Ask the Transperson

[Pamela]

Originally Posted by Sheldonrs

I get a lot of Trans questions through one of my part time jobs, which includes managing a web site for MtoF transsexuals to help them develope their female voice.
I can't count how many times people assuming I'm trans have asked me about my transition and how I adjusted to peeing, etc. :-)

Do please share this website with me. I have been looking for a site on that subject that is not blatant commercialism.

[Pamela]

Originally Posted by footfootfoot

I guess my question would really be for your wife. I totally get loving the person you are, and that is irrelevant to gender. When it comes to sex and sexual attraction is that an issue for her? If so, in what ways are the two if you addressing it? I guess the question becomes more poignant if you have bottom surgery.

I was wondering when this one would come up.

It allows me to talk a little bit about a sore subject.

My beloved wife and life partner abandoned me for greener pastures in September but didn't tell me until the beginning of November. To me, sex is a nonissue and honestly, I don't miss it. She disagrees.

She has informed me (via email) that she intends to divorce me. No counseling, no therapy, no discussing it with me either. Just...gone.

And just like that, my entire life fell apart. I am trying to pick up the pieces but it has been very hard. I have lost my new family that I was just getting to know and like. I lost all my furkids too. She took three and left me with the rest to find homes for. Hardest thing I have ever done. I still cry over it. Luckily, I saved ONE. No one should be forced to choose between their children. NO ONE!!

Losing the house and property is taking longer but is inevitable. Soon, I will be reduced to living in my travel trailer. Perhaps this is a good thing. Keep me humble.

Getting back to the original question, sex is not important to me at all. The chemical cocktail that I take to suppress testosterone is powerful and causes chemical castration. It also frees me ffrom the male libido. You have NO idea how powerful that monster is!

She decided that sex IS important enough to her that she is not interested in me as a sex partner. She feels that she married a man and when that changed, she was short-changed and wanted to find someone more to her liking. This, I understand. I'm not fighting the divorce nor am I demanding spousal support (which I am entitled to by law). She can go try to find someone else. Good luck and good riddance.

I will cry about it on my therapist's shoulder, once I can afford to see her again.

No, don't apologise. This was going to come up sooner or later. I'm OK.

Pamela

[Pamela]

Originally Posted by slang

That makes sense and I'll surely remember that.

I am honestly uncomfortable with some transpersons and catch myself staring at them. If they are older or self confident they might smile to break my stare to which I'll smile back and make a little friendly small talk as if to say "oops, sorry about that".

Please don't stare at us.. We get self-conscious easily.

Why are you uncomfortable with some but not all?

Is it that they are less "passable" and you start thinking "man in a dress" rather than a late-blooming woman trying to overcome a medical handicap and discover her true self?

The smart ones will smile at you to let you know that they are aware of you. The ones who may be coming out for the first time in public may react by running away (we overreact a LOT in the beginning stages)

Remember, our new hormones are necessarily more powerful than the ones natal females get, resulting in a second puberty with all the attendant drama PLUS the difficulty of trying to shed the stigma and social disapproval. I have literally talked more than one of my sisters out of a closet or out from under a bed because of situations like that.

"reading" or "clocking" us is not difficult sometimes, but please do not advertise it. The etiquette is to pretend that you don't know, even if you do. And never NEVER out someone. Just because YOU know they are trans does not mean that everyone does and pointing it out in any way can and has placed them in danger. You handle it almost correctly. Simply smile and make small talk as if nothing was out of the ordinary.

She will appreciate you for it.

Love

Pamela

[Pamela]

Originally Posted by tw

Can you really identify a transgender person from others? Or only see the fewer that are in transition?

Yes, I can generally tell us from our cisgendered kin. After staring in the mirror at myself and noting all the shortcomings and differences, I have a practiced eye for the techniques that we use to blend in. I can usually (but not always) spot one of my sister's "tells". But it should be noted that they can also spot mine. Etiquette demands that I not notice and continue as normal. I do, however, offer the secret handshake and wink. LOL

Pamela

[Pamela]

Originally Posted by Sundae

I've known a few TG people in real life. One was very obvious, and continues to be. She has been supported by her employer and lives completely as a woman, but she does look very much like a man. Then again she didn't even begin her physical journey until she was into her 50s and I believe this makes a difference.

Yes, it DOES make a difference when we begin later in life rather than early. The ones these days who begin pre-puberty have it the best; they will never have to go through the "wrong" puberty and suffer the physical changes.

