ISP Dimwit Stories.

[kezdeth]

First, what this will and will not be. This will be a series of clean posts, intended humorously, that relate the strange and weird things the average Tech sees while working for an ISP. There will not be any names mentioned, as this happens at all ISP's, not just this one. I also will not be on some crusade to abuse users, as you see just as many Dimwit Stunts from the Techs as the Users. End of prologue, and on to the first tale. Commentary, of course, is most welcome!<p>So I get a call from this user who, for the past month and a half has been watching as every piece of email he receives is duplicated and forwarded to an address at excite.com and <i>only today</i> decided that there might be something not quite kosher about that!<p>Naturally, he has <b>no</b> anti-virus software installed, and of course that plus the fact that he obviously got infected is the fault of the ISP!<p>This one's a treasure, if only for the fact that he watched this go on for six weeks before he decided to look into it. <i>(I only hope that no one he knows sent him anything that should not be seen all over the globe!)</i>

[kezdeth]

Tech: <i>Thank you for calling $Employer, how can we help you?</i>

Luser: I have a file on disk, and I need to know how to tell Word that I want it to print pages 1-6 of that file. How do I do that?

Tech: (After pounding head on desk...) <i>I'm sorry, you'll need to call Microsoft for that. You see, we do not support that software.</i>

Luser: But, you're my <b>ISP!</b> You guys <b>HAVE TO</b> support this! You're with Microsoft, aren't you?

Tech: (Phone on mute) <i><b>HELP ME!!!!</i></b>


(Apologies to the ones who might have followed this series elsewhere, but of the three stories I've posted there, these two needed to be preserved. From this point on, only new material will appear.)

[kezdeth]

So, today this guy calls me, and this is the second time he's called us for help on this, and we've already thrown our hands up and told him to call the manufacturer and/or Microsoft. What did he do? Read on:<p>The background: this man lives in the mountains of a very remote area, 70 miles from the nearest town and 150 miles from the nearest cable provider. Obviously, he's a dialup customer, and no chance of broadband anything unless he moves since even satellite is blocked by a large mountain. He owns a total of <b>one</b> computer, and has no plans to own a second.<p>So, for some unknown reason, yesterday he installed an ethernet card in his machine, which for some reason tied his TCP/IP stacks to itself. Since he had no stack bound to the Dialup Adapter, obviously he could do nothing after connecting, so he calls us. Our tech tried to re-bind one stack to Dialup, and failed. Next step was to remove and reinstall TCP/IP, and we should end up with two stacks, one bound to the card and the other bound to Dialup. <b>Hah!</b> They were there, and both irrevocably bound to the card. A second level rep advised the first rep to have the guy call the manufacturer of the card, and the user did.<p>The manufacturer sought in vain to get the card to behave, but acheived nothing. They, in turn, told the user to call Microsoft.<p>Microsoft did everything they could, including a complete reinstall of Windows, and <b>still</b> the card and it's driver bound all TCP/IP stacks to itself! Microsoft's final conclusion was that the card was defective and should be removed; end of day one.<p>Day two, and he calls us again; happy soul that I am, I inherit the call. The user tells me the story, and I run over his case notes, as well as reviewing with him everything else that was done. I stopped right there and advised him to remove the card since he had no use for it and it was only preventing him from accessing the internet in the first place. I figured that, once the thing was out I could reinstall TCP/IP and the problem would be solved. Again, <b>Hah!</b><p>My user proceeded to go ballistic! He refused to remove the card, even though he admitted that it was of no possible use to him and was also most likely defective. He gave no reason for this, just flat refused to consider it. In the end, I could only present him with a choice: keep the card installed and have no internet access, or remove the card and issue resolved. Guess what he chose? He bloody well <i>kept</i> the card installed and canceled his account! (I know, in a way it's sad, but you have to sit back and laugh at human stubborness at times!)

[kezdeth]

Slow day today, mostly the usual stuff <i>but:</i><p>User: I can't send my email anymore. It says it can't find the server.<p>Tech: <i>Ok, that's easy to fix since it's usually either a...</i><p>(Long, boring, normal bit of troubleshooting that results in...)<p>User: What do you <b>mean</b>, I have to be connected to the internet to send email? I never had to be connected before!!!!<p>Tech: (bangs head on desk.)

[kezdeth]

Of course, it's not always the users...<p>Came across a case today, this poor user's <b><i>fourth</i></b> call on the same issue!<p>This poor woman was just trying to log on to the internet, and every time she dialed in she got an authentication error. Should be no problem to fix, just make sure the user has the correct password, make sure the server is up, and if need be replace Client for Microsoft Networks. Easy fix, 5-7 minute call and the user runs away happy, right? HAH!<p>The first tech had her clear the browser cache, the second corrected her DNS info (we are changing servers, and have two active pair of servers atm,) and the third refered her to her modem manufacturer to have the modem replaced!<p>Is it any wonder she felt little confidence by the time she called me? The good news is she got connected, but now feels that 3 out of every four techs she calls will go wrong!<p> <p> <p>(By the way, this is meant to be wide open; if anyone reading these has any stories of their own to add, or just wants to comment, please feel free! The more, the merrier!)

