|
Relationships People who need people; or, why can't we all just get along? |
|
Thread Tools | Display Modes |
03-12-2006, 02:16 PM | #1 |
Guest
Posts: n/a
|
I get to post this cuz I'm a girl!
:p Hormones
The Hormone Hostage knows that there are days in the month when all a man has to do is open his mouth and he takes his very life into his own hands! This is a handy guide that should be as common as a driver's license in the wallet of every husband, boyfriend, or significant other!! DANGEROUS: What's for dinner? SAFER: Can I help you with dinner? SAFEST: Where would you like to go for dinner? ULTRASAFE: Here, have some chocolate. DANGEROUS: Are you wearing that? SAFER: Gee, you look good in brown. SAFEST: WOW! Look at you! ULTRASAFE: Here, have some chocolate. DANGEROUS: What are you so worked up about? SAFER: What did I do wrong? SAFEST: Here's fifty dollars. ULTRASAFE: Here, have some chocolate. DANGEROUS: Should you be eating that? SAFER: You know, there are a lot of apples left. SAFEST: Can I get you a glass of wine with that? ULTRASAFE: Here, have some chocolate. DANGEROUS: What did you do all day? SAFER: I hope you didn't overdo it today. SAFEST: I've always loved you in that robe! ULTRASAFE: Here, have some more chocolate. Some Things PMS Stands For: Pass My Shotgun Psychotic Mood Shift People Make me Sick Provide Me with Sweets Pardon My Sobbing Pitiful Mood Syndrome Plainly Men Suck Pack My Stuff...... . ..And my favorite one... Potential Murder Suspect And remember: Money talks...but chocolate sings. My friend's husband, not happy with her mood swings, bought her a mood ring the other day so he would be able to monitor her moods. When she's in a good mood, it turns green. When she's in a bad mood, it leaves a big red mark on his forehead. Maybe next time he'll buy her diamonds. Here have some chocolate. |
03-12-2006, 02:22 PM | #2 |
St Petersburg, Florida
Join Date: Oct 2002
Posts: 3,423
|
Never really thought about it but some type of chocolate should by in my disaster survival backsack.
Seriously though....chocolate? It's been said before that this is the magic but how effective is it? Thought it was more of a joke than anything. |
03-12-2006, 02:30 PM | #3 |
Guest
Posts: n/a
|
Chocolate will get even you out of the most disasterous situation with a member of the female persuasion, Slang. We girls adore chocolate! If a man offers us a box of chocolates (I personally like Godiva or REAL Swiss), we are instantly touched by his thoughtfulness and sincerity. How can you be mad at someone with a delicious piece of chocolate melting in your mouth? Chocolate is said to release endorphins similiar to the ones that morphine induces. Chocolate! Its the secret to success with the fairer sex!
|
03-12-2006, 03:11 PM | #4 |
Day Tripper
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Silicon Valley
Posts: 784
|
female persuasion ... I love that phrase. It's so......inclusive.
And thanks for the Hormones piece.
__________________
|
03-13-2006, 01:45 PM | #5 |
Slattern of the Swail
Join Date: Jul 2004
Posts: 15,654
|
I do love a good chocolate buzz, but, in these times of economic insecurity and, more important, personal FATNESS, i prefer the elegant flower. gardenia or cala lilly...and always, roses.
Am blatant Flower Child today. Deal.
__________________
In Barrie's play and novel, the roles of fairies are brief: they are allies to the Lost Boys, the source of fairy dust and ...They are portrayed as dangerous, whimsical and extremely clever but quite hedonistic. "Shall I give you a kiss?" Peter asked and, jerking an acorn button off his coat, solemnly presented it to her. —James Barrie Wimminfolk they be tricksy. - ZenGum |
03-13-2006, 07:24 PM | #6 |
Touring the facilities
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: The plains of Colorado
Posts: 3,476
|
I don't really get the chocolate thing. funny post, though.
|
03-13-2006, 07:46 PM | #7 | |
St Petersburg, Florida
Join Date: Oct 2002
Posts: 3,423
|
Quote:
Dear diary, I think I've found the secret that I've been looking for in the most unusual place....it seems that I've not had the chocolate syrup.......
__________________
FTFF |
|
03-13-2006, 08:27 PM | #8 |
The Sheriff of Nothingland
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Melbourne, Aus
Posts: 1,794
|
damn you slang! all throughout reading everyones posts, i was thinking of writing about making a "chocolate log" but YOU had to go and write it first!
DANGEROUS: Hey, im not the one making you bleed DANGEROUS: I dont see what the big deal is DANGEROUS: It cant be that bad DANGEROUS: Great! no sex for a week DANGEROUS: You sound like your mother DANGEROUS: sorry theres no chocolate left, i ate it all DANGEROUS: the last thing you need is more chocolate DANGEROUS: Come on, theres at least 2 other holes i can use DANGEROUS: why are you being such a bitch all of a sudden? ULTRASAFE: Youre so strong to be able to go through this all the time, i wish i knew what it was like so i could understand the pain. but since i cant im going to do everything in my power to make it easier. Please, sit down and put your feet up, im going to make you some soup then cook dinner. Here, you can keep the remote control tonight. heres a block of cadbury chocolate until the soups ready. i love you. youre so beautiful |
03-15-2006, 08:28 AM | #9 | |
Your Bartender
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: Philly Burbs, PA
Posts: 7,651
|
Quote:
|
|
03-15-2006, 10:49 AM | #10 |
Banned - Self Imposed
Join Date: Dec 2005
Posts: 1,847
|
Kagen that's a classic!
|
03-15-2006, 11:10 AM | #11 |
Icy Queen
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Southeast Alaska
Posts: 700
|
Once again, this proves that I am not a typical girl. I really don't like chocolate. I will eat some every once in a while, but I definitely don't get cravings for it, or think about it if it's not right in front of me.
Now something smoked/ pickled/ salty or sour.... that's what I like. |
03-15-2006, 11:17 AM | #12 | |
Guest
Posts: n/a
|
Quote:
Last edited by marichiko; 03-15-2006 at 11:40 AM. |
|
03-15-2006, 11:58 AM | #13 |
Slattern of the Swail
Join Date: Jul 2004
Posts: 15,654
|
Ultra-Ultra safe: here, seakdivers, have some smoked, pickled herring!
__________________
In Barrie's play and novel, the roles of fairies are brief: they are allies to the Lost Boys, the source of fairy dust and ...They are portrayed as dangerous, whimsical and extremely clever but quite hedonistic. "Shall I give you a kiss?" Peter asked and, jerking an acorn button off his coat, solemnly presented it to her. —James Barrie Wimminfolk they be tricksy. - ZenGum |
03-15-2006, 12:28 PM | #14 |
Back and ready to tart up the place
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Kansas
Posts: 850
|
I'm not a big fan of chocolate either. Give me some nice flowers or another sweet gesture (like a card for no reason) and I am good to go.
__________________
Chock-full of naughty goodness. |
03-15-2006, 12:32 PM | #15 |
Your Bartender
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: Philly Burbs, PA
Posts: 7,651
|
Ultra-Ultra-Double-Super-Ultra Safe: Just hide in your apartment and don't give the women an opportunity to cause you any damage.
|
Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests) | |
|
|