The State of Stuff

Aliantha · 03-21-2015, 05:29 PM

So, it's been several months since my marriage broke down. I thought I'd update you all on what's been going on as I've been staying away from here mostly except for cake stuff really. We are still separated, and likely to stay that way for a long time I suspect. Maybe forever.

When we first separated, things were pretty hard for me. He cut me off financially, said he'd made a mistake, but then took weeks to do anything to rectify it. By then, I was so far behind with all my bills and things that it's taken me till this very week to get everything back in the black so to speak. I still have outstanding bills, but they're just normal due bills rather than people calling and threatening to cut off the electricity etc. Fortunately for me, communication with these people was the key, and I was able to negotiate extensions and things. So, this weekend I have been able to breath a little easier and enjoy spending some time with my kids.

All the social services stuff has finally been sorted out so I am getting some help there, plus my cake money, and he is paying the mortgage, so all in all, financially, although things are different, they are under control.

Emotionally, the day he moved out I felt a huge black cloud lift from my shoulders. I still feel that way except when I have to deal with him. I feel it descend every time. The feeling is so obvious, and I wonder how I'd lived like that for years without actually killing someone. It's very sad when you realise how terrible you feel when you're around a person that you're supposed to love and cherish. So, anyway, I started counselling last week. It was good to sit there for an hour and just blurt everything out. I wouldn't say I felt that I'd achieved much, but I guess I told the counsellor the basics. He wants to see me weekly for the next couple of months and thinks he might be able to help me figure out if I actually want to work towards reconciliation for the right reasons, or if this goal is maybe unrealistic.

Daryl has been seeing a psychiatrist and a psychologist for quite some time now. Although I don't really see much difference in his behaviours, I think he seems less depressed, but because we're not living together, those types of calls are hard to make. He isn't interested in entering into discussion about how he's feeling, so things remain the same really.

So in a nut shell, that's what's going on. The two big boys are at uni now, and so are their g/f's, so they are all coming and going at different times with classes and work and their fairly low key social lives. They tend to all just hang around together and that happens at my place mostly, so that's nice. The little kids seem to be coping with everything really well. They enjoy going to their fathers on the weekend, and although they only see him then, I think they're actually spending more time with him. He's obviously having a face up to doing some full time parenting on a regular basis too which might be good for his perspective I hope.

So, all in all, things for me are on the up and up. I've been spending time with friends and reconnecting with people I've had to avoid because my husband didn't want to have people at the house etc.

I will post more down the track if anything remarkable happens, but if things just keep going the way they are, I'll be happy for now.

Oh and no, I have not even considered dating. When would I have time anyway. haha

Clodfobble · 03-21-2015, 06:19 PM

I'm glad things are looking up, Ali, even if it's still more in the category of "less pain" rather than genuine good things. Keep on keepin' on.

fargon · 03-21-2015, 07:27 PM

Good for you Ali.

classicman · 03-21-2015, 08:44 PM

Keep moving forward...wherever that may be.

xoxoxoBruce · 03-22-2015, 02:17 AM

The emotional rollercoaster is bad, but you can deal with in your own way on your own time. But outside pressure that always comes from money problems is relentless. I'm glad that's behind you. Did you arrange to work something out with the pool boy?

sexobon · 03-22-2015, 03:33 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Aliantha

... Emotionally, the day he moved out I felt a huge black cloud lift from my shoulders. I still feel that way except when I have to deal with him. I feel it descend every time. ...

You need more yeast ... keep a bottle of Champagne handy.

Aliantha · 03-22-2015, 05:55 AM

Maybe sexo, but mostly I just try to be nice and keep the frustration at bay.

Thanks for your kind words everyone. I appreciate it.

Aliantha · 03-22-2015, 05:56 AM

Btw, I don't have a pool boy Bruce. Haha. Maybe I will get one some day.

Griff · 03-22-2015, 06:37 AM

You've got a lot of inner strength Ali keep doing what you have to to build the life you need.

