Write a Spontaneous Poem - Page 21

Shawnee123 · 04-04-2008, 11:37 AM

This taco meat
It smells like feet
How can I eat
This taco meat?

I doused with salsa
I dumped on cheese
But feet-meat smell
It did not ease.

Don't ask for much
Not then, not now
Only that my taco meat
Smells more like a cow.

BigV · 04-04-2008, 03:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Brianna

The screen door slams
My uncle cringes--he's not used to children

We fly out in our swimsuits
Fishes, flowers, bath towels-

The wooden float beckons, the
Water glistens and

We dive from dock's end, swimming
Towards paradise, the liquid lake

a suggestion:

Towards the lake, liquid paradise

A reminder, *all* my suggestions, poetic or otherwise, are worth at least twice what you pay for them; that's why I can offer my double your money back guarantee on all of them.

Flint · 04-04-2008, 03:44 PM

Dude, it's spontaneous poetry; not mull-it-over-for-24hrs poetry. . . . People say some weird... aggestions.

BigV · 04-04-2008, 04:10 PM

Yes. And there it is. For the future reading, consideration, reference, etc. Just as you have created a link to the aggestion post you created... more than 24 hours ago, Brianna might want to consider my suggestion in a similar situation.

But as for you, since you're unhappy with my suggestion, please feel free to redeem your 2x money back guarantee. The check's in the mail.

Flint · 04-04-2008, 04:20 PM

That's what a children says. Your post read and suggestion rendered, does it not change the facts? An adult says no.

BigV · 04-04-2008, 04:30 PM

I have a suggestion for you, too, Flint. Post *spontaneous* poetry here.

Flint · 04-07-2008, 01:24 PM

:::spontaneous boot to the head:::

monster · 04-07-2008, 08:01 PM

I prefer the original, althought it's not as formulaic. But I agree with Flint. Making unsolicited suggestions for "improvement" on spontaneous poetry is bad form/manners. IMO of course.

Oh OK then here it is as a spontaneous Haiku

Rushing stream bumps rocks
A shining twisted ribbon.
Don't build a canal.

Shawnee123 · 04-08-2008, 09:18 AM

A boot to Big's poet head
From Flint. He kicked him!
Spontaneous? Gaping wound.

Trilby · 04-08-2008, 12:04 PM

I know you are reading this poem, your
Legs tucked up under you, curlicued, a baby mouse,
alone on the cottage porch.

Looking for signs of my unhappiness, woven in the words,
like the woven afghan that covers your crooked spine,
anxious heart, those sweet curlicued legs.

There must be some blackened, hopeless message!

I am, after all, your girl.

shina · 04-08-2008, 01:04 PM

[quote=monster;444351]I prefer the original, althought it's not as formulaic. But I agree with Flint. Making unsolicited suggestions for "improvement" on spontaneous poetry is bad form/manners. IMO of course.QUOTE]

Well said. Seems criticism can only be given not received on his end of the spectrum.

Tables turned.
Alone in the dark.
What have you done.
Created your own destiny.
Alone.

BigV · 04-08-2008, 02:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by shina

Quote:

Originally Posted by monster

I prefer the original, althought it's not as formulaic. But I agree with Flint. Making unsolicited suggestions for "improvement" on spontaneous poetry is bad form/manners. IMO of course.

Well said. Seems criticism can only be given not received on his end of the spectrum.

Tables turned.
Alone in the dark.
What have you done.
Created your own destiny.
Alone.

I'm curious, shina. Your sentence is ambiguous. What are you trying to say?

Shawnee123 · 04-08-2008, 03:14 PM

What's that you say?
Dost thou haveth reason for thy query?
Flames frothing over posts or
Ice daggers piercing my heart?
I count the stars and wonder.

shina · 04-08-2008, 05:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BigV

I'm curious, shina. Your sentence is ambiguous. What are you trying to say?

Just that you get defensive quickly yet are fast to dispense it.

Nuf said. Onward to better pastures of reading young Tonto.

BigV · 04-08-2008, 05:13 PM

I don't see any of this defensiveness on my part you mention. Perhaps you could provide a citation? And what exactly am I quick to dispense?

