I'm Jim, and I'm a Compulsive Overeater - Page 7

LJ · 07-23-2010, 10:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by xoxoxoBruce

Sometimes tough love is better, although it's, well, tougher.
When you're not wealthy, but do have a large cash flow, it's easy to put things off thinking it'll work out. The squeals of delight, and adoration, produced by providing the "extras", are very intoxicating.

I should point out that jinx is ridiculously low maintenance. There were no baubles, or squeals of delight. She doesn't get hairdos or buy makeup or shoes or anything. I was in charge of the money and was not budgeting. I just figured I could simply make more.

I'm going to dummy up for a while now and concentrate on finding and repairing whatever hole I have inside me that I was trying to fill with food and other excesses. Thanks for the advice and reading tips.

I love you guys too.

xoxoxoBruce · 07-23-2010, 10:39 PM

I was thinking of the kids, like trampoline and such, but anyway, do what ever works for you and we'll be here when you get back.

monster · 07-23-2010, 10:41 PM

The "simply make more" thing is how the recession hits commission-based incomes. it's a stealth bomb. it should work, it used to work.... work harder, earn more. But now, not so much.

Crimson Ghost · 07-24-2010, 02:12 AM

I hope everything works out right for you and jinx.

lumberjim · 07-24-2010, 08:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by xoxoxoBruce

I was thinking of the kids...

ah. my apologies. I misunderstood.

richlevy · 07-24-2010, 10:16 AM

Jim,

As you know, I'm overweight. I did have some success with WW until the meeting place I went to at lunch closed down. I found that picking the high bulk foods that I like helped.

I'm lucky I like cabbage. Pound for calorie, that stuff really makes me feel full fast. Eat shredded cabbage and fat free dressing every day if you can stand it.

If you're unrestricted on sodium, consider sauerkraut. Here's a top link to the nutrition data site that I used for the sauerkraut analysis.

I have a big file of low-fat crock pot recipes I was sending to Cellarites. Let me know if you want a copy.

squirell nutkin · 07-24-2010, 12:05 PM

Rich, have you tried eating whole, real foods in a conscious way rather than trying to "feel full fast" and eating fat free (artificial) dressing.

Your body is much smarter than you realize. I can't imagine "feeling full" is comfortable for you, it isn't for me. Feeling full and satisfied are two different things.

I just recently finished a 21 day "diet" if you will where I could eat as much as I wanted of any fresh fruits or veggies, olive oil, cooked veggies, and a half cup of brown rice or lentils a day. I felt full a lot and I felt hungry a lot, it took about a week for me to get in tune with what my body wanted and not what my mind felt it needed to have.

After the second week, I could add a few ounces of chicken per day. I quickly lost interest in junk foods and the few times I put refined food (even artisananl whole wheat bread) it tasted like cardboard, not like food.

At the end of the 21 days I learned to distinguish real food and nutrition from "filler"

Try eating as much raw fruit and veggies as you want for a week, skip anything that is processed or refined. See how you feel.

Pooka · 07-25-2010, 05:54 PM

The book Loving What Is, helped me learn to love myself

Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University helped Flint and me get on the same page financially discuss our money mistakes... air it out, design a game plan, pay off $20K, learn to be financial partners in this marriage and learn to live within our means.

And the HCG diet is helping me break my food issues...

I spent years in therapy and nothing has helped me the way these three things have. The secret is not in the specific plans I mention above, but in the support I had/ have during each.

My best friend gave me the book by Byron Katie, she had done the Work herself and I had the opportunity to watch her blossom while doing it, she was there to encourage me and help me see myself and situations I found myself in as they are… letting go of the story lines in my head that were the real source of my pain, anger, fear, frustration. Flint and I went through Dave Ramsey’s program together, you have support of other couples… you learn to live differently and have new goal and are supported by others who have been where you are and are headed in the same direction as you… to a debt free existence. 3 of my best friends are doing this diet with me… I don’t eat out … I can’t (which works just great for our budget). I bring my food with me in a little cooler everywhere I go. The most amazing thing is that I’m not only not hungry on this, I have no interest in food… I can cook it… I know it would taste good, but eating it doesn’t matter to me any more… holy crap what a change for me.

I guess what I’m saying is … it isn’t so important the road you take to where you want to be in life as much as the support you have on your journey.

Shawnee123 · 07-25-2010, 08:25 PM

Amen, Miss Pooka.

Griff · 07-26-2010, 06:46 AM

Pretty intense stuff LJ. There is a ton of good advice here. I think putting Jinx in charge of the money is important, but it becomes your job not to resent that loss of control. Another idea for a higher power is your position as ancestor. How do you set your children up to live to their potential, so their children can be joyful and productive? The decisions you make now set their expectations. Addressing this issue honestly and openly will give them tools. You are brave enough to do this brother. Keep it simple. Good luck to you both.

wolf · 07-26-2010, 11:37 AM

I'll second Dave Ramsey ... his Total Money Makeover book and plan is excellent, and surprisingly simple to follow.

limey · 07-26-2010, 12:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Griff

Pretty intense stuff LJ. .... I think putting Jinx in charge of the money is important, but it becomes your job not to resent that loss of control. ...

