Name Change?

DucksNuts · 12-31-2007, 05:20 AM

My 2 boys have not heard from their father since he left in September last year...not a phone call, card, present...nada.

He has his reasons (apparently), but its all mind games and ultimatums to me, with some *easy way outs* thrown in for good measure.

Anyways, I have been considering getting their surnames changed to mine, they have an unusual surname (only ones in Australia I believe) and it shits me that they are carrying his name when he ditched them..am I just being bitchy?? ( I get that way when I see good Fathers spending time with their kids even with a separated family).

limey · 12-31-2007, 06:10 AM

What do the boys think?

LJ · 12-31-2007, 07:54 AM

i thought they were your sister's kids?

DucksNuts · 12-31-2007, 08:14 AM

I am their legal guardian, her surname is the same as mine

Griff · 12-31-2007, 08:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by limey

What do the boys think?

I think that's the best place to start. I don't think he should have the satisfaction of seeing his name continue if he's not being Dad.

DucksNuts · 12-31-2007, 08:32 AM

The boys are 2 and 4, well, nearly 3 and 5....they flit between understanding he isnt coming back...and expecting him to walk back into their lives.

LabRat · 12-31-2007, 08:55 AM

Link(s) to the background situation please?

My initial response is no, let them change it if they want to when they are old enough to understand the situation. But then, I don't know the circumstances myself.

Clodfobble · 12-31-2007, 09:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DucksNuts

I am their legal guardian, her surname is the same as mine

Okay so wait, is he their biological father, or is he an ex-guardian?

I would go entirely on what the kids think. The almost-three-year-old will probably be too young to even know, but the almost-five-year-old may be upset, especially if he is harboring hopes that dad will magically walk back into his life.

classicman · 12-31-2007, 10:23 AM

All of this is predicated on not knowing any facts about any of them, but...
They are both much too young to fathom the implications of a name change and what it may mean later in life. That their father is doing something strange now (whatever that is) and in a year or 2 may completely change. Is he a good person? Is he very far away? Are their legal reasond for this? Just asking. I was on the "other side" of this where my kids were told those things when they weren't true. Not sure what the point of changing the name is. Perhaps this name has a long and wonderful history of great men and this one asshole is spoiling it. There are just too many variables here. No matter what, changing their name really changes nothing. Or am I missing the forest here?

DucksNuts · 12-31-2007, 08:13 PM

*sigh*

Thanks guys, I have been thinking vaguely about it, but last nite I think I was just pissie and bitchy

I wont do anything at this stage.

Clod - its their biological Father that they havent seen.

Classicman, I hear what you are saying regarding the untruths told...but I promised myself I would never say a bad word about their Father and I have held that promise.

A friend of mine poisoned her son against his Father when they split up, and its really frustrating and sad, he wont entertain the idea of meeting his Father....because of the things his Mum said.

Clodfobble · 12-31-2007, 10:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DucksNuts

A friend of mine poisoned her son against his Father when they split up, and its really frustrating and sad, he wont entertain the idea of meeting his Father....because of the things his Mum said.

99.9% of the time that crap backfires anyway, it's just a question of time.

monster · 12-31-2007, 11:50 PM

Do they know what their last name is?

how common is it in Aus for kids to have different last names to their female guardian? What does it imply if they do?

Huge differences exist US/UK. In US parents are most likely to be married, but it's far from given that they will have the same last name. kids will usually have father's or hyphenated last name (surname).

In UK, way more common for parents not to be married, but also more common for them to use the same name despite this. Kids having different last name from mother is more unusual, if mother is single, kids will have her name more often than not. Kids with different last name to mothers are "noticed".

of course these things are changing all the time and I've been an expat for a while, but my sis is a mum in the UK and this is what I hear from her too.

DucksNuts · 01-01-2008, 12:12 AM

The kids arent aware of their surname as yet, but with kinder this year for the eldest, I can see some questions about the different names beginning.

There are no issues with them having a different surname to me, separated women are reverting back to their maiden names, and kids usually retain their Father's name.

monster · 01-01-2008, 12:36 AM

Then now is the time to do it if you are going to. But is it worth the $$ and hassle? It's just a name

classicman · 01-01-2008, 01:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by monster

It's just a name

But its their name.

