Humor...I Need Humor... - Page 310

jimhelm · 07-23-2012, 06:53 PM

Headstone of Russell J. Larsen in the LoganCity Cemetery , Logan , Utah ! I wonder if he died knowing he won the 'Coolest Headstone' contest?

His tombstone reads:

FIVE RULES FOR MEN TO FOLLOW FOR A HAPPY LIFE:

1. It's important to have a woman who helps at home, cooks from time to time, cleans up, and has a job.

2. It's important to have a woman who can make you laugh.

3. It's important to have a woman who you can trust, and doesn't lie to you.

4. It's important to have a woman who is good in bed, and likes to be with you.

5. It's very, very important that these four women do not know each other or you could end up dead like me.

ZenGum · 07-24-2012, 05:26 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sheldonrs

Want to know what you and I are doing in some of those universes? lol

You know what's really disturbing?

In some of those alternate universes ... You. Are. Straight.

And we're checking out chicks at the beach.

Sheldonrs · 07-24-2012, 09:12 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ZenGum

You know what's really disturbing?

In some of those alternate universes ... You. Are. Straight.

And we're checking out chicks at the beach.

I'm fine with that because I know in still other universes, I am fucking Matt Damon's brains out, one way or another. :-)

Ibby · 07-25-2012, 12:14 AM

ZenGum · 07-25-2012, 06:13 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sheldonrs

I'm fine with that because I know in still other universes, I am fucking Matt Damon's brains out, one way or another. :-)

Yeah, but in some of those universes, Matt Damon is a male to female transsexual, and she likes it missionary style.

DanaC · 07-25-2012, 07:39 AM

Maybe there''s a unverse where I don't waste my time on the cellar and do some fucking work?

Ptcha....doubt it.

Sheldonrs · 07-25-2012, 09:06 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DanaC

Maybe there''s a unverse where I don't waste my time on the cellar and do some fucking work?

Ptcha....doubt it.

In some universes, it's The Attic. :-)

classicman · 07-27-2012, 01:51 PM

Raise for the Mexican Maid

The Mexican maid asked for a pay increase.

The wife was very upset about this and decided to talk to her about it.

She asked: "Now Maria, why do you want a pay increase?"

Maria: "Well, Señora, there are tree reasons why I wanna increaze."

"The first is that I iron better than you."

Wife: "Who said you iron better than me?"

Maria: "Jor huzban he say."

Wife: "Oh yeah?"

Maria: "The second reason eez that I am a better cook than you."

Wife: "Nonsense, who said you were a better cook than me?"

Maria: "Jor hozban did"

Wife increasingly agitated:

"Oh he did did he?"

Maria: "The third reason is that I am better than you in the bed."

Wife, really boiling now and through gritted teeth.

"And did my husband say that as well?"

Maria: "No Señora.......The gardener did."

Wife: "So how much do you want?"

jimhelm · 07-28-2012, 09:37 AM

HA!~~ WHORE

Gravdigr · 07-28-2012, 05:35 PM

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Nirvana · 07-30-2012, 09:33 PM

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xoxoxoBruce · 07-30-2012, 09:37 PM

.

classicman · 07-30-2012, 11:14 PM

.

Gravdigr · 07-31-2012, 05:10 PM

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Lamplighter · 07-31-2012, 05:21 PM

that's a kreative grammer nazi

07-23-2012, 06:53 PM	#4636
jimhelm a beautiful fool Join Date: Sep 2010 Location: 39.939705 Posts: 4,504	Headstone of Russell J. Larsen in the LoganCity Cemetery , Logan , Utah ! I wonder if he died knowing he won the 'Coolest Headstone' contest? His tombstone reads: FIVE RULES FOR MEN TO FOLLOW FOR A HAPPY LIFE: 1. It's important to have a woman who helps at home, cooks from time to time, cleans up, and has a job. 2. It's important to have a woman who can make you laugh. 3. It's important to have a woman who you can trust, and doesn't lie to you. 4. It's important to have a woman who is good in bed, and likes to be with you. 5. It's very, very important that these four women do not know each other or you could end up dead like me. __________________ There's a Shadow just behind me. Shrouding every step I take. Making every promise empty, pointing every finger at me. _tool

07-25-2012, 12:14 AM	#4639
Ibby erika Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: "the high up north" Posts: 6,127	__________________ not really back, you didn't see me, i was never here shhhhhh

07-27-2012, 01:51 PM	#4643
classicman barely disguised asshole, keeper of all that is holy. Join Date: Nov 2007 Posts: 23,401	Raise for the Mexican Maid The Mexican maid asked for a pay increase. The wife was very upset about this and decided to talk to her about it. She asked: "Now Maria, why do you want a pay increase?" Maria: "Well, Señora, there are tree reasons why I wanna increaze." "The first is that I iron better than you." Wife: "Who said you iron better than me?" Maria: "Jor huzban he say." Wife: "Oh yeah?" Maria: "The second reason eez that I am a better cook than you." Wife: "Nonsense, who said you were a better cook than me?" Maria: "Jor hozban did" Wife increasingly agitated: "Oh he did did he?" Maria: "The third reason is that I am better than you in the bed." Wife, really boiling now and through gritted teeth. "And did my husband say that as well?" Maria: "No Señora.......The gardener did." Wife: "So how much do you want?" __________________ "like strapping a pillow on a bull in a china shop" Bullitt

07-28-2012, 09:37 AM	#4644
jimhelm a beautiful fool Join Date: Sep 2010 Location: 39.939705 Posts: 4,504	HA!~~ WHORE __________________ There's a Shadow just behind me. Shrouding every step I take. Making every promise empty, pointing every finger at me. _tool

07-28-2012, 05:35 PM	#4645
Gravdigr The Un-Tuckian Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: South Central...KY that is Posts: 39,517	__________________ These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA, EPA, FBI, DEA, CDC, or FDIC. These statements are not intended to diagnose, cause, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. If you feel you have been harmed/offended by, or, disagree with any of the above statements or images, please feel free to fuck right off.

07-30-2012, 09:33 PM	#4646
Nirvana Back in 10 Join Date: Aug 2008 Posts: 3,684	__________________ Speaking simply... do not confuse this with having a simple mind.

07-30-2012, 09:37 PM	#4647
xoxoxoBruce The future is unwritten Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 71,105	. __________________ The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.

07-30-2012, 11:14 PM	#4648
classicman barely disguised asshole, keeper of all that is holy. Join Date: Nov 2007 Posts: 23,401	. Attached Images __________________ "like strapping a pillow on a bull in a china shop" Bullitt

07-31-2012, 05:10 PM	#4649
Gravdigr The Un-Tuckian Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: South Central...KY that is Posts: 39,517	__________________ These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA, EPA, FBI, DEA, CDC, or FDIC. These statements are not intended to diagnose, cause, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. If you feel you have been harmed/offended by, or, disagree with any of the above statements or images, please feel free to fuck right off.

07-31-2012, 05:21 PM	#4650
Lamplighter Person who doesn't update the user title Join Date: Jun 2010 Location: Bottom lands of the Missoula floods Posts: 6,402	that's a kreative grammer nazi

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