The Generic Support Group Thread

[Undertoad]

You will always get some submissive dogs. That's pack behavior, I don't care what breed.

[zippyt]

Stacy , you bought a dog on some body elses word ?????
Well you GOT what you payed for .

I always prefer to sit down in a crowd of puppies and make my own choise , sort of a feeling wich puppy will mature into the dog I want to have , so far I have only had 1 dud , he was a good dog just not the brightest knife in the drawer ( if'n you know what I meen )

Well, Stacey, I wouldn't post on that other board that "no animal shelter treats its dogs better." That's lowering the bar considerably. The Humane Society here keeps dogs in kennels with small concrete runs. The kennels are hosed down once or twice a day, the dogs are adequately fed and protected from the elements. After x amount of time, any dog which hasn't been adopted is given a bar of soap and sent off to the showers.

It doesn't take an amazing amount of skill or investment of time to treat a dog as good or better than that.

If I had a husband I called "buttfuck," I'd get rid of him. If you want to keep a buttfuck, its your life, do as you please. I actually clicked on your link and checked out that site and the members there seem to think you should get rid of your husband, as well, for cruelty to animals.

And it is dead on that if you don't like submissive dogs, you shouldn't be breeding them. Dogs are social, pack animals. Only one gets to be the alpha member of the pack. The other pack members are subordinate to the alpha animal. If this bugs you, either keep only one dog or get yourself a school of fish.

I suspect that your other dogs are following your cues in your dislike of this chihuahua which may indeed be a more submissive animal by nature, and ganging up on it. The behavior you describe is that of an animal which feels completely terrorized. It is highly abnormal for a dog to respond in the manner you say this puppy is responding. You don't like its personality, you don't like its looks and you feel ripped off. I suggest that you cut your losses and out of kindness to the animal, GIVE IT AWAY to someone who will treat it decently - not with resentment and not calling it nasty names. Maybe Busterb would take it off your hands. I bet it would be a thousand times happier living with him and Sheila.

If the breeder did indeed rip you off, then I'm sorry to say that it was most likely your own fault. If you researched the breeder, checked into the bloodlines of her animals, checked to see if she has been winning shows with them, asked around about her to other breeders, chances are 99.999% that you would have recieved an acceptable pup for your money.

I did all these things before buying my pup. The breeder had me apply to get one of her puppies which impressed me enormously. She went to the trouble of importing my puppy's sire all the way from Australia to keep the genetics of her litters as free from inbreeding as possible. Both the sire and the dam of my pup are AKC champions in herding and agility. I got a picture of my pup at 3 weeks and more pictures which I posted here of the pup at 8 weeks. At 12 weeks, she is still the same pup, only bigger and a little less pudgy. She's a wonderful Corgi pup and I am enormously pleased with her. I spent half of what you did for my pup, too. I did a lot of homework before getting her, but that time was well worth it. The result is asleep at my feet with her head on my foot and I call her "Corgette" - NOT "Pisser."

[Sundae]

This time last year I believed that 2005 would be my year. I was already 2 months into a health kick – losing weight, exercising etc. My ex agreed to pay me £2000, and although he attached some weird conditions to it and it wasn't even half of what I believe he owes, I'd mentally written it off in my head already, so it was a pleasant surprise. This and working 6 days a week meant that I finally paid off all my debts – no loan, overdraft, credit card, store card etc.

I booked to go speed dating in April and was going to Italy in May for a friend's wedding. In short I felt my life was improving and my hard work meant I could be proud as well as satisfied.

Some time between May-July things started slipping. I lost 4 stone but didn't quite reach my target weight, maintained for about a month and then started gaining again. I lost focus, stopped exercising, started eating & drinking more. I dated 3 men I met at speed dating but I just didn't fancy any of them. I went on about 4 dates with one, thinking I might have been judging too quickly, but the spark was never there.

I started spending more of my money on drink, which meant I put more weight on. None of the funky clothes I bought earlier in the year fitted me & I started making excuses if I was asked out. I ran out of money halfway through each month anyway, and put off paying bills until the next payday to leave me more money for beer & takeaways.

I am now at the highest weight I have ever been in a whole history of yo-yo dieting. I am about £100 behind on bills and haven't had my hair done since September (as I have highlighted hair this shows very clearly).

I finally cleaned my flat at the weekend and it took 7 hours to do 3 rooms (I still have the bedroom to do) because it looked like the sort of place a drunk would go to die. I feel like someone has beaten me with a big dirty stick because I pulled all the muscles in my legs & back cleaning. I feel better about going home knowing my living room & kitchen are clean, but last night I slept on the sofa & probably will again tonight because sleeping in the bedroom the way it is makes me disgusted with myself.

Anyway – I have lower expectations this year. But I do want 2006 to end better than it started. I think I have taken the first baby steps, but not sure how to keep moving forwards. I need to stop drinking (this is going to be the hardest). Then I believe I can slowly lose some weight, introduce exercise, work on getting out of my flat. At that point I might be capable of looking for love again.

Am partly looking for words of wisdom, partly just getting all this off my chest because I won't admit to anyone I know in real life how badly I screwed things up last year.

[xoxoxoBruce]

On the bright side, at least you were doing it to yourself and not someone you were caring for like a child or parent.

[wolf]

Sundae, you can always start over. I'm facing that as well. A few years ago I lost a lot more than just a few stone ... I think it should be measured in boulders. Anyway, through inattention, stress, and just plain sitting on my ass laziness I haven't regained the whole load, but near enough ...

You can always start over. You've managed it once, and you will again. Sometimes it helps to have a buddy to do it along with? Have you tried that yet?

If beer is a problem, maybe you should switch to wine.