This is tricky with the "man must earn and control the money" ethos that abounds everywhere, and probably particularly in your line of work, LJ.
Can you learn to feel proud of knowing your own weaknesses and your strengths as a couple and choosing the right way to use these to manage your money for the well-being of your family?

On another note, I eat too much, not compulsively, just too much snacking out of boredom and/or as a displacement activity. I'm inspired by you, LJ, to really try to get a grip on this now (not next week, or soon, or later, as I've kept telling myself for far too long) and now really think about what I'm eating and why. This means I feel hungry every day at some point, but that's not a bad thing at all. I could certainly use losing 28-42lb myself ...

lumberjim · 07-26-2010, 02:01 PM

fixing my body is easy at this point. It comes under the heading: Things I can control.

Fixing my mind is slightly more challenging, but doable.

Fixing the damage I did to the trust in our marriage.... I can't really control that.

I have to learn to accept that fact, and just pray and trust that if I do handle the things I can control that, hopefully.... things will work out.

jinx · 07-26-2010, 03:20 PM

He knows how to diet. He knows how to manage money. He understands the consequences of not doing these things.

The problem isn't overeating, or overspending. The problems are dishonesty, sneakiness, the need to be getting away with something, the need to be destructive. This is what he needs help with. This is what I can't understand and don't want to be around anymore.

I find out something fucked up, somehow, not from him, and I confront him with it. He makes excuses, apologies, promises.... says anything he thinks I want to hear to make it go away. Doesn't mean any of it, just keeps on doing, until the next fucked up thing pops up. These things become a pattern of behavior on top of the actual issue of the moment - but that's on me. That makes me unforgiving.

He knows the things he does are wrong so he hides them from me. If I don't ask direct and specific questions, I'll never find out, and it's all good in his mind. Over and over and over again for years and years and years. He's even recruited friends to hide things from me.

It's all on me, but it's all hidden from me so I can't really do anything about it. And now the trust and our marriage is all on me. He even told the kids that - that he doesn't want to split up, that it's all my decision.

I don't know what to do. I feel like I'm screwed either way.

Pooka · 07-26-2010, 03:36 PM

I'm sorry Jinx. That is a terrible position to be in.

I hope everything works out.

I hope he is able to identify why he feels the need to hid these things and is able to work through it.

I wish you both the best.

07-23-2010, 10:39 PM	#92
xoxoxoBruce The future is unwritten Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 71,105	I was thinking of the kids, like trampoline and such, but anyway, do what ever works for you and we'll be here when you get back. __________________ The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.

07-23-2010, 10:41 PM	#93
monster I hear them call the tide Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Perpetual Chaos Posts: 30,852	The "simply make more" thing is how the recession hits commission-based incomes. it's a stealth bomb. it should work, it used to work.... work harder, earn more. But now, not so much. __________________ The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity Amelia Earhart

07-24-2010, 02:12 AM	#94
Crimson Ghost Larger than life and twice as ugly. Join Date: Apr 2004 Posts: 5,264	I hope everything works out right for you and jinx. __________________ We must all go through a rite of passage. It must be physical, it must be painful, and it must leave a mark. I have no knowledge of the events which you are describing, and if I did have knowledge of them, I would be unable to discuss them with you now or at any future period. Don't waste your time always searching for those wasted years

07-24-2010, 10:16 AM	#96
richlevy King Of Wishful Thinking Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Philadelphia Suburbs Posts: 6,669	Jim, As you know, I'm overweight. I did have some success with WW until the meeting place I went to at lunch closed down. I found that picking the high bulk foods that I like helped. I'm lucky I like cabbage. Pound for calorie, that stuff really makes me feel full fast. Eat shredded cabbage and fat free dressing every day if you can stand it. If you're unrestricted on sodium, consider sauerkraut. Here's a top link to the nutrition data site that I used for the sauerkraut analysis. I have a big file of low-fat crock pot recipes I was sending to Cellarites. Let me know if you want a copy. __________________ Exercise your rights and remember your obligations - VOTE! I have always believed that hope is that stubborn thing inside us that insists, despite all the evidence to the contrary, that something better awaits us so long as we have the courage to keep reaching, to keep working, to keep fighting. -- Barack Hussein Obama

07-24-2010, 12:05 PM	#97
squirell nutkin has a second hand user title Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: in a Nut House Posts: 2,017	Rich, have you tried eating whole, real foods in a conscious way rather than trying to "feel full fast" and eating fat free (artificial) dressing. Your body is much smarter than you realize. I can't imagine "feeling full" is comfortable for you, it isn't for me. Feeling full and satisfied are two different things. I just recently finished a 21 day "diet" if you will where I could eat as much as I wanted of any fresh fruits or veggies, olive oil, cooked veggies, and a half cup of brown rice or lentils a day. I felt full a lot and I felt hungry a lot, it took about a week for me to get in tune with what my body wanted and not what my mind felt it needed to have. After the second week, I could add a few ounces of chicken per day. I quickly lost interest in junk foods and the few times I put refined food (even artisananl whole wheat bread) it tasted like cardboard, not like food. At the end of the 21 days I learned to distinguish real food and nutrition from "filler" Try eating as much raw fruit and veggies as you want for a week, skip anything that is processed or refined. See how you feel. __________________ And now I'm finished posting.

