Most & Least Favorite Ways to Cope

Whit · 09-01-2003, 11:24 PM

     We all cope with hordes of crap. No adult hasn't had to deal with some hellish situation or another. Be it the loss of a loved one or a relationship gone awry. Life often time does suck. This being the case means that we have to cope with it. So, what is your favorite way and what is the coping mechanism you hate the most? Oh, and if you don't mind, throw in your reasoning for it. Good and bad points are a plus too.

     My personal favorite, my emotional lifeline if you will, is humor. Make a joke. Family member dies, tell a funny story. Lose your job, make a good one liner. Cut part of your finger off and bleed everywhere, let 'em think it's a joke then surprise them with the actual damage, made me laugh anyway.
     The upside is combating the pain as well as getting you through it. In my case, at least, there's not a lot of nasty leftovers to deal with later. You ride it out with the help of a few chuckles then move on. Yeah, it hurts, often a great deal, but it'll get you by.
     The downside is that unless it's your own pain or the you are speaking to someone you are very close to who is in pain you can't do it while it's happening. At least not out loud. Let me clarify that. If someone is in pain and you crack a joke it can make things worse for them, and if you care about them it'll be worse for you too. If they cope the same way and are close to you or it's your pain you can get away with it. Feh, I hope that made sense...
     Also, it has a limit. I've been in enough emotional pain that laughter was a curiosity to me. It was like I couldn't quite remember what it meant. I was mostly shut down at that time, didn't feel anything for a while. Nasty business that. I did make a few very dark humor type comments after it was finished though

     My least favorite is not something I do, but rather something I've had to deal with a lot in my life. The habit some people have of just choking it down so they can go on. The plus is they can get through the day. The downside is that often times people will do this when something awful is done to them at a young age. They'll carry it around, somewhere under the surface then BAM! As soon as they are otherwise happy it'll reemerge as the most important thing in their life. Leaving some poor bastard (far to often me) to try to clean up the mess it makes of the person. I really hate that.

     So, I went first, who's next?

warch · 09-02-2003, 01:57 AM

Well, humor,too. But I've run into the situation, similar to what you describe, where "making light" is actually a kinda denial response that stuffs the real hurt away to fester and 'splode another day. So, sometimes you just gotta own the pain to make it better. And with other people, you got to honor their pain, too. (which is what I think youre saying) Raw emotion can be very uncomfortable, but that's the ride.

One thing that helps me cope if I am in a funk, feeling overwhelmed, thinking too much, etc., is lone physical activity. If its big craziness- real sweaty, stupid, repetitive hard work you can beat up on with no talking. For more minor crap, a swim is always good for zoning out. It must be tied with some sense of battling for control. Sleep better too.
Another is music.

Least favorite way- drink. It sounds good at the time, but it really doesnt help. Of course, when the shit goes down, its always there.

xoxoxoBruce · 09-02-2003, 03:46 AM

Everyone you meet in your travels to the grave, comes with baggage. Expect it. Accept it.
Favorite~ Isolation and chocolate.
Least favorite~ Isolation and chocolate.
Vicious circle.

Griff · 09-02-2003, 06:16 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by warch
is lone physical activity. If its big craziness- real sweaty, stupid, repetitive hard work you can beat up on with no talking.

Yep. Splitting firewood does the job and it ends up being useful. Unfortunately, I've had a good year so my wood pile isn't what it should be. Cycling does the job for little things and minor chemical imbalances, endorphins are our friends. No matter how many times I try the bottle, it does little but loosen the tongue, usually inappropriately.

juju · 09-02-2003, 07:20 AM

My favorite coping mechanism is to just abandon the situation. This works especially well in arguments. I leave -- and there's no more argument! I don't just do it with arguments, though. I tend to avoid bad situations in general. The downside of course is that it's sort of a short-term solution (abeit a perfect one). But of course nothing really gets resolved in this way, so it's really more of a delaying mechanism.

My wife doesn't let me do this anymore, so I think I'm being slowly weaned off the behavior.

One of Kathy's coping mechanisms is to constantly worry. She'll imagine some horrible potetial scenario and then start fretting and stressing out about it. And it doesn't go away, she just keeps letting the worry get to her. It's really annoying, because it doesn't really solve anything, and it has no upside as far as I can see.

Undertoad · 09-02-2003, 07:30 AM

Constant worry is generalized anxiety disorder. It has no upside whatsoever. This can lead to my favorite way to cope:

russotto · 09-02-2003, 09:20 AM

A real graphics wiz would do this, but since I suck at graphics you'll have to imagine it yourself.

