I have a complicated question...

Iggy · 04-22-2008, 12:37 AM

And I'm really not sure where to put this. I could put it in parenting, since it has to do with a child and child support... or I could put it in relationships, because it has to do with my relationship with me and my fiance. I thought if I put this in home base, it would cover everything.

Warning now... this is really long.

First I will give you past info, so if you don't care to read all the surrounding information, go on down to the blue writing.

Basically, I have questions about child support. My fiance, we will call him A (I don't think he will want his name on the internet), was married with a pregnant wife when I met him. He is now 29 and I'm going to be 24. I was friends with the both of them, and since I met them when I was 17, I had plans to move in with the both of them so I could afford to live away from my family. We were even looking at houses for the three of us to live. At this point, they asked me to be in a threesome with them. I almost didn't do it, but I felt it was an offer I couldn't refuse. They both seemed ok with it. Everything was going good, and we all got along, both before and after our naughty activities.

Then everything fell apart. When I first met them, I thought everything was dandy. I had no idea they had been having problems, that were continually getting worse, for the last year. I would never have agreed to do anything with them if I had known this in advance. I just thought since they had both never been with anyone else they wanted to experiment, and I was ok with that.

They separated. She had the baby not long after. Me and A moved into a two bedroom apartment when they separated. She filed for divorce, even though it was his idea to get divorced. He wasn't happy in the relationship, and he was done. I worry sometimes that I was the reason they got divorced... after all, maybe being with someone besides her made him think he was missing something. I don't know. He promises me that isn't the case. He says it would have ended anyway... and the only thing that could have possibly happened was I sped it up.

By the way, they didn't want kids. She had gone off her birth control for some reason (I honestly don't recall) and she got pregnant the first month off of it. The doctor had told them that since she had been on it for 10 years or so, it would take a while for her to be able to get pregnant. He was wrong.

Anyway, it was a messy divorce. She was kinda psyco... which is one of the main reasons he left her. I felt bad for her, but with how she treated me, I wasn't inclined to try and comfort her. She didn't understand that he didn't want to be with her. She thought he wanted to be with me. Before we moved into the two bedroom apartment, he was actually under the impression I would never speak to him again because of all the negative situations we went through together. But I stuck by.

She had her rich grandparents hire her a good lawyer, and she stuck him with $440 child support payments each month. We barely got by. Basically, I got a second job to make up for the income he lost. It was too much... especially when we were only making $1,000 a month each at the time. That was half his income.

Fast forward 6 months... he was seeing his daughter only seldomly, and each time was a trial. They were required to meet at the police station to change hands, but she would always make up some excuse so he had to go the full way to get the baby. Sometimes, she wasn't even at home, he had to get her from the babysitters. Which she had neglected to tell him... he had to figure it out himself. The last time he saw his daughter was when she was 10 or 11 months old... She called A and said she needed to pick up the baby early. He said no, I have her till this time, so you can just wait. So she threatened to call child services on him for kidnapping. So he dropped the baby off to her (early as she demanded), and didn't speak to her anymore.

He was the one making the effort to see the baby, and she didn't want him to. Basically, she was trying to hurt him anyway she could and she was using his daughter to do that. So he decided he was done, he wouldn't let her do that to him anymore. That is why they got divorced after all.

But that is one thing I don't understand... she was so against him seeing her before, why does she want him to see her now? It makes me wonder that if the court knows that she did her damndest to keep him from seeing the baby, including moving out of state, will they reverse the child support? I don't know... but she was really sly and manipulative before, so I'm kinda worried that this is going to end horribly.

Well, since then he has lost the two jobs he was working, and gotten new ones. The child support was being taken out of his checks, so when he changed jobs they weren't taking it out anymore. Not long after this, she moved out of state and he didn't her from her again until recently. It has now been almost 6 years since they were divorced. He hasn't paid child support in about 4 1/2 or 5 of those years (at least from what I remember).

Now to my question... since part of the divorce decree that she stay in state, and she didn't, does that do anything to his part of the divorce decree? I.E. is he going to be required to pay all the back child support? She got a hold of him recently, and basically she says she is moving back here and she wants to know if he wants anything to do with his daughter. She has been remarried for about two years now, to their previous mutual best friend (which is part of the reason that I am not embarrassed to be with him... she married his best friend).

I also wanted to know if there was anyway we could find out from a government website how much he owes? It has been so long ago I don't remember when he switched jobs, and how much child support he had paid. Has anyone been in a situation with child support that could give me advice? It is a messy situation, but I love him and I knew all this going into it. He is so wonderful, and if he didn't have this messy past, he would be the perfect guy in my opinion. But I have gone on long enough. Time to let you all give me a taste of your wisdom.

