Tonight, I am happy

[lumberjim]

As my days pass, and my weeks and months and years, the phases of my life shift. Focus moving from one thing to the next, to the next, they change. Increasingly challenging, progressing in complexity, cost, and importance, it tends to make a person feel put upon. Somehow, I seldom remember to look about myself.

This evening, however, I caught a glimpe of myself out of the corner of my mind. The feeling of being behind at all times in my life still lingers faintly at the back of my brain, like an audibly ticking watch in a pitch black bedroom, but it seems muted for some reason tonight. The hurry up and live life, what's next?, living to pay bills mindset that sometimes posesses me is pushed far enough away from me to be seen for what it is.

It occurs to me that if I think about each individual aspect of my life one at a time, I'm doing just fine. It's when I think about everything all at once, that the stress rises. A little bit of negative in each aspect, to be sure, and somehow, those negatives tend to rise to the top, sure to be seen first. I suppose that is natural. Those are the areas that need attention.

It just seems clear to me tonight that I like this part of my life. Very much like the evening in that canyon in New Mexico, I am content. I want to remember this, too. That's why I'm posting this. I want to be able to reread this in 3 months, in 2 years, and remember how it feels. Too often, I lose sight of things like this. I am standing back from myself, and I can see that the journey IS the destination. I'm 33 years old, strong and healthy. I don't ache when I wake up in the morning, there's no noticable hair growing on my back, and I am usually able to keep my nose hairs under control. My wife is beautiful, and smart. We are closer to each other, and get along better than we ever have. I feel like we are getting really really good at being together. AND....I have 2 kids. I'm someones father. That in and of itself is enough to give me an out of body experience. They're good kids, too. They are almost 4 and 6. This is my favorite age so far. (it always seems to be my favorite age) I wonder when that will reach a saturation point?

We have a good house, live in a good town, and most people I know seem to like me. I am cognizant of how lucky I am. If the work I do in my life, and the worries and stresses I carry are the price of what I have in my life, then I feel fortunate for the ability to meet them. I got the long end of the stick. At the same time I realize that it is all a house of cards, and could come crashing down around me because of something I cannot control or anticipate. Nevertheless, the fact that I am happy today, and have noticed it is more than some people take with them through their days. I will try to keep this feeling. It will fade, I'm sure, but hopefully, if I've captured what I'm feeling right now here, I will be able to remember and try to get back here as often as possible.

Tonight, I am happy.

[elSicomoro]

Not a lot of people can say they are in the same place as you. Take pride in it, and be thankful.

[zippyt]

I hear ya dude !!! I found me self in much the same situation more than once .
At one point i was stressing about we don't have this or that , my wife quietly reminded me that we don't need ANYTHING , the bills are paid + , we both have good jobs that we enjoy , the kids are happy , smart , doing well in school , and going in a positive direction , we have land in 2 states that is paid for and incresing in value ( one property is on a Cool ass party river here in Arkansas, and the other is 40 acers of trees in Mississipi that we will cut , build us a house on befor mentioned river , and then replant ) .

Oh one thing to think about , i know you enjoy haveing the kiddos about but one day they will be grown and leave for their own journey thru life , and you and Jinx will have the pleasure of haveing the house all to your self , no more kids meals every nite , naked ninja attacks in the hallway , etc......

Enjoy what you have , but rember this , it gets even better !!!

[Skunks]

Originally posted by lumberjim
I don't ache when I wake up in the morning

Well, you've got that one on me. Every morning I cuss and grumble about something or other: a few weeks ago, I nailed myself in the kidney getting out of bed.

I think happiness is all about living in THIS moment and being greatful for whatever gifts fate has bestowed upon you and letting go of the longing for the things it hasn't. I was thinking along somewhat similar lines myself earlier this evening. My future is very uncertain, but right now tonight, I was sitting on the porch of my little cottage in the foothills of Colorado. All around me I had my boxes of flowers which I have somehow contrived to put together and coaxed them into blooming. I could hear a humming bird whirring nearby and off in the distance in the dusk came the sound of a nighthawk. I have food in my refrigerator and a bed to sleep in. Earlier today I had opened up a letter which gave me the news of medical help at long last. My orange fluffy cat ran up the steps and jumped into my lap purring. I felt at peace with the world and with myself in just that moment and I counted my blessings.

[wolf]

LJ, wonderful description, wonderful moment(s) for you!

[perth]

Thank you Jim. This is exactly what I needed to read this morning. I've always lived life trying to see the beauty and pleasure in the little things, but lately I've lost sight of that. I appreciate the reminder.

[lumberjim]

what? nevermind. this morning i woke up with a headache, stepped in cat puke, and stubbed my toe on my other foot while i was hopping around trying to wipe the puke off of my foot.


just kidding. thanks, y'all. having someone to share it with is almost as good as being happy.

[Griff]

nice one jimbo

[zippyt]

so Jimbo still happy with the way things are going ?????

[lumberjim]

in a general sense, yes. just have to remeber that when i'm in the throes of a 80 hr work week topped off with a 36 car saturday and getting home at 4:20 am because of a string of most unfortunate events on my ride home. other than some work stress, life is great.

how bout you?

[zippyt]

Dude life is good , Same as you TOOOOO much work , TOOOO little play time on the river , but hey thats life .

[lumberjim]

this:

[classicman]

That's great Jim - whens the trampoline party?

[ZenGum]

Originally Posted by lumberjim

in a general sense, yes. just have to remeber that when i'm in the throes of a 80 hr work week topped off with a 36 car saturday

Just for comparison, how many cars did you sell last Saturday?