Uckity Uck Uck Uck!

Trilby · 10-02-2012, 05:18 AM

I ran into an old pal o' mine (we were nursing school buddies 18 years ago) yesterday and I friended her on FB and NOW I'm regretting it.

How does one quietly, incognito-like unfriend someone?

any of you spy experts know?

limey · 10-02-2012, 05:52 AM

You just unfriend them. They only discover this if they go looking for you. Why do you care whether they know?

Trilby · 10-02-2012, 06:14 AM

I just feel silly. I asked to 'friend' her and now, after consideration, I don't want to know any more about her. My own doing. I cut off our friendship for a reason; then 18 years pass, we meet (she accosted me) and I decide "Oh! we can be friends again!" and then I think better of it - she really threw me under the bus long time ago and I don't want to re-live any of it or be subjected to her Princessy-ness. maybe she's too close for comfort for me.
she's only four years younger than I but has 2 boys ages 4 and 6 whereas my own are 21 and 22. I've seen her FB pages and it's all Mommy-ness when it isn't Princessy-ness and, as you can imagine, I feel bad about not being SuperBadAssMom whereas she certainly IS SuperBadAssMom judging by her FB pics, etc. elaborate bd parties for four year olds, "the" house etc . jealous I am. A jealous, jealous bitch. but she DID hurt me way before I became such a rag.

oh, yes. And she is, and always has been, best buds with the likes of women who get diamonds for every occasion. As does she. The bitterness in me runs deep, it does. Oh, I'm a hateful crone. What to do? What to do?

Even when we were 18 years younger (her being 26) she treated her own birthday like it was a national holiday. Her first ex hubby gave her a Doonie (SP?) purse, then all the rage and v. expensive, and she was PISSED as there was no surprise party and "he didn't really put much thought into the present; he just bought something," ugh.

Lamplighter · 10-02-2012, 07:55 AM

Click the button, and move on...

Undertoad · 10-02-2012, 09:31 AM

Examine her FB for the inevitable evidence that things didn't go exactly as planned.

glatt · 10-02-2012, 10:27 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Trilby

Her first ex hubby

Doesn't sound like such a dream life.

BigV · 10-02-2012, 10:58 AM

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monster · 10-02-2012, 12:17 PM

Click the button.

I need to do that to my sister-in-law. I couldn't stand her before she got brain-damaged but Facebook came about afterwards and I thought what harm can she do?

Cyber Wolf · 10-02-2012, 03:24 PM

If you're worried about her noticing you've disappeared from her list and don't want her to bug you about it later, you can just block all activity from her feed/comments/updates/app/etc. That way, you're still in her friends list but you don't have to see anything.

orthodoc · 10-02-2012, 05:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Trilby

Her first ex hubby gave her a Doonie (SP?) purse, then all the rage and v. expensive, and she was PISSED as there was no surprise party and "he didn't really put much thought into the present; he just bought something," ugh.

Her first ex hubby.

Right, a lovely princessy life. Hopefully he got wise.

Because, seriously, how do these women get away with it? I've read about women who somehow make sure their hubbies know that every anniversary had better be something amazingly better than the last - that there'd better be cruise tickets under the tree, and high-end baubles, and and and ...

how do they get away with it?

I couldn't do that if you gave me lessons and made me write exams. Am I a failure? I must've been standing behind the door when the princess gene was passed out ...

ZenGum · 10-02-2012, 06:52 PM

Well maybe you just don't see yourself as a one-man-whore on a constant quest to renegotiate your contract in your favour.

orthodoc · 10-02-2012, 07:14 PM

But why do men love these women? I've listened to a man proudly talk about what a princess - no, a queen, a real queen - his wife was, how demanding and capricious she was, and how he loved, loved, loved her. She made him miserable and he loved her. (She also took a lover and broke his heart, and now he despises women.)

And when a woman is generous and loving toward a man, he stops being loving and behaves as badly as he knows how.

I don't understand. Maybe men and women are supposed to make each other miserable. It's always the one who doesn't love, or who loves less, who has control in a relationship. The whole dynamic seems doomed to failure. Or maybe I'm just Aspie, 'cause I just don't get it.

ZenGum · 10-02-2012, 08:31 PM

Quote:

It's always the one who doesn't love, or who loves less, who has control in a relationship.

A quote to that effect got a fair bit of air-time here a few years back.

BigV · 10-02-2012, 10:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by orthodoc

But why do men love these women? I've listened to a man proudly talk about what a princess - no, a queen, a real queen - his wife was, how demanding and capricious she was, and how he loved, loved, loved her. She made him miserable and he loved her. (She also took a lover and broke his heart, and now he despises women.)