Originally Posted by Sundae

Another is as Shel describes, but from the opposite perspective. People assume he is gay and are surprised he has a girlfirend. Both of them have had to deal with some cold shoulders from the lesbian community who they once viewed as family. He for not feeling being a woman was good enough, she for "becoming" heterosexual for sticking by the person she loved regardless of changing gender.

Those are statements not questions of course.

Obviously, I missed out on the recent gossip. I thought Shel was gay, too. You will have to fill me in. Fe-mail me!

Originally Posted by Sundae

My question is, if money had been no object, would you have transitioned sooner? Or was it cultural/ societal issues which held you back? Or did you simply start to make your changes when you were emotionally comfortable with doing so? That's not really three questions, because one answer will suffice

No one should transition before they are ready physically and emotionally. To do otherwise invites a negative outcome. I do regret not knowing what Gender Dysphoria was much earlier.

My first exposure to the greater trans-world out there was meeting MaggieL at RichLevy's BBQ so long ago. Until then, I thought I was the only person who felt like this. I felt like a freak, a pervert, a deviant. Once I knew that I wasn't alone and that there was a name for this, I had a direction to look in and research. My local library was not well-stocked in information on our condition, since little such existed at that time. These days, lots of information is a mere Googke search away. Kids have it GOOOOD!

Originally Posted by Sundae

And is there any good TG literature out there?

Fiction or memoirs written from an informed perspective have always helped me to understand different lifestyles more than any number of texts or documentaries. For example, although I can never really feel the impact of AIDs on the gay community, I have a heck of a lot more empathy since Derek Jarman's books sent me down a path of reading various (well-written) memoirs. It was another world which only ran parallel to the one I lived in at the time.

Sure. Try this.

Or jump directly to the .pdf and read.

[Sheldonrs]

Originally Posted by Pamela

Do please share this website with me. I have been looking for a site on that subject that is not blatant commercialism.

Hi Pamela. Here is the web site:


http://www.heartcorps.com/journeys/voice.htm

[Griff]

Originally Posted by Pamela

"reading" or "clocking" us is not difficult sometimes, but please do not advertise it. The etiquette is to pretend that you don't know, even if you do. And never NEVER out someone. Just because YOU know they are trans does not mean that everyone does and pointing it out in any way can and has placed them in danger. You handle it almost correctly. Simply smile and make small talk as if nothing was out of the ordinary.

Pamela, this has been a great thread, thank you so much for the insight. I'm very sorry about your family falling apart, hopefully you can organize your life the way you need it to be. I'm glad you're part of our community. G

[Sundae]

Originally Posted by Pamela

Obviously, I missed out on the recent gossip. I thought Shel was gay, too. You will have to fill me in.

Sorry, it was awkward sentence structure on my part. I mean that I knew a F>M TG who people assumed was a gay man. Sheldon was born a gay man with the same package he has now!


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

[Sheldonrs]

Originally Posted by Sundae

Sorry, it was awkward sentence structure on my part. I mean that I knew a F>M TG who people assumed was a gay man. Sheldon was born a gay man with the same package he has now!


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

Yup. Gay with the original plumbing.

[BigV]

does that make you a real OG?

[Sheldonrs]

Originally Posted by BigV

does that make you a real OG?

And I take real OG whizzes. Lol

[sexobon]

Originally Posted by Pamela

... I would like to know, would anyone here be interested in asking the tranny a question? ...

... I know that a lot of cisfolk (that's YOU) ...

Hmmmm, if transperson = tranny, that would mean cisfolk = ...

HEY! Are you calling me a cissy?

[Pamela]

if the Birkenstock fits....

[DanaC]

I must admit, I don't like the term cis (cismale, cisfolk, cisfemale).

Which I realise is a little like someone with an ickle spot on the face complaining like a muthafucka to someone with head to toe eczema....but still :P

[Sundae]

I don't like cis either.
I'm a woman.

Pamela is a woman because she identifies as such, except in threads like this where she discusses transgender issues in a way which I find very helpful. I've mentioned the transgender people I know because it's been germane to the conversation. I'd not bring it up if it wasn't.
Ibs never seemed to be 100% sure how she wanted to self-identify, but the last time she was around she was female, so that's how I remember her.

Mum still talks about some of the ladies she knew when she worked in the Ambulance Service as "the lesbians".
Such and such happened when she was on a certain shift with Sandra ("you know, one of the lesbians")
She's the same about the Asian family that live across the close. Bearing in mind that they're the Hussains she doesn't really need to add this in to conversation, but she does.
"Lovely family, the Hussains. Asians."

Then again she announces any calls I get from the Cellar by nationality.
"Someone called for you. American. Nice clear voice though."