Single again...... - Page 2

ThatGuy · 01-27-2010, 08:53 AM

Well I think you all make valid points. And yes I do need to lay off the booze for a bit. I am at work right now and I'm absolutely miserable I'm so hungover. I did actually have her best friend come over last night and she is a mutual friend so me and her are peoples and nothing happened. I couldn't do that to her. She isn't the one that hurt me so I didn't want to hurt her by using her to get back at my wife. It just wouldn't solve anything just make things worse. She talked to me all night and she finally told me about where she is staying and she is staying with her and her bf. She just didn't want to tell me because she was afraid I would come over to find her and make a scene at her place. But I won't be doing that as much as I really want to. I just want some clarity. Anything really. I'm sick of making up what happened in my head. I need to know what happened excatly for our marriage to fail and why. I just don't get it. I'm a good looking guy I'm financial stable with a good career. We would have sex just about everyday and I'm pretty sure she was enjoying it. I will admit I'm not the best listener and I have my faults but I always tried to do my best and always encouraged her to let me know if I needed to do anything to improve so we could be happy and we had good communication. So I just don't know where this all came from. Her friend wouldn't spill the beans about who the guy is. But she said that my wife is no longer seeing him. She said that my wife is trying to figure out what she wants now. Wether she still wants to be married to me or not. And it's shitty because it sounds like I have no say in the matter. It's up to her and I can't do a damn thing about it. Well at least I got out of the house finally and I'm at work. Even though I can't think about anything but what's going on at home. I hate feeling like this. It's like I have been tossed out like I'm some trash or something. Thanks for the all the advice this is where I've done most of my venting really. I have to be a professional at work and I don't quite feel up to it to tell my parents that I might be getting divorced again. I'm not even 30 yet and Iigjy be divorced for the second time soon. I really beloved we would make it and be together for the long run we were even talking about kids. WTF!!! And now I'm pissed again. Ahhhhh!!!!

limey · 01-27-2010, 10:58 AM

Hey, ThatGuy! Well done for treating your friend/wife's best friend like a true friend. She's in a difficult position, and I commend you for not using her to get back at your wife, and for respecting her space and not going round to have it out with your wife.
I don't have any helpful advice. I do remember how painful it was being dumped by my then fiance, who'd apparently been working up to it for months, and deceiving me increasingly about his feelings over that time. My reaction was that if he'd made that decision then I'd never be able to change his mind, and if he'd made that decision without my input then I didn't want him back, no matter how much it hurt to lose him. It hurt more than anything I'd ever experienced but I was determined to get over it. And I did, by waiting it out.

classicman · 01-27-2010, 12:52 PM

Unfortunately, I have some very painful experience relative to this as well. I think many of us do.

The best advice I can give you is to be true to YOURSELF now and in the future. Don't get into doing anything out of revenge or to get back at her or while under the influence....
Be you and you will think back and be happy about it later. No matter what the outcome with your wife.

Pie · 01-27-2010, 03:38 PM

Live up to your own standards, no matter what she has done or will do.

Flint · 01-27-2010, 03:47 PM

You didn't have any kids with her, so... you actually have no reason to dwell on this. Sorry to sound harsh, but there is no reason you can't just walk away from this whole thing like it never happened. Forget her, literally. And move on.

Aliantha · 01-27-2010, 06:55 PM

Well there's the division of assets and all the shared memories to get past as well. Kids are definitely not the only reason to reconsider breaking up a relationship, although the lack of them certainly means one less huge obstacle.

TG, I have no new advice to add to what's already been given other than to say that it's true that most of us have been dumped at some stage and we know it hurts, regardless of the reason. It seems to me that if your wife did cheat and you were thinking about cheating, there might have been more problems prior to this break up than you're really admitting to yourself right now which is understandable. Give yourself some time to get past the initial shock and then maybe some reflection might give you the answers you can't find now.

Good luck with it all.

xoxoxoBruce · 01-28-2010, 02:17 AM

You don't want her back. No you don't.
You can track her down and kill her, then you'll have plenty of sex... with Bubba, your cellmate.
Or, you can live happily ever after.
Your choice.

Embarrassed about telling friends and family? Why, afraid they'll think you're not man enough to keep a woman. Best get over that shit, that's just stupid. You didn't do everything right, and I'm sure she didn't either. There's a million reasons marriages don't work. Best to accept that and move on. Like they say, the best revenge is living well.

