So, there's this girl I like............

maninthebox · 08-26-2006, 09:05 PM

-Sorry, this is kinda long.

There's a girl I work with that I've always liked ever since she started to work there. She just broke up with her fiance a week ago or so that used to work there. They got engaged about a month after being together. (big mistake) Anyway, everyone knows I like her. I was the first one she called in tears telling about the breakup. I calmed her down, got her to laugh alot, so on and so on. I made a 45 min drive to work to calm her down again because her ex showed up at work one day. I did write her a letter letting her know my feelings toward her, and left it in her locker because I haven't had the chance to tell her in person how I feel. I know she's going to need time to recover from the breakup and all, and I am more than willing to respect and understand that. She seems to be kinda advoiding me now after what I did for her, and after I wrote that letter. I also heard from one of my friends that works with us that she would love to have his brother come over for a night!?!?

Just curious if that is typical coming from a female coming from a breakup. Anyone have any suggestions on what I should do? Any input would help, especially from the females here at the Cellar. Thanks!

glatt · 08-26-2006, 09:30 PM

Continue to be nice and friendly to her, but give her some space. It's her turn to make some sort of move. You made your feelings known. If she's interested in you, she will respond. If she's not interested in you, she will feel smothered if you keep making advances.

Good luck.

Beestie · 08-26-2006, 09:31 PM

She likes you as a person. A friend. It would not be wise to invest the next stage of your life thinking that you are going to change that.

THere is a lot wrong with this picture.

DucksNuts · 08-26-2006, 10:08 PM

I agree, continue to be nice but give her some space. It is her turn to make a move when and if she feels that way inclined.

The brother thing, yeah well, I dont know how old either of you are. But I did that in my bit younger days.

My ex broke up with me in a not very pleasant manner, so I slept with his brother......sooo immature. His brother and I were mates previously and continue to be so, but I felt bad that I used him like that (not that he was complaining

).

I think its natural for her to avoid you at this stage, you DONT want to be getting involved with her just now if you really want this to work. Nothing worse than filling the void of a broken heart, to have the broken hearted mend and realise they "thank you for your time, but bye now, I'm all better".

Good Luck - you've been a great friend to her and I hope she appreciates it.

breakingnews · 08-26-2006, 10:54 PM

She's probably all fucked up in the head right now - and while you might think you're the exception, don't be disillusioned. Watch out for yourself - she's not intentionally trying to hurt you, but whatever crazy shit she gets into in the coming weeks will make you feel like a total turd for having bought into it. Love does funny things to your head. And women are nuts. (consensus?)

I went through this earlier this year. Totally fell in love with a married coworker, settled for becoming a really good friend instead. Then she split up with her husband and naturally I was the next stop. The whole time I knew exactly what was going on (that I was the rebound guy) but I couldn't handle it. Too hard to have a taste but then not have the whole thing. We were both depressed and it sucked. Ironically, I've been through this before, but this time I ended up moving to another country.

Up to you whether you want to wait for the fallout to settle. Try to keep your expectations low, if you do. Mine was a bittersweet ending - the week before I left (which was a month ago) she showed up and everything came pouring out. Spent my last three days with her but still got on the plane. We promised to find each other in a few years.

08-27-2006, 12:17 AM

Push her down then run.

breakingnews · 08-27-2006, 12:25 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rkzenrage

Push her down then run.

that is a great fuckin idea.

why don't i ever think to do these things when the time is right??

DucksNuts · 08-27-2006, 12:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by breakingnews

Love does funny things to your head. And women are nuts. (consensus?)

Uhuh and Uhuh!! 'cept I would of said "fucken nuts".

08-27-2006, 01:26 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by breakingnews

that is a great fuckin idea.

why don't i ever think to do these things when the time is right??

Hey! It worked in 6th grade.

maninthebox · 08-27-2006, 08:02 PM

Quote:

Push her down then run.

Can I just trip her instead?

Well, after I wrote the letter to her and helped her out through the ordeal, she seems to be ignoring me now. Not even saying hi or thank you or anything. I told her she at least owes me a hug for everything I done for her, but she said I'll get one later. Whatever that means. I understand her head is somewhere else, but a simple thank you would have been fine. I think I just learned to stay out of other's people's lives and worry about mine.

maninthebox · 08-27-2006, 08:07 PM

And thanks for everyone's input, you guys are great! I guess time will tell what happens.

Hoof Hearted · 08-27-2006, 09:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by maninthebox

I think I just learned to stay out of other's people's lives and worry about mine.

Personally, I think you overdid it with the baring-of-your-heart letter AND demanding a hug for your efforts, especially when you saw her backing off. I do think it was kind of you to assist her when she was emotionally fragile (when the ex showed up) but I also feel that was your choice to do these acts and you should not have expected anything from her in return for your unasked for 'favors'.
No need to be keeping score.
If you do something nice, do it to be nice, not because you expect something in return.

It could be that she is embarassed about baring her private life to you and she does not know how to handle the emotions. Give her time, continue to be YOU and don't change yourself for anyone...they never appreciate it. The people who love you, love you for who you ARE, not what they want you to be and you trying to be it.

