Constitution of Australia

Aliantha · 02-12-2006, 07:08 PM

WE, the people of the broad brown land of Oz, wish to be recognised as a free nation of blokes, sheilas and the occasional boong.

We come from many lands (although a few too many of us come from New Zealand) and, although we live in the best country in the world, we reserve the right to bitch and moan about it whenever we bloody like.

WE are One Nation but we're divided into many States. First, there's Victoria, named after a queen who didn't believe in lesbians. Victoria is the realm of Mossimo turtlenecks, cafe latte, grand final day and big horse races. Its capital is Melbourne, whose chief marketing pitch is that it's "liveable." At least that's what they think. The rest of us think it is too bloody cold and wet.

Next, there's NSW, the realm of pastel shorts, macchiato with sugar, thin books read quickly and millions of dancing queens. Its capital Sydney has more queens than any other city in the world, and is proud of it. It's mascots are Bondi lifesavers who pull their Speedos up their cracks to keep the left and right sides of their brains separate.

Down south we have Tasmania, a State based on the notion that the family that bonks together stays together. In Tassie, everyone gets an extra chromosome at conception. Maps of the State bring smiles to the sternest faces. It holds the world record for a single mass shooting, which the Yanks can't seem to beat no matter how often they try.

South Australia is the province of half-decent reds, a festival of foreigners and bizarre axe murders. SA is the state of innovation, where else can you so effectively reuse country bank vaults and barrels as in Snowton, just out of Adelaide (also named after a queen). They had the Grand Prix, but lost it when the views of Adelaide sent the Formula One drivers to sleep at the wheel.

Western Australia is too far from anywhere to be relevant in this document. It's main claim to fame is that it doesn't have daylight saving because if it did all the men would get erections on the bus on the way to work. WA was the last state to stop importing convicts, and many of them still work there in the government and business.

The Northern Territory is the red heart of our land. Outback plains, sheep stations the size of Europe, kangaroos, jackaroos, emus, Ulurus and dusty kids with big smiles. It also has the highest beer consumption of anywhere on the planet, and its creek beds have the highest aluminium content of anywhere too. Although the Territory is the centre piece of our national culture, few of us live there and the rest prefer to fly over it on our way to Bali.

And there's Queensland. While any mention of God seems silly in a document defining a nation of half-arsed agnostics, it is worth noting that God probably made Queensland. Why he filled it with dickheads remains a mystery.

Oh yes, and there's Canberra. The nation's capital. The least said the better.

We, the citizens of Oz, are united by the Pacific Highway, whose treacherous twists and turns kill more of us each year than die by murder. We are united in our lust for international recognition, so desperate for praise we leap in joy when a ragtag gaggle of corrupt IOC officials tells us Sydney is better than Beijing. We are united by a democracy so flawed that a political party, albeit a redneck gun-toting one, can get a million votes and still not win one seat in Federal Parliament while Brian bloody Harradine can get 24,000 votes and run the whole country.

Not that we're whingeing, we leave that to our Pommy immigrants.

We want to make "no worries mate" our national phrase, "she'll be right mate" our national attitude, and "Waltzing Matilda" our national anthem (so what if it's about a sheep-stealing crim who commits suicide).

We love sport so much our newsreaders can read the death toll from a sailing race and still tell us who's winning in the same breath. And we're the best in the world at all the sports that count, like cricket, netball, rugby, AFL, roo-shooting, two-up and horse racing.

We also have the biggest rock, the tastiest pies, the blackest aborigines and the worst-dressed Olympians in the known universe. We don't know much about art but we know we hate the poofs who make it.

We shoot, we vote. We are girt by sea and pissed by lunchtime. And even though we might seem a racist, closed-minded, sports-obsessed little people, at least we're better than the Kiwis.

seakdivers · 02-12-2006, 08:08 PM

I'm pretty sure the part about Queensland is true. That's where we go (my husband is an adjunct lecturer/ professor at Bond Uni).
It is so beautiful!

Aliantha · 02-12-2006, 08:20 PM

I reckon the first part of that statement is true...but being a Qlder myself, I'm kinda willing to argue about us all being dickheads. lol

What does your husband lecture in?

seakdivers · 02-12-2006, 10:28 PM

He works with the criminology department.

And I don't agree with the dickhead part

Everybody I met there was soo friendly!

The giant bats (sorry - I mean flying foxes), enormous lizards and those freakin' huntsman spiders were a bit worrisome, but other than that I love it!

Granola Goddess · 02-13-2006, 01:05 PM

Think I'd feel right at home in the Northern Territory....(sigh) maybe someday....

Aliantha · 02-13-2006, 06:17 PM

Ahhh...criminology.

Since all those US crime shows hit the screens here a few years ago, there's been a huge increase in the number of students wishing to study criminology and forensic science at Uni's all over the place.

I reckon it's a great place to live too. I'm not far from the Goldie.