ThatGuy · 01-28-2010, 12:22 PM

You all make valid points and i thank you for this. yes we were going through a rought patch earlier right before i had all that stuff going on at work. And while all that was happening it made have a deeper love for her and it made me appreciate her more. But i guess she didnt have that happen to her. So it just kept getting worse for her and she was able to hide that well. i still havent been able to talk her but i have been talking to her/our friend and she has really helped me out tremendously and she has been there for me and i have thanked her countless times and i was even honest to her about what my intentions were when i had asked her to come over and she was glad that i was honest about it and that i made the right decision by not doing something stupid like. And you are flint about the kids. It does make this process a little simpler i guess. this will not be my first divorce and guess i was just fooling myself into thinking that i could change her mind. But her best friend has told me that she had been mowing this over for quite some time now but she just didnt know how to tell me without hurting me. I too have been on the other side of this kind of situaton and there really isnt a nice way of telling someone who loves you that you dont love them back and that you want your relationship to be over. I just never thought it would be me who gets told this you know. But she is 100% sure from what i was told by our friend that she doesnt want to try any counseling or to talk about it she just wants it done. So i let her friend know to tell her to file and do all the necessary paperwork because she wants this to be over and i believe she should fork out the cash for all this since it is her decision i know how expensive it is and dont feel like it shoul dbe my responsibility this time. Only thing that we have together is the house and she can have that i dont want anything to do with that home. I make a considerable amount of money and i already working on getting my own place because i am sick of seeing all the pictures and all of her stuff here its driving me nuts. And i am not over it and probably wont be for quite some time to come but i must deal with it and thats what i am doing. I am just taking it one day at a time and going at this head on. i told my parents last night and of course i said i was a mamas boy so my mom hates her now which i guess that doesnt really matter. And Bruce i like that last sentence in your post about the best revenge is living well. i will do my best to just be me and do what i have been doing.Thank you all this has really helped out some. But i am not quite ready to put down the booze i will just be more of an adult with it though. I even deleted her number from my phone so i dont do any stupid drunk texting or calling.

classicman · 01-28-2010, 12:34 PM

Good start!
No drunk texting or calling is a good idea too. Now drunk posting on teh Cellar . . .
well thats another story.

Undertoad · 01-28-2010, 12:42 PM

Guy, good for you man for handling this in such a rational way. Well done. It can be an ass-kicking pain for a while, but it's really for the best and you'll come out stronger.

ThatGuy · 01-28-2010, 01:01 PM

Yeah that would be bad classic. And i almost did do some drunk posting the other night i was gonna put up a picture in the 2010 NSFW thread i figured ahh what the hell. Yeah its not getting any easier at all toad but hey its not like i got a choice right?

classicman · 01-28-2010, 01:10 PM

OH no, you misunderstand - drunk posting is a virtual requirement

limey · 01-28-2010, 01:58 PM

Especially in the RFN NSFW thread

!

Queen of the Ryche · 01-28-2010, 01:58 PM

I don't think ou're allowed to be a real member of teh Cellah family until you've drunk posted at least once. (Unless you're one of our sober members, then you're exempt)

classicman · 01-28-2010, 02:08 PM

yeh - if you admit to drinking, you sorta gotta - wait . . . nevermind.

01-27-2010, 08:53 AM	#16
ThatGuy Keeper of the Decorum Join Date: Jul 2009 Location: Florida Posts: 58	Well I think you all make valid points. And yes I do need to lay off the booze for a bit. I am at work right now and I'm absolutely miserable I'm so hungover. I did actually have her best friend come over last night and she is a mutual friend so me and her are peoples and nothing happened. I couldn't do that to her. She isn't the one that hurt me so I didn't want to hurt her by using her to get back at my wife. It just wouldn't solve anything just make things worse. She talked to me all night and she finally told me about where she is staying and she is staying with her and her bf. She just didn't want to tell me because she was afraid I would come over to find her and make a scene at her place. But I won't be doing that as much as I really want to. I just want some clarity. Anything really. I'm sick of making up what happened in my head. I need to know what happened excatly for our marriage to fail and why. I just don't get it. I'm a good looking guy I'm financial stable with a good career. We would have sex just about everyday and I'm pretty sure she was enjoying it. I will admit I'm not the best listener and I have my faults but I always tried to do my best and always encouraged her to let me know if I needed to do anything to improve so we could be happy and we had good communication. So I just don't know where this all came from. Her friend wouldn't spill the beans about who the guy is. But she said that my wife is no longer seeing him. She said that my wife is trying to figure out what she wants now. Wether she still wants to be married to me or not. And it's shitty because it sounds like I have no say in the matter. It's up to her and I can't do a damn thing about it. Well at least I got out of the house finally and I'm at work. Even though I can't think about anything but what's going on at home. I hate feeling like this. It's like I have been tossed out like I'm some trash or something. Thanks for the all the advice this is where I've done most of my venting really. I have to be a professional at work and I don't quite feel up to it to tell my parents that I might be getting divorced again. I'm not even 30 yet and Iigjy be divorced for the second time soon. I really beloved we would make it and be together for the long run we were even talking about kids. WTF!!! And now I'm pissed again. Ahhhhh!!!! __________________ What would Scooby Do?????

