A Short Review of Mass-Produced Honey Buns

Perry Winkle · 04-06-2007, 04:31 PM

Or, something only gluttons and cyclists (is there a difference?) care about.

Little Debbie Classic: Boring, small, no crusty glaze. Spend your 50-cents on two oatmeal cream pies.

Little Debbie Frosted: Small, and very gooey. Delicious, well worth 50-cents.

Mrs. Freshley's Jumbo Classic: Crusty glaze, LARGE, and nicely gooey. Worth the premium if the commie bastards don't have the frosted version.

Mrs. Freshley's Jumbo Frosted: I would give oral sex for these. 'Nuff said.

Non-honey bun category --

Apple Ugly Apple Pastry: Tasty, large, gooey, and a good change of pace. Could use a tad more "appleness."

Mrs. Freshley's Iced Cinnamon Buns: Milk required as they tend to be dry. I can't drink milk during a ride so these are pretty much out.

There's a roast beef cooking upstairs...it won't be ready for an hour...TORTURE.

Cloud · 04-06-2007, 04:47 PM

Love the title of this thread! When I think of honey buns, I think South Pacific:

My doll is as dainty as a sparrow,
Her figure is somethin' to applaud.
Where she's narrow she's as narrow an arrow,
And she's broad where a broad should be broad.

A hundred and one pounds of fun,
That's my little honey bun!
Get a load of honey bun tonight.

I'm speakin' of my Sweetie Pie,
Only sixty inches high,
Ev'ry inch is packed with dynamite!

Her hair is blond and curly,
Her curls are hurly-burly.
Her lips are pips!
I call her hips 'Twirly' and 'Whirly.'

She's my baby, I'm her pap!
I'm her booby, she's my trap!
I am caught and I don't wanna run,
'Cause I'm havin' so much fun with honey bun!

I am caught and I don't wanna run,
'Cause I'm havin' so much fun with honey bun!

Believe me sonny!
She a cookie who can cook you 'till you're done,
Ain't bein' funny!
Sonny, put your money on my honey bun!

Perry Winkle · 04-06-2007, 04:57 PM

I love it, Cloud!

I'll have to see that show sometime.

Cloud · 04-06-2007, 05:14 PM

you haven't seen it? [aghast]

elSicomoro · 04-06-2007, 05:21 PM

He's a youngin...they weren't well-exposed to classic musicals. Shit, neither was I for that matter...I'm 31.

Cloud · 04-06-2007, 05:29 PM

If you haven't seen South Pacific, you are perhaps not aware that the song is sung by a male sailor wearing a grass skirt and coconut bra.

As far as your predicament, I'd suggest a spanking to take your mind off food . . . but that would probably just remind you of buns!

bluecuracao · 04-06-2007, 05:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cloud

coconut bra.

Those things look so uncomfortable!

Cloud · 04-06-2007, 05:55 PM

Sometimes uncomfortable can be good. Looks kinda . . . restricting doesn't it?

As long as I'm hijacking poor Grant's thread (sorry, I'm being weird today) I'd like to honor that other cinematic ode to honeybuns:

Princess Leia!

(if I were really clever I'd post a clever Star Wars pic here . . . but I'm not).

Undertoad · 04-06-2007, 06:07 PM

S.P. was my high school musical, and my buddy Jim was an awesome honeybun, at 5'6" and about 241 pounds of fun.

He let it all hang out and earned much respect.

bluecuracao · 04-06-2007, 06:14 PM

I thinking more of chafing. Ow!

Grant--if you happen to stay at a Holiday Inn Express during your travels, you've got to try their breakfast bar cinnamon rolls. I think they put crack in them.

Cloud · 04-06-2007, 06:19 PM

I used to buy frozen ones that you heated in the oven that were pretty good--don't remember the brand.

Is there no difference between gluttons and cyclists? Most cyclists I see look pretty fit to me. Not that I ogle their asses or anything. [cough] Guess they need lots of calories to peddle.