[jaguar]

*laughz, some classics in there, particualry the network card guy..
Last one made me think, everyone time i change ISP's i'ce always ran unti some minor prblem and when you ask the Tech support the Primary DNS number and they don't know what a DNS is i tend to slam my head into the wall. I have a policy now of getting the direct number of the Engineering Dept. because otherwise you never get anything done, and they tend ot be able to make sure problem get ficed FAST. Its also helped me because in exchange for helping them though Linux internet setup (which they are now writing a comprehensive guide for) they've tought quite a bit about networking.

[kezdeth]

Once in a while, your very own IT people turn around and bite you. I get to work today, try to login to the network, and find that my password has expired. Now, we've never had password aging here before, so I had to wonder what was up since I was not even being offered the chance to change my password.<p>My boss (one of the rare, good variety who actually cares about her people) calls IT, since she got the same thing when she tried to login, and of course it took nearly an hour to get it all straightened out! Seems IT decided to implement password aging, and expired <i>everyone's</i> passwords at midnight! To add to the fun, they set it up wrong, so that you were simply denied access and were not offered the usual NT prompt to change the expired password. They disovered this mistake AFTER the last person with admin access had logged out, and even they could no longer login!<p>Someone eventually had to contact Microsoft to get help, which is why it took sooo long to correct it all, and the punchline to the whole affair is that just before the last Admin logged out he sent a floor-wide email announcing the change, and another to the morning people to the effect that he screwed it up, did not know how to fix it, and then he logged out! (How he figured we would be able to read these is a mystery, of course...)<p>And I thought our users were capable of stupidity!

[kezdeth]

Ok, believe it or not, I've been sacked, partly (mostly) because of this thread! I ask you, have I revealed any proprietary information here? Have I even given you folks any clews as to which ISP I worked for? I don't see it, but according to management, this thread "gives away proprietary information and violates the privacy rights of our Users."<p>So, unless I decide to go nuts, this will likely be the last post in this thread from me. Sorry folks.

[Undertoad]

That truly sucks, kez.

Although maybe it doesn't. You don't want to work for people who would disrespect your approach to your job.

Having worked in both high-level tech support, and also having worked at an ISP, I can appreciate your situation in every way. What you've just been treated to is all too typical. An enlighted manager will find good people and empower them completely; that means acting in YOUR behalf. The same-old manager will disrespect you, demanding authority instead of guidance. You are systemically inferior because you are lower on the food chain. Never mind that you are the representative of the company to the public.

There was absolutely nothing untoward that you posted. It's entirely anonymous - and BTW, that's guaranteed, with the Cellar privacy policy. And in fact, Having been online for 17 years now, I've seen TONS worse, even distributed in forms no less public than rec.humor.funny, with an almost guaranteed readership no less than 150,000.

And if disrespect for the customer enters into a support division, it has to reflect how the company is approaching support. Do they give you the tools and the ability to really help people? If not, they have shown contempt for their customers.

[elSicomoro]

How did they find about this? Granted, the Cellar is certainly increasing in popularity, but...

Tony, you have spawned a monster.

[kezdeth]

Tony, thanks for the comment. It's nice to know that I'm not fooling myself when I say that I didn't submit anything proprietary or confidential. What's sad is, they also claimed (incorrectly, mind you!) that I was submitting these posts on company time. I demonstrated from the post-dates/times that these could only have been done from home, to no avail.<p>Tony, you're right in what you said concerning management showing contempt for the customers. I still will not say which ISP it was, mostly because I think this could have happened at almost any of them.<p>As for sycamore's question, there was one person from work who followed this thread, and apparently that person's supervisor saw the page on that monitor. When this co-worker was questioned on it, the co-worker (innocently, I'm sure) mentioned that I was the author of the thread. Their contention is that the story about the IT foulup could somehow be traced directly back to the company and identify them to anyone reading this thread. (How they came to that conclusion is beyond me! As far as I can tell, this is the only place it was mentioned!)<p>Oh well, time for me to go hit a few places and put in apps. Thanks, everyone, for reading these, and I'll be around of course.<p>

[elSicomoro]

Wait kez, did you actually get fired b/c of this? In any case, that sucks to hear about your situation and hopefully you will find a better one.

I was in a situation similar to this about 6 years ago. I was a Dorm Advisor in college and one of my residents controlled one of the Bulletin Boards on the school's BBS. He was nice enough to give me my own topic on the Bulletin Board, which is where I held court with the residents. In any case, someone asked me what it was like to be a Dorm Advisor, and I was rather honest about it--both good and bad. Shortly thereafter, I got a reprimand from my boss. Apparently, a resident who had thought about becoming a Dorm Advisor withdrew her application after reading my story.