01-27-2010, 10:58 AM	#17
limey Encroaching on your decrees Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: An island within the south-west coast of Scotland Posts: 7,016	Hey, ThatGuy! Well done for treating your friend/wife's best friend like a true friend. She's in a difficult position, and I commend you for not using her to get back at your wife, and for respecting her space and not going round to have it out with your wife. I don't have any helpful advice. I do remember how painful it was being dumped by my then fiance, who'd apparently been working up to it for months, and deceiving me increasingly about his feelings over that time. My reaction was that if he'd made that decision then I'd never be able to change his mind, and if he'd made that decision without my input then I didn't want him back, no matter how much it hurt to lose him. It hurt more than anything I'd ever experienced but I was determined to get over it. And I did, by waiting it out. __________________ Living it up on the edge ... of civilisation, within the southwest coast of

01-27-2010, 12:52 PM	#18
classicman barely disguised asshole, keeper of all that is holy. Join Date: Nov 2007 Posts: 23,401	Unfortunately, I have some very painful experience relative to this as well. I think many of us do. The best advice I can give you is to be true to YOURSELF now and in the future. Don't get into doing anything out of revenge or to get back at her or while under the influence.... Be you and you will think back and be happy about it later. No matter what the outcome with your wife. __________________ "like strapping a pillow on a bull in a china shop" Bullitt

01-27-2010, 03:38 PM	#19
Pie Gone and done Join Date: Sep 2001 Posts: 4,808	Live up to your own standards, no matter what she has done or will do. __________________ per·son \ˈpər-sən\ (noun) - an ephemeral collection of small, irrational decisions The fun thing about evolution (and science in general) is that it happens whether you believe in it or not.

01-27-2010, 03:47 PM	#20
Flint Snowflake Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Dystopia Posts: 13,136	You didn't have any kids with her, so... you actually have no reason to dwell on this. Sorry to sound harsh, but there is no reason you can't just walk away from this whole thing like it never happened. Forget her, literally. And move on. __________________ **************** There's a level of facility that everyone needs to accomplish, and from there it's a matter of deciding for yourself how important ultra-facility is to your expression. ... I found, like Joseph Campbell said, if you just follow whatever gives you a little joy or excitement or awe, then you're on the right track. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Terry Bozzio**

01-27-2010, 06:55 PM	#21
Aliantha trying hard to be a better person Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Brisbane, Australia Posts: 16,493	Well there's the division of assets and all the shared memories to get past as well. Kids are definitely not the only reason to reconsider breaking up a relationship, although the lack of them certainly means one less huge obstacle. TG, I have no new advice to add to what's already been given other than to say that it's true that most of us have been dumped at some stage and we know it hurts, regardless of the reason. It seems to me that if your wife did cheat and you were thinking about cheating, there might have been more problems prior to this break up than you're really admitting to yourself right now which is understandable. Give yourself some time to get past the initial shock and then maybe some reflection might give you the answers you can't find now. Good luck with it all. __________________ Kind words are the music of the world. F. W. Faber

01-28-2010, 02:17 AM	#22
xoxoxoBruce The future is unwritten Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 71,105	You don't want her back. No you don't. You can track her down and kill her, then you'll have plenty of sex... with Bubba, your cellmate. Or, you can live happily ever after. Your choice. Embarrassed about telling friends and family? Why, afraid they'll think you're not man enough to keep a woman. Best get over that shit, that's just stupid. You didn't do everything right, and I'm sure she didn't either. There's a million reasons marriages don't work. Best to accept that and move on. Like they say, the best revenge is living well. __________________ The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.

