what do you regret??

[qtpatootie14]

Originally posted by homerjackson
I'm having a hard time dealing with the fact that somebody else is going to hold her, somebody else is going to love her, somebody else is going to see her in those nice little bra and panty sets that I bought for you from Victoria Secrets. And Damn, that hurts.

I know that I need to get over it and move on and that is the hardest thing for me to do. It's only been a month, I hope your right and five months from now I will be back to my old, old self.

I know everyone is different....but I am the type of person who could NEVER imagine my boyfriend with another girl...he is my bf right now....but eventually he will be my husband...in due time....but we have shared so much together, experienced alot together, and just spent so much time together that even having the thought of him spending his time with some other girl, cuddling together and everything else just makes me cringe inside. I hope it never happens to me....and I am extremely sorry for the ones who have to go through this.....i could only imagine...

[elSicomoro]

Originally posted by homerjackson
Well, sorry for prolonging the answer to your question. As you can see, I've been feeling pretty sucky the last couple of days.

No man, it's completely cool.

You're only 3 months older than I am...you're young with no kids and have (hopefully) a long life ahead of you. If you still have that dream, then by all means, go for it.

As far as dating...I'm not sure whether you live in a big city or small town, but...don't push the issue. If you try to push the issue, you'll probably wind up becoming something you're not and settling for second-best. Fuck that. First things first...take care of you. Then, look around...flirt, look in the weekly papers, go to a few nice bars or hangouts where the ladies flock. Have fun with it...you may get that house with the picket fence yet.

Good luck, man...feel free to vent here anytime.

[Elspode]

Originally posted by homerjackson
Undertoad, I have a question that I hope is not too painful, because I know it's painful for me.

How did you deal with the fact that your wife will someday be with someone else.

The surest cure for this is to go be with someone else yourself. Ladies, you can cover your eyes if you wish, but this needs to be said:

Nothing makes you feel better about being dumped and someone else hosing your previous love than going out and getting another lovely lady all hot for your stuff, making her go "yeeha". Really. Once you find out that many parts are interchangeable, then the rest suddenly becomes much easier.

I know it sounds stupid, but it isn't. You get so wired into the person you are with that you can't imagine them with anyone else nor yourself with someone else, but trust me...go out, have some cheap sex with new people, gain some equilibrium, *then* start worrying about a relationship.

For the love of God, DO NOT immediately hook into another serious relationship without a couple of practice laps around the track first.

[xoxoxoBruce]

Originally posted by homerjackson
It's only been a month, I hope your right and five months from now I will be back to my old, old self.

Don't think so. Your old self was half a couple and your older self was a high school kid. Right now it's all you can think about when you aren't distracted by something that needs immediate attention. That will pass slowly.
Elspode is right in that hot monkey sex will make it pass faster, but your bound to think about it when your mind wanders. Even though you'll think of it, you'll be less bitter in time.
Last week one of my ex-girlfriends, that I really and truely loved, emailed me she had gotten married. She had been living with this guy for 2 years, we had communicated almost every day and I would visit them at least once a month, but that email tied my stomach in a knot for 2 days. Once you love them you always care. For women it seems when they're done with you, they're as cold and heartless as possible. I present in evidence this poem by sun sparkz called "Dear Brother" as an example of a stake through the heart. As justified as it may be, it's cold, very cold. And I'd even say typical, although I'll probably take heat for it.
Welcome to the Cellar, Homer. You've found the best place to air you're problem because there's a lot of people who've felt your pain.

[Sun_Sparkz]

In some circumstances, I agree women are able to move on a lot quicker because -

1) Its a LOT easier for a woman to go out and pick up a replacement. (sorry but it its true)

2) We can be very bitchy and easily remind ourselves daily of all the crappy things that our man used to do. Where as guys tend to be a bit more sentimental and remember the good things when they are sulking. where as women tend to think of the bad things when we are sulking.

3) (IMO) we tend to be a bit more domestically independant.

_________________

with reference to my poem, yes it is very cold, it reflects a hatred of an action that i will never forget, or forgive. However, it was written as the title states for my late brother, and should not be taken as evidence in a matter where romantic relationships are the case. With romantic relationships i dont think i could be so "cold" in discarding my feelings. it really all depends on what the other party has done to bring the situation to its current state.

I could not harbour feelings like that portrayed in my poem for someone just because our relationship had ended. It would have to go a lot deeper than that.

[homerjackson]

I appreciate your words and the poem. And your right, women can be cold. My wife, for example, did not care to keep in touch with anybody. I still communicate with three of my friends from high school almost on a weekly basis. I also keep in contact with people we have met along the way. She could care less. Although I don't think I want to know what she does from here on out, I am curious because I care. I doubt, very highly, that she will ever contact me.

It's kind of funny, but since she moved out, a song by Garth Brooks called "What she doing now" (I think that's the title) popped in my head. I haven't heard that song for years. Of course, "Unanswered Prayers" by Garth also pops in, and I'm not really a fan of Garth. (Sorry Garth, if you read this)

Right now, I don't care if I get monkey sex (but it couldn't hurt) I would just like the pain to go away (song call "Love takes Time" by Mariah Carey pops in head......Why I have no idea....) I wish that I could find a girl, not so much for a relationship, but for friendship. I lost three people the day she left, my wife, my love, and my best friend. The hardest part about this break up is losing my best friend because I have nobody to turn to, nobody to share stupid stuff, like I would share with her this: Hey, that guy in the new movie Punisher is the same guy from Deep Blue Sea....and she would say....that is cool, now I want to see Punisher...(We loved stupid Shark movies) Just stuff like that. I know it sounds stupid and I know that I'm sounding like a baby that needs to grow up, but that is how I'm feeling. I really have nobody to talk to, joke with, laugh with or anything...and that is tough for me to deal with right now.