And when a woman is generous and loving toward a man, he stops being loving and behaves as badly as he knows how.

I don't understand. Maybe men and women are supposed to make each other miserable. It's always the one who doesn't love, or who loves less, who has control in a relationship. The whole dynamic seems doomed to failure. Or maybe I'm just Aspie, 'cause I just don't get it.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ZenGum

A quote to that effect got a fair bit of air-time here a few years back.

first of all, all kinds of men love all kinds of women, and I don't think I can understand all the dynamics. some of them work, some don't some start working and then stop working, etc, etc. Some people *prefer* a power imbalance. Whatevah.

HOWever.

This:

Quote:

It's always the one who doesn't love, or who loves less, who has control in a relationship.

I used to believe it. I don't believe it now. I think my previous belief, my previous understanding was flawed. What is controlled? The other person? The relationship? I don't think either of those things are possible--no, they're possible, but only with the complicity of the other partner.

As the "controller", I can only control my partner with her collusion. As the "controlled", same thing. And I believe it's just as voluntary to be in a relationship that is "controlled". I no longer believe that the one who loves less "has control".

I now focus on controlling myself, and that's a fucking handful from day to day.

...

Quote:

And when a woman is generous and loving toward a man, he stops being loving and behaves as badly as he knows how.

I don't really know where this is coming from ortho, I know you've been through a metric fuckton of crap, but I will tell you that this is not universally true. Twil is more generous and loving toward me than I've ever known, and I am moved toward better behavior, including (somewhat incredulous) gratitude, frequently affirmed and reaffirmed. Don't despair.

Juniper · 10-02-2012, 10:46 PM

Just block her. Or go ahead and un-friend her.

Alternatively, why not just have some fun with her? Tell her what a sanctimonious bitch she is, or make snarky comments, or just flat-out lie to her about how your life turned out. It could be very therapeutic.

I have one like that too. Source of some deep pain when I was 14 or so - long complicated story that changed my life dramatically for years thereafter. I got a request from a mutual friend, and she (kind of a pollyanna) kinda shmushed us back together - this girl requested me and I accepted to please the pollyanna. As a result I am constantly reminded of how much we have in common and why we were BFF's in the first place . . . but OTOH, of why I couldn't stand her. It's like eighth grade all over again. I need to take my own advice!

In her case it's not financial bragging but intellectual "I'm smarter than you and always knew it" bragging. Which is how it began all those years ago, too. Weirder still, our lives turned out very similar - it's not like she got a Ph.D and left me behind uneducated in the dust. There are many, many kinds of envy.

10-02-2012, 05:18 AM	#1
Trilby Slattern of the Swail Join Date: Jul 2004 Posts: 15,654	Uckity Uck Uck Uck! I ran into an old pal o' mine (we were nursing school buddies 18 years ago) yesterday and I friended her on FB and NOW I'm regretting it. How does one quietly, incognito-like unfriend someone? any of you spy experts know? __________________ In Barrie's play and novel, the roles of fairies are brief: they are allies to the Lost Boys, the source of fairy dust and ...They are portrayed as dangerous, whimsical and extremely clever but quite hedonistic. "Shall I give you a kiss?" Peter asked and, jerking an acorn button off his coat, solemnly presented it to her. —James Barrie Wimminfolk they be tricksy. - ZenGum

10-02-2012, 05:52 AM	#2
limey Encroaching on your decrees Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: An island within the south-west coast of Scotland Posts: 7,016	You just unfriend them. They only discover this if they go looking for you. Why do you care whether they know? __________________ Living it up on the edge ... of civilisation, within the southwest coast of

10-02-2012, 06:14 AM	#3
Trilby Slattern of the Swail Join Date: Jul 2004 Posts: 15,654	I just feel silly. I asked to 'friend' her and now, after consideration, I don't want to know any more about her. My own doing. I cut off our friendship for a reason; then 18 years pass, we meet (she accosted me) and I decide "Oh! we can be friends again!" and then I think better of it - she really threw me under the bus long time ago and I don't want to re-live any of it or be subjected to her Princessy-ness. maybe she's too close for comfort for me. she's only four years younger than I but has 2 boys ages 4 and 6 whereas my own are 21 and 22. I've seen her FB pages and it's all Mommy-ness when it isn't Princessy-ness and, as you can imagine, I feel bad about not being SuperBadAssMom whereas she certainly IS SuperBadAssMom judging by her FB pics, etc. elaborate bd parties for four year olds, "the" house etc . jealous I am. A jealous, jealous bitch. but she DID hurt me way before I became such a rag. oh, yes. And she is, and always has been, best buds with the likes of women who get diamonds for every occasion. As does she. The bitterness in me runs deep, it does. Oh, I'm a hateful crone. What to do? What to do? Even when we were 18 years younger (her being 26) she treated her own birthday like it was a national holiday. Her first ex hubby gave her a Doonie (SP?) purse, then all the rage and v. expensive, and she was PISSED as there was no surprise party and "he didn't really put much thought into the present; he just bought something," ugh. __________________ In Barrie's play and novel, the roles of fairies are brief: they are allies to the Lost Boys, the source of fairy dust and ...They are portrayed as dangerous, whimsical and extremely clever but quite hedonistic. "Shall I give you a kiss?" Peter asked and, jerking an acorn button off his coat, solemnly presented it to her. —James Barrie Wimminfolk they be tricksy. - ZenGum Last edited by Trilby; 10-02-2012 at 06:20 AM.

