need advice really really bad - Page 7

Riddil · 02-13-2004, 11:29 PM

Therapist. Say it with me now, th-air-a-pist. Go to him. Now. Quickly. Please run, don't walk.

staceyv · 02-13-2004, 11:39 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by wolf
What does stacey do for arsen other than service him sexually?

One sided contracts are unrealistic and unenforceable.

how is it a one-sided contract? i agree to limit my drinking, not cut my hair, not to cheat. those were all of his requests. he couldn't think of anything else. did you even read the contract before you posted that??

also, that "i told you so " in the baby back post didn't make any sense to me. neither does this one

by the way,
thank you, sycamore, you are right.

therapist
.

OnyxCougar · 02-13-2004, 11:50 PM

Quote:

i am looking for any way to make myself feel better. any way to rationalize staying with him

If you have to come up with reasons to be there, you don't want to be there.

Sounds like you've managed to find a reason to stay.

I hope things work out for you.

Beestie · 02-13-2004, 11:58 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by OnyxCougar
Sounds like you've managed to find a reason to stay.

That's not a reason to stay but, rather, a reason not to leave. Big difference.

OnyxCougar · 02-13-2004, 11:59 PM

SHE is the one that said she was looking for reasons to stay. Stay, not leave, same difference.

staceyv · 02-14-2004, 12:13 AM

beestie's right...it's not that i am so sure of staying, but i am even more unsure of leaving, so i found a reason not to leave.

OnyxCougar · 02-14-2004, 12:15 AM

You found a reason not to leave, so therefore you found a reason to stay?

I just checked dictionary.com. It says that staying is the same as not leaving. What am I missing here??

Beestie · 02-14-2004, 12:28 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by OnyxCougar
You found a reason not to leave, so therefore you found a reason to stay?

I just checked dictionary.com. It says that staying is the same as not leaving. What am I missing here??

Inflection my dear Cougar. She doesn't want to stay but she is more frightened of leaving. It is the resolution of a dilemma - rarely a pretty sight.

Whatever you do, StacyV, I hope you continue to hang out here. You are deeply troubled and will not do well on your own unless you start believing in yourself.

Many wise folk have counseled you on this issue. Take heed. While our advice is free, it is not cheap.

elSicomoro · 02-14-2004, 12:28 AM

Wise folk? Where?

mrnoodle · 02-14-2004, 12:28 AM

Having been cheated on by someone I was in love with, and having seen emails similar to the ones posted at the top of this thread, I think I can speak with some authority.

People who love you won't do that to you. End of story. I know how painful and confusing it is. However, my humble opinion (and it may be mine alone) is that dragging yourself through a swamp of self-analysis and one-sided relationship-mending only hurts you and doesn't change your situation one whit. Even if he has stopped his hurtful behavior for the time being, expect it to come back once he thinks he's on safe ground again.

Accept the short-term, intense pain of kicking his greencard-seeking ass out the door, and save yourself a long(er), even more painful experience. I think you will be eternally grateful you did. There is someone out there who will love you without the bullshit attached.

Amateur psychologist kicking in: Have you ever wondered who he was cheating on when he hooked up with you? I hope that doesn't sound crass, because I don't intend it that way. But I'd bet no small amount of my own money that you're not the first he's strung along.

Best of luck to you.

lumberjim · 02-14-2004, 12:33 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by staceyv
our contract:

we agree on 100% complete honesty. no punishment, and arsen will remind stacey.

arsen will not hide things from stacey

arsen will take stacey with him when he goes out, or not go.

4 drinks out or 3 at home for STACEY.

no e-mails or contact with eva

pay off stacey's credit card bills and a diamond ring before greencard.

honechka will not cut her hair for one year, and she will not look for the hidden scissors.

arsen will not cheat on stacey. that includes kissing and romantic letters. and of course, no physical contact like head, sex , etc. same for stacey.

arsen will go to marriage therapy.

02-13-2004
2-13-04

snip he says he will go to counseling, he will not talk to or e-mail or see that girl ever again, he says he won't even go out without me. he says he will give me all of his account numbers and i can read his e-mails if i want,

You're pretty fucked up.

I can't believe you. christ! YOU need the marriage therapy.

Why don;t you make him hand over his cock and balls, so he can't cheat on you? The above contract is ridiculous and controlling and one sided and psychotic.

and ya know what's worse?

think about it.

he agreed to it.

what does that mean?

