Write a Spontaneous Poem - Page 24

Sundae · 04-19-2008, 08:03 PM

Brianna!

Needius Worse Than Ever is proper poetry imho
And bear in mind my humble opinionated self reads a lot of it
It reminds me so much of U A Fanthorpe, who herself worked as a nurse on a psychiatric ward (I'll check that - I know she worked with mental patients)

You have a beautiful turn of phrase and some outstanding imagery
Just ETA because I've realised it might not be yours!

If it is, you amaze me.
You do anyway

Trilby · 04-20-2008, 11:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sundae Girl

Brianna!

Needius Worse Than Ever is proper poetry imho
And bear in mind my humble opinionated self reads a lot of it
It reminds me so much of U A Fanthorpe, who herself worked as a nurse on a psychiatric ward (I'll check that - I know she worked with mental patients)

You have a beautiful turn of phrase and some outstanding imagery
Just ETA because I've realised it might not be yours!

If it is, you amaze me.
You do anyway

No, i assure you, it IS my poem, but thanks for thinking that somebody real might've written it!!

Trilby · 04-20-2008, 12:01 PM

PS I found the name Needius Grubb in the paper obits. turns out if you google his name you'll see he was up for the death penalty. Hey, with a name like Needius Grubb, how could you possibly go right?

skysidhe · 04-20-2008, 01:12 PM

I thought it was someone elses poem too. That is a compliment as it was very professionally written. But you knew that.

Trilby · 04-20-2008, 01:30 PM

thanks, to both of you.

skysidhe · 04-20-2008, 01:33 PM

y w

Trilby · 04-20-2008, 01:37 PM

Based on a poem by Hopkins--a list of things I "like"

I like the dark things, Halloween things,
Gleeful grins and voodoo queens;
Tarot decks and green moonbeams

I like the pansy, it's fearful face and back
Growling up at me from a full bushpack
Poison mushroom-caps, magick bric-a-brac!

I like the room beneath the Tree
Cauldrons and witches, three by three
I like the unseen, silly world

That just might bite a careless girl.

Trilby · 04-20-2008, 02:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Brianna

PS I found the name Needius Grubb in the paper obits. turns out if you google his name you'll see he was up for the death penalty. Hey, with a name like Needius Grubb, how could you possibly go right?

got some info from the preble county newspaper--appears this guy beat his wife to death and avoided the death sentence by pleading guilty, life without parole. He died, though, in prison as I saw his obit and got the name there. I wonder how he died? he was pretty young---early to mid forties.

Sundae · 04-20-2008, 06:20 PM

Oh Brianna you do have a real talent
Please don't think this is lets-pat-the-bald-girl flannel
I love poetry - I really do adore it
and I don't lie

I can write verse quite happily - I have done so for years for people leaving work, birthdays, anniversaries etc
I can do doggerel with barely a wince
and occasionally I write a "polaroid" that captures a moment in very few words and is at least worth keeping (for me) to take me back there

but I can't write poetry

I'm not disciplined enough - that's why I like the spontaneous thread - any flaws can be shrugged off as just a stream of consciousness thing

But you can really write
I'm not the sharpest knife in the drawer, but I'm not the dullest either
Take this on board, mm'kay?

skysidhe · 04-20-2008, 07:47 PM

He died to give you a good name for your poem and please no sympathy for the devil.

@ SG...You are a great writer. Nimble.

monster · 04-21-2008, 08:33 PM

paper cuts on your nuts
might require explanation
open sores on your whores
beg johnson lamination

lumberjim · 04-21-2008, 08:58 PM

These fuckers gotta buy
I need dough like anyone
These fuckers always lie
And act like I'm the one

Yeah we close at nine
This happens all the time
The finance guy won't mind
It happens all the time

Well let me tell you fuckers
The finance guy has kids
And needs to get some sleep
cuz he's got a fucking hour ride home and has to take out the trash tonight when he gets there, and then he's got to be back at 9 am to work another 14 hours with no break.

this may impact your interst rate.

'sall I'm sayin'

Trilby · 04-22-2008, 09:49 AM

Gargoyl

We are catty-corner
me and he-

we sit, legs crossed-
our noses in our books,
his of stone, like himself,
A stiff and solemn evil elf;
a Scholar more than me.
He never leaves his book!