04-04-2008, 11:37 AM	#301
Shawnee123 Why, you're a regular Alfred E Einstein, ain't ya? Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 21,206	Ode to Our Food Service This taco meat It smells like feet How can I eat This taco meat? I doused with salsa I dumped on cheese But feet-meat smell It did not ease. Don't ask for much Not then, not now Only that my taco meat Smells more like a cow. __________________ A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones who need the advice. --Bill Cosby

04-04-2008, 03:44 PM	#303
Flint Snowflake Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Dystopia Posts: 13,136	Dude, it's spontaneous poetry; not mull-it-over-for-24hrs poetry. . . . People say some weird... aggestions. __________________ **************** There's a level of facility that everyone needs to accomplish, and from there it's a matter of deciding for yourself how important ultra-facility is to your expression. ... I found, like Joseph Campbell said, if you just follow whatever gives you a little joy or excitement or awe, then you're on the right track. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Terry Bozzio**

04-04-2008, 04:10 PM	#304
BigV Goon Squad Leader Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Seattle Posts: 27,063	Yes. And there it is. For the future reading, consideration, reference, etc. Just as you have created a link to the aggestion post you created... more than 24 hours ago, Brianna might want to consider my suggestion in a similar situation. But as for you, since you're unhappy with my suggestion, please feel free to redeem your 2x money back guarantee. The check's in the mail. __________________ Be Just and Fear Not.

04-04-2008, 04:20 PM	#305
Flint Snowflake Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Dystopia Posts: 13,136	That's what a children says. Your post read and suggestion rendered, does it not change the facts? An adult says no. __________________ **************** There's a level of facility that everyone needs to accomplish, and from there it's a matter of deciding for yourself how important ultra-facility is to your expression. ... I found, like Joseph Campbell said, if you just follow whatever gives you a little joy or excitement or awe, then you're on the right track. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Terry Bozzio**

04-04-2008, 04:30 PM	#306
BigV Goon Squad Leader Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Seattle Posts: 27,063	I have a suggestion for you, too, Flint. Post spontaneous poetry here. __________________ Be Just and Fear Not.

04-07-2008, 01:24 PM	#307
Flint Snowflake Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Dystopia Posts: 13,136	:::spontaneous boot to the head::: __________________ **************** There's a level of facility that everyone needs to accomplish, and from there it's a matter of deciding for yourself how important ultra-facility is to your expression. ... I found, like Joseph Campbell said, if you just follow whatever gives you a little joy or excitement or awe, then you're on the right track. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Terry Bozzio**

04-07-2008, 08:01 PM	#308
monster I hear them call the tide Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Perpetual Chaos Posts: 30,852	I prefer the original, althought it's not as formulaic. But I agree with Flint. Making unsolicited suggestions for "improvement" on spontaneous poetry is bad form/manners. IMO of course. Oh OK then here it is as a spontaneous Haiku Rushing stream bumps rocks A shining twisted ribbon. Don't build a canal. __________________ The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity Amelia Earhart

04-08-2008, 09:18 AM	#309
Shawnee123 Why, you're a regular Alfred E Einstein, ain't ya? Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 21,206	A boot to Big's poet head From Flint. He kicked him! Spontaneous? Gaping wound. __________________ A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones who need the advice. --Bill Cosby

04-08-2008, 12:04 PM	#310
Trilby Slattern of the Swail Join Date: Jul 2004 Posts: 15,654	I know you are reading this poem, your Legs tucked up under you, curlicued, a baby mouse, alone on the cottage porch. Looking for signs of my unhappiness, woven in the words, like the woven afghan that covers your crooked spine, anxious heart, those sweet curlicued legs. There must be some blackened, hopeless message! I am, after all, your girl. __________________ In Barrie's play and novel, the roles of fairies are brief: they are allies to the Lost Boys, the source of fairy dust and ...They are portrayed as dangerous, whimsical and extremely clever but quite hedonistic. "Shall I give you a kiss?" Peter asked and, jerking an acorn button off his coat, solemnly presented it to her. —James Barrie Wimminfolk they be tricksy. - ZenGum

04-08-2008, 01:04 PM	#311
shina Hopeful Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: Sammamish, WA Posts: 232	[quote=monster;444351]I prefer the original, althought it's not as formulaic. But I agree with Flint. Making unsolicited suggestions for "improvement" on spontaneous poetry is bad form/manners. IMO of course.QUOTE] Well said. Seems criticism can only be given not received on his end of the spectrum. Tables turned. Alone in the dark. What have you done. Created your own destiny. Alone. Last edited by shina; 04-08-2008 at 01:16 PM.

04-08-2008, 03:14 PM	#313
Shawnee123 Why, you're a regular Alfred E Einstein, ain't ya? Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 21,206	What's that you say? Dost thou haveth reason for thy query? Flames frothing over posts or Ice daggers piercing my heart? I count the stars and wonder. __________________ A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones who need the advice. --Bill Cosby

04-08-2008, 05:13 PM	#315
BigV Goon Squad Leader Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Seattle Posts: 27,063	I don't see any of this defensiveness on my part you mention. Perhaps you could provide a citation? And what exactly am I quick to dispense? __________________ Be Just and Fear Not.

Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)