I think I know.

staceyv · 02-14-2004, 12:34 AM

he hasn't "done that to me" since we've been married. that makes me hopeful, and he has very little experience with women. he's slept with two people. his longest relationship before me was only a couple of weeks (eva). i don't think he's a master of stringing along women. i really want to have hope right now, and i can probably talk myself into anything to feel better. i am looking forward to therapy... if he is completely insincere, and does not love me and is stringing me along, well he would be a master. he could go down in history, and i would become the most bitter man-hating old hag you have ever met, seen, or heard of.

staceyv · 02-14-2004, 12:40 AM

it was his idea to give me the e-mail passwords, his idea to take me with him everywhere...he was trying to come up with ideas that would leave me no room to mistrust him...he says he has nothing to hide. the diamond and the credit card bills, well, i mentioned that part in another part of this thread...it's stuff we talked about before all of this happened.
he has admitted to being pussy-whipped long ago.

lumberjim · 02-14-2004, 12:41 AM

whatever

staceyv · 02-14-2004, 12:41 AM

lumberjim, your stupid link deleted all of my cookies

goodnight.

02-14-2004, 12:41 AM	#104
lumberjim I can hear my ears Join Date: Oct 2003 Posts: 25,571	whatever __________________ This body holding me reminds me of my own mortality Embrace this moment, remember We are eternal, all this pain is an illusion ~MJKeenan

02-14-2004, 12:41 AM	#105
staceyv Lecturer Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Ohio Posts: 927	lumberjim, your stupid link deleted all of my cookies goodnight. Last edited by staceyv; 02-14-2004 at 12:52 AM.

02-13-2004, 11:29 PM	#91
Riddil Management Consultant Join Date: Aug 2002 Posts: 165	Therapist. Say it with me now, th-air-a-pist. Go to him. Now. Quickly. Please run, don't walk.

02-13-2004, 11:59 PM	#95
OnyxCougar Junior Master Dwellar Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: Kingdom of Atlantia Posts: 2,979	SHE is the one that said she was looking for reasons to stay. Stay, not leave, same difference.

02-14-2004, 12:13 AM	#96
staceyv Lecturer Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Ohio Posts: 927	beestie's right...it's not that i am so sure of staying, but i am even more unsure of leaving, so i found a reason not to leave.

02-14-2004, 12:15 AM	#97
OnyxCougar Junior Master Dwellar Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: Kingdom of Atlantia Posts: 2,979	You found a reason not to leave, so therefore you found a reason to stay? I just checked dictionary.com. It says that staying is the same as not leaving. What am I missing here??

02-14-2004, 12:28 AM	#99
elSicomoro Person who doesn't update the user title Join Date: Jan 2001 Posts: 12,486	Wise folk? Where?

02-14-2004, 12:28 AM	#100
mrnoodle bent Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: under the weather Posts: 2,656	Having been cheated on by someone I was in love with, and having seen emails similar to the ones posted at the top of this thread, I think I can speak with some authority. People who love you won't do that to you. End of story. I know how painful and confusing it is. However, my humble opinion (and it may be mine alone) is that dragging yourself through a swamp of self-analysis and one-sided relationship-mending only hurts you and doesn't change your situation one whit. Even if he has stopped his hurtful behavior for the time being, expect it to come back once he thinks he's on safe ground again. Accept the short-term, intense pain of kicking his greencard-seeking ass out the door, and save yourself a long(er), even more painful experience. I think you will be eternally grateful you did. There is someone out there who will love you without the bullshit attached. Amateur psychologist kicking in: Have you ever wondered who he was cheating on when he hooked up with you? I hope that doesn't sound crass, because I don't intend it that way. But I'd bet no small amount of my own money that you're not the first he's strung along. Best of luck to you.

02-14-2004, 12:34 AM	#102
staceyv Lecturer Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Ohio Posts: 927	he hasn't "done that to me" since we've been married. that makes me hopeful, and he has very little experience with women. he's slept with two people. his longest relationship before me was only a couple of weeks (eva). i don't think he's a master of stringing along women. i really want to have hope right now, and i can probably talk myself into anything to feel better. i am looking forward to therapy... if he is completely insincere, and does not love me and is stringing me along, well he would be a master. he could go down in history, and i would become the most bitter man-hating old hag you have ever met, seen, or heard of.

02-14-2004, 12:40 AM	#103
staceyv Lecturer Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Ohio Posts: 927	it was his idea to give me the e-mail passwords, his idea to take me with him everywhere...he was trying to come up with ideas that would leave me no room to mistrust him...he says he has nothing to hide. the diamond and the credit card bills, well, i mentioned that part in another part of this thread...it's stuff we talked about before all of this happened. he has admitted to being pussy-whipped long ago.

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