But I will, more than not,
put mine down to wife the house
and fix the supper for the mouse
who, along with he,
Keeps with me a company.

Trilby · 04-23-2008, 10:54 AM

And Ode to my Favorite Restaurant (and it makes fun of Rilke's 'Childhood' as translated by M.D. Herter Norton)

O, filet mignon!
O, how you turn me on!

I go to the Pine Club with glee!
Knowing you'll be there for me!

O, filet mignon!
O, how you turn me on!

The hash browns make me sing!
O, another Singapore Sling!

Those sumptuous stewed tomahotes!
Like notes of pure legato!

O, filet mignon!
O, how you turn me on!

freshnesschronic · 04-24-2008, 04:41 PM

Do you know
What I know?
Could you show
If I show?
Could you do
If I did?
Would you find me
If I hid?
Do things matter at all?
Would you answer if I call?
Sometimes I wonder if you'd
Be there for me too

04-19-2008, 08:03 PM	#346
Sundae polaroid of perfection Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: West Yorkshire Posts: 24,185	Brianna! Needius Worse Than Ever is proper poetry imho And bear in mind my humble opinionated self reads a lot of it It reminds me so much of U A Fanthorpe, who herself worked as a nurse on a psychiatric ward (I'll check that - I know she worked with mental patients) You have a beautiful turn of phrase and some outstanding imagery Just ETA because I've realised it might not be yours! If it is, you amaze me. You do anyway __________________ Life's hard you know, so strike a pose on a Cadillac Last edited by Sundae; 04-19-2008 at 08:05 PM. Reason: May not be Brianna's poem

04-20-2008, 12:01 PM	#348
Trilby Slattern of the Swail Join Date: Jul 2004 Posts: 15,654	PS I found the name Needius Grubb in the paper obits. turns out if you google his name you'll see he was up for the death penalty. Hey, with a name like Needius Grubb, how could you possibly go right? __________________ In Barrie's play and novel, the roles of fairies are brief: they are allies to the Lost Boys, the source of fairy dust and ...They are portrayed as dangerous, whimsical and extremely clever but quite hedonistic. "Shall I give you a kiss?" Peter asked and, jerking an acorn button off his coat, solemnly presented it to her. —James Barrie Wimminfolk they be tricksy. - ZenGum

04-20-2008, 01:30 PM	#350
Trilby Slattern of the Swail Join Date: Jul 2004 Posts: 15,654	thanks, to both of you. __________________ In Barrie's play and novel, the roles of fairies are brief: they are allies to the Lost Boys, the source of fairy dust and ...They are portrayed as dangerous, whimsical and extremely clever but quite hedonistic. "Shall I give you a kiss?" Peter asked and, jerking an acorn button off his coat, solemnly presented it to her. —James Barrie Wimminfolk they be tricksy. - ZenGum

04-20-2008, 01:37 PM	#352
Trilby Slattern of the Swail Join Date: Jul 2004 Posts: 15,654	Based on a poem by Hopkins--a list of things I "like" I like the dark things, Halloween things, Gleeful grins and voodoo queens; Tarot decks and green moonbeams I like the pansy, it's fearful face and back Growling up at me from a full bushpack Poison mushroom-caps, magick bric-a-brac! I like the room beneath the Tree Cauldrons and witches, three by three I like the unseen, silly world That just might bite a careless girl. __________________ In Barrie's play and novel, the roles of fairies are brief: they are allies to the Lost Boys, the source of fairy dust and ...They are portrayed as dangerous, whimsical and extremely clever but quite hedonistic. "Shall I give you a kiss?" Peter asked and, jerking an acorn button off his coat, solemnly presented it to her. —James Barrie Wimminfolk they be tricksy. - ZenGum

