Anybody know much about Weight Watchers?

[Brett's Honey]

My 13 yr old step-daughter is 5’ 7” and weighs 248 lbs. She’s gained 37 lbs in the last 18 months, so she’s not gaining as quickly as I had thought, but she still needs to lose 100 lbs. I took her to her doctor for a consultation yesterday, and the doctor highly recommended her joining Weight Watchers. There is supposedly a really good group in a nearby college town that consists of mostly younger girls. Does anyone out there have any knowledge of, or comments about Weight Watchers?
(And before someone suggests looking into the underlying problems here, yes there most likely is a reason this over eating habit started. It began when she was 6, after she witnessed her mother’s murder, after which the house was set on fire, and if she and her sister not been able to get themselves partially untied and escape the house, they would surely have died too. And of course following that, were the police interrogations, picking out mug shots, interviews with seven criminal psychologists, and having to state over and over that their Dad didn’t do it, despite their maternal grandmothers trying to plant those thoughts into their minds. So she’s had a tough time these past few years. But she’s 13 now, and starting to hate the way she looks. And of course, its time to get “boy crazy”.
Her Dad tried to establish better eating habits for her when she was younger, and both grandmothers would say “Don’t be mean to her – let her eat. She’ll grow out of it! Didn’t happen! She’s doing very well with her Mom’s death, considering how traumatic it was, and we have a good, kind of “special” step-mom/daughter relationship since she lost her Mom and I lost my only daughter.)
I really want to help her get down to a healthy weight where she'll be happy and feel better. Any suggestions are welcomed!!!

[Catwoman]

Extradite the grandmothers for a start!

I think if she wants to eat, let her eat. Too many people have taken decisions away from her in the past - she needs to learn her own way. She'll soon make the link between eating lots and putting on weight, and decide if that's the path for her or not. You must care an awful lot and the hardest thing would be to do nothing, but the only way she will begin to feel better about herself is to take responsibility for her own life - with your and dad's support - and see what improvements and good things she can do by herself. I'm sure there are many.

As an aside, my mother's on weightwatchers and lost a stone, but it only works if the individual is committed to losing weight, which is ultimately their choice. If she wants to go, why not, but it certainly isn't a long-term solution.

Best of luck.

[Clodfobble]

She'll soon make the link between eating lots and putting on weight, and decide if that's the path for her or not.

No... 13-year-olds usually don't have the self-esteem for that, and the ones that do aren't in these situations to begin with. My mother practiced a parenting style she called "benign neglect," and it basically summed up to 'let them figure everything out on their own--when people make fun of them, then they'll learn.'

I'm here to tell you that children don't learn to have an internal locus of control on their own (the correlation of "I'm doing X, therefore Y is happening to me.") Without guidance and nurturing, they instead strengthen an external locus of control, which is what all children start out with: "People hate me, and/or I'm not good enough, therefore Y is happening to me."

If she hates the way she looks, then now is the prime time to help her understand that she has the power to change it, something she probably doesn't truly believe. At her weight, eating less isn't going to fix everything anyway. Is there any way she can get into an exercise routine, perhaps together with you, or her father, or both? "Do exercise" is easier than "don't eat," since she probably already feels she's a failure at the latter.

Weight Watchers might help, I have no idea. I hear their support groups are the most important part. That's still bringing someone else in to solve her problem, though, which might be a good first step--but the ultimate goal should be to establish that she has control over this stuff.

[wolf]

Do not listen to catwoman's advice.

She doesn't know anything about kids, or about being significantly overweight.

If you let the kid eat anything she wants, her future may include a day on which she'll be lifted by a crane out of a hole cut in the side of the house by the fire company.

There is a bit of a grain of usefulness in what cat said, though ... make sure that the young lady is as involved as possible in making her decisions and choices about how to proceed.

Treatment with a psychologist or other therapist along with a good weight loss program will be of great use here ... using food as comfort object is not unusual, but there's a very careful balance that has to be maintained for successful and healthy weight loss.

[Catwoman]

Originally Posted by wolf

If you let the kid eat anything she wants, her future may include a day on which she'll be lifted by a crane out of a hole cut in the side of the house by the fire company.

Top advice wolf

[Beestie]

Originally Posted by Clodfobble

[i]I'm here to tell you that children don't learn to have an internal locus of control on their own (the correlation of "I'm doing X, therefore Y is happening to me.") Without guidance and nurturing, they instead strengthen an external locus of control, which is what all children start out with: "People hate me, and/or I'm not good enough, therefore Y is happening to me."

Very well said. Wish someone had told me that when I was 13.

[LabRat]

Since you didn't say how physically active she was, my $0.02 is get her involved in something physical, like swimming, dance, volleyball, softball, basketball, etc. This will (hopefully) do 3 things. Get her to meet new people, potentially making new friends, 2) give her increased self esteem by participating in a sport, and 2) get her moving to help in the weight loss. Let her try several different ones if the first one doesn't seem to be her bag. At 5'7'' she could be a great volleyball or basketball player just waiting to blossom...maybe a longjumper...who knows Good luck to the both of you, the things that some people have to endure at so young an age amaze me sometimes.