SteveDallas · 04-06-2007, 06:41 PM

I have to put in a plug for Lula's Cinnamon Rolls, located at the Four Seasons Mall in Greensboro, NC. (This was during my salad days in the late 80s... I can't swear they're still there.) The cinnamon buns were absolutely delicious, but the real treat was the frosting--thick, creamy, and just all-around yummy. One time I had a tray of 1/2 dozen of them. (Why? I forget. We must have been having visitors or something and decided to have a treat for breakfast the next morning.) Anyway, I was carrying this tray out to my car, and as I walked through the mall and then out the department store, I could just feel the lustful eyes of my fellow shoppers on the portable heart attacks as I walked out. I'm surprised I wasn't mugged for them.

Cloud · 04-06-2007, 06:58 PM

mmmmm . . . frosting!

Perry Winkle · 04-06-2007, 07:47 PM

mmmm....thick and creamy

(I had to say it just to steal the joke from Sheldon.)

Urbane Guerrilla · 04-07-2007, 05:33 AM

For buns, you have to look long and far to find something that will beat a U.S. Navy cinnamon sticky bun. It's just plain yeast-risen bread, with cinnamon and butter rolled in and more drizzled on top. The secret seems to be natural-raising the yeast bread slowly all night.

You pretty much only got these once you were out to sea a few days; they would give the mess-cranks a break with some days' supply of shore-made bread early in any run. The crew would eat this supply up and then the ship starts baking its own, and sticky buns would show up for breakfast.

(I am glad somebody else besides me here saw South Pacific before. I threw a riff on it at Aliantha and seemed completely to baffle her. Or some kibitzers.)

04-06-2007, 04:31 PM	#1
Perry Winkle Esnohplad Semaj Ton Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: A little south of sanity Posts: 2,259	A Short Review of Mass-Produced Honey Buns Or, something only gluttons and cyclists (is there a difference?) care about. Little Debbie Classic: Boring, small, no crusty glaze. Spend your 50-cents on two oatmeal cream pies. Little Debbie Frosted: Small, and very gooey. Delicious, well worth 50-cents. Mrs. Freshley's Jumbo Classic: Crusty glaze, LARGE, and nicely gooey. Worth the premium if the commie bastards don't have the frosted version. Mrs. Freshley's Jumbo Frosted: I would give oral sex for these. 'Nuff said. Non-honey bun category -- Apple Ugly Apple Pastry: Tasty, large, gooey, and a good change of pace. Could use a tad more "appleness." Mrs. Freshley's Iced Cinnamon Buns: Milk required as they tend to be dry. I can't drink milk during a ride so these are pretty much out. There's a roast beef cooking upstairs...it won't be ready for an hour...TORTURE.

04-06-2007, 04:47 PM	#2
Cloud ... Join Date: Feb 2007 Posts: 8,360	Love the title of this thread! When I think of honey buns, I think South Pacific: My doll is as dainty as a sparrow, Her figure is somethin' to applaud. Where she's narrow she's as narrow an arrow, And she's broad where a broad should be broad. A hundred and one pounds of fun, That's my little honey bun! Get a load of honey bun tonight. I'm speakin' of my Sweetie Pie, Only sixty inches high, Ev'ry inch is packed with dynamite! Her hair is blond and curly, Her curls are hurly-burly. Her lips are pips! I call her hips 'Twirly' and 'Whirly.' She's my baby, I'm her pap! I'm her booby, she's my trap! I am caught and I don't wanna run, 'Cause I'm havin' so much fun with honey bun! I am caught and I don't wanna run, 'Cause I'm havin' so much fun with honey bun! Believe me sonny! She a cookie who can cook you 'till you're done, Ain't bein' funny! Sonny, put your money on my honey bun! __________________ "Guard your honor. Let your reputation fall where it will. And outlive the bastards!"

04-06-2007, 05:14 PM	#4
Cloud ... Join Date: Feb 2007 Posts: 8,360	you haven't seen it? [aghast] __________________ "Guard your honor. Let your reputation fall where it will. And outlive the bastards!"

04-06-2007, 05:29 PM	#6
Cloud ... Join Date: Feb 2007 Posts: 8,360	If you haven't seen South Pacific, you are perhaps not aware that the song is sung by a male sailor wearing a grass skirt and coconut bra. As far as your predicament, I'd suggest a spanking to take your mind off food . . . but that would probably just remind you of buns! __________________ "Guard your honor. Let your reputation fall where it will. And outlive the bastards!"