I thank you all in advance for your help with this.

04-22-2008, 04:46 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Iggy

... Basically, I have questions about child support. ...

... she stuck him with $440 child support payments each month. ... It has been so long ago I don't remember ... how much child support he had paid. ...

... He hasn't paid child support in about 4 1/2 or 5 of those years ... I also wanted to know if there was anyway we could find out from a government website how much he owes? ...

... It makes me wonder that if the court knows that she did her damndest to keep him from seeing the baby, including moving out of state, will they reverse the child support? ... since part of the divorce decree that she stay in state, and she didn't, does that do anything to his part of the divorce decree? ...

... She has been remarried for about two years now ...

... is he going to be required to pay all the back child support? ...

After taking the liberty of reorganizing the information you provided, it seems that you should be able to get answers to these general questions by contacting (anonymously?) the call center staff at this service center:

April 21, 2008 - Kansas Child Support Enforcement Customer Service Center Open for Business

Kansas Child Support Enforcement Customer Service Center

Edit: Select subtopics from above website:

Kansas Child Support Guidelines
Frequently Asked Questions

Kansas Child Support Guidelines

kerosene · 04-22-2008, 02:12 PM

You have a PM, Iggy.

zippyt · 04-22-2008, 08:42 PM

Get in touch with the Juvie court , they can do LOTS !!!

Riddil · 04-23-2008, 02:59 AM

Wow... just.... wow...

There's just no good answer in there. It's a mess.

About your story... there's two things I could think about his ex. Either now that she's married her new hubby helped her get past all the anger and rage, and now she's becoming human, and realizes that their daughter NEEDS to know her daddy.

Oooooor, after a few years, she realizes that with all the unpaid child-support she could be in for a HUGE pay-day.

And yeah, if it goes the worst way for you guys, it's likely he'll owe not only the full amount (somewhere around $25K), but they will also likely hit him with penalties for delinquency, and ALSO they are likely to "adjust for inflation", to up the rate even higher. In the end you could walk out of that courtroom owing $35K or more.

Phew.

Anyhow, last bit of advice... I really do hope you get some good advice. But in the future, for anything that may go to court, I recommend against posting anything about it on the internet. You never know what a clever lawyer or a spiteful ex can find and use against you.

wolf · 04-23-2008, 10:00 AM

Do not pass go, etc.

Get a lawyer.

Don't guess. And don't take legal advice from the internet that goes beyond "get a lawyer."

Iggy · 04-23-2008, 09:04 PM

Thanks for your comments. We will just have to hire a lawyer. It will get figured out one way or another.

Iggy · 04-23-2008, 09:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Riddil

Anyhow, last bit of advice... I really do hope you get some good advice. But in the future, for anything that may go to court, I recommend against posting anything about it on the internet. You never know what a clever lawyer or a spiteful ex can find and use against you.

I think you are right... my name isn't on here anywhere for identification so I didn't think much of it, but maybe I shouldn't have posted. I was just upset and really wanted some input. Plus I really trust the knowledge of the dwellars and that overrode my worries about posting.

Maybe Bruce or Wolf or Undertoad would be so kind as to let me delete this thread? Just in case it falls into the wrong hands... Or at least let me edit the first post to not have any personal information... I would be much obliged if they could.

xoxoxoBruce · 04-23-2008, 10:11 PM

I don't see anything in that first post that would identify anyone, any more than a Dear Abby column would.

classicman · 04-24-2008, 10:06 AM

Yeh - there's nothing here that says anything about who any of the "involved people" are - and I'm pretty nosy.

Shawnee123 · 04-24-2008, 10:16 AM

Have you guys ever met any lawyers? Though I know the chances are pretty slim, this information could easily be linked to her situation, and calling the ex a psycho on a message board for the world to see probably wouldn't sit well in court.

But maybe I watch too much TV.

xoxoxoBruce · 04-24-2008, 12:16 PM

First they have to find it, with no names. Then they have to prove it, with no names. Then convince a Judge that a woman calling her boyfriend's ex a psycho, is anything but normal.

Shawnee123 · 04-24-2008, 12:21 PM

lol...true.

SteveDallas · 04-24-2008, 12:32 PM

That's true if they're working it from the back end. If they have a subpoena for the computer and go digging in the web browser history and cookies . . . . .