DanaC · 03-22-2015, 06:38 AM

Put it on your to do list :P

Glad you're ok, Ali. And glad the kids are getting along ok with all this goingon. I was thinking about you a couple of days ago - I'd watched something on wild Australian weather - and wondered how you were.

That dark cloud - I recognise that feeling.

Undertoad · 03-22-2015, 09:19 AM

Cheering for you Ali.

It is great to read updates like this, positive or negative... hearing the stories is important. Thank you for sharing yours.

orthodoc · 03-22-2015, 03:37 PM

Glad to hear things are stabilizing, Ali. You're taking care of the entire family, as always; glad you're taking care of yourself as well. Thanks for the update!

Aliantha · 03-22-2015, 05:40 PM

Thanks ladies and gents. Big week coming up for me here. Lots of cake stuff which should all be paid on delivery, so so that will go a long way to getting everything sorted. A local was selling some chep shelving, so I have a new area set up for my supplies and tools, which makes me happy. To think that my little business has grown so much gives me such personal satisfaction. I often think about how far I have come, and I get so excited thinking about how good I could be at my craft by the time I finish what I would consider my apprenticeship. If I say I am now starting my second year, just imagine if I can continue to grow as much every year for the next few years. Then I might start making some real money.

limey · 03-22-2015, 06:00 PM

So glad to see this positive update Ali! More power to your elbow!

Sent by thought transference

sexobon · 03-29-2015, 12:46 AM

Well, it's been a week, I hope Aliantha got laid ... I mean paid ... for selling her goodies ... but not those goodies ... for selling CAKE (not pie)!

03-21-2015, 05:29 PM	#1
Aliantha trying hard to be a better person Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Brisbane, Australia Posts: 16,493	The State of Stuff So, it's been several months since my marriage broke down. I thought I'd update you all on what's been going on as I've been staying away from here mostly except for cake stuff really. We are still separated, and likely to stay that way for a long time I suspect. Maybe forever. When we first separated, things were pretty hard for me. He cut me off financially, said he'd made a mistake, but then took weeks to do anything to rectify it. By then, I was so far behind with all my bills and things that it's taken me till this very week to get everything back in the black so to speak. I still have outstanding bills, but they're just normal due bills rather than people calling and threatening to cut off the electricity etc. Fortunately for me, communication with these people was the key, and I was able to negotiate extensions and things. So, this weekend I have been able to breath a little easier and enjoy spending some time with my kids. All the social services stuff has finally been sorted out so I am getting some help there, plus my cake money, and he is paying the mortgage, so all in all, financially, although things are different, they are under control. Emotionally, the day he moved out I felt a huge black cloud lift from my shoulders. I still feel that way except when I have to deal with him. I feel it descend every time. The feeling is so obvious, and I wonder how I'd lived like that for years without actually killing someone. It's very sad when you realise how terrible you feel when you're around a person that you're supposed to love and cherish. So, anyway, I started counselling last week. It was good to sit there for an hour and just blurt everything out. I wouldn't say I felt that I'd achieved much, but I guess I told the counsellor the basics. He wants to see me weekly for the next couple of months and thinks he might be able to help me figure out if I actually want to work towards reconciliation for the right reasons, or if this goal is maybe unrealistic. Daryl has been seeing a psychiatrist and a psychologist for quite some time now. Although I don't really see much difference in his behaviours, I think he seems less depressed, but because we're not living together, those types of calls are hard to make. He isn't interested in entering into discussion about how he's feeling, so things remain the same really. So in a nut shell, that's what's going on. The two big boys are at uni now, and so are their g/f's, so they are all coming and going at different times with classes and work and their fairly low key social lives. They tend to all just hang around together and that happens at my place mostly, so that's nice. The little kids seem to be coping with everything really well. They enjoy going to their fathers on the weekend, and although they only see him then, I think they're actually spending more time with him. He's obviously having a face up to doing some full time parenting on a regular basis too which might be good for his perspective I hope. So, all in all, things for me are on the up and up. I've been spending time with friends and reconnecting with people I've had to avoid because my husband didn't want to have people at the house etc. I will post more down the track if anything remarkable happens, but if things just keep going the way they are, I'll be happy for now. Oh and no, I have not even considered dating. When would I have time anyway. haha __________________ Kind words are the music of the world. F. W. Faber