Kagen4o4 · 02-13-2006, 06:22 PM

Melbourne is very homely. i wouldnt want to live anywhere else in the world. except maybe wilsons promontory (southern victoria). or florence...
but id still come back to melbourne

Aliantha · 02-13-2006, 06:28 PM

I like Melbourne. Nearly moved there once...and now it's on the cards again! We might be neighbours!!!

seakdivers · 02-13-2006, 07:31 PM

Kagen - Melbourne is homely? I didn't think it was that ugly!

sandypossum · 02-14-2006, 07:08 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kagen4o4

Melbourne is very homely. i wouldnt want to live anywhere else in the world. except maybe wilsons promontory (southern victoria). or florence...
but id still come back to melbourne

Gasp! I've been lurking in the Cellar for ages (finally posted something yesterday) and have been under the impression that Aussies in the Cellar were few and far between... and then I saw your comment, Kagen

!! It's not just that I'm in Melbourne too, but we're planning/hoping to move to Fish Creek (near the Prom) next year!!! Look, it's making my exclamation marks multiply!!!! And even Aliantha (the only Aussie I spotted here for a long time) is thinking of moving to Melbourne?!!!!! I need a lie down (perhaps with a Bex and a cup of tea)

dar512 · 02-14-2006, 08:50 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by seakdivers

Kagen - Melbourne is homely? I didn't think it was that ugly!

In the US, we very seldom use homely in a positive sense. For that reason, maybe, I always think of The Last Homely House East of the Sea from The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings. It was "a perfect house, whether you like food or sleep, or story-telling or singing, or just sitting and thinking best, or a pleasant mixture of them all." Merely to be there was a cure for weariness, fear and sadness.

xoxoxoBruce · 02-14-2006, 09:41 AM

home·ly
adj. home·li·er, home·li·est
1. Not attractive or good-looking: a homely child.
2. Lacking elegance or refinement: homely furniture.
3. Of a simple or unpretentious nature; plain: homely truths.
4. Characteristic of the home or of home life: homely skills.

hom·ey also hom·y
adj. Informal hom·i·er, hom·i·est
Having a feeling of home; comfortable; cozy.

seakdivers · 02-14-2006, 10:17 AM

Hmm.... I am quite the simpleton. I use homely for ugly, and homey for....well homey.

I should have caught the LOTR reference earlier, as I have been accused of being a Hobbit on more than one occasion.

xoxoxoBruce · 02-14-2006, 10:30 AM

Me too. I went to the dictionary to show the difference between homely and homey only to find they overlap. Who'da thunk it?

BigV · 02-14-2006, 11:46 AM

Of course they overlap! What the l were you thinking? :smile:

02-12-2006, 07:08 PM	#1
Aliantha trying hard to be a better person Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Brisbane, Australia Posts: 16,493	Constitution of Australia WE, the people of the broad brown land of Oz, wish to be recognised as a free nation of blokes, sheilas and the occasional boong. We come from many lands (although a few too many of us come from New Zealand) and, although we live in the best country in the world, we reserve the right to bitch and moan about it whenever we bloody like. WE are One Nation but we're divided into many States. First, there's Victoria, named after a queen who didn't believe in lesbians. Victoria is the realm of Mossimo turtlenecks, cafe latte, grand final day and big horse races. Its capital is Melbourne, whose chief marketing pitch is that it's "liveable." At least that's what they think. The rest of us think it is too bloody cold and wet. Next, there's NSW, the realm of pastel shorts, macchiato with sugar, thin books read quickly and millions of dancing queens. Its capital Sydney has more queens than any other city in the world, and is proud of it. It's mascots are Bondi lifesavers who pull their Speedos up their cracks to keep the left and right sides of their brains separate. Down south we have Tasmania, a State based on the notion that the family that bonks together stays together. In Tassie, everyone gets an extra chromosome at conception. Maps of the State bring smiles to the sternest faces. It holds the world record for a single mass shooting, which the Yanks can't seem to beat no matter how often they try. South Australia is the province of half-decent reds, a festival of foreigners and bizarre axe murders. SA is the state of innovation, where else can you so effectively reuse country bank vaults and barrels as in Snowton, just out of Adelaide (also named after a queen). They had the Grand Prix, but lost it when the views of Adelaide sent the Formula One drivers to sleep at the wheel. Western Australia is too far from anywhere to be relevant in this document. It's main claim to fame is that it doesn't have daylight saving because if it did all the men would get erections on the bus on the way to work. WA was the last state to stop importing convicts, and many of them still work there in the government and business. The Northern Territory is the red heart of our land. Outback plains, sheep stations the size of Europe, kangaroos, jackaroos, emus, Ulurus and dusty kids with big smiles. It also has the highest beer consumption of anywhere on the planet, and its creek beds have the highest aluminium content of anywhere too. Although the Territory is the centre piece of our national culture, few of us live there and the rest prefer to fly over it on our way to Bali. And there's Queensland. While any mention of God seems silly in a document defining a nation of half-arsed agnostics, it is worth noting that God probably made Queensland. Why he filled it with dickheads remains a mystery. Oh yes, and there's Canberra. The nation's capital. The least said the better. We, the citizens of Oz, are united by the Pacific Highway, whose treacherous twists and turns kill more of us each year than die by murder. We are united in our lust for international recognition, so desperate for praise we leap in joy when a ragtag gaggle of corrupt IOC officials tells us Sydney is better than Beijing. We are united by a democracy so flawed that a political party, albeit a redneck gun-toting one, can get a million votes and still not win one seat in Federal Parliament while Brian bloody Harradine can get 24,000 votes and run the whole country. Not that we're whingeing, we leave that to our Pommy immigrants. We want to make "no worries mate" our national phrase, "she'll be right mate" our national attitude, and "Waltzing Matilda" our national anthem (so what if it's about a sheep-stealing crim who commits suicide). We love sport so much our newsreaders can read the death toll from a sailing race and still tell us who's winning in the same breath. And we're the best in the world at all the sports that count, like cricket, netball, rugby, AFL, roo-shooting, two-up and horse racing. We also have the biggest rock, the tastiest pies, the blackest aborigines and the worst-dressed Olympians in the known universe. We don't know much about art but we know we hate the poofs who make it. We shoot, we vote. We are girt by sea and pissed by lunchtime. And even though we might seem a racist, closed-minded, sports-obsessed little people, at least we're better than the Kiwis. __________________ Kind words are the music of the world. F. W. Faber