And Elspode, I agree totally with what you are saying, I couldn't get into a relationship right now. That would not be fair for me or the next girl. But the part about getting a few laps around the track....easier said than done. I will have to start a thread and get some help with that, since it's been 13 years (dated for 2 1/2 years and married for 10 1/2 years) since I've been in the situation and my confidence is shot.

And, again, sorry for the babbling and I appreciate you letting me get this off my chest, it really does help to talk (write) it out....and it's much cheaper than a shrink.

[Undertoad]

Originally posted by Sun_Sparkz
1) Its a LOT easier for a woman to go out and pick up a replacement. (sorry but it its true)

Not after age 35 it isn't.*


*may vary from culture to culture

[Sun_Sparkz]

yeah true, i am only speaking from an early twenties point of view.

[elSicomoro]

Originally posted by Undertoad


Not after age 35 it isn't.*


*may vary from culture to culture

Two words: beer goggles

[xoxoxoBruce]

Hey, you’re making progress. You’ve identified the main source of your discomfort. After 10 years, even if you were getting laid every night, that’s not all that much time to fill. The real problem is nobody to talk to about things you wouldn’t actually call someone to have a conversation about. Posting, knowing someone will read it, even if they don’t respond, helps some. But the real solution is to put yourself in situations where there are people around to talk to. Organizations, clubs and groups can give you that if they’re not couple oriented. If you want a song to put in your head:
If you wake up and don't want to smile,
If it takes just a little while,
Open your eyes and look at the day,
You'll see things in a different way.

Don't stop, thinking about tomorrow,
Don't stop, it'll soon be here,
It'll be, better than before,
Yesterday's gone, yesterday's gone.

Why not think about times to come,
And not about the things that you've done,
If your life was bad to you,
Just think what tomorrow will do.

Don't stop, thinking about tomorrow,
Don't stop, it'll soon be here,
It'll be, better than before,
Yesterday's gone, yesterday's gone.

All I want is to see you smile,
If it takes just a little while,
I know you don't believe that it's true,
I never meant any harm to you.

Don't stop, thinking about tomorrow,
Don't stop, it'll soon be here,
It'll be, better than before,
Yesterday's gone, yesterday's gone.

Don't you look back,
Don't you look back.

We’ll be here, so y’all come back now.

Sparkz, your poem may not be indicative of your feelings but it is a perfect description of many, many women I've seen leaving relationships. A damn good poem too.

[homerjackson]

I didn't even think about the Fleetwood Mac Song. I will dig it up out of my collection and check it out. Thanks for bringing that to my attention.

You guys have been great. It helps, tremedously, to vent. And your right, I need time. I'm on a rollarcoaster ride that I never know will end, but you guys have help me get back to a high part and out of the low.

I don't have the confidence to date and I want to prove to myself that I can. I've already messed up twice in the last month because I got into much of a hurry. I think I will take sometime to find the real me and see what I'm going to do with my life.

On a high note, I went out yesterday and bought a Guitar. I've always wanted to learn, but never had the money or time, now I have both. What prompted me to get the guitar was I heard one our "our" songs (actually more mine than ours. I don't think she ever care about it) and I thought to myself.."I want to learn to play that song." I hope that I can share it with someone new because it is really beautiful. The problem right now with the song is that it is coming true, which is painful. To explain it, let me give you the words:

if anyone had passed me by......and hadn't say hello
if anyone had acted like.....but never meant before
it wouldn't make no difference....it wouldn't make me blue
if it was anyone but you

and if anyone had looked away....when I caught their eye
if anyone had seen me wave....and let it go right by
it wouldn't make no difference....I wouldn't come unglued
if it was anyone but you

if it was anyone...except the one...that I had loved and counted
on...to stand beside me til the end
and if I was any fool....except the fool...who gave his heart and soul to you...I wouldn't be so devistated...just seeing you again.

cause if anyone....had touch my hand...and gently said I do
promised me forever....and then it been untrue
I might have understood it.....that's something anyone might do
if it was anyone but you.

I said I might have understood it....that's something anyone might do

if it was anyone but you.


It's a beautiful song and I tear up anytime I hear now because It is sooooooooo true.

Thanks all

[elf]

Is it wrong not to have regrets?

I can't think of a single one true regret.

[lumberjim]

you know, elf, i was thinking the same thing.

life is choices. in some cases you obviously make the wrong move. so you regret it. BUT. you learned from your error, you changed a little bit. now, who you are includes all of your wrong choices. if you made the right move EVERY time, you'd probably be an insufferable asshole.

good point. dont regret it. forget it!

[Beestie]

Back in 1991, a buddy with an inside track to registering domain names asked me if I wanted to register anything.

I regret not thinking about that a little more before replying no.

[elf]

Get over it & move on.
That's my theory and I'm sticking with it.