My girl is leaving

orthodoc · 08-29-2014, 11:50 PM

on September 4, one day after my original wedding anniversary and on my granddaughter's birthday/deathday. She's booked her flight.

It wasn't good for her to be here, I know that. She's done her part, no one can expect or demand more. She's not necessarily going to a better situation, but she has to go.

I can't shake the feeling I won't see her again. It's stupid, but nothing is sure. I'm back to feeling vulnerable, with this lousy infection and nightly night sweats and fatigue that doesn't go away. I'll get up tomorrow and go to my training session and gain strength, but.

Still, she has to go. That's life.

Aliantha · 08-29-2014, 11:53 PM

orthodoc · 08-30-2014, 12:10 AM

I need to gain that Zen perspective, where nothing hurts. But tonight I am not doing well. Guess I'm just not enlightened enough. Haven't evolved past feeling. Thanks, Ali.

Lola Bunny · 08-30-2014, 01:16 AM

I hope you'll feel better soon.

limey · 08-30-2014, 02:02 AM

Hugs, Ortho.

DanaC · 08-30-2014, 03:36 AM

*hugs*

Sounds a difficult thing to deal with Ortho.

Sheldonrs · 08-30-2014, 04:00 AM

I hope you both will be better soon, in every way.

fargon · 08-30-2014, 05:37 AM

Hugs and prayers for both of you.

glatt · 08-30-2014, 07:03 AM

Sorry, Ortho.

BigV · 08-30-2014, 10:59 AM

I'm sorry too that you're hurting. But don't be in a rush to move to a place beyond feeling. To me, that is death. You'll be OK, she'll be OK.

orthodoc · 08-30-2014, 11:54 PM

She told her father tonight. He told her it was a great idea, great plan, although he had some sudden irritation at the corners of his eyes that required rubbing and left his eyes suspiciously shiny.

She couldn't/wouldn't give me the address of the gf she says she'll stay with, and then said she's going to use a PO Box. Because she and her gf will be moving again in a few months when the lease ends and it's so tiresome to be having mail forwarded multiple times. All very plausible except that she routinely lies to us. She's not going to live with her gf, she's going to live with the guy she's infatuated with.

It's not that she thinks I'm completely stupid; she just desires to avoid awkward conversations at all cost. She doesn't want to hear anything that she doesn't want to hear.

Her father will take her to the airport Thursday morning on the same trip he makes to pick up my BFF from grade school, who is flying here from Ontario to visit for a few days.

Her geographic removal is just the logical sequel of her psychological removal. That happened in 2012 when she left school without saying a word. Somehow, this removal is just as painful as that one. I suppose I'd harbored hope that she'd follow through on her declared agenda while here.

It's her life. She'll do what she needs to do, make the best decisions that she sees at the time, and live with the result. Watching a child choose a train wreck is something I ought to have some expertise in by now, ought to have reached some equanimity in the situation. See the setup, watch the wreck coming, go in with the EMS, and provide tertiary damage mitigation. As Dylan Thomas said, home is the place where, when you go there, they have to take you in. They keep their grief to themselves.

Oh, and I'm about to have my first lawsuit, over something that happened while I was in DC at my board review course. I'll be part of it because I was involved before and after coming back. I did everything and busted my ass to get care for the individual, but the outcome will be sub-optimal. While that would probably have been the case no matter what, a less-than-perfect outcome always means a lawsuit. Merkins have a constitutional right to a perfect outcome.

I have worked hard for this individual, made interim arrangements for assessment while I was away, researched the injury and treatment options, been in frequent contact by phone, provided careful and comprehensive pain management, and given out my cell number in case of concerns. On the day of injury I referred the individual to a specialist due to the extent and complexity of the injury. But my colleague missed a critical decision point while I was away, and now the outcome will not be perfect.

The sub-specialist who should have been contacted by my colleague has told the patient that his expertise would have saved the situation, even though the literature doesn't support his claim. I will go head to head with this guy on the stand, if it gets that far.

One way or another, I'll lose. Merkins do not suffer permanent sequelae from injuries and not get handsomely compensated. And - I don't begrudge this individual something reasonable. But I don't believe my professional expertise and clinical ability should be derided. I gave this individual the best possible care, carefully and with caring.