Hold out and give The-Right-One a chance to enter your life.
hh

Clodfobble · 08-27-2006, 09:55 PM

I, too, got a creepy feeling when you said that she "owes you" a hug. I had a friend in high school who always wanted to be more than friends and had a very hard time accepting that I was not interested. He would always try to find ways to do "favors" for me and then act like I owed him something. To this day he genuinely can't figure out why I never dated him, and he's still pissed about it.

maninthebox · 08-28-2006, 07:14 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Clodfobble

I, too, got a creepy feeling when you said that she "owes you" a hug. I had a friend in high school who always wanted to be more than friends and had a very hard time accepting that I was not interested. He would always try to find ways to do "favors" for me and then act like I owed him something. To this day he genuinely can't figure out why I never dated him, and he's still pissed about it.

What was really weird is when she put her head on my shoulder and give me hugs in front of her ex when he was right there. No, that wasn't an awkward moment or anything. But, at least a dam thank you would have been nice from her. I'm not pushing anything on her right now. The letter was just stating I do like her, but I know what she is going through right now. I know she needs time. It could be worse, I could be STALKING her like her ex was for a few days.

Hoof, thanks for the excellent advice. My eyes are opened now!

limey · 08-28-2006, 07:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by maninthebox

What was really weird is when she put her head on my shoulder and give me hugs in front of her ex when he was right there. ....

The emphasis is mine - she did all that stuff not because of YOU and what she thinks of you but because it was an easy way of getting at HIM. You could have been any guy in the world at that moment, just so's she could get at him.

08-26-2006, 09:05 PM	#1
maninthebox eats paste Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: Ohio Posts: 52	So, there's this girl I like............ -Sorry, this is kinda long. There's a girl I work with that I've always liked ever since she started to work there. She just broke up with her fiance a week ago or so that used to work there. They got engaged about a month after being together. (big mistake) Anyway, everyone knows I like her. I was the first one she called in tears telling about the breakup. I calmed her down, got her to laugh alot, so on and so on. I made a 45 min drive to work to calm her down again because her ex showed up at work one day. I did write her a letter letting her know my feelings toward her, and left it in her locker because I haven't had the chance to tell her in person how I feel. I know she's going to need time to recover from the breakup and all, and I am more than willing to respect and understand that. She seems to be kinda advoiding me now after what I did for her, and after I wrote that letter. I also heard from one of my friends that works with us that she would love to have his brother come over for a night!?!? Just curious if that is typical coming from a female coming from a breakup. Anyone have any suggestions on what I should do? Any input would help, especially from the females here at the Cellar. Thanks!

08-26-2006, 09:31 PM	#3
Beestie -◊\|≡·∙■·∙≡\|◊- Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: Parts unknown. Posts: 4,081	She likes you as a person. A friend. It would not be wise to invest the next stage of your life thinking that you are going to change that. THere is a lot wrong with this picture. __________________ ♠ ♥ ♣ ♦

08-26-2006, 10:54 PM	#5
breakingnews Q_Q Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: somewhere in between Posts: 995	She's probably all fucked up in the head right now - and while you might think you're the exception, don't be disillusioned. Watch out for yourself - she's not intentionally trying to hurt you, but whatever crazy shit she gets into in the coming weeks will make you feel like a total turd for having bought into it. Love does funny things to your head. And women are nuts. (consensus?) I went through this earlier this year. Totally fell in love with a married coworker, settled for becoming a really good friend instead. Then she split up with her husband and naturally I was the next stop. The whole time I knew exactly what was going on (that I was the rebound guy) but I couldn't handle it. Too hard to have a taste but then not have the whole thing. We were both depressed and it sucked. Ironically, I've been through this before, but this time I ended up moving to another country. Up to you whether you want to wait for the fallout to settle. Try to keep your expectations low, if you do. Mine was a bittersweet ending - the week before I left (which was a month ago) she showed up and everything came pouring out. Spent my last three days with her but still got on the plane. We promised to find each other in a few years. __________________ Gone crazy, be back never.

08-26-2006, 09:30 PM	#2
glatt ™ Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Arlington, VA Posts: 27,717	Continue to be nice and friendly to her, but give her some space. It's her turn to make some sort of move. You made your feelings known. If she's interested in you, she will respond. If she's not interested in you, she will feel smothered if you keep making advances. Good luck.

08-26-2006, 10:08 PM	#4
DucksNuts Bitchy Little Brat Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Queensland, Australia Posts: 5,067	I agree, continue to be nice but give her some space. It is her turn to make a move when and if she feels that way inclined. The brother thing, yeah well, I dont know how old either of you are. But I did that in my bit younger days. My ex broke up with me in a not very pleasant manner, so I slept with his brother......sooo immature. His brother and I were mates previously and continue to be so, but I felt bad that I used him like that (not that he was complaining ). I think its natural for her to avoid you at this stage, you DONT want to be getting involved with her just now if you really want this to work. Nothing worse than filling the void of a broken heart, to have the broken hearted mend and realise they "thank you for your time, but bye now, I'm all better". Good Luck - you've been a great friend to her and I hope she appreciates it.

08-27-2006, 12:17 AM	#6
rkzenrage Guest Posts: n/a	Push her down then run.

08-27-2006, 08:07 PM	#11
maninthebox eats paste Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: Ohio Posts: 52	And thanks for everyone's input, you guys are great! I guess time will tell what happens.

08-27-2006, 09:55 PM	#13
Clodfobble UNDER CONDITIONAL MITIGATION Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: Austin, TX Posts: 20,012	I, too, got a creepy feeling when you said that she "owes you" a hug. I had a friend in high school who always wanted to be more than friends and had a very hard time accepting that I was not interested. He would always try to find ways to do "favors" for me and then act like I owed him something. To this day he genuinely can't figure out why I never dated him, and he's still pissed about it.

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