Liver and Cherry

[Aliantha]

I hope the funny farm, treats you well,
And I hope you have many great, dreams theeeerrreeeee...
And Iiiiieeeiiiiiiieeeeeiiiiii will always,
Love youuuuuueeeeuuuuueuuuuuu..... Xxx

[lumberjim]

Fuck.

Thank you Carruthers.

Thank you very much.

Cherry, we all love you. I love you. I am sorry you're feeling lost right now, and that you're hurting. I'm also angry that you tried to give up. It's alright to fail. It's alright to be weak. It's fine if you're scared and tired and lonely. No one will fault you for it. We've all felt lost.

You deserve those bruises, though.

You will get stronger from them. You're a deep and beautiful person. You mean a lot to very many. If you give up and leave us, we'd all be worse off. Love yourself, honey.... Love yourself first. Be a little better tomorrow. Be a little better than that the next day. Keep your focus on the present moment, and gather your strength. Nothing else is relevant. Just be.

[orthodoc]

What LJ said. We're all here temporarily, Cherry, with a few things to do before we move on. The next person you meet may be the most important interaction you'll ever have, for you or for him/her. When it's time to go there'll be no stopping it (decades of medicine has taught me this at least). So, make the most of your time here, and keep on with your wonderful writing. You have such a talent. Don't take any more trips up the Chevin just yet.

[Sundae]

Originally Posted by lumberjim

I'm also angry that you tried to give up. It's alright to fail. It's alright to be weak. It's fine if you're scared and tired and lonely. No one will fault you for it. We've all felt lost.

You deserve those bruises, though.

Yes I do deserve these bruises. I didn't post them for sympathy (although I have in the past posted bruises I felt I haven't deserved for sympathy)
What I didn't deserve was all the effort people went to, to keep me alive. And yes I thanked each and every one of them.

I posted because if I go to a theme park, I post photos of a theme park. If I have a great day out with Dana, I post a great day out with Dana. So if I smash my face up, I take photos and show you. Just pray I never get a prolapsed rectum.

Now I'm not going to say "Walk a day in my shoes". Because I hate that cliché, and they wouldn't fit (another over-used joke) and it would cut no ice with you anyway.

And anyone can survive a day like the days I have. Some people for quite a while.
I can't write for suicides everywhere but for me I could not and still can't see a future. There are people FAR worse off. There are people with FAR harder lives. There are people who will never give up, not never not ever.
I'm not one of them. I am weak, yes. And tired, and lonely. And broken.

I do try.
I've managed 42 years and yes I am still pretty much trying. No, please don't pat my back too hard, I'm delicate, remember.

I don't ask for sympathy or understanding, even if sometimes it looks like that's what I want.
There are at least two people in my life who think I was treated extremely badly in order to end up in this situation. I disagree. I think I'm just me. And I'm just sharing.

Wait til I write the posts I start moaning about being in the madhouse - I probably will deserve the "Poor me" sobriquet then.
Honestly, it's terrifying, the lunatics could run it better and I'd still rather be there on many days. Just not the ones where they throw chairs at eachother during dinner. But hey, I've lost 26lbs because of it.
Even if with this (well earned) puffy face you'd never believe it. I must have slept (SIX HOURS!!! a recent record) on the bad side last night because today it looks like it might actually give birth.

But Carruthers is probably seeing it later and he can report back.
Trouble is he's such a gentleman he'll no doubt pretend I could still win Miss World.

Thanks to everyone for your kind comments.
And thank you for not pretending it was not a "cry for help".

[glatt]

I'm glad you are sharing everything. That's what you have always done. You are probably the most honest person I know, and I love that about you.

I'm over here, half a world away, pecking on my phone screen, hoping to say just the right thing that will motivate you to fight this thing and beat it. But the truth we both know is that it's something you have to face yourself. I think you can do it. Really. I do.

I feel a little guilty that I'm not facing the things that you are facing. It's not fair. Life is easier for me. I don't know why.

I'm kind of rambling here. Not sure what my point is. I hated losing Brianna, and losing you too would be so much worse. Not that I'm comparing you to her, but to lose two magnificent women in our community would be unbearable.

So I'm being selfish. I don't want to go through that again.

I love your raw honesty when you share here. And I don't want it to end.

I think you have had different chapters in your life, and this one sucks right now, but there are more chapters to come. Surely the ones that come will be better. If you burn the book now, the ending will suck. Give it a chance to move on to the next act. It can't get much worse.

[Gravdigr]

I was too stunned to think of anything but Sundae, Carruthers got dumped by the wayside.

Carruthers thank you very much for what you did for Sundae, and us.

Outstanding, sir.

[Undertoad]

Carruthers, thank you.

I posted because if I go to a theme park, I post photos of a theme park. If I have a great day out with Dana, I post a great day out with Dana. So if I smash my face up, I take photos and show you. Just pray I never get a prolapsed rectum.

Cookie'd.

Sundae, has there ever been anything bad come from your sharing? It has only led to good for us, I believe.

[Griff]

Carruthers definitely gets the Master Dwellar Award today. Thank you Sir.

Sundae, one of my favorite shares from you was that beautiful carol a few years back. Your voice and personality are so "real" that you force others to try to measure up in building this community. You are a keystone here.

[classicman]

Holy fucking Shit! What the fuckity fuck?
I'm at a total loss here. Others have said what I too think. I look at my life and hos shitty some of it was and then I see some of what you go through and I get STRONGER from you. If you can handle "X", well I sure as hell can handle my little shit.

Bloody hell, woman. You are raw and smart and honest and open and caring and sweet and and and and and .... What the fuck? I personally forbid you from trying that shit again. You may not remember, but you welcomed me when I first came here. You had joined a few months before me. We spoke on the phone once when I was in a very tough place. You talked me through some serious emotional shit. I was at my ropes end ... or so I thought. I was the one ready to quit. I still remember that and think of where Dan would be if I was gone. Holy Fuck.
I'm so glad you are still here and so pissed that you think/thought so little of yourself or whatever.
Damn girl! No more of this, I will not have it. You hear me?

[fargon]

Cherry, Why you do these things. We love you, and want you to be well. If you want to talk call me you have my number.

[Carruthers]

Gravdigr, Undertoad, lumberjim and Griff.

Thank you, Gentlemen. I'm sure that you'd have done the same for a friend.

[xoxoxoBruce]

Shit yeah, you're pretty smart for a guy that walks into beams. You probably made the cops night when he was moaning about being stuck on a dead shift, and you gave him a chance to show his boss he really has skills. And of course sending the cavalry to rescue Miss Anti-Good Decisions. Tell you what, I'll give you $200 to give her a good kick in the cunt, just for scaring us thinking how close she came to really fucking up.

[Nirvana]

[Spexxvet]

It's been said already, but thank you, Carruthers, and please don't leave us, Sundae.

[classicman]

WH,S&HS