10-02-2012, 10:58 AM	#7
BigV Goon Squad Leader Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Seattle Posts: 27,063	__________________ Be Just and Fear Not.

10-02-2012, 12:17 PM	#8
monster I hear them call the tide Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Perpetual Chaos Posts: 30,852	Click the button. I need to do that to my sister-in-law. I couldn't stand her before she got brain-damaged but Facebook came about afterwards and I thought what harm can she do? __________________ The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity Amelia Earhart

10-02-2012, 07:55 AM	#4
Lamplighter Person who doesn't update the user title Join Date: Jun 2010 Location: Bottom lands of the Missoula floods Posts: 6,402	Click the button, and move on...

10-02-2012, 09:31 AM	#5
Undertoad Radical Centrist Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Cottage of Prussia Posts: 31,423	Examine her FB for the inevitable evidence that things didn't go exactly as planned.

10-02-2012, 03:24 PM	#9
Cyber Wolf As stable as a ring of PU-239 Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: On a huge rock covered in water, highly advanced moss and 7 billion parasites Posts: 1,264	If you're worried about her noticing you've disappeared from her list and don't want her to bug you about it later, you can just block all activity from her feed/comments/updates/app/etc. That way, you're still in her friends list but you don't have to see anything. __________________ "I don't see what's so triffic about creating people as people and then getting' upset 'cos they act like people." ~Adam Young, Good Omens "I don't see why it matters what is written. Not when it's about people. It can always be crossed out." ~Adam Young, Good Omens

10-02-2012, 06:52 PM	#11
ZenGum Doctor Wtf Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Badelaide, Baustralia Posts: 12,861	Well maybe you just don't see yourself as a one-man-whore on a constant quest to renegotiate your contract in your favour. __________________ Shut up and hug. MoreThanPretty, Nov 5, 2008. Just because I'm nominally polite, does not make me a pussy. Sundae Girl.

10-02-2012, 07:14 PM	#12
orthodoc Not Suspicious, Merely Canadian Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 3,774	But why do men love these women? I've listened to a man proudly talk about what a princess - no, a queen, a real queen - his wife was, how demanding and capricious she was, and how he loved, loved, loved her. She made him miserable and he loved her. (She also took a lover and broke his heart, and now he despises women.) And when a woman is generous and loving toward a man, he stops being loving and behaves as badly as he knows how. I don't understand. Maybe men and women are supposed to make each other miserable. It's always the one who doesn't love, or who loves less, who has control in a relationship. The whole dynamic seems doomed to failure. Or maybe I'm just Aspie, 'cause I just don't get it. __________________ The greatness of a nation and its moral progress can be judged by the way its animals are treated. - Ghandi

10-02-2012, 10:46 PM	#15
Juniper I know, right? Join Date: Aug 2008 Posts: 1,539	Just block her. Or go ahead and un-friend her. Alternatively, why not just have some fun with her? Tell her what a sanctimonious bitch she is, or make snarky comments, or just flat-out lie to her about how your life turned out. It could be very therapeutic. I have one like that too. Source of some deep pain when I was 14 or so - long complicated story that changed my life dramatically for years thereafter. I got a request from a mutual friend, and she (kind of a pollyanna) kinda shmushed us back together - this girl requested me and I accepted to please the pollyanna. As a result I am constantly reminded of how much we have in common and why we were BFF's in the first place . . . but OTOH, of why I couldn't stand her. It's like eighth grade all over again. I need to take my own advice! In her case it's not financial bragging but intellectual "I'm smarter than you and always knew it" bragging. Which is how it began all those years ago, too. Weirder still, our lives turned out very similar - it's not like she got a Ph.D and left me behind uneducated in the dust. There are many, many kinds of envy.

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