The Cellar  

Go Back   The Cellar > Main > Creative Expression

Creative Expression Post your own works and chat about them

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 06-09-2015, 04:23 PM   #1
Sundae
polaroid of perfection
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: West Yorkshire
Posts: 24,185
In Local News...

Quote:
This week, Glatt's Hairy Knees have been mostly working in McAngus McDonald's Sandwich Shop, where they could be seen wearing wee hairnets whilst dancing about and preparing morning rolls for the discerning customers.

Unfortunately the crowds drawn to the spectacle also drew the attention of a global fast food restaurant, which is now pursuing a lawsuit against McAngus (real name Ronald) as being too similar to their trademarked name, and therefore "confusing to customers".

McAngus was last seen crying into his Iron-Bru and singing "Donald Where's Your Troosers" and was therefore unavailable to comment.

It is hoped that Glatt's Hairy Knees will find further employment at a local Austrian-themed restaurant, Burgher King. Be sure we will keep you updated.
__________________
Life's hard you know, so strike a pose on a Cadillac
Sundae is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-09-2015, 04:59 PM   #2
Gravdigr
The Un-Tuckian
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: South Central...KY that is
Posts: 39,517
Surely you mean Furrger King?

"wee hairnets" was hilarious, btw.
__________________


These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA, EPA, FBI, DEA, CDC, or FDIC. These statements are not intended to diagnose, cause, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. If you feel you have been harmed/offended by, or, disagree with any of the above statements or images, please feel free to fuck right off.
Gravdigr is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-12-2015, 03:03 PM   #3
Sundae
polaroid of perfection
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: West Yorkshire
Posts: 24,185
Quote:
A local man has voluntarily withdrawn his novelty item from sale, for fear of litigation.

Entrepreneur Mr Bruce Kissenhugger has stopped advertising his Anti-Butthurt Cream after trial samples sent to friends backfired. We caught up with him in his doo-dad hideaway and he admitted to us that he hadn't expected the cream to be taken seriously.

"The idea came about because there are so many people who seem to want to be offended these days. It's like they're all butthurt all of the time. So I mixed up a cream and packaged it as Anti-Butthurt Cream as a joke. It was never intended as a serious remedy. I thought my friends would know that."

However a poor batch of self-adhesive mailing labels meant that the recipients did not realise the cream came from Bruce.

"One of my friends has piles, and just thought the cream came from the VA. Another is a gay of the homosexual persuasion and... well... I don't know where he thought it came from. Thing is, I used wallpaper paste to get a nice even consistency. And then a little Tabasco because the vinegar base stopped it from setting in the tube. I suppose putting "Not to be taken orally" on the packaging wasn't really fair warning. We did laugh about it afterwards though. When they got back from the Emergency Room. Maybe I shoulda used the cream to attach those labels."

Mr Kissenhugger's legal team Sue, Grabbit and Runn can be reached at 104950 Main Street, Hicksville, PA
__________________
Life's hard you know, so strike a pose on a Cadillac

Last edited by Sundae; 06-12-2015 at 03:26 PM.
Sundae is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-12-2015, 03:20 PM   #4
DanaC
We have to go back, Kate!
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Yorkshire
Posts: 25,964
Quote:
Another is a gay of the homosexual persuasion
Genius.
__________________
Quote:
There's only so much punishment a man can take in pursuit of punani. - Sundae
http://sites.google.com/site/danispoetry/
DanaC is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-12-2015, 03:31 PM   #5
Carruthers
Junior Master Dwellar
 
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Buckinghamshire UK
Posts: 4,059
Quote:
Anti-Butthurt Cream after trial samples sent to friends backfired
Painful.
__________________
Carruthers is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-12-2015, 03:32 PM   #6
Sundae
polaroid of perfection
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: West Yorkshire
Posts: 24,185
Deliberate
__________________
Life's hard you know, so strike a pose on a Cadillac
Sundae is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-13-2015, 05:08 PM   #7
Gravdigr
The Un-Tuckian
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: South Central...KY that is
Posts: 39,517
Delicious on Triscuits.
__________________


These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA, EPA, FBI, DEA, CDC, or FDIC. These statements are not intended to diagnose, cause, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. If you feel you have been harmed/offended by, or, disagree with any of the above statements or images, please feel free to fuck right off.
Gravdigr is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-15-2015, 11:43 AM   #8
Sundae
polaroid of perfection
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: West Yorkshire
Posts: 24,185
Quote:
This week, Glatt's hairy knees have been mostly being banned from Italian magazines.

Apparently, the otherwise fit and healthy local man had his photo-shoot banned from Italian Vogue for projecting an unhealthy body image.

The magazine stated that although his knees were considerably smaller than his thighs, they were significantly more hairy. This could lead to hair envy in impressionable and less hirsute teenage boys and cause an increase in Emergency Room admissions if they attempted to recreate the look with superglue and shavings from the floor of barbershops. They therefore pulled the controversial ad campaign.

Glatt's knees' agent responded to the criticism saying his clients were not worried that they may lose work in future, and who the hell cares anyway, he's already got his paycheck.
__________________
Life's hard you know, so strike a pose on a Cadillac
Sundae is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

All times are GMT -5. The time now is 01:12 PM.


Powered by: vBulletin Version 3.8.1
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.