Kill me again

[anonymous]

He doesn't care if I drink; he only cares if I eat.

Since I stopped getting angry at him after a glass or two of wine, he doesn't care if I drink; but it matters very much to him if that glass of wine leads to eating. Because in his mind I need to lose 40 lb and get back to my emaciated teen weight range of 114-118 lb. I am 5'7" and weighed 110 when I wrestled on my high school's first girls' wrestling team, and weighed 114 on my first wedding day ... but I was skin and bone. No muscle mass.

I need to lose some weight, but probably should stop in the mid-130s, since I lift now and have some muscle. When I got into the low 140s three years ago I was fit and felt fantastic.

This isn't so much to be anonymous, as most will easily guess ... just less searchable. I am kept track of very closely these days.

The simple answer is: leave. But my father is here, and not easy to move; and I don't want to give up this property again. I didn't know, until I left it, how much it meant to me. I won't give it up again.

Not asking for anything from anyone here. Just pissed that it's okay for me to self-destruct in one way, but not to be physically unattractive. This is not okay, it's against everything I've tried to teach my daughter, but here I am still fending it off. It's a societal evil, a problem that exists beyond my one small situation.