02-12-2006, 08:20 PM	#3
Aliantha trying hard to be a better person Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Brisbane, Australia Posts: 16,493	I reckon the first part of that statement is true...but being a Qlder myself, I'm kinda willing to argue about us all being dickheads. lol What does your husband lecture in? __________________ Kind words are the music of the world. F. W. Faber

02-13-2006, 01:05 PM	#5
Granola Goddess I'll Have Sprouts With That Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: North of You Guyz Posts: 61	Think I'd feel right at home in the Northern Territory....(sigh) maybe someday.... __________________ Don't sweat the petty things, and don't pet the sweaty things...

02-13-2006, 06:17 PM	#6
Aliantha trying hard to be a better person Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Brisbane, Australia Posts: 16,493	Ahhh...criminology. Since all those US crime shows hit the screens here a few years ago, there's been a huge increase in the number of students wishing to study criminology and forensic science at Uni's all over the place. I reckon it's a great place to live too. I'm not far from the Goldie. __________________ Kind words are the music of the world. F. W. Faber

02-13-2006, 06:28 PM	#8
Aliantha trying hard to be a better person Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Brisbane, Australia Posts: 16,493	I like Melbourne. Nearly moved there once...and now it's on the cards again! We might be neighbours!!! __________________ Kind words are the music of the world. F. W. Faber

02-12-2006, 08:08 PM	#2
seakdivers Icy Queen Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: Southeast Alaska Posts: 700	I'm pretty sure the part about Queensland is true. That's where we go (my husband is an adjunct lecturer/ professor at Bond Uni). It is so beautiful!

02-12-2006, 10:28 PM	#4
seakdivers Icy Queen Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: Southeast Alaska Posts: 700	He works with the criminology department. And I don't agree with the dickhead part Everybody I met there was soo friendly! The giant bats (sorry - I mean flying foxes), enormous lizards and those freakin' huntsman spiders were a bit worrisome, but other than that I love it!

02-13-2006, 06:22 PM	#7
Kagen4o4 The Sheriff of Nothingland Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Melbourne, Aus Posts: 1,794	Melbourne is very homely. i wouldnt want to live anywhere else in the world. except maybe wilsons promontory (southern victoria). or florence... but id still come back to melbourne

02-13-2006, 07:31 PM	#9
seakdivers Icy Queen Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: Southeast Alaska Posts: 700	Kagen - Melbourne is homely? I didn't think it was that ugly!

02-14-2006, 09:41 AM	#12
xoxoxoBruce The future is unwritten Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 71,105	home·ly adj. home·li·er, home·li·est 1. Not attractive or good-looking: a homely child. 2. Lacking elegance or refinement: homely furniture. 3. Of a simple or unpretentious nature; plain: homely truths. 4. Characteristic of the home or of home life: homely skills. hom·ey also hom·y adj. Informal hom·i·er, hom·i·est Having a feeling of home; comfortable; cozy. __________________ The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.

02-14-2006, 10:17 AM	#13
seakdivers Icy Queen Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: Southeast Alaska Posts: 700	Hmm.... I am quite the simpleton. I use homely for ugly, and homey for....well homey. I should have caught the LOTR reference earlier, as I have been accused of being a Hobbit on more than one occasion.

02-14-2006, 10:30 AM	#14
xoxoxoBruce The future is unwritten Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 71,105	Me too. I went to the dictionary to show the difference between homely and homey only to find they overlap. Who'da thunk it? __________________ The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.

02-14-2006, 11:46 AM	#15
BigV Goon Squad Leader Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Seattle Posts: 27,063	Of course they overlap! What the l were you thinking? :smile: __________________ Be Just and Fear Not.

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