Custody and the lack of a marriage certificate

perth · 08-22-2005, 04:33 PM

I have a close friend whose long-term relationship just fell apart. They had a child together. They never married but have been living together for probably two years now.

She is now moving in with her parents and they (the bitch and her parents) are telling him that he will only be allowed to see the boy on supervised visits. Short of getting a lawyer and taking it to court, does anyone happen to know anything he can do to ensure he has proper fathering time with his kid?

For what it's worth, he lives in Utah. I understand they are (were?) a very "fuck you, dad. Kid needs his mom!" state.

Clodfobble · 08-22-2005, 04:54 PM

There is nothing short of taking it to court, though he doesn't have to have a lawyer if he doesn't want one--it's certainly much cheaper that way, but the Attorney General isn't going to be looking out for his best interests. But at that point he will have to pay child support. The lack of marriage is completely irrelevant; a paternity order can easily be established.

If he's not already giving her money, he might consider whether he can cajole her into giving him more time with the kid (perhaps threatening to take it to court, and being willing to accept less than the standard custody agreement that he will almost certainly get.) Otherwise, however, he has no actual rights until he takes it to court.

richlevy · 08-22-2005, 07:38 PM

Here is one link on the subject.

I would recommend mediation. Even the fact that he offered mediation will work in his favor if it does go to court.

slang · 08-23-2005, 12:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by perth

...... a very "fuck you, dad. Kid needs his mom!" state.

So it's like all the rest then, right? Maybe I'm missing something.

wolf · 08-23-2005, 12:45 AM

The money your friend spends on a lawyer now may save him money further down the line. Leaving such things as custody up to informal arrangements rarely works, even given an amicable separation.

I would also strongly suggest establishing paternity via a DNA test, although in some jurisdictions the actual results are irrelevant if he is the named father on the birth certificate.

I am not a lawyer, but I watch Judge Judge and Judge Joe Brown and Judge Mathis a lot.

perth · 08-23-2005, 09:39 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by slang

So it's like all the rest then, right? Maybe I'm missing something.

Colorado was, in my experience, very equitable. Case and I split very amicably, but I still researched everything thoroughly. I suspect Utah is more reasonable than he thinks it is, but it's very easy to think of Utah as backwards.

Thanks for the link Rich. I'll give it a read.

Quote:

Originally Posted by wolf

The money your friend spends on a lawyer now may save him money further down the line. Leaving such things as custody up to informal arrangements rarely works, even given an amicable separation.

That's what I've been pushing him to do. Hopefully he will start to see reason and get a good, nasty lawyer.

08-22-2005, 04:33 PM	#1
perth Strong Silent Type Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: Fort Collins, CO Posts: 1,949	Custody and the lack of a marriage certificate I have a close friend whose long-term relationship just fell apart. They had a child together. They never married but have been living together for probably two years now. She is now moving in with her parents and they (the bitch and her parents) are telling him that he will only be allowed to see the boy on supervised visits. Short of getting a lawyer and taking it to court, does anyone happen to know anything he can do to ensure he has proper fathering time with his kid? For what it's worth, he lives in Utah. I understand they are (were?) a very "fuck you, dad. Kid needs his mom!" state.

08-22-2005, 07:38 PM	#3
richlevy King Of Wishful Thinking Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Philadelphia Suburbs Posts: 6,669	Here is one link on the subject. I would recommend mediation. Even the fact that he offered mediation will work in his favor if it does go to court. __________________ Exercise your rights and remember your obligations - VOTE! I have always believed that hope is that stubborn thing inside us that insists, despite all the evidence to the contrary, that something better awaits us so long as we have the courage to keep reaching, to keep working, to keep fighting. -- Barack Hussein Obama

08-23-2005, 12:45 AM	#5
wolf lobber of scimitars Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Phila Burbs Posts: 20,774	The money your friend spends on a lawyer now may save him money further down the line. Leaving such things as custody up to informal arrangements rarely works, even given an amicable separation. I would also strongly suggest establishing paternity via a DNA test, although in some jurisdictions the actual results are irrelevant if he is the named father on the birth certificate. I am not a lawyer, but I watch Judge Judge and Judge Joe Brown and Judge Mathis a lot. __________________ wolf eht htiw og "Conspiracies are the norm, not the exception." --G. Edward Griffin The Creature from Jekyll Island High Priestess of the Church of the Whale Penis

08-22-2005, 04:54 PM	#2
Clodfobble UNDER CONDITIONAL MITIGATION Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: Austin, TX Posts: 20,012	There is nothing short of taking it to court, though he doesn't have to have a lawyer if he doesn't want one--it's certainly much cheaper that way, but the Attorney General isn't going to be looking out for his best interests. But at that point he will have to pay child support. The lack of marriage is completely irrelevant; a paternity order can easily be established. If he's not already giving her money, he might consider whether he can cajole her into giving him more time with the kid (perhaps threatening to take it to court, and being willing to accept less than the standard custody agreement that he will almost certainly get.) Otherwise, however, he has no actual rights until he takes it to court.

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