I didn't get in serious trouble for it, but I made sure to post a disclaimer on my board. Fortunately, I only did that gig for one semester.

Originally posted by kezdeth
Tony, you're right in what you said concerning management showing contempt for the customers. I still will not say which ISP it was, mostly because I think this could have happened at almost any of them.

I think what you were doing was a good way to a) let off some steam and b) share the trials and tribulations of the computer world.

Unfortunately, the contempt displayed towards customers is apparent everywhere--on the phone, in retail, everywhere. When the economy boomed during the 90s, it was all about grabbing money. Managers looked for warm bodies to fill positions. Who cares if you didn't like the service...there were 50 other people to give business.

Having been in the customer service field for over a decade now, I've seen the shift...and have probably been a bit guilty of doing the same thing to a degree. Now that things are apparently slowing down, perhaps the issue of quality will come back from the dead.

Oh well, time for me to go hit a few places and put in apps. Thanks, everyone, for reading these, and I'll be around of course.

Hopefully your search will go better than mine--I'm now in my fifth week of unemployment...for taking a stand against the village idiots known as upper management in my former company.

(And if things do not go my way tomorrow, prepare for a full-blown rant in the "What Companies Do You Like?" thread.)

Also, BTW, post # <font color="green" size="+4">300!!!</font>

[kezdeth]

sycamore: Yes, unfortunately, it was because of this thread. To be honest though, I'm not too surprised. This company has a habit of firing people just <i>before</i> they become eligible for benefits, and I would have been eligible this week. (If anyone from there is reading this, and you know who you are, take note of this fact.)

[Undertoad]

Back in the day some folks recorded customer voicemail from one of the larger Philly ISPs and deleted the user information and put it on the net in WAV files for all of us to hear.

http://www.izzy.com/~izzy/lusers/

Now, this is an example of something that goes far beyond what kez did. Way far beyond. Maybe even crossing the line! But it was a positive for the folks who did it, I think. They definitely had a team with more clues than any other ISP in the area.

A little bit of background, too; consider that this was during a time when nobody had any background in being an ISP. Nobody knew much at all about how to do it, and these guys were breaking new ground. The head of it was interviewed and pictured in Forbes ASAP. The team of people he had were smart and motivated and got the job done, from my perspective.

[Hubris Boy]

Not, strictly-speaking, an ISP story. But an amusing tale nevertheless.

Once upon a time, I was involved in a massive fiber backbone installation/router exorcism for a state government agency in downtown Baltimore. My team was on-site for a few months (an eternity by our standards), and we were provided cube space in the same area as the agency's in-house tech support group.

Relations were very cordial with the boys on the Hell Desk. They made their coffee-making equipment available to us, and we made sure the donut box was never empty. An excellent symbiotic relationship. And, since most of the guys on my team had never done tech support before, seeing and hearing what these poor bastards had to put up with was quite educational.

Bright and early one morning, the Hell Desk was swamped. They were <b>all</b> on the phone. Naturally, the phone rang one more time. One of the guys punched "hold" and grabbed the new call. His face went slack, and he looked over at me imploringly.

Now, I'm a team player. So I nodded, walked over to one of their empty phones, and plunged into the icy-cold waters of tech support.
<blockquote>"Hello?"
"This is [a legendary luser. I had heard them talking about this one]. Why is the network down?"
"Mmmmm... well, I don't think anybody else is having a problem. Can you tell me what's happening?"</blockquote>
A long, winding conversation ensued. I dusted off my long-dormant NT skills and tried to figure out what the problem might be. <blockquote>"Has any new software been installed?"
"No."
"Have you changed offices?"
"No."
"Has anybody changed anything on your machine since you last used it?"
"No."
</blockquote>
Finally, pinging the box in question failed to yield results. I decided to walk down to her office, suspecting a dead NIC card.

When I got there, I plunked myself down in front of the keyboard and decided to take a look at her network settings. (For reasons too complicated to explain here, this agency used [shudder] static IP addresses.) My fingers paused when I saw the IP address for her default gateway.<blockquote>
"This can't be right." I pointed to the address on the screen.
"Do you know what this is?" I asked the luser.
"Oh. That's my birthdate. I typed it in to see what would happen."
"I see. Well, this is what happens."</blockquote>I called upstairs, got the correct IP address, suppressed the desire to strangle her or, at least, chop her fingers off, and went whistling away, content in the knowledge of a job well done. (Later that day, the luser in question was given a shiny new mandatory profile! No more poking about in Network Settings for her!)

That was my first (and, God willing, only) exposure to tech support. I don't know how they do it, the folks who man the Hell Desk. For my money, they got the toughest jobs in the IT industry. Me? I'll stick with routers, thanks. They only do what you tell them to!