TheMercenary · 04-24-2008, 12:53 PM

Get a lawyer. Don't try to figure it out. Get professional advice.

04-22-2008, 12:37 AM	#1
Iggy Back and ready to tart up the place Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Kansas Posts: 850	I have a complicated question... And I'm really not sure where to put this. I could put it in parenting, since it has to do with a child and child support... or I could put it in relationships, because it has to do with my relationship with me and my fiance. I thought if I put this in home base, it would cover everything. Warning now... this is really long. First I will give you past info, so if you don't care to read all the surrounding information, go on down to the blue writing. Basically, I have questions about child support. My fiance, we will call him A (I don't think he will want his name on the internet), was married with a pregnant wife when I met him. He is now 29 and I'm going to be 24. I was friends with the both of them, and since I met them when I was 17, I had plans to move in with the both of them so I could afford to live away from my family. We were even looking at houses for the three of us to live. At this point, they asked me to be in a threesome with them. I almost didn't do it, but I felt it was an offer I couldn't refuse. They both seemed ok with it. Everything was going good, and we all got along, both before and after our naughty activities. Then everything fell apart. When I first met them, I thought everything was dandy. I had no idea they had been having problems, that were continually getting worse, for the last year. I would never have agreed to do anything with them if I had known this in advance. I just thought since they had both never been with anyone else they wanted to experiment, and I was ok with that. They separated. She had the baby not long after. Me and A moved into a two bedroom apartment when they separated. She filed for divorce, even though it was his idea to get divorced. He wasn't happy in the relationship, and he was done. I worry sometimes that I was the reason they got divorced... after all, maybe being with someone besides her made him think he was missing something. I don't know. He promises me that isn't the case. He says it would have ended anyway... and the only thing that could have possibly happened was I sped it up. By the way, they didn't want kids. She had gone off her birth control for some reason (I honestly don't recall) and she got pregnant the first month off of it. The doctor had told them that since she had been on it for 10 years or so, it would take a while for her to be able to get pregnant. He was wrong. Anyway, it was a messy divorce. She was kinda psyco... which is one of the main reasons he left her. I felt bad for her, but with how she treated me, I wasn't inclined to try and comfort her. She didn't understand that he didn't want to be with her. She thought he wanted to be with me. Before we moved into the two bedroom apartment, he was actually under the impression I would never speak to him again because of all the negative situations we went through together. But I stuck by. She had her rich grandparents hire her a good lawyer, and she stuck him with $440 child support payments each month. We barely got by. Basically, I got a second job to make up for the income he lost. It was too much... especially when we were only making $1,000 a month each at the time. That was half his income. Fast forward 6 months... he was seeing his daughter only seldomly, and each time was a trial. They were required to meet at the police station to change hands, but she would always make up some excuse so he had to go the full way to get the baby. Sometimes, she wasn't even at home, he had to get her from the babysitters. Which she had neglected to tell him... he had to figure it out himself. The last time he saw his daughter was when she was 10 or 11 months old... She called A and said she needed to pick up the baby early. He said no, I have her till this time, so you can just wait. So she threatened to call child services on him for kidnapping. So he dropped the baby off to her (early as she demanded), and didn't speak to her anymore. He was the one making the effort to see the baby, and she didn't want him to. Basically, she was trying to hurt him anyway she could and she was using his daughter to do that. So he decided he was done, he wouldn't let her do that to him anymore. That is why they got divorced after all. But that is one thing I don't understand... she was so against him seeing her before, why does she want him to see her now? It makes me wonder that if the court knows that she did her damndest to keep him from seeing the baby, including moving out of state, will they reverse the child support? I don't know... but she was really sly and manipulative before, so I'm kinda worried that this is going to end horribly. Well, since then he has lost the two jobs he was working, and gotten new ones. The child support was being taken out of his checks, so when he changed jobs they weren't taking it out anymore. Not long after this, she moved out of state and he didn't her from her again until recently. It has now been almost 6 years since they were divorced. He hasn't paid child support in about 4 1/2 or 5 of those years (at least from what I remember). Now to my question... since part of the divorce decree that she stay in state, and she didn't, does that do anything to his part of the divorce decree? I.E. is he going to be required to pay all the back child support? She got a hold of him recently, and basically she says she is moving back here and she wants to know if he wants anything to do with his daughter. She has been remarried for about two years now, to their previous mutual best friend (which is part of the reason that I am not embarrassed to be with him... she married his best friend). I also wanted to know if there was anyway we could find out from a government website how much he owes? It has been so long ago I don't remember when he switched jobs, and how much child support he had paid. Has anyone been in a situation with child support that could give me advice? It is a messy situation, but I love him and I knew all this going into it. He is so wonderful, and if he didn't have this messy past, he would be the perfect guy in my opinion. But I have gone on long enough. Time to let you all give me a taste of your wisdom. I thank you all in advance for your help with this.