03-21-2015, 06:19 PM	#2
Clodfobble UNDER CONDITIONAL MITIGATION Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: Austin, TX Posts: 20,012	I'm glad things are looking up, Ali, even if it's still more in the category of "less pain" rather than genuine good things. Keep on keepin' on. __________________ My book My other book My spirit animal

03-21-2015, 07:27 PM	#3
fargon Person who doesn't update the user title Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: La Crosse, WI Posts: 8,924	Good for you Ali. __________________ Annoy the ones that ignore you!!! I live a blessed life I Love my Country, I Fear the Government!!! Heavily medicated for the good of mankind.

03-21-2015, 08:44 PM	#4
classicman barely disguised asshole, keeper of all that is holy. Join Date: Nov 2007 Posts: 23,401	Keep moving forward...wherever that may be. __________________ "like strapping a pillow on a bull in a china shop" Bullitt

03-22-2015, 02:17 AM	#5
xoxoxoBruce The future is unwritten Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 71,105	The emotional rollercoaster is bad, but you can deal with in your own way on your own time. But outside pressure that always comes from money problems is relentless. I'm glad that's behind you. Did you arrange to work something out with the pool boy? __________________ The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.

03-22-2015, 05:55 AM	#7
Aliantha trying hard to be a better person Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Brisbane, Australia Posts: 16,493	Maybe sexo, but mostly I just try to be nice and keep the frustration at bay. Thanks for your kind words everyone. I appreciate it. __________________ Kind words are the music of the world. F. W. Faber

03-22-2015, 05:56 AM	#8
Aliantha trying hard to be a better person Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Brisbane, Australia Posts: 16,493	Btw, I don't have a pool boy Bruce. Haha. Maybe I will get one some day. __________________ Kind words are the music of the world. F. W. Faber

03-22-2015, 06:37 AM	#9
Griff still says videotape Join Date: Feb 2001 Posts: 26,813	You've got a lot of inner strength Ali keep doing what you have to to build the life you need. __________________ If you would only recognize that life is hard, things would be so much easier for you. - Louis D. Brandeis

03-22-2015, 09:19 AM	#11
Undertoad Radical Centrist Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Cottage of Prussia Posts: 31,423	Cheering for you Ali. It is great to read updates like this, positive or negative... hearing the stories is important. Thank you for sharing yours.

03-22-2015, 03:37 PM	#12
orthodoc Not Suspicious, Merely Canadian Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 3,774	Glad to hear things are stabilizing, Ali. You're taking care of the entire family, as always; glad you're taking care of yourself as well. Thanks for the update! __________________ The greatness of a nation and its moral progress can be judged by the way its animals are treated. - Ghandi

03-22-2015, 05:40 PM	#13
Aliantha trying hard to be a better person Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Brisbane, Australia Posts: 16,493	Thanks ladies and gents. Big week coming up for me here. Lots of cake stuff which should all be paid on delivery, so so that will go a long way to getting everything sorted. A local was selling some chep shelving, so I have a new area set up for my supplies and tools, which makes me happy. To think that my little business has grown so much gives me such personal satisfaction. I often think about how far I have come, and I get so excited thinking about how good I could be at my craft by the time I finish what I would consider my apprenticeship. If I say I am now starting my second year, just imagine if I can continue to grow as much every year for the next few years. Then I might start making some real money. __________________ Kind words are the music of the world. F. W. Faber

03-22-2015, 06:00 PM	#14
limey Encroaching on your decrees Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: An island within the south-west coast of Scotland Posts: 7,016	So glad to see this positive update Ali! More power to your elbow! Sent by thought transference __________________ Living it up on the edge ... of civilisation, within the southwest coast of

03-29-2015, 12:46 AM	#15
sexobon I love it when a plan comes together. Join Date: Oct 2009 Posts: 9,793	Well, it's been a week, I hope Aliantha got laid ... I mean paid ... for selling her goodies ... but not those goodies ... for selling CAKE (not pie)!

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