07-25-2010, 05:54 PM	#98
Pooka Your Invisible Rabbit Friend Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: Betwixt and Between Posts: 528	The book Loving What Is, helped me learn to love myself Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University helped Flint and me get on the same page financially discuss our money mistakes... air it out, design a game plan, pay off $20K, learn to be financial partners in this marriage and learn to live within our means. And the HCG diet is helping me break my food issues... I spent years in therapy and nothing has helped me the way these three things have. The secret is not in the specific plans I mention above, but in the support I had/ have during each. My best friend gave me the book by Byron Katie, she had done the Work herself and I had the opportunity to watch her blossom while doing it, she was there to encourage me and help me see myself and situations I found myself in as they are… letting go of the story lines in my head that were the real source of my pain, anger, fear, frustration. Flint and I went through Dave Ramsey’s program together, you have support of other couples… you learn to live differently and have new goal and are supported by others who have been where you are and are headed in the same direction as you… to a debt free existence. 3 of my best friends are doing this diet with me… I don’t eat out … I can’t (which works just great for our budget). I bring my food with me in a little cooler everywhere I go. The most amazing thing is that I’m not only not hungry on this, I have no interest in food… I can cook it… I know it would taste good, but eating it doesn’t matter to me any more… holy crap what a change for me. I guess what I’m saying is … it isn’t so important the road you take to where you want to be in life as much as the support you have on your journey.

07-25-2010, 08:25 PM	#99
Shawnee123 Why, you're a regular Alfred E Einstein, ain't ya? Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 21,206	Amen, Miss Pooka. __________________ A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones who need the advice. --Bill Cosby

07-26-2010, 06:46 AM	#100
Griff still says videotape Join Date: Feb 2001 Posts: 26,813	Pretty intense stuff LJ. There is a ton of good advice here. I think putting Jinx in charge of the money is important, but it becomes your job not to resent that loss of control. Another idea for a higher power is your position as ancestor. How do you set your children up to live to their potential, so their children can be joyful and productive? The decisions you make now set their expectations. Addressing this issue honestly and openly will give them tools. You are brave enough to do this brother. Keep it simple. Good luck to you both. __________________ If you would only recognize that life is hard, things would be so much easier for you. - Louis D. Brandeis

07-26-2010, 11:37 AM	#101
wolf lobber of scimitars Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Phila Burbs Posts: 20,774	I'll second Dave Ramsey ... his Total Money Makeover book and plan is excellent, and surprisingly simple to follow. __________________ wolf eht htiw og "Conspiracies are the norm, not the exception." --G. Edward Griffin The Creature from Jekyll Island High Priestess of the Church of the Whale Penis

07-26-2010, 02:01 PM	#103
lumberjim I can hear my ears Join Date: Oct 2003 Posts: 25,571	fixing my body is easy at this point. It comes under the heading: Things I can control. Fixing my mind is slightly more challenging, but doable. Fixing the damage I did to the trust in our marriage.... I can't really control that. I have to learn to accept that fact, and just pray and trust that if I do handle the things I can control that, hopefully.... things will work out. __________________ This body holding me reminds me of my own mortality Embrace this moment, remember We are eternal, all this pain is an illusion ~MJKeenan

07-26-2010, 03:20 PM	#104
jinx Come on, cat. Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: general vicinity of Philadelphia area Posts: 7,013	He knows how to diet. He knows how to manage money. He understands the consequences of not doing these things. The problem isn't overeating, or overspending. The problems are dishonesty, sneakiness, the need to be getting away with something, the need to be destructive. This is what he needs help with. This is what I can't understand and don't want to be around anymore. I find out something fucked up, somehow, not from him, and I confront him with it. He makes excuses, apologies, promises.... says anything he thinks I want to hear to make it go away. Doesn't mean any of it, just keeps on doing, until the next fucked up thing pops up. These things become a pattern of behavior on top of the actual issue of the moment - but that's on me. That makes me unforgiving. He knows the things he does are wrong so he hides them from me. If I don't ask direct and specific questions, I'll never find out, and it's all good in his mind. Over and over and over again for years and years and years. He's even recruited friends to hide things from me. It's all on me, but it's all hidden from me so I can't really do anything about it. And now the trust and our marriage is all on me. He even told the kids that - that he doesn't want to split up, that it's all my decision. I don't know what to do. I feel like I'm screwed either way. __________________ Crying won't help you, praying won't do you no good.

07-26-2010, 03:36 PM	#105
Pooka Your Invisible Rabbit Friend Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: Betwixt and Between Posts: 528	I'm sorry Jinx. That is a terrible position to be in. I hope everything works out. I hope he is able to identify why he feels the need to hid these things and is able to work through it. I wish you both the best.

Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)