04-06-2007, 05:55 PM	#8
Cloud ... Join Date: Feb 2007 Posts: 8,360	Sometimes uncomfortable can be good. Looks kinda . . . restricting doesn't it? As long as I'm hijacking poor Grant's thread (sorry, I'm being weird today) I'd like to honor that other cinematic ode to honeybuns: Princess Leia! (if I were really clever I'd post a clever Star Wars pic here . . . but I'm not). __________________ "Guard your honor. Let your reputation fall where it will. And outlive the bastards!"

04-06-2007, 04:57 PM	#3
Perry Winkle Esnohplad Semaj Ton Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: A little south of sanity Posts: 2,259	I love it, Cloud! I'll have to see that show sometime.

04-06-2007, 05:21 PM	#5
elSicomoro Person who doesn't update the user title Join Date: Jan 2001 Posts: 12,486	He's a youngin...they weren't well-exposed to classic musicals. Shit, neither was I for that matter...I'm 31.

04-06-2007, 06:07 PM	#9
Undertoad Radical Centrist Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Cottage of Prussia Posts: 31,423	S.P. was my high school musical, and my buddy Jim was an awesome honeybun, at 5'6" and about 241 pounds of fun. He let it all hang out and earned much respect.

04-06-2007, 06:14 PM	#10
bluecuracao in a mood, not cupcake Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: Philadelphia Posts: 3,034	I thinking more of chafing. Ow! Grant--if you happen to stay at a Holiday Inn Express during your travels, you've got to try their breakfast bar cinnamon rolls. I think they put crack in them.

04-06-2007, 06:19 PM	#11
Cloud ... Join Date: Feb 2007 Posts: 8,360	I used to buy frozen ones that you heated in the oven that were pretty good--don't remember the brand. Is there no difference between gluttons and cyclists? Most cyclists I see look pretty fit to me. Not that I ogle their asses or anything. [cough] Guess they need lots of calories to peddle. __________________ "Guard your honor. Let your reputation fall where it will. And outlive the bastards!"

04-06-2007, 06:41 PM	#12
SteveDallas Your Bartender Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: Philly Burbs, PA Posts: 7,651	I have to put in a plug for Lula's Cinnamon Rolls, located at the Four Seasons Mall in Greensboro, NC. (This was during my salad days in the late 80s... I can't swear they're still there.) The cinnamon buns were absolutely delicious, but the real treat was the frosting--thick, creamy, and just all-around yummy. One time I had a tray of 1/2 dozen of them. (Why? I forget. We must have been having visitors or something and decided to have a treat for breakfast the next morning.) Anyway, I was carrying this tray out to my car, and as I walked through the mall and then out the department store, I could just feel the lustful eyes of my fellow shoppers on the portable heart attacks as I walked out. I'm surprised I wasn't mugged for them.

04-06-2007, 06:58 PM	#13
Cloud ... Join Date: Feb 2007 Posts: 8,360	mmmmm . . . frosting! __________________ "Guard your honor. Let your reputation fall where it will. And outlive the bastards!"

04-06-2007, 07:47 PM	#14
Perry Winkle Esnohplad Semaj Ton Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: A little south of sanity Posts: 2,259	mmmm....thick and creamy (I had to say it just to steal the joke from Sheldon.)

04-07-2007, 05:33 AM	#15
Urbane Guerrilla Person who doesn't update the user title Join Date: Jul 2002 Location: Southern California Posts: 6,674	For buns, you have to look long and far to find something that will beat a U.S. Navy cinnamon sticky bun. It's just plain yeast-risen bread, with cinnamon and butter rolled in and more drizzled on top. The secret seems to be natural-raising the yeast bread slowly all night. You pretty much only got these once you were out to sea a few days; they would give the mess-cranks a break with some days' supply of shore-made bread early in any run. The crew would eat this supply up and then the ship starts baking its own, and sticky buns would show up for breakfast. (I am glad somebody else besides me here saw South Pacific before. I threw a riff on it at Aliantha and seemed completely to baffle her. Or some kibitzers.) __________________ Wanna stop school shootings? End Gun-Free Zones, of course.

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