12-31-2007, 05:20 AM	#1
DucksNuts Bitchy Little Brat Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Queensland, Australia Posts: 5,067	Name Change? My 2 boys have not heard from their father since he left in September last year...not a phone call, card, present...nada. He has his reasons (apparently), but its all mind games and ultimatums to me, with some easy way outs thrown in for good measure. Anyways, I have been considering getting their surnames changed to mine, they have an unusual surname (only ones in Australia I believe) and it shits me that they are carrying his name when he ditched them..am I just being bitchy?? ( I get that way when I see good Fathers spending time with their kids even with a separated family).

12-31-2007, 06:10 AM	#2
limey Encroaching on your decrees Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: An island within the south-west coast of Scotland Posts: 7,016	What do the boys think? __________________ Living it up on the edge ... of civilisation, within the southwest coast of

12-31-2007, 07:54 AM	#3
LJ i am myself Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: via blackberry, maybe Posts: 750	i thought they were your sister's kids? __________________ Whether I shall turn out to be the hero of my own life, or whether that station will be held by anybody else, these pages must show ... -C.Dickens

12-31-2007, 08:55 AM	#7
LabRat twatfaced two legged bumhole Join Date: Jun 2004 Posts: 3,143	Link(s) to the background situation please? My initial response is no, let them change it if they want to when they are old enough to understand the situation. But then, I don't know the circumstances myself. __________________ Strength does not come from how much weight you can lift, or how many miles you can run. It comes from knowing that you set a goal, and rose to the challenge. Strength comes from within.

12-31-2007, 10:23 AM	#9
classicman barely disguised asshole, keeper of all that is holy. Join Date: Nov 2007 Posts: 23,401	All of this is predicated on not knowing any facts about any of them, but... They are both much too young to fathom the implications of a name change and what it may mean later in life. That their father is doing something strange now (whatever that is) and in a year or 2 may completely change. Is he a good person? Is he very far away? Are their legal reasond for this? Just asking. I was on the "other side" of this where my kids were told those things when they weren't true. Not sure what the point of changing the name is. Perhaps this name has a long and wonderful history of great men and this one asshole is spoiling it. There are just too many variables here. No matter what, changing their name really changes nothing. Or am I missing the forest here? __________________ "like strapping a pillow on a bull in a china shop" Bullitt

12-31-2007, 08:14 AM	#4
DucksNuts Bitchy Little Brat Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Queensland, Australia Posts: 5,067	I am their legal guardian, her surname is the same as mine

12-31-2007, 08:32 AM	#6
DucksNuts Bitchy Little Brat Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Queensland, Australia Posts: 5,067	The boys are 2 and 4, well, nearly 3 and 5....they flit between understanding he isnt coming back...and expecting him to walk back into their lives.

12-31-2007, 08:13 PM	#10
DucksNuts Bitchy Little Brat Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Queensland, Australia Posts: 5,067	sigh Thanks guys, I have been thinking vaguely about it, but last nite I think I was just pissie and bitchy I wont do anything at this stage. Clod - its their biological Father that they havent seen. Classicman, I hear what you are saying regarding the untruths told...but I promised myself I would never say a bad word about their Father and I have held that promise. A friend of mine poisoned her son against his Father when they split up, and its really frustrating and sad, he wont entertain the idea of meeting his Father....because of the things his Mum said.

12-31-2007, 11:50 PM	#12
monster I hear them call the tide Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Perpetual Chaos Posts: 30,852	Do they know what their last name is? how common is it in Aus for kids to have different last names to their female guardian? What does it imply if they do? Huge differences exist US/UK. In US parents are most likely to be married, but it's far from given that they will have the same last name. kids will usually have father's or hyphenated last name (surname). In UK, way more common for parents not to be married, but also more common for them to use the same name despite this. Kids having different last name from mother is more unusual, if mother is single, kids will have her name more often than not. Kids with different last name to mothers are "noticed". of course these things are changing all the time and I've been an expat for a while, but my sis is a mum in the UK and this is what I hear from her too. __________________ The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity Amelia Earhart

01-01-2008, 12:12 AM	#13
DucksNuts Bitchy Little Brat Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Queensland, Australia Posts: 5,067	The kids arent aware of their surname as yet, but with kinder this year for the eldest, I can see some questions about the different names beginning. There are no issues with them having a different surname to me, separated women are reverting back to their maiden names, and kids usually retain their Father's name.

01-01-2008, 12:36 AM	#14
monster I hear them call the tide Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Perpetual Chaos Posts: 30,852	Then now is the time to do it if you are going to. But is it worth the $$ and hassle? It's just a name __________________ The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity Amelia Earhart

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