The 24 hour engagement. - Page 10

disenchanted · 05-21-2009, 10:16 PM

tiki: By all means, if I've got it wrong, keep explaining.

But my current take on your viewpoint is "Admit it, you're a horrible deceitful liar. And even if you didn't think you were being a horrible deceitful liar, just admit that you're a horrible deceitful liar. Once you admit this, then you will know that you are a horrible deceitful liar and I will feel better even if you don't."

I may have gotten that wrong, but it's really coming across like your angle is that I was consciously being deceptive, even if I didn't realize I was doing it (which might contradict "consciously"), so I'm supposed to find something meaningful in admitting that I'm whatever you think I am.

Does that about sum it up?

05-21-2009, 11:03 PM

No, I was trying to explain that I would probably have reacted similarly to the way your ex-girlfriend did, and also to explain why.

Since you asked for feedback that might give you insight into the situation, I thought it might be helpful for you to hear how she might be thinking of it.

And yeah, that means that, like your ex-girlfriend, I kinda think that the way you went about the weekend, going back on your promise, was wrong. But my intent in telling you is so that, perhaps, you would have a better idea of her perspective, and maybe having that, be better able to talk to her from a position of empathy and understanding.

Because you asked.

05-21-2009, 11:04 PM

But maybe you did everything just exactly perfectly right, and your ex-girlfriend is just a total unreasonable cunt.

You're better off without that stupid irrational whore. I don't know why you ever fell for a bitch like that in the first place.

disenchanted · 05-21-2009, 11:39 PM

See, here's why I keep getting hung up on this (Hey, I've got a highly emotional and irrational coupon that expires this week), but you keep telling me that the problem is that I broke my promise.

I guess I'd be more receptive to that if, say...I'd promised something? Maybe swore on a stack of phonebooks that I'd do one thing and then gone back on it.

I said "well, let's set the pressure aside and go have a fun weekend anyway." Hardly a blood oath. I think I've made stronger and more specific commitments ordering lunch than a statement like that. Clearly, there was a major mis-communication here. And I'm willing to admit that I should've listened better, and I should've taken the chance that there wasn't the immediacy that I thought. I'm not trying to say I'm blameless, but I am short in the clue department.

As for your latter patronizing comment, my conversation with you is done.

disenchanted · 05-22-2009, 01:30 AM

daff0dil: I hear you on the backing off part. I'm doing my best on giving her space (many signs point toward the conclusion that I didn't give her enough time and space before. Might be the best path now.)

I'm thinking I might try to call her this weekend and just say something like "Hi, calling to say hello, thinking of what happened, and thinking of you. Let me know when you're ready to talk."

Would probably work better as a voicemail message, but planning on falling back on "let's not have a serious conversation over the phone" if she answers and things sound like they're getting rough.

I've caused enough difficulty, I'm not looking for adding more. But right or wrong, I know that I'm going to be beating myself up if I don't leave the possibility of conversation. It might be self-indulgent, but I'm aiming to keep it as simple as possible.

After that, I don't know. Limbo. Purgatory. Whatever. It stands to reason that at some point if she doesn't want to respond, I'm going to have to figure out how to move on with my life, closure or not. That's another day's worry, though.

05-22-2009, 01:31 AM

You don't seem interested in hearing about where you might have gone wrong or what you could do differently or why she reacted badly, despite what you said initially... so what DO you want to hear? That she's wrong for feeling that way?

Quote:

Originally Posted by disenchanted

The additional dialogue was that she said I'd betrayed her for not giving her more time. That I'd gone back on my word that it was going to be a no-pressure weekend.

So, despite the fact that she said that, you don't want any suggestions that might lead to insight about why she feels that way? If you won't acknowledge her feelings regarding that, I definitely don't think you should talk to her at all, because it will only rend in her being angry and you feeling more hurt.

I tried to explain why I think she probably feels this way. You don't want to hear it. I don't really have anything else to add.

disenchanted · 05-22-2009, 01:37 AM

tiki: I heard you the first half dozen times. Dredging up my words about what she told me versus what was going through my head doesn't change anything. It's already clear that they weren't matching up, alright?

At this point, you're not giving insight, you're not enlightening me, you're just positioning yourself to argue with me in place of her. Maybe you think you're doing something honorable in that.

Way I see it, you've made up your mind about me. That's awesome for you. It just seems like utter bullshit that you keep pretending you're doing it for my own good. I'm not asking for sympathizers, but holy fuck, give it a goddamn rest already, would you? I FUCKING GET YOUR POINT, ALRIGHT?!?

05-22-2009, 01:39 AM

No wonder she doesn't want to be with you. You're kind of a dick.