I'll be published nationally as a defective doc when the insurance company settles (I won't have a choice about that). In the next ten years people will wonder why they only ever see nurses or physician assistants, and this is part of the reason.

Big Sarge · 08-31-2014, 12:16 AM

You have some heavy stuff going Ortho. As far as the lawsuit, I know they can be hell. Basically I am being sued because myself and another officer stopped a man from committing suicide. Looks like we violated his right to die. Anyway, may I suggest 2 things? First, try meditation. I think it helps me. Second, turn to the man upstairs and ask for his help and guidance.

A caveat with this - I'm a crazy Jew who believes in Jesus while study Buddhism

orthodoc · 08-31-2014, 01:36 AM

Thanks, Sarge. I've only recently worked through to the idea that there is someone up there/out there who takes an interest. Still, there's no expectation of concrete help; consider my own need to disengage from my daughter's decisions.

As for the lawsuit, taken in context it doesn't mean much. But to be publicly humiliated when you're the one that did everything possible - to have that be your legacy after so many years - is hard.

Time for bed.

Nirvana · 08-31-2014, 10:40 AM

Sorry this doesn't help O but in my experience no good deed goes unpunished but you do them anyway...

Big Sarge · 08-31-2014, 02:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by orthodoc

As for the lawsuit, taken in context it doesn't mean much. But to be publicly humiliated when you're the one that did everything possible - to have that be your legacy after so many years - is hard.

I'm living that right now. sucks, but hold your head high.

08-29-2014, 11:50 PM	#1
orthodoc Not Suspicious, Merely Canadian Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 3,774	My girl is leaving on September 4, one day after my original wedding anniversary and on my granddaughter's birthday/deathday. She's booked her flight. It wasn't good for her to be here, I know that. She's done her part, no one can expect or demand more. She's not necessarily going to a better situation, but she has to go. I can't shake the feeling I won't see her again. It's stupid, but nothing is sure. I'm back to feeling vulnerable, with this lousy infection and nightly night sweats and fatigue that doesn't go away. I'll get up tomorrow and go to my training session and gain strength, but. Still, she has to go. That's life. __________________ The greatness of a nation and its moral progress can be judged by the way its animals are treated. - Ghandi

08-29-2014, 11:53 PM	#2
Aliantha trying hard to be a better person Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Brisbane, Australia Posts: 16,493	__________________ Kind words are the music of the world. F. W. Faber

08-30-2014, 12:10 AM	#3
orthodoc Not Suspicious, Merely Canadian Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 3,774	I need to gain that Zen perspective, where nothing hurts. But tonight I am not doing well. Guess I'm just not enlightened enough. Haven't evolved past feeling. Thanks, Ali. __________________ The greatness of a nation and its moral progress can be judged by the way its animals are treated. - Ghandi

08-30-2014, 02:02 AM	#5
limey Encroaching on your decrees Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: An island within the south-west coast of Scotland Posts: 7,016	Hugs, Ortho. __________________ Living it up on the edge ... of civilisation, within the southwest coast of

08-30-2014, 04:00 AM	#7
Sheldonrs Master Dwellar Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Los Angeles, CA Posts: 4,412	I hope you both will be better soon, in every way. __________________ Laugh and the world laughs with you; cry and the world laughs AT you.

08-30-2014, 01:16 AM	#4
Lola Bunny Junior Master Dwellar Join Date: May 2011 Posts: 2,728	I hope you'll feel better soon.

08-30-2014, 05:37 AM	#8
fargon Person who doesn't update the user title Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: La Crosse, WI Posts: 8,924	Hugs and prayers for both of you. __________________ Annoy the ones that ignore you!!! I live a blessed life I Love my Country, I Fear the Government!!! Heavily medicated for the good of mankind.

08-30-2014, 07:03 AM	#9
glatt ™ Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Arlington, VA Posts: 27,717	Sorry, Ortho.

08-30-2014, 10:59 AM	#10
BigV Goon Squad Leader Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Seattle Posts: 27,063	I'm sorry too that you're hurting. But don't be in a rush to move to a place beyond feeling. To me, that is death. You'll be OK, she'll be OK. __________________ Be Just and Fear Not.