01-28-2010, 12:22 PM	#23
ThatGuy Keeper of the Decorum Join Date: Jul 2009 Location: Florida Posts: 58	You all make valid points and i thank you for this. yes we were going through a rought patch earlier right before i had all that stuff going on at work. And while all that was happening it made have a deeper love for her and it made me appreciate her more. But i guess she didnt have that happen to her. So it just kept getting worse for her and she was able to hide that well. i still havent been able to talk her but i have been talking to her/our friend and she has really helped me out tremendously and she has been there for me and i have thanked her countless times and i was even honest to her about what my intentions were when i had asked her to come over and she was glad that i was honest about it and that i made the right decision by not doing something stupid like. And you are flint about the kids. It does make this process a little simpler i guess. this will not be my first divorce and guess i was just fooling myself into thinking that i could change her mind. But her best friend has told me that she had been mowing this over for quite some time now but she just didnt know how to tell me without hurting me. I too have been on the other side of this kind of situaton and there really isnt a nice way of telling someone who loves you that you dont love them back and that you want your relationship to be over. I just never thought it would be me who gets told this you know. But she is 100% sure from what i was told by our friend that she doesnt want to try any counseling or to talk about it she just wants it done. So i let her friend know to tell her to file and do all the necessary paperwork because she wants this to be over and i believe she should fork out the cash for all this since it is her decision i know how expensive it is and dont feel like it shoul dbe my responsibility this time. Only thing that we have together is the house and she can have that i dont want anything to do with that home. I make a considerable amount of money and i already working on getting my own place because i am sick of seeing all the pictures and all of her stuff here its driving me nuts. And i am not over it and probably wont be for quite some time to come but i must deal with it and thats what i am doing. I am just taking it one day at a time and going at this head on. i told my parents last night and of course i said i was a mamas boy so my mom hates her now which i guess that doesnt really matter. And Bruce i like that last sentence in your post about the best revenge is living well. i will do my best to just be me and do what i have been doing.Thank you all this has really helped out some. But i am not quite ready to put down the booze i will just be more of an adult with it though. I even deleted her number from my phone so i dont do any stupid drunk texting or calling. __________________ What would Scooby Do?????

01-28-2010, 12:34 PM	#24
classicman barely disguised asshole, keeper of all that is holy. Join Date: Nov 2007 Posts: 23,401	Good start! No drunk texting or calling is a good idea too. Now drunk posting on teh Cellar . . . well thats another story. __________________ "like strapping a pillow on a bull in a china shop" Bullitt

01-28-2010, 12:42 PM	#25
Undertoad Radical Centrist Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Cottage of Prussia Posts: 31,423	Guy, good for you man for handling this in such a rational way. Well done. It can be an ass-kicking pain for a while, but it's really for the best and you'll come out stronger.

01-28-2010, 01:01 PM	#26
ThatGuy Keeper of the Decorum Join Date: Jul 2009 Location: Florida Posts: 58	Yeah that would be bad classic. And i almost did do some drunk posting the other night i was gonna put up a picture in the 2010 NSFW thread i figured ahh what the hell. Yeah its not getting any easier at all toad but hey its not like i got a choice right? __________________ What would Scooby Do?????

01-28-2010, 01:10 PM	#27
classicman barely disguised asshole, keeper of all that is holy. Join Date: Nov 2007 Posts: 23,401	OH no, you misunderstand - drunk posting is a virtual requirement __________________ "like strapping a pillow on a bull in a china shop" Bullitt

01-28-2010, 01:58 PM	#28
limey Encroaching on your decrees Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: An island within the south-west coast of Scotland Posts: 7,016	Especially in the RFN NSFW thread ! __________________ Living it up on the edge ... of civilisation, within the southwest coast of

01-28-2010, 01:58 PM	#29
Queen of the Ryche is fleeing the scene Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Beautiful CO Posts: 1,510	I don't think ou're allowed to be a real member of teh Cellah family until you've drunk posted at least once. (Unless you're one of our sober members, then you're exempt) __________________ Once, in an interview, Chuck Norris admitted that he was not the most awesome thing ever. He declined to elaborate; but I believe we all know that he was referring to the existence of chocolate covered bacon. I'd rather be judged by twelve than carried by six.

01-28-2010, 02:08 PM	#30
classicman barely disguised asshole, keeper of all that is holy. Join Date: Nov 2007 Posts: 23,401	yeh - if you admit to drinking, you sorta gotta - wait . . . nevermind. __________________ "like strapping a pillow on a bull in a china shop" Bullitt

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