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Old 01-28-2020, 08:30 PM   #1
anonymous
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I need to whine

I'm sure my ID is obvious, but please allow me to stay anon to protect my offspring. And me, maybe...

In addition to losing my job (and health insurance for me and my 3 college kids) this month, I learned today my 18yo son is being dumped by his (very expensive out-of-network so completely out of pocket 1/4 of my income) DBT therapy center for being distracted, disruptive and uninvested in his therapy (which hasn't made a blind bit of difference). There is nowhere else to go. His last place/psych couldn't help and recommended DBT. the two other possibilities for this are also out-of-network and have major waiting lists (we waited about 4 months for this one) His diagnosis is ADHD, spectrum and depression. He's aggressive, frequently fails to take his medication, lies blatantly, is hooked online..... I am not perfect but I don't need or deserve this and I really can't take any more. he's barely scraping through college (no surprise, wouldn't be doing that well if not for my reluctant occasional intervention), He was fired from his p/t lifeguard job within weeks....

MAKE IT STOP. I surrender. I failed, I give up. Whatever it is I need to do/say, I just want it to stop. I swear I'm not a bad person, I don't deserve it. Even if I were a bad person, I'm sure I must have already endured enough punishment the last couple of years.

Ok done whining, thank you. Ignore me, carry on....
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Old 01-28-2020, 09:36 PM   #2
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I'm sorry, anon. It sucks and you have every right to be sick of it.
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Old 01-29-2020, 12:43 AM   #3
xoxoxoBruce
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Your right enough is enough, you're to be commended for not being in a straight jacket. What's on the menu for next week, maybe something smaller like a bunion or something.

I think you mentioned some time ago he was a problem, taking a much larger share of your attention than the others when it came to schoolwork. Has he gotten worse or just reaching the age and point in life where it's most important to be on the ball?

You're an achiever, I get the impression the other kids are too. It may come to a point where he just hears a different drummer and you can't do anything about it. The one thing that's most important for you to do is understand this is not your fault, you did not fail. He's an almost adult human and you know what they're like. He's your son and you will always love him, but you may not like him.
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Old 01-29-2020, 06:31 AM   #4
Griff
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I'm sorry anom. You can't live his life for him and it sucks that he won't put in the time on himself.
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Old 01-29-2020, 10:22 AM   #5
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Oh fuckitty fuck fuckington mc fuckdoodledoo!
But what Bruce says is right, mebbe this boy runs differently to y'alls.
If the therapy was making no difference then perhaps that's why he was uninvested in it. Keep safe from the aggression and the lies and try to let him do his own thing for a bit, while you get on with yours?
Oh, and you ARE perfect
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Old 01-29-2020, 05:46 PM   #6
anonymous
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It was easier when I had a partner in crime. It was all easier. I could've leaned on them, Healthinsurance would not have been an issue and assholeboy did not dare behave the way he does now :/ As the store went to 50% off today, I was consolidating stuff and found myself thinking "ooh, I could get one of the super expensive craft beers for partner-in-crime as a treat... oh wait....
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Old 01-29-2020, 06:48 PM   #7
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dammit
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Old 01-29-2020, 08:37 PM   #8
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I hear what you’re saying. I would whine too.
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Old 01-29-2020, 08:39 PM   #9
monster
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you guys rock. This is such a nice community. hang in there anon, you got this
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Old 01-29-2020, 08:49 PM   #10
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You deserve a good LOUD Primal Scream!!! Several Times.
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Old 02-02-2020, 10:03 PM   #11
anonymous
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I just had to kick him out. He's staying at his brother's tonight
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Old 02-02-2020, 10:44 PM   #12
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Read this; then, go down to the third entry here and note that it mentions landlord/tenant issues.
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Old 02-02-2020, 11:59 PM   #13
anonymous
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Thank you, a good heads up. However, I have a right to be safe from violence.
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Old 02-03-2020, 12:14 AM   #14
xoxoxoBruce
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I was reading a story about a woman who spent years taking care of AIDs victims during the last few months because their parents wouldn't.

But one Father said this...
Quote:
“Are you going to desert your son? I don’t care what he did. He could have gone out and murdered people. He’s still your son. You may not like what he does, but you love him.”
You're doing it right, Anon, it may not feel like it sometimes but you are. You love him and owe it to him and to Beast, to let him know he's fucking up. It may sink in or may not but you know you've tried your best.
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Old 02-03-2020, 06:24 AM   #15
Griff
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It could be that it's just time. You do have the right to be free from violence. Peace Anom you did your best.
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