04-20-2008, 06:20 PM	#354
Sundae polaroid of perfection Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: West Yorkshire Posts: 24,185	Oh Brianna you do have a real talent Please don't think this is lets-pat-the-bald-girl flannel I love poetry - I really do adore it and I don't lie I can write verse quite happily - I have done so for years for people leaving work, birthdays, anniversaries etc I can do doggerel with barely a wince and occasionally I write a "polaroid" that captures a moment in very few words and is at least worth keeping (for me) to take me back there but I can't write poetry I'm not disciplined enough - that's why I like the spontaneous thread - any flaws can be shrugged off as just a stream of consciousness thing But you can really write I'm not the sharpest knife in the drawer, but I'm not the dullest either Take this on board, mm'kay? __________________ Life's hard you know, so strike a pose on a Cadillac

04-20-2008, 01:12 PM	#349
skysidhe ~~Life is either a daring adventure or nothing.~~ Join Date: Apr 2006 Posts: 6,828	I thought it was someone elses poem too. That is a compliment as it was very professionally written. But you knew that.

04-20-2008, 01:33 PM	#351
skysidhe ~~Life is either a daring adventure or nothing.~~ Join Date: Apr 2006 Posts: 6,828	y w

04-20-2008, 07:47 PM	#355
skysidhe ~~Life is either a daring adventure or nothing.~~ Join Date: Apr 2006 Posts: 6,828	He died to give you a good name for your poem and please no sympathy for the devil. @ SG...You are a great writer. Nimble.

04-21-2008, 08:33 PM	#356
monster I hear them call the tide Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Perpetual Chaos Posts: 30,852	paper cuts on your nuts might require explanation open sores on your whores beg johnson lamination __________________ The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity Amelia Earhart

04-21-2008, 08:58 PM	#357
lumberjim I can hear my ears Join Date: Oct 2003 Posts: 25,571	These fuckers gotta buy I need dough like anyone These fuckers always lie And act like I'm the one Yeah we close at nine This happens all the time The finance guy won't mind It happens all the time Well let me tell you fuckers The finance guy has kids And needs to get some sleep cuz he's got a fucking hour ride home and has to take out the trash tonight when he gets there, and then he's got to be back at 9 am to work another 14 hours with no break. this may impact your interst rate. 'sall I'm sayin' __________________ This body holding me reminds me of my own mortality Embrace this moment, remember We are eternal, all this pain is an illusion ~MJKeenan

04-22-2008, 09:49 AM	#358
Trilby Slattern of the Swail Join Date: Jul 2004 Posts: 15,654	Gargoyl We are catty-corner me and he- we sit, legs crossed- our noses in our books, his of stone, like himself, A stiff and solemn evil elf; a Scholar more than me. He never leaves his book! But I will, more than not, put mine down to wife the house and fix the supper for the mouse who, along with he, Keeps with me a company. __________________ In Barrie's play and novel, the roles of fairies are brief: they are allies to the Lost Boys, the source of fairy dust and ...They are portrayed as dangerous, whimsical and extremely clever but quite hedonistic. "Shall I give you a kiss?" Peter asked and, jerking an acorn button off his coat, solemnly presented it to her. —James Barrie Wimminfolk they be tricksy. - ZenGum

04-23-2008, 10:54 AM	#359
Trilby Slattern of the Swail Join Date: Jul 2004 Posts: 15,654	And Ode to my Favorite Restaurant (and it makes fun of Rilke's 'Childhood' as translated by M.D. Herter Norton) O, filet mignon! O, how you turn me on! I go to the Pine Club with glee! Knowing you'll be there for me! O, filet mignon! O, how you turn me on! The hash browns make me sing! O, another Singapore Sling! Those sumptuous stewed tomahotes! Like notes of pure legato! O, filet mignon! O, how you turn me on! __________________ In Barrie's play and novel, the roles of fairies are brief: they are allies to the Lost Boys, the source of fairy dust and ...They are portrayed as dangerous, whimsical and extremely clever but quite hedonistic. "Shall I give you a kiss?" Peter asked and, jerking an acorn button off his coat, solemnly presented it to her. —James Barrie Wimminfolk they be tricksy. - ZenGum

04-24-2008, 04:41 PM	#360
freshnesschronic Professor Join Date: Dec 2006 Posts: 1,555	Do you know What I know? Could you show If I show? Could you do If I did? Would you find me If I hid? Do things matter at all? Would you answer if I call? Sometimes I wonder if you'd Be there for me too

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