One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, just not all in one place, or all in one (or a few) days. I think the descriptions of the Chief's internal experience of the external world is probably one of the best descriptions of the inside of schizophrenia looking out in fiction. There are control-freak nurses in psychiatry, although most of them figure out that they're not getting much success out of trying to boss around a bunch of crazy people, and move on to some other kind of nursing, like long term care (the PC term for nursing homes).

wolf · 08-01-2007, 02:10 AM

Ever have one of those days? Okay, I'll admit that my one of those days tend to be a little more over the top ...

My day started with finding out that I had no water. None, nary a drop, coming out of the faucets anyway. I have plenty of bottled water, and made a supplementary trip to the supermarket just in case. This, however, meant no coffee at Chez Wolf this morning. It also meant no shower. Apparently the hot water heater in my building went kaflooey, and there's no estimate as far as when it will be fixed.

Okay, I can deal. I have enough waterless handwash and wetnaps to clean an army, or at least a kindergarten field trip.

So, off to work I go, foolishly choosing not to buy coffee on the way in to work, since I'm running a wee bit late. I figured I'd brew up once I got into the office and got shift report.

Yeah right. It's a madhouse. Struggle through shift report by drinking leftover dayshift coffee. As near as I can figure, it was made at about 1300, so it's past the margin of drinkability. Add honey, I can use the sugar. It's visiting night and it's my turn to be at the window. First two visitors get turned away because they don't meet criteria for visitation. They took it surprisingly well. Okay, so far, so ... oh, no it's not. Police arrive with crazy guy who refuses to talk to crisis worker and doctor. That actually makes things easier because he's totally nuts, and we know him pretty well. Internet goes down. Annoying, but not a big deal but ... crap ... whole network is now down, can't print, can't get to medical records system, or to the prescribing software, computer guy trying to figure out what happened ... whoops, swapped out some cables and forgot to plug the critical one back in? great ... no, still doesn't solve the problem. System eventually begins working, I suspect he turned off the switch that's labelled "Do not turn off this switch." Phone rings ... another police department on the way in with some dumbass who failed in his attempt to shoplift at the mall, he tried ramming his head into the cell toilet at the station. Okay, pretty run of the mill ... they show up, doctor sees him, decides to keep him in the hospital, is back in the office doing the paperwork ... I'm coming into the office from the front porch and I hear a ruckus in the lobby, another patient (the dude with one leg who smuggles drugs and matches in his prosthesis) is yelling, "Hey, we need some help out here!!" Not good. Dash through office screaming, "there's something going on in the lobby," followed (luckily) by hefty male crisis worker, to find toilet boy hanging by his bright green shoelaces from the handle of the interview room door. Big guy grips him up both to take the pressure off his neck and to keep him from trying to grab my knife as I cut him down off the door handle. Good save, offered thanks several times to the one-legged drug smuggler.

Have to offer supportive counselling to the other patients waiting in the lobby to see the doctor.

Fill out extra paperwork related to incident and staple bag containing bright green shoelaces to the report. Worry about whether bright green shoelace incident will have negative impact on boss' promise that we would receive congratulatory pizza for 100% compliance on maintaining one-on-one supervision for all patients placed in seclusion and/or restraints for the last seven months. We are very concerned about the free pizza. We do not get much in the way of bonuses.

Banter with client who has been waiting 5 hours to see the doctor so that she doesn't get any ideas similar to that of bright green shoelace dude.

Get home to find out that I have water, but only of the cold variety. Fill coffee maker reservoir to avoid any possible caffeine emergency in the AM. Consider options ... need to shower outweighs possible discomfort, given that plumbers are supposed to be back tomorrow, uncertain if there will be even cold water. Take extraordinarily quick shower while chanting "Think Warm Thoughts," which doesn't really work. Nipples hard enough to cut diamonds (yeah, TMI, but Elspode needs a little thrill every now and again).

Why would anybody choose bright green shoelaces?

Aliantha · 08-01-2007, 02:22 AM

green is supposed to be a calming colour?

wolf · 08-01-2007, 02:32 AM

I think that would be more of a pastelish, lime-sherbet green for calming.

These were majorly bright green.

Aliantha · 08-01-2007, 02:45 AM

Well maybe he wanted to give you something to think about for a while?

xoxoxoBruce · 08-01-2007, 03:49 AM

Quote:

Why would anybody choose bright green shoelaces?

They're crazy?

Griff · 08-01-2007, 06:14 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by xoxoxoBruce

They're crazy?

What are you basing that on?

This thread already has enough material for a book wolf, time to get cracking.

Urbane Guerrilla · 08-03-2007, 04:20 AM

I always thought those were the best kind of nipples.

/s/UG of the nice sensitive ones

12-22-2006, 10:32 AM	#46
wolf lobber of scimitars Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Phila Burbs Posts: 20,774	No, that wasn't a prank. __________________ wolf eht htiw og "Conspiracies are the norm, not the exception." --G. Edward Griffin The Creature from Jekyll Island High Priestess of the Church of the Whale Penis

12-22-2006, 02:18 PM	#47
Ibby erika Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: "the high up north" Posts: 6,127	I seriously can't read about your job withough visions of Jack Nicholson dancing through my head, accompanied by Ken Kesey sketches. Good 'Ol R.P. McMurphy... __________________ not really back, you didn't see me, i was never here shhhhhh

12-24-2006, 12:58 AM	#52
CaliforniaMama I wonder . . . Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: The Left Coast, a pretty good place to be. Posts: 1,278	Maybe she'd been better off if she was . . . __________________ Take time for silence. You never know what you might hear.