"Marijuana" <-- large stylized font
(inhaled delta-9-tetrahydrocannibinol) <-- small font

But actually that's my so-called sense of humor. I really just curse and fume and sulk and very occasionally break things.

warch · 09-02-2003, 10:52 AM

Reading about generalized anxiety disorder, the power of self talking is interesting. I certainly understand some of the tendency towards worry, social discomfort, fear of failure, and the way to chip away at it, to not control, but redirect your thinking in a more positive way. Catch it before it gets away. Hard stuff that sounds too simple.

Whit · 09-02-2003, 11:02 AM

Quote:

From Warch:
But I've run into the situation, similar to what you describe, where "making light" is actually a kinda denial response that stuffs the real hurt away to fester and 'splode another day. So, sometimes you just gotta own the pain to make it better.(which is what I think youre saying)

     Yeah, with me at least humor really is my method to 'own the pain'. (I like that phrase, it really clics with me. I think I'll run with it) It lightens the load a bit but it also lays claim to it. Of course in the case of the pain being someone elses it's an attempt to help them make it theirs. I admit I have often seen people use it to distance from the pain like the denial you describe but that's just silly in MHO. Feel it, deal with it, get it done.
     Actually, I like the physical exertion method. Working a heavy bag is pretty ideal too, though it's not as useful as chopping wood. Running works too, with no equipment.

Quote:

Also from Warch:
Raw emotion can be very uncomfortable, but that's the ride.

     Just so you know Warch, I'm stealing this line. You may not see me use it but I promise I will in verbal conversations. I can think of a couple of people that need to hear that...

Quote:

From Griff:
Unfortunately, I've had a good year so my wood pile isn't what it should be.

     Careful what you wish for dude...

xoxoxoBruce · 09-02-2003, 04:10 PM

Quote:

Raw emotion can be very uncomfortable, but that's the ride.

Sounds like a Harley Davidson commercial.

Elspode · 09-03-2003, 12:06 AM

I used to use drugs and alcohol. Now I use medications and computer time.

The secret to coping is suviving through it all long enough to look back and realize that it could have been worse.

Whit · 09-03-2003, 12:32 AM

Quote:

From Ep:
I used to use drugs and alcohol.

     "I'd rather have this bottle in front of me than have a frontal lobotomy"?

xoxoxoBruce · 09-03-2003, 04:52 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Elspode
The secret to coping is suviving through it all long enough to look back and realize that it could have been worse.

That depends on your meds. Looking back and realizing it could have been better, often much better, is not fun.

elSicomoro · 09-03-2003, 05:33 PM

Least favorite way to cope: Killing people...always hate it when I wind up killing someone due to my temper...

Favorite ways to cope: Humor...I was cracking 9/11 jokes the day after. Reflecting on what happened, learning what I can from it, and moving forward in tandem with humor works best. Writing used to do the trick, though I haven't felt inspired enough to do that lately.

SteveDallas · 09-03-2003, 06:38 PM

Humor here too, but I also just try to escape temporarily. If I have a shit storm at work, fine, I can't do anything about it at home, I just try to watch a movie or read or surf and put it out of my mind until I am able to address the situation.

09-01-2003, 11:24 PM	#1
Whit Umm ... yeah. Join Date: Aug 2001 Location: Arkansas, USA Posts: 949	Most & Least Favorite Ways to Cope      We all cope with hordes of crap. No adult hasn't had to deal with some hellish situation or another. Be it the loss of a loved one or a relationship gone awry. Life often time does suck. This being the case means that we have to cope with it. So, what is your favorite way and what is the coping mechanism you hate the most? Oh, and if you don't mind, throw in your reasoning for it. Good and bad points are a plus too.      My personal favorite, my emotional lifeline if you will, is humor. Make a joke. Family member dies, tell a funny story. Lose your job, make a good one liner. Cut part of your finger off and bleed everywhere, let 'em think it's a joke then surprise them with the actual damage, made me laugh anyway.      The upside is combating the pain as well as getting you through it. In my case, at least, there's not a lot of nasty leftovers to deal with later. You ride it out with the help of a few chuckles then move on. Yeah, it hurts, often a great deal, but it'll get you by.      The downside is that unless it's your own pain or the you are speaking to someone you are very close to who is in pain you can't do it while it's happening. At least not out loud. Let me clarify that. If someone is in pain and you crack a joke it can make things worse for them, and if you care about them it'll be worse for you too. If they cope the same way and are close to you or it's your pain you can get away with it. Feh, I hope that made sense...      Also, it has a limit. I've been in enough emotional pain that laughter was a curiosity to me. It was like I couldn't quite remember what it meant. I was mostly shut down at that time, didn't feel anything for a while. Nasty business that. I did make a few very dark humor type comments after it was finished though      My least favorite is not something I do, but rather something I've had to deal with a lot in my life. The habit some people have of just choking it down so they can go on. The plus is they can get through the day. The downside is that often times people will do this when something awful is done to them at a young age. They'll carry it around, somewhere under the surface then BAM! As soon as they are otherwise happy it'll reemerge as the most important thing in their life. Leaving some poor bastard (far to often me) to try to clean up the mess it makes of the person. I really hate that.      So, I went first, who's next? __________________ A friend will help you move. A true friend will help you move a body.