Fuck you.

xoxoxoBruce · 05-22-2009, 01:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by disenchanted

I FUCKING GET YOUR POINT, ALRIGHT?!?

Yes but you haven't praised the source, begged forgiveness, and promised never to do it again.

disenchanted · 05-22-2009, 01:48 AM

tiki: Clearly there's plenty of room for you to play victim. This thread has been sprinkled with that, and I hope it's working out well for you.

xoxoxoBruce: My aim wasn't to get wrapped up in some pissing match, maybe my fault was having some aim at all. That said, one grain of salt is diminished while another grows.

05-22-2009, 02:26 AM

Ppphhhhffft!

It's not me playing victim, here. But thanks for the laughs.

disenchanted · 05-22-2009, 02:42 AM

tiki: Like I said, I've got a nice "I'm fucked up" coupon (that'll probably expire soon) You, on the other hand, continue to post to get the upper hand.

I know I'm screwed up right now, but I also know that it's limited on how long before people call bullshit on it.

You...well, it seems that likely that you'll keep on doing your thing as long as it gets you attention. I'll give you a hint: You lost all credibility when you posted your little picture flipping off the camera. I was ready to listen until you decided to pull the "Look what a badass I am" card.

I hope life treats you well. I'm sure anyone willing to listen to you in the bad times will have their work cut out for them.

limey · 05-22-2009, 02:46 AM

Disenchanted - may I say how sorry (and indeed embarrassed) I am that this thread has turned into a pissing match. There is a thread for that elsewhere ...
I wish you luck in your next contact with your GF - luck in that it moves the situation on ...

disenchanted · 05-22-2009, 02:55 AM

limey: Thanks, well appreciated. I'm spun up right now, and it's making it easy to get drawn into a fray that might exist beyond my topic. I think I'd be wise to back off a bit for now.

I've got some hastily scattered notes from the advice I got (both the easy to take, and the not so welcome) and I'm going to mull on those a little. I think I'll call the lady tomorrow aiming more for an indication of "Hey, when it's time, I'd like the chance to talk."

Maybe I've got a lot to answer for, maybe it was just nerves. I don't know right now. I'm going to allow myself the indulgence of trying to make it clear that I'm open to talk, but I'm leaving it at that. Intended or not, I've probably added enough pressure as it is.

05-22-2009, 03:00 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by disenchanted

tiki: Like I said, I've got a nice "I'm fucked up" coupon (that'll probably expire soon) You, on the other hand, continue to post to get the upper hand.

I know I'm screwed up right now, but I also know that it's limited on how long before people call bullshit on it.

You...well, it seems that likely that you'll keep on doing your thing as long as it gets you attention. I'll give you a hint: You lost all credibility when you posted your little picture flipping off the camera. I was ready to listen until you decided to pull the "Look what a badass I am" card.

I hope life treats you well. I'm sure anyone willing to listen to you in the bad times will have their work cut out for them.

Already been through hell, not quite done with it. I am fortunate enough to have some amazing friends who are seeing me through.

Me reposting my backyard pic for Pico was all it took for you to form a snap judgement? Damn, I'll have to remember that for future reference.

05-22-2009, 02:46 AM	#148
limey Encroaching on your decrees Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: An island within the south-west coast of Scotland Posts: 7,016	Disenchanted - may I say how sorry (and indeed embarrassed) I am that this thread has turned into a pissing match. There is a thread for that elsewhere ... I wish you luck in your next contact with your GF - luck in that it moves the situation on ... __________________ Living it up on the edge ... of civilisation, within the southwest coast of

05-21-2009, 10:16 PM	#136
disenchanted Resident President Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 81	tiki: By all means, if I've got it wrong, keep explaining. But my current take on your viewpoint is "Admit it, you're a horrible deceitful liar. And even if you didn't think you were being a horrible deceitful liar, just admit that you're a horrible deceitful liar. Once you admit this, then you will know that you are a horrible deceitful liar and I will feel better even if you don't." I may have gotten that wrong, but it's really coming across like your angle is that I was consciously being deceptive, even if I didn't realize I was doing it (which might contradict "consciously"), so I'm supposed to find something meaningful in admitting that I'm whatever you think I am. Does that about sum it up?

05-21-2009, 11:03 PM	#137
Tiki Guest Posts: n/a	No, I was trying to explain that I would probably have reacted similarly to the way your ex-girlfriend did, and also to explain why. Since you asked for feedback that might give you insight into the situation, I thought it might be helpful for you to hear how she might be thinking of it. And yeah, that means that, like your ex-girlfriend, I kinda think that the way you went about the weekend, going back on your promise, was wrong. But my intent in telling you is so that, perhaps, you would have a better idea of her perspective, and maybe having that, be better able to talk to her from a position of empathy and understanding. Because you asked.