08-30-2014, 11:54 PM	#11
orthodoc Not Suspicious, Merely Canadian Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 3,774	She told her father tonight. He told her it was a great idea, great plan, although he had some sudden irritation at the corners of his eyes that required rubbing and left his eyes suspiciously shiny. She couldn't/wouldn't give me the address of the gf she says she'll stay with, and then said she's going to use a PO Box. Because she and her gf will be moving again in a few months when the lease ends and it's so tiresome to be having mail forwarded multiple times. All very plausible except that she routinely lies to us. She's not going to live with her gf, she's going to live with the guy she's infatuated with. It's not that she thinks I'm completely stupid; she just desires to avoid awkward conversations at all cost. She doesn't want to hear anything that she doesn't want to hear. Her father will take her to the airport Thursday morning on the same trip he makes to pick up my BFF from grade school, who is flying here from Ontario to visit for a few days. Her geographic removal is just the logical sequel of her psychological removal. That happened in 2012 when she left school without saying a word. Somehow, this removal is just as painful as that one. I suppose I'd harbored hope that she'd follow through on her declared agenda while here. It's her life. She'll do what she needs to do, make the best decisions that she sees at the time, and live with the result. Watching a child choose a train wreck is something I ought to have some expertise in by now, ought to have reached some equanimity in the situation. See the setup, watch the wreck coming, go in with the EMS, and provide tertiary damage mitigation. As Dylan Thomas said, home is the place where, when you go there, they have to take you in. They keep their grief to themselves. Oh, and I'm about to have my first lawsuit, over something that happened while I was in DC at my board review course. I'll be part of it because I was involved before and after coming back. I did everything and busted my ass to get care for the individual, but the outcome will be sub-optimal. While that would probably have been the case no matter what, a less-than-perfect outcome always means a lawsuit. Merkins have a constitutional right to a perfect outcome. I have worked hard for this individual, made interim arrangements for assessment while I was away, researched the injury and treatment options, been in frequent contact by phone, provided careful and comprehensive pain management, and given out my cell number in case of concerns. On the day of injury I referred the individual to a specialist due to the extent and complexity of the injury. But my colleague missed a critical decision point while I was away, and now the outcome will not be perfect. The sub-specialist who should have been contacted by my colleague has told the patient that his expertise would have saved the situation, even though the literature doesn't support his claim. I will go head to head with this guy on the stand, if it gets that far. One way or another, I'll lose. Merkins do not suffer permanent sequelae from injuries and not get handsomely compensated. And - I don't begrudge this individual something reasonable. But I don't believe my professional expertise and clinical ability should be derided. I gave this individual the best possible care, carefully and with caring. I'll be published nationally as a defective doc when the insurance company settles (I won't have a choice about that). In the next ten years people will wonder why they only ever see nurses or physician assistants, and this is part of the reason. __________________ The greatness of a nation and its moral progress can be judged by the way its animals are treated. - Ghandi Last edited by orthodoc; 08-31-2014 at 12:17 AM.

08-31-2014, 12:16 AM	#12
Big Sarge Werepandas - lurking in your shadows Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: In the Deep South Posts: 3,408	You have some heavy stuff going Ortho. As far as the lawsuit, I know they can be hell. Basically I am being sued because myself and another officer stopped a man from committing suicide. Looks like we violated his right to die. Anyway, may I suggest 2 things? First, try meditation. I think it helps me. Second, turn to the man upstairs and ask for his help and guidance. A caveat with this - I'm a crazy Jew who believes in Jesus while study Buddhism __________________ Give a man a match, & he'll be warm for 20 seconds. But toss that man a white phosphorus grenade and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

08-31-2014, 01:36 AM	#13
orthodoc Not Suspicious, Merely Canadian Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 3,774	Thanks, Sarge. I've only recently worked through to the idea that there is someone up there/out there who takes an interest. Still, there's no expectation of concrete help; consider my own need to disengage from my daughter's decisions. As for the lawsuit, taken in context it doesn't mean much. But to be publicly humiliated when you're the one that did everything possible - to have that be your legacy after so many years - is hard. Time for bed. __________________ The greatness of a nation and its moral progress can be judged by the way its animals are treated. - Ghandi

08-31-2014, 10:40 AM	#14
Nirvana Back in 10 Join Date: Aug 2008 Posts: 3,684	Sorry this doesn't help O but in my experience no good deed goes unpunished but you do them anyway... __________________ Speaking simply... do not confuse this with having a simple mind.

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