[Troubleshooter]

Dance Dance Revolution.

My friend Cricket was 6'3" and 350 pounds.

She bought DDR and is down to 250 with no other adjustments to her lifestyle.

I think part that may work to her favor is that no one else has to see her flailing around trying to keep up, but she can still compete against the computer or other people.

[Clodfobble]

DDR is also my only form of exercise (although I've never specifically used it to lose weight.) It even comes with a "Workout Mode" that plays longer, more evenly-paced levels instead of the intense 2-3 minute bursts.

[Brett's Honey]

QUOTE=Clodfobble]DDR is also my only form of exercise

What is that?
And yes - much more exercise HAS got to start. Her favorite recreation is riding her 4-wheeler, but of course she needs to get better exercise than that. Our YMCA is re-finishing their pool right now, and we both love to swim, so I plan on getting a family membership so we can go swim and use the exercise equipment (they have lots of good machines). She actually has tons of friends, but they don't do much of anything that burns calories when they "hang out". But I like the suggestions I'm getting also. Thanks so much for your input and keep the suggestions coming!

And now I see the "Dance Dance Revolution" part - but I have no idea about what it is...??

[BigV]

We got a copy of Karaoke Revolution the other night for a party at the house. Its weight control usefulness is limited, however, to interferring with my intake of appetizers as I am uneasy about spraying stuffed (and chewed) mushrooms all over the microphone.

[Clodfobble]

Dance Dance Revolution is a rhythm videogame that uses a special controller. Instead of the normal little handheld thing with buttons, you use a huge flat pad with big "buttons" laid out on the floor. Up, Down, Left and Right arrows move up the screen with the music, telling you where to stomp your feet on the beat. It's insanely fun!

There are versions for both Playstation 2 and the original Playstation, and you can buy the latter system (used) for a mere $40 or so.

[chainsaw]

My suggestion is to get the whole family involved (I have no idea what your family is like, so if I'm off, just ignore me ). Start going for walks after dinner or buy a stationary bike and put it in front of the tv (if that's what she's into). And make sure all the food in the house is suitable for her to eat. It's not fair for you or dad to snack on junk when she can't/shouldn't.

DDR is GREAT! I played it with my two nephews and was totally sweating after my first round! It's fun and the music is great. I love that my nephews enjoy it. They have horrible eating habits (my sisters fault ). DDR, baseball and soccer keep them in good shape.

Good job for taking charge and helping her! So many parents just let it go. You are a good parent

[Brett's Honey]

[quote=chainsaw]

Start going for walks after dinner

VERY good idea!! That is something we have been planning to start very soon. It will be good for all of us.(We start a seasonal business every March, and we can't do it consistently until about April).

Good job for taking charge and helping her! So many parents just let it go. You are a good parent.

Thanks, I needed that! Everyone needs a "pat on the back" once in a while.

[Elspode]

Originally Posted by Clodfobble

I'm here to tell you that children don't learn to have an internal locus of control on their own (the correlation of "I'm doing X, therefore Y is happening to me.") Without guidance and nurturing, they instead strengthen an external locus of control...<snip>

This is absolutely true and spot-on. Cause and effect, which we older types learned by dint of having fewer distractions and therefore more involvement in reality, seems to be particularly difficult for the children of the new millenium to get in gear with. My two teens brought us to the end of our rope, and so beginning on Monday, we removed *all* privileges (anything not schooling, meals, music, books, news programming, family socialization or sleep) from their lives, and instigated a system of points to be earned for each task performed in support of their own responsibilities and household chores.

The goal was to motivate them to earn their favorite activities (video gaming, computer chat, television, general screwing off) by putting them in a position where they and only they were responsible. In effect, we have turned the family into a "business", and hired the boys as "employees".

It is a lot of work. We have a daily reckoning, and I keep a set of books. Each task has a set point value, and each privilege has a cost in points. The result so far is two kids scrambling to earn as many points as possible as a hedge against the upcoming weekend and Spring break, and the fun they'd like to have therein. Extra points are awarded for identifying and performing tasks without being told. Things like them leaving their crap all over the house (trash, dishes, clothes) have immediately ceased as a point is awarded each day for simply not leaving crap laying around. A point is awarded for every "clean room day" (I check the room each night at reckoning time; if it is clean, they get a point), for tending to the animals' food and water, etc, etc.

Things that went utterly ignored are now being dutifuly done, praise is being given along with points, and you can already *see* the pride and motivation flowing out of these kids.

Summary? Figure out a way to get the child to *want* to be responsible for changing their lifestyle and subsequently, their weight.

I don't think I've permanently solved our problem with the teens at home, but I think we're on the right track.