attachment issues

extemporaneous · 10-14-2006, 03:23 AM

each day gets more and more like the last day....i havent left the house in a week. for anything. i called to make an appointment and since my job isnt on the books i lose all those wonderful percs ... haha percs ... called benefits. so i called health clinics to see if they have a therapist i can talk to and the closest date is for, get this, november 28. isnt that magnificant. it's like i dont know what to do with myself. i sit here. i think. i cry. i think. i cant sleep. i dont know what to do. UGH. i hate repeating myself. AND IT JUST KEEPS HAPPENING. the last time i went outside i had a panic attack and my nerves are so bad already i just dont want to deal with it anymore. i sit inside and lock the doors shut all the blinds and sit in the dark all day. seriously all day. THERE ISNT ANYTHING "NORMAL" (i know horrible word) ABOUT THAT!?!

i miss my son. and you all are right, im a horrible fucking mom. but to let you know i never call myself mom. because i know. and to plant more seeds of destruction in my fucking warped mind, i actually stopped to wonder if my sons father is doing alright. im a fucking idiot (and yes, you can quote me on that one). now, im waiting on all of these stores to call and tell me that they're not going to hire me. i need to see a shrink, that's TOTALLY understood. how? i dont know. i am cold. i am going to make some soup or eat the left over chinese food, which a chinese person would never eat, and try to fall asleep.
goodnight moon.

10-14-2006, 03:23 AM	#1
extemporaneous i like watching the puddles gather rain Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: killadelphia, pa Posts: 38	it's four oclock in the fucking morning each day gets more and more like the last day....i havent left the house in a week. for anything. i called to make an appointment and since my job isnt on the books i lose all those wonderful percs ... haha percs ... called benefits. so i called health clinics to see if they have a therapist i can talk to and the closest date is for, get this, november 28. isnt that magnificant. it's like i dont know what to do with myself. i sit here. i think. i cry. i think. i cant sleep. i dont know what to do. UGH. i hate repeating myself. AND IT JUST KEEPS HAPPENING. the last time i went outside i had a panic attack and my nerves are so bad already i just dont want to deal with it anymore. i sit inside and lock the doors shut all the blinds and sit in the dark all day. seriously all day. THERE ISNT ANYTHING "NORMAL" (i know horrible word) ABOUT THAT!?! i miss my son. and you all are right, im a horrible fucking mom. but to let you know i never call myself mom. because i know. and to plant more seeds of destruction in my fucking warped mind, i actually stopped to wonder if my sons father is doing alright. im a fucking idiot (and yes, you can quote me on that one). now, im waiting on all of these stores to call and tell me that they're not going to hire me. i need to see a shrink, that's TOTALLY understood. how? i dont know. i am cold. i am going to make some soup or eat the left over chinese food, which a chinese person would never eat, and try to fall asleep. goodnight moon. __________________ we are eternal. all this pain is an illusion.

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