05-21-2009, 11:04 PM	#138
Tiki Guest Posts: n/a	But maybe you did everything just exactly perfectly right, and your ex-girlfriend is just a total unreasonable cunt. You're better off without that stupid irrational whore. I don't know why you ever fell for a bitch like that in the first place.

05-21-2009, 11:39 PM	#139
disenchanted Resident President Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 81	See, here's why I keep getting hung up on this (Hey, I've got a highly emotional and irrational coupon that expires this week), but you keep telling me that the problem is that I broke my promise. I guess I'd be more receptive to that if, say...I'd promised something? Maybe swore on a stack of phonebooks that I'd do one thing and then gone back on it. I said "well, let's set the pressure aside and go have a fun weekend anyway." Hardly a blood oath. I think I've made stronger and more specific commitments ordering lunch than a statement like that. Clearly, there was a major mis-communication here. And I'm willing to admit that I should've listened better, and I should've taken the chance that there wasn't the immediacy that I thought. I'm not trying to say I'm blameless, but I am short in the clue department. As for your latter patronizing comment, my conversation with you is done.

05-22-2009, 01:30 AM	#140
disenchanted Resident President Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 81	daff0dil: I hear you on the backing off part. I'm doing my best on giving her space (many signs point toward the conclusion that I didn't give her enough time and space before. Might be the best path now.) I'm thinking I might try to call her this weekend and just say something like "Hi, calling to say hello, thinking of what happened, and thinking of you. Let me know when you're ready to talk." Would probably work better as a voicemail message, but planning on falling back on "let's not have a serious conversation over the phone" if she answers and things sound like they're getting rough. I've caused enough difficulty, I'm not looking for adding more. But right or wrong, I know that I'm going to be beating myself up if I don't leave the possibility of conversation. It might be self-indulgent, but I'm aiming to keep it as simple as possible. After that, I don't know. Limbo. Purgatory. Whatever. It stands to reason that at some point if she doesn't want to respond, I'm going to have to figure out how to move on with my life, closure or not. That's another day's worry, though.

05-22-2009, 01:37 AM	#142
disenchanted Resident President Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 81	tiki: I heard you the first half dozen times. Dredging up my words about what she told me versus what was going through my head doesn't change anything. It's already clear that they weren't matching up, alright? At this point, you're not giving insight, you're not enlightening me, you're just positioning yourself to argue with me in place of her. Maybe you think you're doing something honorable in that. Way I see it, you've made up your mind about me. That's awesome for you. It just seems like utter bullshit that you keep pretending you're doing it for my own good. I'm not asking for sympathizers, but holy fuck, give it a goddamn rest already, would you? I FUCKING GET YOUR POINT, ALRIGHT?!?

05-22-2009, 01:39 AM	#143
Tiki Guest Posts: n/a	No wonder she doesn't want to be with you. You're kind of a dick. Fuck you.

05-22-2009, 01:48 AM	#145
disenchanted Resident President Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 81	tiki: Clearly there's plenty of room for you to play victim. This thread has been sprinkled with that, and I hope it's working out well for you. xoxoxoBruce: My aim wasn't to get wrapped up in some pissing match, maybe my fault was having some aim at all. That said, one grain of salt is diminished while another grows.

05-22-2009, 02:26 AM	#146
Tiki Guest Posts: n/a	Ppphhhhffft! It's not me playing victim, here. But thanks for the laughs.

05-22-2009, 02:42 AM	#147
disenchanted Resident President Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 81	tiki: Like I said, I've got a nice "I'm fucked up" coupon (that'll probably expire soon) You, on the other hand, continue to post to get the upper hand. I know I'm screwed up right now, but I also know that it's limited on how long before people call bullshit on it. You...well, it seems that likely that you'll keep on doing your thing as long as it gets you attention. I'll give you a hint: You lost all credibility when you posted your little picture flipping off the camera. I was ready to listen until you decided to pull the "Look what a badass I am" card. I hope life treats you well. I'm sure anyone willing to listen to you in the bad times will have their work cut out for them.

05-22-2009, 02:55 AM	#149
disenchanted Resident President Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 81	limey: Thanks, well appreciated. I'm spun up right now, and it's making it easy to get drawn into a fray that might exist beyond my topic. I think I'd be wise to back off a bit for now. I've got some hastily scattered notes from the advice I got (both the easy to take, and the not so welcome) and I'm going to mull on those a little. I think I'll call the lady tomorrow aiming more for an indication of "Hey, when it's time, I'd like the chance to talk." Maybe I've got a lot to answer for, maybe it was just nerves. I don't know right now. I'm going to allow myself the indulgence of trying to make it clear that I'm open to talk, but I'm leaving it at that. Intended or not, I've probably added enough pressure as it is.

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