this is Mr. StaceyV

[arsen]

Hi!
By request from beloved wife, Stacey, i'm writing this to explain my situation - so you'd know my side of the story.
For those who doesn't - look @ StaceyV's thread - "i need advice really bad"
I really love my wife. You might not believe me like she doesn't - but this is how I feel. Everything I do in my life I do for her. Maybe I do a lot of fuckups, but nobody's perfect and you know it. At least I try not to commit the same mistakes all over again.
I am proud to be married and I am proud to call her my wife. The vows I gave her when we got married were and are truly said.
Let me make myself clear on that.
The relationship I had with Eva was crazy. First things first - I never slept with her. So she is not even my ex-girlfriend. I was in love with her for short period of time - but it was crazy love and I have no intentions to deny it. I'd say that was my first childish love - short but intense.
We were together for VERY short period of time - about 10 days or so, and after that she left to Florida first, came back for a night and left for Slovakia for good.
When she came back from Florida and wasn't even excited to see her. All the power has dissapered somewhere. I really don't why.
I guess that's just the type of a man I was.
When she left I to Florida I cried like a baby. I thought I lost my future, my life, my only love.
When she left to Slovakia, in a short period of time I lost my job, my place, my friends, computer, DVD player and my cell phone. Now, that was worse than losing my life.
I ended up in a room 12x15 feet with no tv, computer two beds and a private bath in a house I had to share with 11 other people including my landlord. By the way, I shared my room with a heroin addict, who was stealing my personal belongings. I lost most of my CD's and all my DVDs to that fucker. I guess he was pushing it for a dose. It all ended up by him stealing a camcoder and a digital camera from a guy from another room - he got kicked out after that.
To cut a long story short after everything I had - I got nothing. The house was close to the library and that was my only shelter - to spend time in the internet hall - just not to see the deepness of my fall...
That is how those letters have started. I don't know if Stacey posted all of them - but, no. Actually - i started writing the letters when Eva left to Florida - i think i exhausted my feelings to her in the letters i was throwing at her.
Anyway, when i lost everything and even more - the guy i worked with for about two weeks went to the Keys and was found dead - the only thing I had was her - Eva, my pen friend, my first kiddish love.
She was always there, waiting for me in the library like an escape from appaling existence. She gave me advices, she was there to caress me, she was the one to listen, she was the only good thing i had left.
But! Time is a powerful thing. Little by little I started to slack off on her. I wasn't running to the library like before, wasn't waiting for her to answer, found some other things to do, got my job back, and PLEASE DO NOT UNDERESTIMATE THE POWER OF MJ!!!
Eva understood everything - she offered to be a friend - and I didn't say anything.
This is when StaceyV walked into my life. When I saw her for the first time - I knew she was THE ONE.
I didn't live with her at the very beginning - but we ended up together pretty quick - I needed a place to stay. So that's how we became lovers that live together - she didn't mind, nor did I.
Eva?
I kept writing her the letters with flame in words and indifference in my heart - I couldn't do otherwise. She was something more
to me than just a friend and I couldn't understand how to be just a friend. To write about how the weather was??? Some people are easy to break up and be friends, some not. I wasn't.
Life went on, I changed a lot, I grew mentally and psysically. We got married things went different directions, but i was still writing those letters. Why? I don't know. I couldn't make myself write differently, though I felt differently.
Now the main question here is:
Was I honest with Stacey or with Eva at that point of our lives when I was married to Stacey and kept writing to Eva?
Truly answer would be with both. Betraying on of them would be like betrayal of the part of your own self - impossible. I managed to persuade myself how deeply i was in love with Eva and didn't want tol leave that false belief. I managed to have fallen in love with Stacey and didn't have the power to stop writing to Eva - to betray what we had together.

Shoot me now - I am all open now! Open your evil mouthes and kill my lame excuses - despise me!!!

Arsen.

By the way, my citizenship is not even close - I didn't file anything
yet.
Was it one of the reasons of me marring Stacey?
Yes.
Was it the only one?
No.
NO.
NO.NO.NO.
I just love her. simple as that. I felt that way when I saw her for the first time.
I'm spared.