kids using "bad words"

[Flint]

Originally Posted by ashke

Okay then, my mistake.

No problem, sorry I snapped at you.

[dar512]

Originally Posted by Flint

Good point, dar512. Hopefully they will be on the ball enough to understand the context of the situation they are in. My experience with children is that if you treat them like adults they will rise to that level, if you treat them like children they will stagnate there out of pure laziness, knowing that you don't expect them to display any more aptitude than that.

I've got a couple of thoughts here. It's not a matter of being aware of the context. I assume your kids will be smart enough to know when to cool it. But there are lots of times when you don't have time to think about the context and something is going to come out. If your kid hits his funny bone on the edge of a desk in first grade, he's not going to think, "Ooo, I'm in class now. No swear words here." He's going to say whatever he normally says in that situation.

I could be wrong, though. So I really am interested to see if you stick to this and how it goes once your kids start merging with society.

I do fully agree about treating one's kids with respect and high expectations. Actually, I think it applies to everyone you meet.

[Flint]

Well, my kids will be home-schooled, but I understand your point. It was covered ^^^up there somewhere^^^ that using a curse word as an exclamation is different than using it intentionally to be disruptive.

Now, the next part is a fine line for sure, but "merging with society" has never been one of my goals, as society is totally fucked-up, isn't it? My goal would be more like to be a good person, live by the golden rule certainly, and respect your fellow man and his beliefs, but to never ever ever compromise your ideals and cave in to any kind of rotten institution just because that's the way things are accepted as being done. I know that raising children is a responsibility where I have to teach them what they need to know in order to be happy and successful, and I myself remember being angry, at times, at my Mother for raising me around non-traditional ideas, but eventually, I believe that the power of the individual who believes in his heart that he/she is doing the right thing for the right reasons is a higher authority than any entrenched dogma society will try to sucker you into going along with.

[Stormieweather]

I believe that people use swear words for one of two reasons:

Shock value

or

To reinforce a weak position


I've taught my children that using 'bad words' shows them to be a less than classy person and that if they feel it necessary to use curses to get their point across, they didn't have much of a point to begin with. The great debaters and most influental people in history had no need to use vulgar language to be effective. I've taught them that when one pepper's ones language with swear words and profanity, the people hearing them tend to filter out everything but the shocking words, so that what they hear is...blah, blah, blah shit, blah blah fu*king blah, blah g'damn blah blah blah.

On the other hand, I don't punish them for using bad words, I mostly just ignore it. I think everyone in our family uses them in frustration now and then, but I feel that making a big deal of it tends to give it the draw of the 'forbidden'.

One line that no one in my family is allowed to cross is that we do not tolerate verbal abuse of another human. Obviously, verbal abuse encompasses much more than just swearing, it is blame, shame, humiliation and control. I'm teaching my kids that they 'own' the words that come out of their mouth and how to communicate effectively.

Hopefully, this will help them grow up to be wise, compassionate, and loving individuals.

Stormie

[Flint]

That's a nice post, but I do believe that most things people do in life are done for exponentially more than 2 black-and-white reasons.

That aside (and it is a substantial aside, in my mind) I do recognize appreciate the spirit of the rest of what you posted.

[footfootfoot]

Okay: here's this
http://youtube.com/watch?v=DN3UWp_UN...%20bad%20words

[nyet]

Originally Posted by Flint

What exactly is the problem with curse words, other than what I pointed out, and shouldn't it apply to adults and children equally?

this is a grate point.

[juju]

Flint, one of the things I've discovered as a parent is that people are incredibly keen on pushing their values on other people. Don't let them do this to you. If you curse, and you don't think there's anything wrong with cursing, then you're violating your own moral principles by punishing your children for cursing. You'd be a hypocrite. That's an even worse thing to teach your children -- that values are to be followed inconsistently.

In my opinion, the actual value that's being practiced by most people in society is that it's okay to curse in your home or with friends, but it's not okay to curse at work or at school.

That's what I intend to teach my daughter. She's 2 and 1/2 now, and she's been speaking since she was 1. She doesn't curse, despite the fact that we curse around her all the time. The key is to not give any reaction to it. People are very simple -- if it gives them pleasure, they will do it as often as possible. If the kids get no reaction to it, then there's no reason for them to do it.