04-22-2008, 08:42 PM	#4
zippyt LONG LIVE KING ZIPPY! per Feetz Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: Arkansas Posts: 7,661	Get in touch with the Juvie court , they can do LOTS !!! __________________ "Success is getting what you want. Happiness is wanting what you get. " Brother Dave Gardner

04-23-2008, 02:59 AM	#5
Riddil Management Consultant Join Date: Aug 2002 Posts: 165	Wow... just.... wow... There's just no good answer in there. It's a mess. About your story... there's two things I could think about his ex. Either now that she's married her new hubby helped her get past all the anger and rage, and now she's becoming human, and realizes that their daughter NEEDS to know her daddy. Oooooor, after a few years, she realizes that with all the unpaid child-support she could be in for a HUGE pay-day. And yeah, if it goes the worst way for you guys, it's likely he'll owe not only the full amount (somewhere around $25K), but they will also likely hit him with penalties for delinquency, and ALSO they are likely to "adjust for inflation", to up the rate even higher. In the end you could walk out of that courtroom owing $35K or more. Phew. Anyhow, last bit of advice... I really do hope you get some good advice. But in the future, for anything that may go to court, I recommend against posting anything about it on the internet. You never know what a clever lawyer or a spiteful ex can find and use against you. __________________ He who dares, wins, my son. He who dares! - SAS Boredom: the desire for desires. - Tolstoy

04-23-2008, 10:00 AM	#6
wolf lobber of scimitars Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Phila Burbs Posts: 20,774	Do not pass go, etc. Get a lawyer. Don't guess. And don't take legal advice from the internet that goes beyond "get a lawyer." __________________ wolf eht htiw og "Conspiracies are the norm, not the exception." --G. Edward Griffin The Creature from Jekyll Island High Priestess of the Church of the Whale Penis

04-23-2008, 09:04 PM	#7
Iggy Back and ready to tart up the place Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Kansas Posts: 850	Thanks for your comments. We will just have to hire a lawyer. It will get figured out one way or another. __________________ Chock-full of naughty goodness.

04-22-2008, 02:12 PM	#3
kerosene Touring the facilities Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: The plains of Colorado Posts: 3,476	You have a PM, Iggy.

04-23-2008, 10:11 PM	#9
xoxoxoBruce The future is unwritten Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 71,105	I don't see anything in that first post that would identify anyone, any more than a Dear Abby column would. __________________ The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.

04-24-2008, 10:06 AM	#10
classicman barely disguised asshole, keeper of all that is holy. Join Date: Nov 2007 Posts: 23,401	Yeh - there's nothing here that says anything about who any of the "involved people" are - and I'm pretty nosy. __________________ "like strapping a pillow on a bull in a china shop" Bullitt

04-24-2008, 10:16 AM	#11
Shawnee123 Why, you're a regular Alfred E Einstein, ain't ya? Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 21,206	Have you guys ever met any lawyers? Though I know the chances are pretty slim, this information could easily be linked to her situation, and calling the ex a psycho on a message board for the world to see probably wouldn't sit well in court. But maybe I watch too much TV. __________________ A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones who need the advice. --Bill Cosby

04-24-2008, 12:16 PM	#12
xoxoxoBruce The future is unwritten Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 71,105	First they have to find it, with no names. Then they have to prove it, with no names. Then convince a Judge that a woman calling her boyfriend's ex a psycho, is anything but normal. __________________ The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.

04-24-2008, 12:21 PM	#13
Shawnee123 Why, you're a regular Alfred E Einstein, ain't ya? Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 21,206	lol...true. __________________ A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones who need the advice. --Bill Cosby

04-24-2008, 12:32 PM	#14
SteveDallas Your Bartender Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: Philly Burbs, PA Posts: 7,651	That's true if they're working it from the back end. If they have a subpoena for the computer and go digging in the web browser history and cookies . . . . .

04-24-2008, 12:53 PM	#15
TheMercenary “Hypocrisy: prejudice with a halo” Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Savannah, Georgia Posts: 21,393	Get a lawyer. Don't try to figure it out. Get professional advice. __________________ Anyone but the this most fuked up President in History in 2012!

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