[Trilby]

Sundae Girl--well, you know how very well I relate to all of this, but I wanted to let you know that I will cheer you on and celebrate every victory, and every decision to try again (knowing how much and how often my own self has to try, try again.) You've tackled a huge job (cleaning the flat. And believe me, I've lived in similar abodes. I'm living in one right now!) and you've put it out there and you are brave. I'm with ya, Girl! Oh, and, I think you are smashing!

[Trilby]

...and you've no idea how badly I want to eat french fries smothered in mayo right now. Will it ever end?

[Sundae]

Thank you Wolf - it does help put things in perspective. I've been seeing things in black & white terms (I had everything & threw it all away) but you're right - pick myself up & start again.

And thanks Brianna - I know at least I have an on-line buddy I can talk to about these things. I do wish I had someone closer though.... Am tempted to join Weight Watchers just for the company, but I worry that any plans are doomed to failure if I don't control my drinking first.

And that is SO hard.

[Trilby]

Drinking is rather 'hard wired' into my brain. I realize I did that to myself, but, if you can think of it as something like a needle stuck in a groove...like, the feeling of "oh, I REALLY want/need to drink" being a well-worn track in your brain, something your brain will always immediately go to because it's a known path seems to help me to deflect that particular groove. I say to myself, "That's just my first thought. That's where I always go. It doesn't mean it's destiny."

That probably didn't make any sense. Anyway--just know yourself. I always get a particular 'itch' right before I find myself in the liquor store parking lot. My brain feels controlled, my actions feel controlled, like I am a slave to it. I have to (lots of times OUT LOUD) tell myself I am NOT a slave to drinking and that I CAN drive away without a bottle.

I tried to reply to you earlier, Sundae Girl and my lengthy response got vanished off into the ether at the furtherest edges of the Internet somewhere. Alas!

Lets see if this second attempt will work.

Please correct me if I am wrong, but what I got from your post is that you have a problem with alcohol which is making other personal difficulties even more difficult to effectively address.

You want to lose weight, but alcohol only guarantees that you will, at best, stay at the same weight as you are now, maybe even become heavier. You would like to get your debts paid down, but alcohol guarantees that your credit cards will remain maxed out until the end of time. You'd like to meet a new guy, but alcohol guarantees that you will be so filled with self loathing that you just go into hiding from the world.

Your problem is alcohol. Period.

It is very, very difficult to stop drinking on your own. A few people do manage to pull this off, but most just keep on drinking. I admire the hell out of Brianna that she can tell alcohol that she and not it is the one in control. Most folks are simply unable to do this. I can't.

In another thread I wrote that I know that I could easily become the person who single handedly supports a small Californian winery if I don't put the brakes on. When I found myself skating on thin ice over a lake of good Kentucky bourbon in the past, I went down to the local AA group. I completely stopped drinking for 5 years. I now drink in moderation, but I have an internal govenor which will send me straight back to AA and complete abstinence if I sense myself heading for a repeat trip down the same old road.

AA is everywhere. I'm sure there's at least one group in the area where you live. It won't hurt a thing to go check that group out. AA is strictly anonymous and no one there is going to stand in judgement of you for having the same difficulty as they do. This might seem like a drastic step to you, but from what you describe, alcohol is impacting your life in a very negative way and you are having a very difficult time refraining from drinking on your own. It may be very worth your while to look into finding a support group.

The other thing I got from your post is a sense of profound depression. You may be drinking to self medicate you depression. Ask your doctor about an anti-depreesent. It may take trying several before you and your doctor hit on the one that works for you and your brain chemistry. That's the other thing that has made a profound difference for me. I found a wonderful doctor whom I call my "brain chemist." He worked with me until we found a medicine that actually got me jump started out of the depression that I have suffered from all my life. I consider my anti-depressent meds to be no more shameful than what insulin is for a diabetic. Some of us just suffered from brain chemistry that causes us to be depressed. Its not a character flaw - its a physiological one.

Please keep us posted as to how you are doing. I'm sending positive thoughts across the pond for you!

[Sundae]

I think the problem is alcohol, yes. It's obviously not helping with the way I feel about things, or my motivation to change anything else in my life.

I don't really want to go to my GP to discuss anti-depressants while I am still drinking. I think I will either get a leaflet about the dangers of alcohol or maybe even a referral to a counsellor or alcohol support group – GPs don't like to prescribe drugs if there is an unresolved underlying problem. What I worry about there is that it will then be on my official health records, and I'll have to divulge this information if I apply for another job or a mortgage or anything official like that. I know that may seem a skewed way of looking at things, but I do have a horror of being officially labelled with a drink problem and that coming back to bite me in years to come. It would also mean admitting I have a problem of course, which is a step I am only just about to take.

Maybe I really should consider AA. At least to say I've tried it. Part of my hesitation in the past (apart from not wanting to admit, again) is the emphasis on spirituality. Then again I've overcome this sort of thing before when dealing with Christian groups... I'll have a think anyway, and I'll let you know how I get on. Thanks for your advice.

[Trilby]

Originally Posted by Sundae Girl

What I worry about there is that it will then be on my official health records, and I'll have to divulge this information if I apply for another job or a mortgage or anything official like that.

I had no idea that information would be so public and/or be able to nix you from getting a mortgage, etc. I don't think you should divulge it, either, in light of that. Society is not very forgiving on either side of the pond.

[Sundae]

I applied for a mortgage years ago (didn't go through with it in the end) and they asked pretty detailed questions on visits to a GP within the last 3 years.

The same with application forms for jobs.

I suppose I could just refuse to answer...? That sort of thing doesn't tend to occur to me until afterwards! I'm not sure where I would stand if someone asked to see my records. They have no right to see them witout my permission, but it's feasible that a condition of employment might be access to them at some point in the future?

Anyway - borrowing trouble here. I'll see that as a possible option but avoid it for the time being.