09-02-2003, 03:46 AM	#3
xoxoxoBruce The future is unwritten Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 71,105	Everyone you meet in your travels to the grave, comes with baggage. Expect it. Accept it. Favorite~ Isolation and chocolate. Least favorite~ Isolation and chocolate. Vicious circle. __________________ The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.

09-03-2003, 12:06 AM	#11
Elspode When Do I Get Virtual Unreality? Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Raytown, Missouri Posts: 12,719	I used to use drugs and alcohol. Now I use medications and computer time. The secret to coping is suviving through it all long enough to look back and realize that it could have been worse. __________________ "To those of you who are wearing ties, I think my dad would appreciate it if you took them off." - Robert Moog

09-02-2003, 01:57 AM	#2
warch lurkin old school Join Date: Oct 2001 Location: Minnesota Posts: 2,796	Well, humor,too. But I've run into the situation, similar to what you describe, where "making light" is actually a kinda denial response that stuffs the real hurt away to fester and 'splode another day. So, sometimes you just gotta own the pain to make it better. And with other people, you got to honor their pain, too. (which is what I think youre saying) Raw emotion can be very uncomfortable, but that's the ride. One thing that helps me cope if I am in a funk, feeling overwhelmed, thinking too much, etc., is lone physical activity. If its big craziness- real sweaty, stupid, repetitive hard work you can beat up on with no talking. For more minor crap, a swim is always good for zoning out. It must be tied with some sense of battling for control. Sleep better too. Another is music. Least favorite way- drink. It sounds good at the time, but it really doesnt help. Of course, when the shit goes down, its always there.

09-02-2003, 07:20 AM	#5
juju no one of consequence Join Date: Jun 2001 Location: Arkansas Posts: 2,839	My favorite coping mechanism is to just abandon the situation. This works especially well in arguments. I leave -- and there's no more argument! I don't just do it with arguments, though. I tend to avoid bad situations in general. The downside of course is that it's sort of a short-term solution (abeit a perfect one). But of course nothing really gets resolved in this way, so it's really more of a delaying mechanism. My wife doesn't let me do this anymore, so I think I'm being slowly weaned off the behavior. One of Kathy's coping mechanisms is to constantly worry. She'll imagine some horrible potetial scenario and then start fretting and stressing out about it. And it doesn't go away, she just keeps letting the worry get to her. It's really annoying, because it doesn't really solve anything, and it has no upside as far as I can see.

09-02-2003, 07:30 AM	#6
Undertoad Radical Centrist Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Cottage of Prussia Posts: 31,423	Constant worry is generalized anxiety disorder. It has no upside whatsoever. This can lead to my favorite way to cope:

09-02-2003, 09:20 AM	#7
russotto Professor Join Date: Jan 2001 Posts: 1,788	A real graphics wiz would do this, but since I suck at graphics you'll have to imagine it yourself. "Marijuana" <-- large stylized font (inhaled delta-9-tetrahydrocannibinol) <-- small font But actually that's my so-called sense of humor. I really just curse and fume and sulk and very occasionally break things.

09-02-2003, 10:52 AM	#8
warch lurkin old school Join Date: Oct 2001 Location: Minnesota Posts: 2,796	Reading about generalized anxiety disorder, the power of self talking is interesting. I certainly understand some of the tendency towards worry, social discomfort, fear of failure, and the way to chip away at it, to not control, but redirect your thinking in a more positive way. Catch it before it gets away. Hard stuff that sounds too simple.

09-03-2003, 05:33 PM	#14
elSicomoro Person who doesn't update the user title Join Date: Jan 2001 Posts: 12,486	Least favorite way to cope: Killing people...always hate it when I wind up killing someone due to my temper... Favorite ways to cope: Humor...I was cracking 9/11 jokes the day after. Reflecting on what happened, learning what I can from it, and moving forward in tandem with humor works best. Writing used to do the trick, though I haven't felt inspired enough to do that lately.

09-03-2003, 06:38 PM	#15
SteveDallas Your Bartender Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: Philly Burbs, PA Posts: 7,651	Humor here too, but I also just try to escape temporarily. If I have a shit storm at work, fine, I can't do anything about it at home, I just try to watch a movie or read or surf and put it out of my mind until I am able to address the situation.

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