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10-20-2019, 06:15 PM | #1 |
Snowflake
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Dystopia
Posts: 13,136
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A rough couple of years
I've always had peaks and dips, but it seems to be on a downward trajectory. I don't know if it's just getting older, or the accumulation of trauma I've been through, but my peaks aren't high enough to be a productive member of society, and my dips are bordering on sabotage. I've been thinking about what I would need to pull me out of this mindset, but in the meantime I don't have enough resilience to weather the challenges. So I'm to the point of just sitting and staring at the wall.
I don't open my mail or pay my bills, I'm late to work every day, I don't have a running car, I've only got a few people I can talk to, and my time to have a good relationship with my children is slipping through my fingers. I'm certain, with good reason, that everyone I know is disappointed in me at best, or outright adversarial at worst. Thanks for coming to my TED talk!
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****************** There's a level of facility that everyone needs to accomplish, and from there it's a matter of deciding for yourself how important ultra-facility is to your expression. ... I found, like Joseph Campbell said, if you just follow whatever gives you a little joy or excitement or awe, then you're on the right track. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Terry Bozzio |
10-20-2019, 07:41 PM | #2 |
I love it when a plan comes together.
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 9,793
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Well then, it sucks to be you.
Have you considered reinventing yourself? It's a technique. If that doesn't appeal, I'll turn you over to lumberjim for guided remedial action. BTW, what does your health care provider have to say about this? |
10-20-2019, 08:49 PM | #3 | |
I hear them call the tide
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Perpetual Chaos
Posts: 30,852
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The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity Amelia Earhart |
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10-20-2019, 09:17 PM | #4 | |
I love it when a plan comes together.
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 9,793
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Yes, listen to tw. His suggestion is favorably considered by others.
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10-20-2019, 10:04 PM | #5 | |
Radical Centrist
Join Date: Jan 2001
Location: Cottage of Prussia
Posts: 31,423
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Anyway, it's not the case. Human beings are enormously resilient. You have a responsibility to take care of yourself. It's not an easy responsibility to see. Your situation is dire, as is all of ours too. It will continue to deteriorate, until the point at which you will suffer harder. This just leads to more shame and resentment and trouble. The only answer is to take care of yourself. You have nothing better to do and nothing more important. |
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10-21-2019, 06:17 AM | #6 |
still says videotape
Join Date: Feb 2001
Posts: 26,813
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Wise thoughts.
Be kind to yourself. However you do it you're going to have to assert your authority over your own mind and by extension your life. I'd start with my GP. You matter to me man, get some help.
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If you would only recognize that life is hard, things would be so much easier for you. - Louis D. Brandeis |
10-21-2019, 08:52 AM | #7 |
Radical Centrist
Join Date: Jan 2001
Location: Cottage of Prussia
Posts: 31,423
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I only know cos I have been there
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10-21-2019, 10:02 AM | #8 |
Encroaching on your decrees
Join Date: Feb 2004
Location: An island within the south-west coast of Scotland
Posts: 7,016
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I'm here with everyone else cheering you on. I don't know what healthcare options are open to you in the States but as Monster says, take a day when you are feeling stronger to take steps to access the help you can. Do you have a close friend who can help you with this?
As UT says nothing is more important than taking care of yourself. If doing it for yourself is not motivation enough, do it for your children. They DO care, and WILL appreciate your efforts.
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Living it up on the edge ... of civilisation, within the southwest coast of |
10-21-2019, 10:56 AM | #9 |
I can hear my ears
Join Date: Oct 2003
Posts: 25,571
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recognizing the issue is a good start. you should still have my cell number, use it if you want to talk it through.
Sounds like you've got the fukkits. Forgive yourself first. You have been acting according to your current level of consciousness. Sounds like you're spending psychological time in the past, cultivating regret. quit that. It's ok to recognize it, feel it for some time, but then you have to let it die. Sounds trite, but just don't think about it as much. Apologize to those you can, if you can... if you've done something that warrants is.. I think you may find that they are not actually disappointed in you. Maybe by your actions... but you're a good dude at heart. Increasing your inner awareness is step one of fixing your actions. And aint nothing wrong with staring at a wall. It's what's going on between your ears. Where...or WHEN... are you when you stare at it? I feel like I always give the same advice, and sound like a nutter harping on a religion....BUT.. I'll risk that if it helps you some. watch more of his videos as they come up. Dude is soothing, and makes lots of sense. Sahdguru is another good one. You'll be OK. because you ARE already ok, you just have to see it.
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This body holding me reminds me of my own mortality Embrace this moment, remember We are eternal, all this pain is an illusion ~MJKeenan |
10-21-2019, 11:49 AM | #10 |
Junior Master Dwellar
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Northern California
Posts: 2,122
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"...if you just follow whatever gives you a little joy or excitement or awe, then you're on the right track."
That is part of the quote from Terry Bozzio you chose for The Cellar. That is simple advice, as well as free and effective. |
10-21-2019, 12:04 PM | #11 |
UNDER CONDITIONAL MITIGATION
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: Austin, TX
Posts: 20,012
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I am not disappointed in you, because you did the hard thing which was speaking up. You are stronger than you want to give yourself credit for.
Are you still in the Portland area? Or did you come back to Texas? |
10-21-2019, 12:32 PM | #12 | |
Radical Centrist
Join Date: Jan 2001
Location: Cottage of Prussia
Posts: 31,423
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10-21-2019, 04:52 PM | #13 | |
An Awesome Dude
Join Date: Oct 2015
Posts: 1,111
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10-22-2019, 02:08 PM | #14 | |
Etherial
Join Date: Apr 2001
Location: CA
Posts: 153
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It's something to get through... Can definitely be hard, though |
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10-22-2019, 03:16 PM | #15 |
™
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Arlington, VA
Posts: 27,717
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This guy is a nut, but he speaks wisdom.
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