08-01-2007, 02:10 AM	#54
wolf lobber of scimitars Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Phila Burbs Posts: 20,774	Ever have one of those days? Okay, I'll admit that my one of those days tend to be a little more over the top ... My day started with finding out that I had no water. None, nary a drop, coming out of the faucets anyway. I have plenty of bottled water, and made a supplementary trip to the supermarket just in case. This, however, meant no coffee at Chez Wolf this morning. It also meant no shower. Apparently the hot water heater in my building went kaflooey, and there's no estimate as far as when it will be fixed. Okay, I can deal. I have enough waterless handwash and wetnaps to clean an army, or at least a kindergarten field trip. So, off to work I go, foolishly choosing not to buy coffee on the way in to work, since I'm running a wee bit late. I figured I'd brew up once I got into the office and got shift report. Yeah right. It's a madhouse. Struggle through shift report by drinking leftover dayshift coffee. As near as I can figure, it was made at about 1300, so it's past the margin of drinkability. Add honey, I can use the sugar. It's visiting night and it's my turn to be at the window. First two visitors get turned away because they don't meet criteria for visitation. They took it surprisingly well. Okay, so far, so ... oh, no it's not. Police arrive with crazy guy who refuses to talk to crisis worker and doctor. That actually makes things easier because he's totally nuts, and we know him pretty well. Internet goes down. Annoying, but not a big deal but ... crap ... whole network is now down, can't print, can't get to medical records system, or to the prescribing software, computer guy trying to figure out what happened ... whoops, swapped out some cables and forgot to plug the critical one back in? great ... no, still doesn't solve the problem. System eventually begins working, I suspect he turned off the switch that's labelled "Do not turn off this switch." Phone rings ... another police department on the way in with some dumbass who failed in his attempt to shoplift at the mall, he tried ramming his head into the cell toilet at the station. Okay, pretty run of the mill ... they show up, doctor sees him, decides to keep him in the hospital, is back in the office doing the paperwork ... I'm coming into the office from the front porch and I hear a ruckus in the lobby, another patient (the dude with one leg who smuggles drugs and matches in his prosthesis) is yelling, "Hey, we need some help out here!!" Not good. Dash through office screaming, "there's something going on in the lobby," followed (luckily) by hefty male crisis worker, to find toilet boy hanging by his bright green shoelaces from the handle of the interview room door. Big guy grips him up both to take the pressure off his neck and to keep him from trying to grab my knife as I cut him down off the door handle. Good save, offered thanks several times to the one-legged drug smuggler. Have to offer supportive counselling to the other patients waiting in the lobby to see the doctor. Fill out extra paperwork related to incident and staple bag containing bright green shoelaces to the report. Worry about whether bright green shoelace incident will have negative impact on boss' promise that we would receive congratulatory pizza for 100% compliance on maintaining one-on-one supervision for all patients placed in seclusion and/or restraints for the last seven months. We are very concerned about the free pizza. We do not get much in the way of bonuses. Banter with client who has been waiting 5 hours to see the doctor so that she doesn't get any ideas similar to that of bright green shoelace dude. Get home to find out that I have water, but only of the cold variety. Fill coffee maker reservoir to avoid any possible caffeine emergency in the AM. Consider options ... need to shower outweighs possible discomfort, given that plumbers are supposed to be back tomorrow, uncertain if there will be even cold water. Take extraordinarily quick shower while chanting "Think Warm Thoughts," which doesn't really work. Nipples hard enough to cut diamonds (yeah, TMI, but Elspode needs a little thrill every now and again). Why would anybody choose bright green shoelaces? __________________ wolf eht htiw og "Conspiracies are the norm, not the exception." --G. Edward Griffin The Creature from Jekyll Island High Priestess of the Church of the Whale Penis

08-01-2007, 02:22 AM	#55
Aliantha trying hard to be a better person Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Brisbane, Australia Posts: 16,493	green is supposed to be a calming colour? __________________ Kind words are the music of the world. F. W. Faber

08-01-2007, 02:32 AM	#56
wolf lobber of scimitars Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Phila Burbs Posts: 20,774	I think that would be more of a pastelish, lime-sherbet green for calming. These were majorly bright green. __________________ wolf eht htiw og "Conspiracies are the norm, not the exception." --G. Edward Griffin The Creature from Jekyll Island High Priestess of the Church of the Whale Penis

08-01-2007, 02:45 AM	#57
Aliantha trying hard to be a better person Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Brisbane, Australia Posts: 16,493	Well maybe he wanted to give you something to think about for a while? __________________ Kind words are the music of the world. F. W. Faber

08-03-2007, 04:20 AM	#60
Urbane Guerrilla Person who doesn't update the user title Join Date: Jul 2002 Location: Southern California Posts: 6,674	I always thought those were the best kind of nipples. /s/UG of the nice sensitive ones

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